Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball GT.
I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding.
B/V Get together… of course…
Bulma Briefs's Diary
Chapter 8
July
Huh?
5 July
108 lbs. Alcohol units: 2. Cigarettes: 17. Calories: 1066
10.00 p.m. CC. My room: haven't seen Vegeta in days. When I wake up, he's already in the training room. When I come back from the office, he's still in there. When he goes to bed, I'm already fast asleep.
I don't even see him during meals, cause I usually have lunch downtown and dine early.
6 July
108 lbs. Alcohol units: 24. Cigarettes: 28. Calories: 7066 (Ugh... Mum, please, STOP FEEDING ME!)
11.00 p.m. CC. My room: Lately I've been thinking a lot about my friends... About Goku and Kuririn mostly. How we became friends and how much I love them... But (and a big BUT here) do they really know me? Do they really know who I am?
I guess they do... They should... I've known them for years... But... Does that mean anything? Time I mean. Does time mean anything at all? Is it possible that a stranger can become a friend in such a short time? Well... Vegeta and I are not friends... We are... We are... we are like... now... what are we?
9 July
107 lbs. Alcohol units: 34 (yeahhh!). Cigarettes: 70. Calories: 5123. Panic attacks: 11. Attempts to spy on Vegeta's training: 92 (all failed)
4.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Total waste of a day. Nothing to do... Sooo bored I decided to turn to vodka,
Why not being friends with Vegeta? It's not that weird... I mean, the man lives under my roof, I've shared more than half a year with him... He is like... a brother to me...
A mass-murderer brother... Humph!
HUMPH!
Ugh... too much thinking... need a drink
7 shots of vodka later. CC. My room: me, myself and my bottle of vodka had to run away from the kitchen cause Vegeta went to have a snack. And Kami-knows-why he's been v. interested in my diary.
Oh... My life has never been normal... never ever... ever... ever...
SO, being friends with Vegeta wouldn't be that abnormal.
The question is has he changed or my knowing him better has improved my opinion on him?
Hummm. Maybe he's more human than I thought
20 shots o'vodka later: reptiles should wear underwear... Yessss... I'm... I'll... UGH
10 July
105 lbs. Alcohol units: 47 (drowning sorrows). Cigarettes: 70 (fumigating sorrows). Calories: 7012 (covering sorrows with fat duvet)
Morning. CC. My room: Decided to skip work... Woke up feeling really depressed, don't really know why.
Mum decided to spoil me all day long.
AWWWW
Noon. CC. Kitchen: Maybe depression has to do with bad alimentation... But... I'm lots thinner! I'll get a man in no time!
Night: Tooooootally drunkk... UUUUUgh... Tumbled over...
11 July
I'M NEVER EVER DRINKING AGAIN
12 July
105 lbs. Alcohol units: 0. Cigarettes: 11. Calories: 403
Noon. CC offices: I'm going to be interviewed in world-wide T.V.! Yess!!!! I'm so happy!!
4.00 p.m. CC Kitchen: OOOOOOHHHHHHH this is so great! I'm going to be interviewed tomorrow!!! In world-wide T.V.!!! MEEE!!!!!
Ok, Bulma, relax... My very first interview!!!!! MUM!!!!
6.00 p.m. CC. My room: Mum's helping me to choose an outfit for tomorrow... I have to look m best.
10.00 p.m. CC. My room: Well... Relax, Bulma, you are your father's daughter. You really must do your best... But it's in me... I know it is...
This is way too important for me to relax! Important to the Corporation! The name Briefs will be set on display!
I'll show the world who I am! I am a beautiful smart woman! I may not have a boyfriend but I can still make it to the top!
Time for beauty sleep.
13 July
105 lbs. Alcohol Units: 46. Cigarettes: 112. Calories: 8472. Times I've played and rewind the video of my interview: 1507
Late night. CC. My room: Well... oh... that didn't go so well...
Actually... Well... it was a tragedy.
I arrived early at the offices, dressed as a powerful independent businesswoman. Even my secretary was impressed.
The woman who was going to interview me phoned and told me the interview would go live from C. Corp. I agreed and phoned Mum to tell her the time of the broadcast and told my Dad to record it.
The reporter -a giraffe dressed in pink who surely fucked her way up on the network- was there right on time to explain how the interview would be and the kind of questions she would be asking me. Everything seemed planned in detail. SEEMED.
Hardly astonishingly, life has always had its ways to surprise me.
The cameras where in place, cameramen were ready, the giraffe was tall, thin and ready...
- Miss Briefs- said the giraffe- Since we will be broadcasting a small documentary on the Capsule Corporation, it would be really classy if I announce you and you go right down the stairs on the main entrance hall, walk strrrrraight to me, and we start the interview right here.
She pointed all places as if she was directing a huge movie...
I agreed happily. It did sound classy.
- Now Miss Briefs... In 30 seconds!
I rushed to my strategically selected position and stood proudly on top of the stairs (merely seven steps). I was ready to make my entrance, right into the spotlight! I rearranged my hair, pinched my cheeks a little bit and waited...
A cameraman waved at me.
- GO, Miss Briefs.
Immediately, the light on the camera turned on. The giraffe turned around and faced the lens, undoubtedly, introducing me.
I was in heaven... As if I was walking through the clouds...
But I was not... Those were not cottony clouds, but hard cold slippery marble.
I did make it to the place the reporter was... Not in an orthodox way, though... I did it sitting on my ass.
I slipped, of course, right on the first step down... My legs wide open to the world... Going downstairs... One shoe decided to flee, flying away, into the infinity.
There are moments where you can actually hear the silence... Weird moments in which life seems to stop somehow. WEIRD MOMENTS...
We were going through one of those moments... The two cameramen, the pink giraffe and me... Miss Bulma Briefs... the woman on the floor... Me...
I stood up with a lot of difficulty, pulled my skirt down, since I had gone all the way up allowing the world to see my Black yellow-dotted panties.
I tumbled over since I was out of one shoe. I smiled to the camera... Psycho smiled to the camera... Just the idea of it makes me laugh... a woman without a shoe, covered in dust and grass, her hair a mess... Smiling to the camera...
They all remained silent for a while.
Suddenly, the giraffe grabbed her ear as she went out of trance.
- Oh... yes... Miss Briefs, I'm afraid... we are out of time... It was... Pleasure to meet you... BACK TO STUDIO *for Kami's sake, back to studio*
After that I just limped back to my office.
- Miss Briefs... – Said my secretary.
I didn't answer. I just grabbed my purse and decided to go back home.
I found the house all alone... It seems my family decided to flee.
But... the fact is... I was not in a bad mood... It's no big deal. So far, the world has seen my underwear, not to mention that my private parts were easy to imagine...
Well... There goes my last chance to get a man.
Anyway, the VHS was on the table, no note or anything.
Decided once again to drown, fumigate and bury sorrows.
Turned to eating, smoking and drinking.
Spent the last hours going from total despair to complete resignation... And some happy dances in between (mostly due to high level of alcohol in blood).
15 July
110 lbs. Alcohol units: 11. Cigarettes: 25. Calories: 5544 (+ 11 bars of chocolate)
Second day of isolation. Parents not home nor is Vegeta.
Feeling like a Castaway...
Damn
16 July
113 lbs. Alcohol units: 5 (had to ration it since I'm running out). Cigarettes: 25 (keep it constant). Calories: 3009
I'm not feeling like going out of the house… People would look at me…
Have to focus and pretend I'm all-alone in an island…
17 July
Late late night. CC. My room: My parents came back from a mini mini mini emergency break
Vegeta landed in the yard (not very stylishly, though... The GTroom landed on its side once more… He really has to work on that…)
They had run away from me... Why I can't seem to find it funny… THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR SUPPORT… Fucked up people…
18 July
115 lbs. Alcohol units: 11. Cigarettes: 25. Calories: 5.021
Terribly mad at my parents… I keep to my room.
Mum just opens the door, shoves my food through the crack and slams it close again… Be afraid, Mum, be very afraid.
I took a look out of the window and saw Vegeta stretching in the backyard.
GTroom must have felt the awful landing yesterday.
Well… I guess I'll have to repair it… I wonder why Dad is not repairing it…
I'll take a nap.
19 July
116 lbs. Alcohol units: 22. Cigarettes: 145 (oh, dear mother of Kami… I wonder… Did Kami ever have a mother?). Calories: 7108 (+ who knows how much popcorn). Rage outbursts: 47 and counting.
Late night. CC. My room: Beautiful day. Dressed really nice and went out of my bedroom to fix the GTroom.
- Good morning, dearest. What will you want for breakfast? – Asked my Mum in a trembling but yet merry voice.
- Are there any eggs?
- Oh, sorry my love… But we ran out… I'll go get some, if you want
- Oh, well… Nevermind… Just coffee – I said smiling and looking at the headlines in the newspaper.
After my so-called breakfast I went to the workshop to get my tools. On my way out I ran into Dad.
- Uh… Hello, darling. How's it going? – He greeted me nervously as he lighted three cigarettes simultaneously.
- Super, Dad – I smiled.
Once by the GTroom I started checking it up. Vegeta walked out of it with a huge amount of wires in his hands.
- What are you doing?- I asked.
He froze when he saw me.
- I… was… fixing your machine…
- It's all right, Vegeta… I can manage.
- Uh… Really, wo… Bulma… I think I can handle it…
- It's fine… I'll do it.
I said getting inside the GTroom to check on the board Vegeta was trying to fix.
After fifteen minutes, I was done with fixing it.
I waved at Vegeta.
- All finished. Call me if you need anything…
- Thanks, woman.
Something took over me right in that moment. I felt the vein on my temple pump.
- MY…- I hissed- NAME… IS… BULMA… YOU THICKHEADED MONKEY! BULMA! NOT "WOMAN", NOT "YOU BITCH", NOT "EARTHLING GIRL", BULMA!
I kicked the GTroom and stormed back in the house.
Unfortunately for my Mum, she ran into me.
- Oh, honey! How do you like my new earrings?
- I WANTED FUCKING EGGS FOR BREAKFAST, YOU INSENSITIVE WOMAN! AND THOSE EARRINGS MAKE YOU LOOK STOOPID!
I didn't stop there. I was being blinded by rage.
My Dad was watching T.V.
- YOU, CRAZY MAN… - I shouted- YOU… YOU… I HATE YOUR CAT!
After that I just ran upstairs and locked myself in my door to swallow a whole bottle of vodka. That really relaxed me.
After I saw the bottom of the bottle, I went back downstairs and apologised to my sobbing mother and caressed the little black cat on my father's shoulder…
- I'm sorry, little one… It's not your fault… I'm not all that sane, you know? My panties are on TV every half-hour. I'm national laughing stock…
I started crying like mad as my dad patted my shoulder.
I saw Vegeta's head peeking through the door.
- Vegeta… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… Well… I did mean it but… Sorry I flipped out like that.
He remained silent.
After a few good hundred apologies to Mum, she decided to prepare about three dozen eggs for me… (Still throwing up…)
Oh, yes… I turned to eating.
But all that didn't stop there. I was very moody all day. Exploding noisily and apologising later.
Totally pathetic.
Oh, good… a chocolate bar.
Decided to watch some movies… four or five romantic movies… Pref. shallow ones…
Mmm… popcorn.
21 July
120 lbs. (Oh, Oh, Oh, Kami!!!!!!!!). Alcohol units: 18. Cigarettes: 28. Calories: 5.611 (hardly surprising)
Morning. CC. Kitchen: Oh… I love the kitchen… food is here!
Noon. CC. Kitchen: Haven't been to work since the TV accident. Too ashamed!
Oh, well… Dad said he'd take care of everything… Love DAD!
I'm so fat that I can hardly believe it… DAMN!
22 July
121 lbs. (Up up fat goes). Alcohol units: 30 (feel thinner in this state). Cigarettes: 40. Calories: 4907 (no comments…)
9.30 a.m. CC. Kitchen: Just had breakfast. Had a little talk with Mum about weight… (mine)
- You look better like this, dearest. You looked so pale some weeks ago…
Well… I don't really feel any better…
10.00 p.m. CC. My room: Mum and Dad are going away on a mini break.
Well… at least they had the decency to tell me about it…
25 July
125 lbs. Alcohol units: 10. Cigarettes: 33. Calories: 2457
10.00 a.m. CC. Kitchen: Vegeta's been in the GTroom for days.
I just eat.
I'm in this terribly depressed state. I feel so… so… Nothing… I feel terribly lonely…
I miss my parents, I miss Goku, I miss Gohan, I miss Kuririn, I miss Vegeta… I miss Yamucha.
Where are those guys when I need them? They show up when I least expect it but are never around when I really need them…
I'm so unattractive!!!
30 July
130 lbs. Alcohol units: 40. Cigarettes: 68. Calories: How the Hell am I supposed to know?
Late, late, late, late, oh, so late nigh. CC. My room: Well…
Hummm… well…
Spent all day creeping round the house in the worst state possible.
O sat on the sofa to watch some TV.
Vegeta came in (had not seen him in days…) He had just had a bath and smelt of soap. He sat next to me.
We spent about an hour in total silence until he said:
- Why don't you go out? You certainly look like shit…
- I don't feel like going out – A little shocked after his piece of advice.
- You've been locked in here ever since that day…
- The day I fell on my ass in world-wide TV?
He started shaking in a very suspicious way.
- What? – I asked, afraid that he might be having some sort of stroke…
But… He started to laugh out loud right on my face.
- It was so… (He tried to breathe) funny… You (once more… tried to breathe) I can't believe you… Fell right on you ass… !!!!
He was laughing. It was the first time I ever saw him laughing… Not sarcastically, but genuinely laughing.
- It's not funny, Vegeta.
He gasped.
- Oh… Yes it is…
- Cut it out. - I said, feeling the tears in my eyes- Stop it!
He did so.
- Don't be such an idiot, it WAS funny.
- Don't you just see I feel terrible about that?
- Oh, don't be so stupid, woman. It was just an accident. It doesn't mean you are a fool… Although I personally…
- Listen, Vegeta- I said, fighting back my tears- I know I am a fool, I don't need TV to prove it! I'm fat, I'm single, I have no life! I AM stupid with or without the stairs…
He stopped smirking. He looked straight into nothingness.
- Woman, I don't understand why you keep trying to please everyone…
- It's nice to feel that people like you.
- You are so shallow…
- But it does feel good… to know people like you…
- I like you.
I smiled mockingly.
- Despite my terrible cooking, despite the bitching around all day, despite looking like shit, despite my treating you like a child, despite my fat ass…
- Yes… - He interrupted me- I like you very much, just as you are.
I just blinked. I couldn't say anything. I was open-mouthed.
After that, he just stood up and headed upstairs.
A couple of minutes later, I managed to recover control of my body.
Silently, I turned off the TV and came to my room.
He likes me. Not thinner, not with bigger breasts, not shyer… Just as I am.
It's an odd feeling… To be liked by someone you never even tried to please before… Someone who you thought hated everything and everyone.
Now… I'm thinking that… somehow… my Mum's a genius. Maybe she has brainwashed both, Vegeta and me. Maybe she has twisted out minds in such a way that we ended up liking each other…
Wait a minute… Do I like Vegeta?
That was my twisted, brainwashed mind speaking.
Maybe this feeling in my stomach means I like Vegeta…
Maybe my noticing his smell of soap means I like him…
I mean… more than physically… He IS gorgeous; I'm not blind. And yes, I have noticed he is a tough-looking man… Just the kind I always find attractive…
… I know… Maybe he's everything I ever wished for… Well… Maybe not EVERYTHING… he could be a little taller.
He's deadly handsome… Ok… He's deadly… Full stop.
He's a prince… Of a destroyed planet, but still a prince.
OH, Kami, you fucker… I said I wished for Prince CHARMING… CHARMING, for fuck's sake, CHARMING! You forgot the CHARMING part…
He… He… He likes me just as I am.
Author's Note: Hello EVERYONE!
I'm so sorry about the crappy note… But I had to tell you why I wouldn't be updating anytime soon…
My computer is still in the morgue. Thanks everyone for your words of support… I (snif) miss her (snif) so much… My dear Porota (that's my computer's name…)
Well, since I'm visiting my parents I decided to use their computer… My father's actually… My mother doesn't know a thing about computers… So I managed to type this chapter…
Hope you like it…
Soon you'll be reading chapter nine…THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING (I watched The MUMMY two days ago…L )
Uh… sorry if this chapter was a bit messy… But I wanted to have it done soon
Well… Further comments on later chapters…
Hope you liked this one and I hope you noticed I replaced the note… HOPE YOU DOOOO!!!
THANKS SO MUCH
Byeeeeee
Next Chapter:
August: Women are from Venus, Men are from… Vegetasei?