Chapter 2: Rachel Surprises Everyone

Author's Note: Wow, I did something right (bar some matters of idiom – thanks, Helga, corrections installed). By which I mean, everyone seems to like it. Okay, I will confess that I have not made up my mind how this is going to turn out, but I will bind myself to its not ending in an f/f relationship :). I may have done more than one of these recently, but I feel bound to point out, in fairness to myself, that I have also done a lot of m/f in my time – e.g. TOW All the Reversals, most of the different storylines in Suppose Things Had Gone a Different Way, while TOW Chandler Is King … and Entertaining Angels Unawares are primarily m/f, and The Pursuit of Janice is about Joey chasing Janice, even if Monica and Rachel are a couple in the background.

I am sorry to discard the marvellous original scenes involving the jellyfish sting, but apart from anything else a little research on Google suggests that urine is not necessarily going to help much!

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Rachel lay on her back, eyes closed behind her dark glasses, and luxuriated in the sunshine. "You were right, Mon," she said lazily. "This is the greatest."

"Your aunt Monica is always worth listening to," said Monica with a certain satisfaction. She was in a similar position.

Chandler, who was lying between them and supposedly tanning his back, but in fact alternately feasting his eyes on Monica and Rachel, who was wearing a very brief bikini, produced an indecipherable but derisive-sounding noise.

"Got something to say there, Chandler?" Monica drawled.

Before he could reply, Phoebe called, "Hey there, guys!"

They sat up and turned to look. Looking very attractive in a loose sundress, and also seeming considerably more cheerful than she had been earlier, she was walking towards them, sandals hanging from one hand.

"Hey Pheebs!" they all replied, and Monica added, "So you changed your mind?"

"Yuh-huh," said Phoebe. "I felt Bonnie and Ross needed to have their fight out without the, like, inhibiting factor of my presence."

"They're fighting?" said Rachel in some surprise. "What about?"

"Well, duh," said Phoebe. "You of course. Bonnie doesn't believe it's as over between you as Ross seems to think."

"Yeah, you did that really well, Rachel," said Chandler admiringly. "Got him smack between the eyes."

"But, you guys, I wasn't trying to get back at Ross or anything," Rachel protested. "It just … sort of happened like that."

"Natural genius," said Chandler decidedly, lying down again.

"Yeah, that's what made it so believable," said Phoebe. "The way you looked at him seemed to come up naturally."

"Hey, Pheebs," Joey called, "come over and look at my hole."

Phoebe giggled. "You should be careful how you phrase things, Joey. Something like that could be misinterpreted." She walked over. "Wow, that's really deep, Joey," she said admiringly, as a wave swept in. "Where did you get the energy? Oh! OW! OW!!" She jumped back from the water.

"What's the matter, Pheebs?" Monica cried.

"Some crappy sea-monster has stung me!" Phoebe cried. She began hopping round. "OW OW OW!!! It really hurts."

Immediately Rachel jumped up. "Stay right there at the edge of the sea, Pheebs, and don't touch it!" she yelled, grabbing up the bag she had brought and running forward. "Someone find me a stick, or if you have a credit card about you, that could help."

"Whatever for?" said Monica in puzzlement as Rachel knelt down beside Phoebe, who had obediently frozen.

"To move away tentacles and stuff," said Rachel tersely. "Yeah, there's something there all right. Okay, Pheebs, put your foot down. First I'm gonna rinse it in seawater. Don't worry, I'll make sure there's no more jellyfish in the water."

Phoebe giggled a little, then sighed as Rachel ladled water over her foot. "It feels a little better already."

"Placebo effect, probably," said Rachel. "Someone's doing something for you, so you naturally feel better. Okay, has anyone found me anything? Come on, you guys, Phoebe's in pain here."

Wordlessly Chandler handed her a blackened stick. Very gently she scraped something off Phoebe's foot and flicked it to one side, then scraped over a whole area where welts were appearing, saying at the same time, "Right, Mon, there should be a little bottle of vinegar in my bag. Get it out and pass it to me."

Looking extremely impressed, Monica did so. Rachel discarded the stick, ladled some onto her hand and smeared it over the welts. Phoebe let out a sigh of what sounded like relief.

"It'll take a while for the pain to go away entirely," said Rachel authoritatively, "but that should feel better, eh Pheebs? Anyone got any cream with hydrocortisone in, something like that?"

"Will sun cream do?" asked Monica humbly.

Rachel shook her head. "Not unless it's a soothing lotion for sunburn."

"Oh, I've got some of that!" cried Monica eagerly. She rooted in her own bag and came up with a tube. Rachel immediately looked at the list of contents.

"Yeah, this should have some pain-killing effect," she said, and very carefully spread some on Phoebe's foot.

"Geez, Rachel, how did you know to do all that?" said Joey in amazement.

"I learned all about treating jellyfish stings and stuff like that when we were out sailing with my dad," said Rachel. "He wanted to be sure we could look after ourselves at sea, as well as sail. I only got stung once, jumping into the sea when I was ten."

"Ooh, that certainly feels better," said Phoebe. "I can walk on it, I guess."

"There's no real hurry," said Rachel. "It would be best if you rested for a while."

"Okay," said Phoebe, sitting down by the heap of clothes and towels.

"I'm surprised you guys didn't get stung yesterday," said Rachel. "You were by some pier?"

"It's some distance away," said Chandler. He grinned. "So, um, Bonnie told you how her suit came off? She seemed quite proud of it."

Rachel grinned back. "Every now and then, you get a free look at some boobies, eh Chandler?"

"Yeah, how did Bonnie's compare to Rachel's?" asked Joey interestedly.

"Joey!" Monica yelled. "That's not nice."

"Actually, I'd be interested to know," said Rachel demurely.

Chandler looked embarrassed. "Well, um, it's some time ago since I, er, saw yours, Rach," he stammered, "and that was only very briefly. But my, um, impression is that hers were, um, more … prominent, but less … well shaped."

Rachel smiled and leaned over to pat his shoulder. "Very diplomatic."

"Rach, I saw once on the Discovery Channel that you should pee on jellyfish stings," said Joey in an enquiring tone.

"A lot of people say that," said Rachel, "but there's no agreement on whether it helps. It might do as a last resort, with ordinary jellyfish stings."

"Well, I have to say, I'm most impressed," said Phoebe, smiling at Rachel. "If I ever go to sea, I'm definitely taking you along, Rachel."

There were murmurs of agreement from the others. Rachel shrugged modestly. "I'll say this for my dad, he might yell and scream, but you damn well learned what he wanted you to learn. Unfortunately, it's not a skill there's much call for. So, um, Pheebs, you say Bonnie and Ross were fighting about me … but how? Did she think he was still in love with me, or something?"

"Yeah, uh-huh," said Phoebe. "That was my impression. I didn't hear him, like, admit to having kissed you, but he did say that he had been feeling closer to you recently."

"You did make clear to her, when you set them up, that Ross and I had been going out for a whole year and were very close, didn't you?" said Rachel with a certain emphasis.

"Oh sure," said Phoebe. "Mind, I didn't say I thought you were lobsters, because I'm not so certain about that any more. But, yeah, she should know how things had been between you."

"Oh well, we'll just have to see how things develop," said Rachel. "Now, if you feel like walking back, Pheebs, we could put an icepack on your foot once we get to the house. That's another good thing to do as soon as you've cleaned up the sting area," she informed the others as she got up and began wrapping her skirt around her.

They nodded, seeming overawed by her wealth of knowledge. Phoebe also got up and took a tentative few steps. "It seems fine," she said. "Oh Rach, you're a real life-saver!" She grabbed her and gave her an enthusiastic hug.

"Okay!" said Rachel laughingly. "Now, I suggest everyone looks around real carefully. There might be dead jellyfish in the sand that we've missed just by chance, and you can still get a sting from them."

"Yes, mom," said Chandler, and everyone laughed.

When they returned to the house, they found Ross sitting outside looking gloomy. "Bonnie took off," he said despondently, glaring at Rachel. She looked blithely back at him, refusing to accept blame. He had gotten himself into this situation; he was the one who had started the kissing.

Apparently recognising he was not going to get any reaction from Rachel, Ross asked the others, "So, anyway, how was the beach?"

"It was fine," Monica began, but Phoebe overrode her.

"I got stung by a jellyfish, but Rachel knew exactly what to do," she said enthusiastically, "and now I'm feeling much better. If you ever get stung, Ross, you just go to Rachel. She'll have you feeling fine in no time."

Joey began a dirty laugh, which he hastily suppressed when Ross, Chandler, Monica and Phoebe all gazed at him sternly.

"So what did you do, Rachel?" asked Ross, seeming interested despite himself.

"Rinsed with sea water, ensured all remains of tentacles and stuff were off, then applied vinegar," said Rachel. "I always carry some when I go to the beach. My dad taught me all that, as I was explaining to the others."

"Ah yes, the acid in the vinegar helps to deactivate the nematocysts – " Ross began, to be howled down by the others.

"Ross, they don't need to know why it works, only that it works," said Rachel gently. "Not that it does work on all jellyfish anyway – but we're not likely to get the really vicious kinds up here."

"Well, I think people should understand the scientific principles behind it," said Ross rather pompously.

"Ross, could you explain the scientific principles behind the way an automobile works?" said Chandler. "I mean, in detail?"

Ross looked a bit abashed and mumbled something.

"I thought not," said Chandler triumphantly. "So stop stealing Rachel's thunder. She was really on the ball there."

"Why, thank you, Chandler," said Rachel, pleased, while Ross scowled.

"Okay, let's load up and leave, folks," said Phoebe.

"Can't we eat something first?" Joey pleaded. "I'm hungry after all that digging."

"Yeah, that's not such a bad idea," said Monica. "It's a long drive, Pheebs, remember."

"What do you think?" said Phoebe to Rachel.

Slightly taken aback at being appealed to for a ruling, Rachel said, "A little food would go down well, I think."

"Okay, sure, we've got plenty of time," said Phoebe. "At the worst, we'll be going in to New York when everyone else is coming out."

On the way home, Rachel realised that she was feeling surprisingly light-hearted. Although she was sitting in the front, at Phoebe's insistence, she was only too conscious of Ross's glowering presence behind her, but it didn't really bother her. In part she was distracted by Phoebe's enthusiastic questions about every aspect of sailing. Answering these brought back good memories, of times when everything had gone well, her dad was in a good mood, and she and her sisters had frolicked happily on and off the boat with their mom. But there was more to it, as she perceived when Phoebe had to concentrate on the traffic more and she got time to think. She had shown herself competent in a field that even Monica knew nothing about, and her friends had admired her for it. In particular, she valued Phoebe's generous approval, for she had often got the impression that, while liking her, Phoebe did not have too high an opinion of her brains or competence at anything.

Also, she had to admit to a strange feeling of liberation, that derived from the loosening of the ties that had made it so hard for her to move on from Ross. Even though she had not, in fact, made a final decision to do so, she no longer felt bound to him in the way that she had, so that she either felt guilty if she went out with anyone else, or did it deliberately to spite him. It was a weird thing to think, but she actually felt rather grateful to Bonnie, for being so attractive that Ross had been forced to make a decision between them. She wondered whether he was regretting it now.

"You know something?" she said to Phoebe suddenly. "I'm actually feeling like I'm energised for work on Monday. It was a good break, despite everything."

"Yeah," said Phoebe, glancing at her with a small smile. "We both found out something that we needed to know, even if it hurt." She looked in the mirror. "Well, isn't that cute? They're all asleep, like a bunch of tired kids. Is Monica asleep too?"

Rachel looked to her left. "Yup."

"So we can talk about them," said Phoebe in a pleased tone. "Hey, do you think Chandler is seriously coming on to Monica?"

"He certainly seems to have this obsession about her not thinking him boyfriend material," said Rachel. "Which I don't think is fair, myself. What do you say, Pheebs?"

"Mmm," Phoebe went in a judicious way. "Well, he's good-looking, and smart, and he can be good company. But, oh man, his hangups … and his issues with relationships …"

"Yeah, and the way he has this compulsion to joke all the time," Rachel threw in. "And sometimes his jokes are not kind."

"No," said Phoebe.

There was a pause, and then Rachel came out with something that had often occurred to her. "Isn't it strange, how he and Joey get along so well, when they're such different characters? It's like they're brothers."

"They're closer than brothers," said Phoebe seriously. "It's a relationship that's good for both of them … for now. But the longer it goes on, the more they'll be spoiled for anyone but each other, and yet … they'd never take it to the logical conclusion."

"Which is?" said Rachel, highly intrigued.

"Use your brains, Rach," said Phoebe kindly. "A gay partnership, of course,"

"But … they'd never do that!" said Rachel in amazement. "I mean, no way is Joey gay! Look at all his women. Chandler, maybe, deep down, but not Joey!"

"A shrink might say, his, like, continual girl-chasing is a way of hiding his being gay, and his attraction to Chandler, from himself," Phoebe said. "Whereas Chandler has always been wanting to get into relationships with women."

"But Joey's been in love with a woman," Rachel protested. "With that Kate girl, if no one else. And he was chasing girls from high school on, before he'd ever met Chandler."

Phoebe inclined her head. "Good points. But anyway, even if he is, deep down as you put it, it will likely never happen. Which is a pity, because they'd make a great couple." She glanced in the mirror. "Oh oh, looks like Chandler's waking up," she hissed. "Better drop this. We'll have to talk about someone else."

"Well, it can't be Joey, when Chandler's listening," Rachel muttered.

"How about Mon, is she still asleep?" Phoebe asked, still quietly.

Rachel looked to her left again. Monica certainly looked asleep, slumped back with her mouth open, but something made Rachel suspicious. In her experience, people who slept with their mouth open snored more often than not – as Joey was doing right now, in fact. A smile appeared on her face as she thought of a way to test it.

"Oh Pheebs, take a look!" she said in a normal voice. "Her mouth's wide open. Have you ever seen anything so ridiculous?"

Monica's mouth shut with a snap.

"Gotcha!" cried Rachel delightedly, and she and Phoebe burst out laughing. Monica opened her eyes and smiled at them ruefully.

"How long have you been awake, Mon?" Rachel asked.

"Long enough," said Monica.

"So you wanted to hear what we might say about you, eh Mon?" said Phoebe teasingly. "You should remember the old saying, listeners never hear any good of themselves. Not that that's always true."

"No, you were sort of kind to Chandler, really," said Monica. "Kinder than I'd have been, maybe."

Chandler made an indecipherable noise in the back, then rather phoney coming awake noises.

"Hey there, beautiful dreamer!" said Phoebe. "Have a good nap?"

"Oh, fine," said Chandler casually. What none of the women realised was that he had been awake almost throughout Phoebe and Rachel's conversation about him, certainly for all the part concerning him and Joey. He looked at the still slumbering Joey beside him. Could Joey really have feelings for him? It seemed hard to believe, and yet …

"Here's a pretty mess!" he said to himself, consciously quoting from The Mikado, much of which had got stuck in his brain since a production at his high school when, to his eternal shame, he had been chosen as one of the female chorus.