DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT

I definetly do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding

This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 4

March

Growing apart

1 March

Haven't weighted my self. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: have no idea. Negative Thoughts. 272. Positive thoughts: 2. Time spent counting thoughts: 10' 20'' (v.b.!)

Early morning. CC. Vegeta's room: Spent all night here. Vegeta kept moaning so loudly that I couldn't have slept in my bedroom either.

Feel better keeping an eye on him anyway.

Dad came in a while ago.

- Dear, go take a shower. I'll stay here.

As usual, Dad knew exactly what I needed.

After getting dressed, I returned to Vegeta's room to find my mother combing the unconscious prince's hair.

- Dear… Look what I can do! - She said happily.

I just smiled and went back to my room to comb my own hair. When I went back to Vegeta's room, I found a rather unusual scene.

My mother was playing Hairdresser on Vegeta. She had tied his spiky hair in pigtails and decorated him with blue ribbons.

- MUM! Leave him alone!

She giggled and quickly combed his hair back to normal.

- I'll get you some breakfast, sweetie.

Damn! I should have taken a picture…

10.35 a.m.: He's still asleep

10.45 a.m.: Still asleep

11.30 a.m.: Still asleep

12.00 a.m.: LUNCH!

Early afternoon: Had lunch as fast as I could, in case Vegeta woke up (Really want to be there to boss him around, now that he's a rag)

Yamucha gave me a strange look.

Jealousy?… MMMHHH… that makes me feel so powerful!!!…

MWHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

Afternoon: Vegeta has been moaning. Another nightmare, I guess.

Late afternoon: Neck is stiff. Maybe I'll take a walk… around the room…

2 March

? lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories:?. Negative thoughts: 10 (approx. based on av. per second). Positive thoughts: 7 (approx. based on av. per hour)

9.00 a.m.: Woke up siting on a chair, my head on Vegeta's desk. He was delirious with a high fever last night. I stayed up trying to help his fever to go down.

Dad decided to give him a shot of something. He looked really worried.

After a while, his seemed to cool down and I decided to take a nap.

When I opened my eyes, he was wide-awake, looking at the ceiling.

I could have cried out of happiness. BUT…

- You look like shit… - he said.

I stood up in anger.

- Well… TAKE A FUCKING LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

Without thinking, I hit him with the chair I had been sitting on.

Now, he's unconscious again.

Dad just scratched his head and brought another oxygen tank.

10.00 a.m.: Feeling a little guilty here…

11.00 a.m.: I feel soooooo guilty…

2.00 p.m.: Well… Shit happens…

3.00 p.m.: He'd better think twice before insulting me from now on.

11 p.m.: Oh… He's going to be soooooo pissed when he wakes up.

3 March

? lbs. Alcohol units: 4 (out of guilt). Cigarettes: 45 (out of guilt). Calories:?. Negative thoughts: 274. Positive thoughts: none.

Late night. CC. Vegeta's room: I have been feeling so guilty. What if I killed him? I've brushed my hair, changed clothes about 7 times, cried, shouted, done the happy dance, insulted him, showed him my boobs, pinching him, poking him, poking him a little more, poked him just because it is fun… And still he didn't wake up.

My mother took advantage of his situation and decided to practice another hairstyle on the prince. This time I did take some pictures, but destroyed them out of guilt.

I've come to think… What if that kid's prophecy does happen after all?

What if I'm the only one to survive?

Somewhere out there, someone is creating those androids and all we can do is wait…

I refuse to be the only survivor.

I refuse to end my days as a computer-freak spinster.

Maybe I can convince Yamucha to marry me before the androids arrive and get pregnant before he goes into battle. That way I won't be alone.

Now, the fact I'm weaker than the rest of my friends is totally unfair, since my intelligence would really come in handy. But they have that macho-man mind I hate.

Before marrying Goku, Chichi was really strong.

OK. She's a jerk, but yet… She now has to play "devoted wife and mother". I just hate that.

I'd never leave my life aside if I married.

Now, which are the possibilities for me to marry?

My boyfriend is a troubled man. He seems to be obsessed with training, but he really doesn't go that extra mile. As if being dead had changed him and this is just as far as he would go.

On the other hand, the only unmarried man around is Vegeta. And if Yamucha is a troubled man, I can't even begin to think what he is.

He doesn't SEEM to be obsessed with training. He IS obsessed with training, He tries to go that extra mile, but it seems his goal is far, far away.

I really feel sorry for him. Him and his unnatural obsession with Goku's strength.

But I know Goku's everything he wants to be. And that is just sad.

I understand Vegeta. Really do. 'Cause they are all the strong I wish I were.

I understand the impotence he feels.

'Cause I feel just like he does.

5 March

115 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 12. Calories: 790. Negative Thoughts: 348 (Mostly about Vegeta.) Positive Thoughts: 2

Noon. CC. My lab: Vegeta woke up yesterday. Yelled at me for about 10 minutes before my father shot him with a tranquilliser dart.

After that, he just looked at me and walked away.

Maybe I should apologise to him.

2.00 p.m. Nah!

14 March

114 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 43. Calories: 503. Negative thoughts: 3.474. Positive thoughts: 11 (all about a possible upcoming hairstyle). Death threats received from Vegeta: 14,247.

Late morning. CC. My lab: Vegeta is training in his new GT room (that my mother insisted on wrapping in red metallic paper, which delayed our giving it to him)

He seems ever more obsessed than before, but he's still a bit affected by the explosion.

Yamucha has been acting strange ever since the accident. Sometimes he just stares at me for long, endless moments, and then he just leaves!

Doesn't it hurt? Jealousy, baby!

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA… I have him right where I want him to be…

21 March

114 lbs. Alcohol units: 14. Cigarettes: 47. Calories: 779. Death threats from Vegeta: 421. Negative thoughts: 15. Positive thoughts: 17 (v.g.!). Words spoken with boyfriend: 22

Noon. CC. Kitchen: After waking up earlier than Vegeta, I went to the GT room and checked if it was working properly.

Discovered that doing this keeps accidents away.

I made breakfast for all of us (I was feeling a little down and used cooking as therapy, since I haven't gone shopping for a while)

Mum helped me set the table and fixed what she called "Vegeta's favourite": fried eggs and crispy bacon forming a smiley face.

I doubt he even notices he's eating a smiley face shaped breakfast.

Yamucha arrived first.

I went out and called Vegeta.

Once back in the kitchen, Yamucha gave me one of those glances.

Pretended I didn't see him (growing tired of his attitude, anyway)

Still-covered- in-bandages Vegeta sat down and silently examined all the food on the table.

He picked the smiley face and inhaled it, and then he just went on eating everything else.

My mother winked at me.

Arg! Why didn't he pick one of the dishes I had prepared?

22 March

113 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 48 (!). Calories: 801. Negative thoughts: 4. Positive thoughts: 14. Induced negative thoughts: 4. Death threats from Vegeta: 1 (v.g.!). Words spoken with boyfriend: 3 (v.b.!)

Afternoon. CC. My lab: Been worried 'bout Vegeta. He's not fully healed.

Decided to yell at him and received a Shut the fuck up answer from him.

Believe that being injured has actually made him stronger.

Yamucha has been v. strange.

24 March

115 lbs. Alcohol units: 22. Cigarettes: 64 (v.b. especially in two hours). Calories: 5412 (Yuck!). Negative thoughts 2,472 p/s. Boyfriends that have left without warning: 1

10.00 a.m.: Found Yamucha's bedroom empty. No Puar.

10.15 a.m.: Phoned Master Roshi. Boyfriend not there.

10.30 a.m.: Phoned Goku. Boyfriend not there.

10.36 a.m.: Mum said she had not seen boyfriend.

10.37 a.m.: Dad said he had not seen boyfriend.

11.30 a.m.: Vegeta said he saw him yesterday with Puar, spying on his training.

11.00 a.m.: No trace from boyfriend.

1.14 p.m.: No trace from boyfriend.

1.45 p.m.: No good-bye letter from boyfriend.

4.13 p.m.: Went to buy tissues since I ran out.

5.13 p.m.: Threatening everybody with death if they use the phone.

5.45 p.m.: Still no phone call from boyfriend.

6.15 p.m.: Naked Vegeta in the corridor.

6.16 p.m.: Still no phone call from boyfriend.

10.00 p.m.: Decided that throwing things at people does not solve problems. Still no phone call from boyfriend.

11.30 p.m.: Music does not solve problems either.

11.31 p.m.: Vegeta's death threats won't help either, but he sure can knock on the wall. I'll just knock back.

11.59 p.m.: Just finished covering the hole in the wall made by Vegeta. Maybe I shouldn't have knocked back.

28 March

Why hasn't he phoned? Why do I feel so depressed? He had been so sweet to me these pasts months…

Am I going to die alone?

What if I AM the only one to survive? Will I end fat and alone, only to be found weeks later by someone, my body half eaten by Alsatians?

29 March

117 lbs. (Unsteady weight due to fridge-emptying-attacks) Alcohol units: 27 (hee hee). Cigarettes: 63. Calories: 5143 (3099 on drinks). Suicidal thoughts: 4,472. Offers-for-helping-with-suicidal-actions by Vegeta: 4,472. Attempts to kill Vegeta by poisoning food: 43. Attempts to kill Vegeta by disconnecting GT room: 1.445. Time spent on thinking how to kill Vegeta: 7hours 17 minutes and 35 seconds.

Decided to stop waiting by the phone. Came out of my room after 4 days locked in. Had to have the wall repaired anyway.

Mum's attempts to cheer me up ended with my thinking of possible ways to strangle her.

Dad decided that having me hanging 'round the lab was a bit dangerous for his precious projects, since I kept destroying every blueprint I had in front of my face out of nervousness.

2.00 p.m. CC. Backyard: I need a break.

20 March

Vegeta knocked on my bedroom's door early this morning.

- The desert rat on the thing- he said.

I blinked in confusion.

- I said the Desert-rat's on the telephone-thingy.

I rushed to the night table and reconnected the phone (Had disconnected it to stop obsessing)

- Hey Bulma

- Where the fuck are you?

- Back in town. I had to pick some things at my place.

- And you've stayed there ever since? - I said feeling anger building up.

- Yup – He answered merrily. - I'm going to train somewhere else…

- And you didn't phone me because…?

- Oh, sorry, Bulma. I didn't know you would get upset…

- I've been sitting here for a week waiting for you to call… I was worried!

- Well… Sorry Bulma… I didn't…

- FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK YOU, FUCKER! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUU!

The Hell with cool Ice-queen.

I stood there, yelling at the receiver for half an hour. Finally, I decided to stop, because, frankly, I was running out of voice.

- Bulma… Have you ever considered Anger-management therapy?

I took in a deep breath.

- What I need… is…

- Bulma… watch it… count to ten…- He dared to say.

And then came another half-hour session of yelling.

- … HATE YOUR GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GRANDFATHER TOO!!!

- Bulma, I'm running out of coins here. Listen, I won't be back for some time…

- FINE! – I said- DO NOT EVEN DARE TO PHONE ME THEN OR SHOW YOUR FUCKED-UP FACE IN MY HOUSE 'CAUSE WE ARE THROUGH!!!!!

- Sure, Bulma. Listen, really have to go. See ya!

I stood there, blinded by rage. Was he joking? Haven't I made myself perfectly clear?

I turned around after smashing the receiver against the wall. My mother was clapping.

- Oh, Dear! You are so brave! Give him Hell, honey! - She chirped.

- … And that was a perfect demonstration on psychotic behaviour, kids. Let's all thank Mr. Briefs for calling us and showing us a perfect example on middle age crisis in women. Let's all congratulate Miss Briefs for a perfect performance… C'mon… Now, let's go back to the psychology department…

My father led the group of students and their professor through the corridor.

Vegeta looked astonished.

-Way to go… - Was all he said before turning on his heels.

I mean… WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING? WHERE THE HELL I AM? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? HOW LONG HAD THEY BEEN THERE?

4.00 p.m. CC. Bedroom: Locked myself in again. Can't take anything else Kami wants to put in my path…

4.15 p.m. CC. Bedroom: And… THEEEERE IT IS… my period… Thanks SOOOO much.

31 March

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 6. Cigarettes: 11 Calories: 1501. Feminist thoughts: 4,795

Cried myself to sleep last night. Decided to make a brand new start next month.

SINGLE WOMAN IN SEACH FOR THE FUTURE.

NO LONGER THE PATHETIC WOMAN I'VE BEEN. NO MORE DEPENDING ON MEN TO PLAN FUTURE.

First thing tomorrow: go back to work and phone long-forgotten friends… In case no one wants to talk to me, find new friends.

ON WITH MY BOYFRIEND-FREE LIFE! HURRAY!

A/N: That's all for March…

Now… THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL REVIEWS!!!!! And let me tell you, I'm really sorry to ask you to review …BUT I NEED to know whether or not this fic is being read… Unfortunately I don't have much time to write… And if nobody were reading my fics then I would stop uploading…

BUT… I WILL GO ON UPLOADING!…

In fact, I'm updating quite fast… Despite the fact I have a very important test tomorrow… (07/05/03… Base for Prehistory. Want to know about Mythocondrial Eve theory? I know… It sounds like a video game –Parasite Eve if you ask me- But It's actually a subject in my University…)

I don't really have any comments on this chapter… Let me rephrase that… I cannot remember anything I was about to say about this chapter…

Questions, Suggestions, pieces of advice, comments? Review!!!

And again… THANKS TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!!! I'm going to cry… snif…

And… Thanks to The British National Corpus, especially to the Longman Corpus Network for their Longman, dictionary of contemporary English… What would I do without it?

Thanks to Dorling Kindersley, for their Illustrated Oxford Dictionary.

And, oh GOD! I NEED A Spanish-English, English-Spanish Dictionary really soon…*sigh*

Well… AND YET ONCE AGAIN… THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEWS!

Next chapter: April: Requiem for my Social Life