DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT
I definitely do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding
This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW
Bulma Briefs's Diary
Chapter 6
May
Late Spinsterhood Blues
3 May
114 lbs. Alcohol units: 7. Cigarettes: 43. Calories: 4.785 (repulsive)
Late night. CC. My room: Finally accepted I'll be single forever. Potential death in less than n3 years doesn't help.
My life can be summarised as the following:
Wake up/ Make breakfast for Vegeta/ Lock myself up in my lab/ Make lunch for Vegeta/ Lock myself up in the lab/ Make a snack for Vegeta/ Lock myself up in my room/ Make dinner for Vegeta/ Lock myself up in my room/ Attack fridge and drown sorrows in food.
5 May
113 lbs. Alcohol units: 14. Cigarettes: 63. Calories: 1.272
Late night. CC. My room: Just finished attacking the fridge.
Planning to make a Yamucha-faced voodoo doll.
Why hasn't he phoned? It's been a month… HE KNOWS I'M MAD AT HIM!
8 May
114 lbs. Alcohol units: 8. Cigarettes: 44. Calories: 1.049
Late night. CC. My room: Unfortunately, I ran into Vegeta on my way to the kitchen. He had already attacked the fridge. All he had left uneaten was an orange.
Note to self: also make a Vegeta-faced Voodoo doll.
10 May
115 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 40. Calories: 3.457 (can actually feel the fat coming out of my pores)
Noon. CC. Kitchen: Mum and Dad phoned to check on us. I just couldn't tell them about the smug-married-couples dinner massacre. It's just too pathetic.
I've been thinking about learning how to knit (might be helpful in my lonely elder days), and maybe take up pottery…
Yes… I'm going to die fat an alone, half eaten by Alsatians (but I'll be wearing a nice self - knitted sweater and holding a beautiful hand made ashtray).
12 May
116 lbs. (!). Alcohol units: 18 (mostly wine). Cigarettes: 63. Calories: 4.016 (Oh, Kami…)
Night.CC. My room: Been thinking about having an ad published. "Young, beautiful, smart, well-off woman seeks mature relationship with nice, sensitive young man (pref. tough-looking)"
Now… How many freaks would answer such and ad?
What about this one?: "Beautiful, young woman seeks young man to establish mature relationship (marriage possibilities)"
Too desperate? At least no commitment-phobics or fuckwitts would answer that…
Ok, maybe this one: "Woman seeks male human for serious relationship"
Hmm… That actually makes my options grow small.
Maybe: "Female human seeks male (pref. human)"
NO! I'm Bulma Briefs! I will find a nice, sensitive, mature man! I'm fucking Bulma Briefs, for fuck's sake!
Late nigh. CC. My room: Oh, Kami! Don't let an Alsatian eat me!
17 May
118 lbs. (!!!). Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 54. Calories: 509 (Dieting. How am I ever going to get myself a man if I am an overweighed, lungless wine bottle?)
Afternoon, CC.Kitchen: Doing some serious thinking. I really need a change. Where did my haircut idea go? I should have my haircut soon. And I'll go shopping as well.
ARG! I can't leave Vegeta alone! He's destroy my house… Hmmm… What will I do?
Late night. CC. My room: Had a little verbal spar with Vegeta. He's such an insensitive jerk!
- Vegeta… I'm planning to go out tomorrow morning…
- And I care because…?
- You'll be by yourself all morning…
- …
- Won't you destroy my house?
- …
- Won't you kill yourself while you train?
- …
- Will you survive?
By then I could virtually SEE his anger…
- Whom do you think you're talking to? – He spat.
- EEEhhhrrr…. Uh…
- I'm the Prince of all Saiyans! I can take care of my fucking self – He was yelling at me, though he didn't move, his arms crossed his triumphal smirk on his face.
- Eeeeehhhrrrr…
- YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CAN'T SURVIVE ALONE… YOU HAVEN'T BEEN OUT IN A MONTH… ALL 'CAUSE THE WEAKLING IS AN ASSHOLE… YOUR ARE THE FOOL HERE…
I started crying like mad, sobbing uncontrollably, and shouting above my lungs.
- OH, SHUT UP, FOR FUCK'S SAKE – he shouted as he covered his ears with his hands.
All I did was scream louder, just to bug him.
- Woman, if you are expecting someone to pity you, then I'm not that someone – he said, now in his usual voice – You ARE pathetic, but I don't pity you. You keep telling me how beautiful, smart, rich and powerful you are. It's a shame you don't believe it yourself…
I stopped crying. Suddenly realising how right he was. But then my eyes filled with tears again.
- I'LL DIE FAT AND ALONE AND HALF-EATEN BY ALSATIANS!
- And what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
His expression was so funny. He seemed so confused by my statement. I couldn't hold my laughter, so I just started to laugh my head off.
- I should have known this was one of your fixes…- He stood up – And don't you dare treating me like a child. Your house will still be here when you come back…
And then, he smirked.
- But it'll cost you…
I knew it!
- How much…?
- I'll tell you when I've come up to something…
DAMN! He would be a great politician…
18 May
117 lbs. Alcohol units: 5 (discovered a really cool drink at the hairdresser). Cigarettes: 60 (really v.b.!) Calories: 1.014. Negative thoughts: 21 (v.g.). Compliments on my new haircut from Vegeta: none.
Afternoon. CC. My lab: That was just what I needed! How come I haven't done it before? I feel fresh, pretty, like brand new! I also bought some clothes.
I was happy to see my house was still standing when I returned, meaning Vegeta had kept his part of the bargain. I feel soo happy!
Late night: Just remembered… I'm still a hopeless spinster.
22 May
117 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 23. Calories: 1.246
Morning. CC. Lab: Really happy I had my hair cut. Really sad I'm still single. Really fed up with Vegeta. Really curious about the reason why he hasn't brought up the "you owe me, bitch" subject.
25 May
117 lbs. Alcohol units: 14. Cigarettes: 33. Calories: 2.481
Late night. CC. My room: Mum and Dad came back!
I really missed them.
Mum prepared dinner (a "special something for Vegeta since he surely had missed me". Or so she says) and we all drunk champagne to celebrate my new hairstyle (except Vegeta, who just humphed and left for the GT room).
After dinner, I helped Mum with the dishes and, in her very unorthodox way) she led me to a sorta girl to girl conversation.
- Bulma, dearest. Do you think I should change the kitchen curtains?
- Uh… Aren't these ones new?
- Yes, but they don't look quite well… I want this house to be perfect…
- They look just fine, Mum.
- No… I'll get new ones…
- Whatever… - I said no longer listening to her.
- Maybe you and Vegeta could help me choose new ones…
- I don't think he'd like that… - Ha! The sole idea makes me laugh.
- Oh… you think he likes these curtains? 'Cause if he does, I won't change them…
- No, Mum… I meant I don't think Vegeta would like to go shopping… I doubt he ever noticed the kitchen had curtains – I mumbled.
- Bulma, dearest… You should be more interested in these things.
- Curtains?
- Domestic matters, silly – She chirped.
I didn't answer.
- If you keep playing scientist with your Dad you'll never marry Vegeta – She hummed as if what she had just said was a completely normal thing to say.
I just gave her a side-glance.
- Mum… First of all, I'm not interested in Vegeta. Second, he's not interested in me. Third, I don't think he'll ever marry anyone at all. Fourth, I'm not even trying to catch his attention. Fifth, I haven't really broken up with Yamucha, and…
- Oh, Dear…
- What? – I asked in an annoyed tone. I hate to be interrupted.
- Can you and Vegeta make a grandmother of me really soon? I'm so bored!
- MUM! – I shouted. It didn't work. My mother was already in her land of fantasy.
Vegeta silently entered the kitchen, just as my mother danced around me while I kept drying the dishes.
- Woman – He whispered – What the hell is this?
- OOOhhhh… I'm going to have a beautiful grandchild! A little Vegetaaaaaa… Larararaaaaaaa… - She kept chirping.
- What is she talking about? – He asked me as he examined her movements.
- You plus Me equals Baby, equals Grandchild… - I answered matter-of-factly.
- Has she lost it?
- Yup
Now, she was holding the bottle of detergent as if it was a baby.
- She thinks you and I…? – He asked in a flat tone.
- She WISHES you and I… - I corrected.
- Does she know who I am?
- Yup
- Does she know I'm evil?
- Yup
He just humphed and left, returning shortly afterwards.
- Eeer… I forgot… I came for a soda… - He said, examining again my mother's ritual.
- Hurry, Bulma, dearest. Nature won't wait… - She chirped.
AAArrrrgggg!!!! I left, of course. Even my insane mother thinks I'm not going to get a man!
NOT GOOD!
27 May
117 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 31. Calories: 1.071
Late night. CC. My room: This month has been so awful. I hope something happens really soon.
Decided my pursue for love won't be my goal in life. No, sir. I can be successful, beautiful, rich and powerful with or without a husband. I will succeed!
Later. CC. My room: On my way out of the bathroom I ran into Vegeta.
AAARRRGGG!!! SILLY BULMA! YOU WERE ONLY WEARING PANTIES AND A TINY T-SHIRT! AAARRRGGGG! WHAT WAS HE DOING STILL AWAKE? I THOUGHT HE WOULD BE FAST ASLEEP BY NOW!
Note to self: wear a robe on my late night bathroom excursions.
Much later. CC. My room: HAVE I SHAVED LATELY? Oh… Thanks Kami. I have.
Author's note
Decided to make no more comments on my personal life anymore (I know it's boring… HEHEHE)
Thanks everyone for your wonderful reviews!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOOOOOO MUCH…
:)
And thanks to all of you who wished me luck in my exams and to the ones that told me I would get a boyfriend soon!!! You know who you are! (And if you read the reviews, the rest of you will know too… hehehe)
OK…
Haven't really decided how to name the next chapter… It'll be JUNE for sure… (HAHAHAHAA!!!! Geez… I'm so funny *sigh*)
I haven't finished writing the next chapter, so, suggestions could be taken… HEHEHE… )
Sorry this chapter was not so long, but… some months in our lives are more boring than others… right?
Hope you liked it.
Suggestions? Comments? REVIEW!
MisaKats (wanna e-mail me? theseventhcoin@hotmail.com)