Ch. 8 Beautiful Disaster
It has been exactly two weeks since the night that literally changed Haley's life and she had not yet come close to making a decision. Lying on her bed with a pad of paper and a pen in her mouth, chewing it out of nerves and indecisiveness, she ripped out the top page and crumbled it up.
He drowns in his dreams An exquisite extreme, I know He's as damned as he seems And more heaven than a heart could hold
"Damn!" vented Haley after she threw the paper, missing the trash can by two feet. She thanked god that she already took the physical education examine, seeing that she already forgot everything Nathan taught her.
And if I tried to save him My whole world could cave in It just ain't right It just ain't right
Pulling herself off of the cozy bed, she picked up the paper ball, smoothed it out and looked over what she spent the past hour writing. Although she told herself and Peyton that she would follow her heart, she was terrified that she would make the wrong decision. Her logical mind told her to make a list of pros and cons for Lucas and Nathan, but that didn't work either.
Oh, and I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster
Both guys were caring, affectionate people who would love and protect those they cared about. Of course Nathan wasn't always this way, or at least he didn't show anyone else his sensitive side, but he had changed ever since Haley entered his life. Haley admired the transformation Nathan made to be a better person. He came a long way from the all-star basketball player jerk who made it his goal to torment Lucas on a daily basis. Although the brothers weren't friends, they've grown to tolerate one another for Haley's sake. That was until the confrontation at the golf course. Most girls would have been flattered if two guys fought over her, but Haley wasn't like most girls.
And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster?
Turning towards her bed once more, she flung herself on top of it with the paper in tow. She grabbed a pillow to cover her face and muffle the sound of a frustrated yell. 'God, why does like have to be so complicated.' She didn't want to choose between the two guys in her life.
He's magic and myth As strong as what I believe A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see And do I try to change him? So hard not to blame him Hold on tight Hold on tight
What was ironic was the fact that the first time her longtime wish came true, she was unhappy. She always held Lucas in her heart, her soul and her entire being. Being that he was her best friend, she denied even to herself what she felt for Lucas went beyond friendship and she refused to let Lucas know her true feelings. She told herself that she would get over the crush, that in time she would realize the feelings were just a phase and it would eventually diminish, but the feelings never faded. Every time she thought she was over her him, she realized the feelings only grew stronger than she even imagined was possible. He was able to make her feel special by his trademark smile, his compliments (even if they were sometimes said in a sarcastic matter), the intensity and love in his eyes when he looked at her and most importantly, his acknowledgement and acceptance of her when no one else knew she even existed.
Oh, 'cause I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster
She hated the fact that he could make her love him with these small acts without even being aware of it. What she hated more was that because of him, she compared every guy she ever met to him. It didn't matter if the person was just a friend. In her mind, she thought about how he failed to live up to Lucas. Although this was unfair to any male figure or person in her life, she couldn't help but do this. How can one not compare when she met the perfect person in her life? But her feelings for him didn't matter or at least that what she kept telling herself because she didn't want to lose the most precious and wonderful relationship she had with her best friend, even if she often wished there was more to it.
And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster?
But she knew that Lucas would never see her as anything more than a friend, a best friend. That was what she thought until he made it blatantly clear two weeks ago that he was in love with her. How was she suppose to respond to that? After years of hoping and wishing he would say those words, it was as if she was in a dream and soon she would wake up to find herself in the same relationship that was familiar to her. But she hasn't woken up because it wasn't a fantasy. Part of her wished it was a fantasy because only then could she had avoideded her current predicament.
I'm longing for love and the logical But he's only happy hysterical I'm waiting for some kind of miracle Waited so long...so long
Nathan. The name brought a bittersweet smile to her face. She never thought that someone as popular as Nathan would like her or even consider being with someone like her. But his popularity wasn't important to her. All that mattered was that he saw something special in her. He didn't care that she was a nerd. She was willing to admit to the name she knew many labeled her as; the label that few have come to see past. Even though she was extremely hurt and angry when Nathan admitted to her that he was first interested in her because he wanted to get back at Lucas, she knew that he truly cared for her after he went to see Lucas for her. She was sincerely touched by that gesture and that's what allowed her to forgive Nathan for his horrendous motives in the beginning of their relationship.
He's soft to the touch But frayed at the ends, he breaks He's never enough And still he's more than I can take
And for these reasons, she felt bad for comparing him to Lucas. She thought about how Lucas would say or do things that Nathan wouldn't. How her conversations with Lucas was deeper and more meaningful than the ones she had with Nathan. How Lucas knew her better than anyone else, which included herself.
He's beautiful Such a beautiful disaster Beautiful, beautiful disaster Beautiful disaster
After finally seeing things clearly for the first time, she was going to tell Lucas and Nathan her decision. The only thing was, she wasn't so sure about how both would respond to it.
Kelly Clarkson – Beautiful Disaster
It has been exactly two weeks since the night that literally changed Haley's life and she had not yet come close to making a decision. Lying on her bed with a pad of paper and a pen in her mouth, chewing it out of nerves and indecisiveness, she ripped out the top page and crumbled it up.
He drowns in his dreams An exquisite extreme, I know He's as damned as he seems And more heaven than a heart could hold
"Damn!" vented Haley after she threw the paper, missing the trash can by two feet. She thanked god that she already took the physical education examine, seeing that she already forgot everything Nathan taught her.
And if I tried to save him My whole world could cave in It just ain't right It just ain't right
Pulling herself off of the cozy bed, she picked up the paper ball, smoothed it out and looked over what she spent the past hour writing. Although she told herself and Peyton that she would follow her heart, she was terrified that she would make the wrong decision. Her logical mind told her to make a list of pros and cons for Lucas and Nathan, but that didn't work either.
Oh, and I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster
Both guys were caring, affectionate people who would love and protect those they cared about. Of course Nathan wasn't always this way, or at least he didn't show anyone else his sensitive side, but he had changed ever since Haley entered his life. Haley admired the transformation Nathan made to be a better person. He came a long way from the all-star basketball player jerk who made it his goal to torment Lucas on a daily basis. Although the brothers weren't friends, they've grown to tolerate one another for Haley's sake. That was until the confrontation at the golf course. Most girls would have been flattered if two guys fought over her, but Haley wasn't like most girls.
And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster?
Turning towards her bed once more, she flung herself on top of it with the paper in tow. She grabbed a pillow to cover her face and muffle the sound of a frustrated yell. 'God, why does like have to be so complicated.' She didn't want to choose between the two guys in her life.
He's magic and myth As strong as what I believe A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see And do I try to change him? So hard not to blame him Hold on tight Hold on tight
What was ironic was the fact that the first time her longtime wish came true, she was unhappy. She always held Lucas in her heart, her soul and her entire being. Being that he was her best friend, she denied even to herself what she felt for Lucas went beyond friendship and she refused to let Lucas know her true feelings. She told herself that she would get over the crush, that in time she would realize the feelings were just a phase and it would eventually diminish, but the feelings never faded. Every time she thought she was over her him, she realized the feelings only grew stronger than she even imagined was possible. He was able to make her feel special by his trademark smile, his compliments (even if they were sometimes said in a sarcastic matter), the intensity and love in his eyes when he looked at her and most importantly, his acknowledgement and acceptance of her when no one else knew she even existed.
Oh, 'cause I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster
She hated the fact that he could make her love him with these small acts without even being aware of it. What she hated more was that because of him, she compared every guy she ever met to him. It didn't matter if the person was just a friend. In her mind, she thought about how he failed to live up to Lucas. Although this was unfair to any male figure or person in her life, she couldn't help but do this. How can one not compare when she met the perfect person in her life? But her feelings for him didn't matter or at least that what she kept telling herself because she didn't want to lose the most precious and wonderful relationship she had with her best friend, even if she often wished there was more to it.
And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster?
But she knew that Lucas would never see her as anything more than a friend, a best friend. That was what she thought until he made it blatantly clear two weeks ago that he was in love with her. How was she suppose to respond to that? After years of hoping and wishing he would say those words, it was as if she was in a dream and soon she would wake up to find herself in the same relationship that was familiar to her. But she hasn't woken up because it wasn't a fantasy. Part of her wished it was a fantasy because only then could she had avoideded her current predicament.
I'm longing for love and the logical But he's only happy hysterical I'm waiting for some kind of miracle Waited so long...so long
Nathan. The name brought a bittersweet smile to her face. She never thought that someone as popular as Nathan would like her or even consider being with someone like her. But his popularity wasn't important to her. All that mattered was that he saw something special in her. He didn't care that she was a nerd. She was willing to admit to the name she knew many labeled her as; the label that few have come to see past. Even though she was extremely hurt and angry when Nathan admitted to her that he was first interested in her because he wanted to get back at Lucas, she knew that he truly cared for her after he went to see Lucas for her. She was sincerely touched by that gesture and that's what allowed her to forgive Nathan for his horrendous motives in the beginning of their relationship.
He's soft to the touch But frayed at the ends, he breaks He's never enough And still he's more than I can take
And for these reasons, she felt bad for comparing him to Lucas. She thought about how Lucas would say or do things that Nathan wouldn't. How her conversations with Lucas was deeper and more meaningful than the ones she had with Nathan. How Lucas knew her better than anyone else, which included herself.
He's beautiful Such a beautiful disaster Beautiful, beautiful disaster Beautiful disaster
After finally seeing things clearly for the first time, she was going to tell Lucas and Nathan her decision. The only thing was, she wasn't so sure about how both would respond to it.
Kelly Clarkson – Beautiful Disaster