Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball or any of its characters. I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary.
Bulma Briefs's Diary
Chapter 9
August
Women are from Venus. Men are from... Vegetasei?
3 August
122 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: 1077. Thoughts about Vegeta: 47 (av. per/minute approx.)
Noon. C.C offices: Uh... decided to come back to work. Had to stop obsessing 'bout Vegeta. To do so, had to forget my disastrous T.V. debut.
Total waste of a morning, anyway. Spent all morning thinking bout Vegeta and my disastrous T.V. debut.
4 p.m. CC. My room: Ah... took a nice shower.
Vegeta has been locked in his GT room ever since that night we talked.
That makes me so mad! Can't he be mature and face me!?
Now that I think of it... I wonder... What did he mean by saying he likes me?
He likes as a person? As a sister? As a friend?
Hate him.
4 August
122 lbs. Alcohol units: 2. Cigarettes: 20. Calories: 705. Thoughts about Vegeta: 67
6 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Mum and Dad returned from their mini-break.
Vegeta's still locked in the GT room.
When Mum asked about him, I blushed immediately (so stupid). Lucky for me she was distracted and didn't notice about my red cheeks.
Good... Cause she has some sort of mental radar and she notices this stuff...
I'm dealing with this really well... So far...
7 August
120 lbs. Alcohol units: 7. Cigarettes: 43. Calories: 2003. Thoughts about Vegeta: 29 (yeah... sure...)
Late night. CC. My room: I'm so stupid. How can he like me the way I am?
I ran into him for the very first time ever since that night and I blushed! All I did was blush!
I didn't say "hello"; I didn't say "Hi"... I just blushed.
He looked at me quizzically but said nothing.
I tried to say something... But I couldn't. Not a sound came out of my mouth.
- WHAT?!- He said, his patience completely gone.
- Nothing... – I said in a whisper.
He gave me an annoyed glance and just walked past me.
DAMN! I'm so stupid.
8 August
117 lbs. (Absolute miracle or alcohol mirage). Alcohol units: 15. Cigarettes: 62. Calories: 1787.
Late night. CC. My room: Been thinking a lot... A LOT.
Have to pull myself together and stop acting like an idiot in front of Vegeta. Maybe meditation will help.
12 August
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. MAJOR ONE. KEEP SHARP OBJECTS AWAY FROM ME...
MUST HAVE HAPPY THOUGHTS. MUST HAVE HAPPY THOUGHTS... MUST... HAVE... HAPPY...
KILL!
14 August
118 lbs. Alcohol units: Never satisfied. Cigarettes: Chimney Stage. Calories: Bread and Water... (Actually, chips and vodka)
Well... Yamucha showed up two days ago as if he had never left. My mother greeted him merrily. My Dad, on the other hand, just gave him a strange grin (actually, one can never tell what's in the mind of my father...)
I don't think Yamucha noticed this anyway.
After the greetings, he turned to me and tried... TRIED to kiss me... HA! No, thank you very much! I'm not falling for that anymore...!!
- What's wrong, Bulma?
I didn't answer. I just looked straight into his eyes giving him my most fearful glance.
- Oh, don't tell me you're mad at me because of our last conversation
My parents hid themselves behind a couch just waiting for my explosive reaction.
It didn't come.
- Actually... No – I said keeping my angry face.
- Then why are you angry?
- What are you doing here, Yamucha?
- I came to visit you, of course...
- You should be training. There's no need for you to visit me while you are training, anyway.
- But you always get so mad when I...
- But I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
- Oh, Bulma... You didn't really mean it
- Would you like some tea, young Yamucha? Maybe some cookies?
- Mum... please... would you leave us alone?
- Coffee then?
- I'd like some lemonade, Mrs. Briefs, if you don't mind
- Shut up, Yamucha
- Is there any chocolate cake left, dear?
- DAD!
- Right... Lemonade, chocolate cake and coffee...
- No, no, no... MUM
-Not coffee then?
- Nothing, not nothing...
- You've got to eat, dearest...
- I'll eat, dad, but not right now...
- You should try the coffee. I have just prepared it...
- Uh... Mrs. Briefs... Cancel the lemonade... I'll go for the coffee
- All right, sweetheart. Bulma... What will it be?
- What is the desert rat doing here? I thought you were done with him...
- Stay out of this, Vegeta... or else...
- Hey, Yamucha... He's fucking right!
- Oh dear... what a language...
- What about that chocolate cake, dear?
- Oh, yes... Vegeta... would you like anything to eat? Coffee? Lemonade?...
- Make it everything, old woman.
- Wonderful! Always such a good appetite!...
- How are the new robots doing, Vegeta?
- Humph!
- Mrs. Briefs... I'll take a bit of chocolate cake with my coffee, please.
- As if I'm leaving any food for you, weakling...
- What makes you...?
- SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! OUT! EVERYBODY OUT... NOT YOU, YAMUCHA! NO COFFEE OR CHOCOLATE CAKE OR LEMONADE, MUM. NOTHING! DAD AND VEGETA, DISCUSS YOUR MATTERS SOMEWHERE ELSE... OUT! I SAID NOT YOU, YAMUCHA!
- You only had to ask us to leave, honey
- Take it easy, dearest...
- Humph!
After they were all gone I sat down and breathed deeply.
- Yamucha...
- Listen, Bulma... There's no need to do this... You know you and I will end up married anyway... We belong to each other...
- No, Yamucha... Not anymore... I don't even know if we ever belonged to each other... You are a good man... But I am... looking... I need... I deserve... something else... – I shook my head to organise my thoughts- Let me rephrase that... I'm looking for something more extraordinary than this...
- Bulma...
- Let's do something, ok? Well talk again after everything's over... All this androids thing... But, if I were you I would go on with my life...
- Don't you love me?
I shook my head.
- Sorry, Yamucha, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for someone who doesn't understand me... for someone who's never here...
- For someone like me...
I nodded.
- Go train, Yamucha. After the battle is over we'll see what's in store for us... But I don't wait for me... I'm sure I'm not what you need.
Yamucha stood up slowly.
- Stay for tea... Mum will be glad to feed you...
We sat in the kitchen. Mum and Dad were staring at us quizzically. Vegeta just stared at Yamucha with a frown.
After tea, Yamucha left. He'd go train in the desert.
Later I locked my self in my room.
Mum knocked.
- Well...?
- Stay out of this, Mum, please...
- I wanted to make sure you were all right.
- Yes, Mum, don't worry. I'm over him.
- Would you like some sandwiches?
- Mum... We just had tea...
- Oh, yes... I forgot... I was so excited! It's been ages since I last witnessed a lovers fight.
And saying that, she chirped her way out of my room.
Strange woman.
Well... I have to say I've been virtually single for months now. But this is the first time I FEEL single.
Not bad... Not as bad as I thought it would be...
17 August
120 lbs. Alcohol units: 17. Cigarettes: 47. Calories: 2081
Late night. CC. Kitchen: Working late on some blueprints
Later night. CC. Kitchen: Vegeta came into the kitchen just as I was making some coffee. He sat down, his back at me, and took an apple from the counter. He grabbed one of the blueprints and examined it.
- Blueprints. A new project. Capsules – I explained.
He said nothing and carefully placed the paper right where it had been.
- Coffee?
He nodded.
- How's training going?
He nodded once more.
- Not in a talkative mood, uh?
He turned around at me and grabbed the mug I was offering.
I sat right in front of him and gave him a long look, trying to read his mind.
- Tired.
He grinned.
- I'm never tired.
- Well... At least you spoke – I said smiling.
He just gave me an odd glance and stood up.
- Night, Vegeta
He waved as he made his way out of the kitchen.
Strange man.
I wonder what's wrong with him. He's even more silent than usual.
Uff... I hate men. I don't understand men. Machines are so easy to understand... Men?... AARRRGGG...
I know people always say women are hard to understand, but men...
I have this theory. I believe Saiyans are an exaggerated abstract of all men. Al qualities and defects of men are summarised in Saiyans.
Women are simple. We follow certain patterns. But men are so unpredictable.
I mean... Women are predictable cause we tend to think about everything twice (or more than that) so, in the end we end up acting in a way that can be predicted, cause once our character is known, our actions can be predicted...
Men, on the other hand, seem to do things without further trouble. They simply do whatever they feel cause they think it's just the right thing to do (but they do can regret it later...)
The "legend" says that we, women, are more emotional and men are more cerebral. Well... I think it's the other way round.
We, women, are cold people. We tend to do what is expected from us to do.
Men care less about conventions.
I don't mean to say women are better than men... But that we, women, have been unfairly accused with being complex creatures, almost impossible to comprehend... well... try dealing with the men I know, suckers!
19 August
120 lbs. Alcohol units: 7. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: 1571
Late night. CC. My room: Slowly entering the OTC (Over Thirties Crisis, a sort of late Thirties Crisis). Suddenly, I have to add "OLD" to "FAT" and "SINGLE". That can't be good... I'm already acting like an old spinster, trying to propose theories on women and men that are totally clueless...
I really have to get myself a hobby.
Birthday is too close.
Aw... My head aches.
22 August
124 lbs.(!). Alcohol units: 33. Cigarettes: 33. Calories: 3333. Birthday: 33.
Morning: Is it possible to actually FEEL age? I fell age moving in my loins, running in my veins. OLDNESS in my blood. Disgusting feeling.
Mum woke me up carrying the birthday cake number 1 with her. Oh, good... Gifts!
Late morning: Great gift from Dad... I just wonder what it is... Disadvantages of having a scientist as a father... Oh, it's a motorbike...
Mum gave me... What the Hell is this?... Seems like an ashtray... Oh, yuck...
Later: Having a piece of birthday cake number 2.
After lunch. CC. Kitchen: We just had a large lunch. Vegeta ate cake number 1 and most of cake number 2. Not a single "happy birthday" from him.
4 p.m. CC. My room: Haven't received a single phone-call. Life is sad.
5 p.m. CC. My room: Mum decided to celebrate my birthday with a fancy dinner.
Late night. CC. My room: Dinner was great but felt terribly depressed when I saw all the candles on cake number 3. It seemed to be on fire...
Hate birthdays almost as much as Valentine's Days.
We were still dining when Yamucha showed up.
- Happy Birthday, Bulma.
I smiled gently and received the bottle of champagne he gave me as a present.
- Thanks...
Awkward silence.
- I thought you were training.
- Yes. I just took some time off.
- If I were you I wouldn't waste my time – said Vegeta as Yamucha sat down – Actually, If I were you I would kill myself.
- Shut up, Vegeta.
- He's right – I said as I offered him some cake – Not the suicide thing (severe glance at Vegeta) I mean, you shouldn't waste your time.
- Bulma! - Said Yamucha a little too loud- I came to give you a present and to wish you a happy birthday...
- The best gift you can give her is her life – Said Vegeta – If you don't train hard enough, those androids might destroy this planet. Though I'll beat them myself it wouldn't kill you to train your weak body... Sad you can't get any intelligence with training since you don't have any brains...
- Vegeta... – Said Yamucha through clenched teeth.
- Cut it out, you two.
- You started it, Bulma.
- I was giving you my opinion... But if you can't deal with it...
- You are not supposed to take his side... He's going to kill us all after the battle; he's even going to kill you!
- That has nothing to do with your lack of training... Don't you dare taking back at me just cause Vegeta's right.
- You are such an idiot, Bulma!
- Shut up, asshole. The woman is right. You are just taking back at her cause you are a weakling and you know you will be dead as soon as you step on the battlefield. Frankly, I'm not planning to save you.
Yamucha wanted to fight Vegeta. I know he did. But he also knew he didn't have a chance to win. He could end up dead. I'm not mad at him. I know he's nervous about the fight. And I know he is weak compared with Vegeta. He's so pathetic.
Fortunately, after that small verbal spar, the night went by peacefully.
Then Yamucha said he was leaving.
- You meant what you said before? About my training...
I nodded.
- You shouldn't waste your time. I don't want you to be killed by the androids.
- Does that mean...?
- That means I care for you... You are my friend.
- Bye Bulma.
- Bye Yamucha.
- Next time I see you I'll ask you out.
I slammed the door on his face. Thickheaded ass.
27 August
125 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 15. Calories: 1477
9 a.m. CC. My room: Actually feel old, but I won't let that get to me. Mum's sunbathing in the backyard, topless. Kami, I feel so embarrassed.
10 a.m. CC. My room: HaHAHAHAHAHA! Vegeta just went out of the Gtroom and saw my mother's breasts... HAHAHAHAHAA! He almost fainted!
OH! I almost peed myself out of laughter...
Ooops... He's looking at my window...
Did he just smile?
Aww... Men...
Kami... He's hot.
30 August
124 lbs. Alcohol units: 4. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: 2419
At last, this horrible month is almost over... Well... I hate I had to break up with my boyfriend and I hate to think of Vegeta... The asshole...
How dares he? How dare he say what he said and not mention it again? AAARRGGG!
I hate him... really do.
31 August
124 lbs. Alcohol units: 13. Cigarettes: 48. Calories: 4021
Late, late, late night. CC. My room: Been daydreaming a lot about Vegeta. Hate to admit it.
Maybe his words touched me very deeply.
Hey, who wouldn't be touched if a mass murderer tells you he likes you? Ok, that sounded really sick...
But somehow the thought of that makes me happy...
I've caught myself smiling alone just thinking about him. This mysterious, violent, so rude man who's living under my roof.
How could I be such a fool?
How come I haven't noticed?
I love him
Author's note: YEAHHH.. I'm back... Not a glorious comeback since the awful mistakes I made in this chapter but it's a comeback.
Now, about this chapter: Not really satisfied with Bulma and Yamucha's break-up, but I had to write about it. You know, I can think of a thousand ways to get Bulma and Vegeta together but I can't think of a single way to split Yamucha and Bulma up.
I had to make Yamucha angry because of the way Bulma takes Vegeta's side cause he's clearly offended when they all get together the day the androids arrive.
Well... That's all for now... I can't help telling you how embarrassed I am for the spelling and grammatical mistakes in this chapters but I'm just too lazy to look up for everything in the dictionary... hehehe... sorry. I will correct this and re-upload it as soon as the guy who's repairing my dear computer is finished... Aw, he's a dish... but he's a bit incompetent... Who cares? He's lovely!!!
Next Chapter:
September: Facing the unavoidable