M*A*S*H
A post-ep to Henry, Please Come Home
Back in The Saddle
I don't care about the army, and I don't care about winning this war. I'm not a good commanding officer for that matter, and I never even tried to be. I don't say it out loud because he doesn't need the encouragement, but I agree with Hawkeye. They can make me come to Korea, but they can't make me be a good officer. They can lead this horse to water, but making him drink is a horse of a different color. Being a lousy CO, though, doesn't make me stupid, not that Frank and Hot Lips can see the difference.
But I'm a good doctor, and I'm good enough to know that Hawkeye and Trapper are better doctors than I am. And I'd rather be a good doctor than a good CO, so I look after the doctors and leave the rest up to Radar. I don't like making decisions. I try to avoid them, and I don't care who knows that. I hate this war, and I refuse to care about the army. I just want to get home, to my practice and my wife and my kids, and play golf where the ball doesn't land in a minefield if you hack it left.
I got my chance to get out of here, and I grabbed it with all my hands. Sure, I wouldn't be around to look after my doctors, but without me they'd probably have a CO who actually cared about his job. They'd be better off, and I'd be in Tokyo with clean sheets, pretty girls, and a good night's sleep anytime I wanted one.
When Hawkeye and Trapper showed up to drag me back – and I knew that's why they were there – I've seen them operate enough times to smell it when I see it – I did my best to ignore them. I wasn't about to start caring about what happened to the 4077th – it was too close to caring about the army. I cared about Hawkeye and Trapper, but they seemed to be doing just fine without me.
Don't really know why I agreed to go back with them after they told that phony Radar story. Some kind of idea about looking at the place and being able to realize how much better things were in Tokyo, even if I didn't have any friends in Japan just yet. And then, when I actually arrived on the ground. I was right, Tokyo was a lot better. But the looks on their faces when I said I was going to operate on Radar. Well, it was worth the flight.
I think it was around then when I realized that the army had gotten to me after all. Because I still didn't care about the war, or the army, but I did care about the 4077th. They were my men there, and they weren't better off without me. They needed me, to avoid making decisions and drink in my office and play too much golf. And, I hate to admit it, I missed them.
Which I guess is what Hawkeye and Trapper were trying to show me, so maybe they out-operated me after all? Well, they're better doctors than I am – I guess they oughta be better operators.
So here I am, back in the same old office, Radar showing up five seconds before I call him. And I'm not happy, because don't get me wrong, this is still a rotten place. But I guess something leaked into me at officer training school after all, because it's where I want to be.
Back in The Saddle
I don't care about the army, and I don't care about winning this war. I'm not a good commanding officer for that matter, and I never even tried to be. I don't say it out loud because he doesn't need the encouragement, but I agree with Hawkeye. They can make me come to Korea, but they can't make me be a good officer. They can lead this horse to water, but making him drink is a horse of a different color. Being a lousy CO, though, doesn't make me stupid, not that Frank and Hot Lips can see the difference.
But I'm a good doctor, and I'm good enough to know that Hawkeye and Trapper are better doctors than I am. And I'd rather be a good doctor than a good CO, so I look after the doctors and leave the rest up to Radar. I don't like making decisions. I try to avoid them, and I don't care who knows that. I hate this war, and I refuse to care about the army. I just want to get home, to my practice and my wife and my kids, and play golf where the ball doesn't land in a minefield if you hack it left.
I got my chance to get out of here, and I grabbed it with all my hands. Sure, I wouldn't be around to look after my doctors, but without me they'd probably have a CO who actually cared about his job. They'd be better off, and I'd be in Tokyo with clean sheets, pretty girls, and a good night's sleep anytime I wanted one.
When Hawkeye and Trapper showed up to drag me back – and I knew that's why they were there – I've seen them operate enough times to smell it when I see it – I did my best to ignore them. I wasn't about to start caring about what happened to the 4077th – it was too close to caring about the army. I cared about Hawkeye and Trapper, but they seemed to be doing just fine without me.
Don't really know why I agreed to go back with them after they told that phony Radar story. Some kind of idea about looking at the place and being able to realize how much better things were in Tokyo, even if I didn't have any friends in Japan just yet. And then, when I actually arrived on the ground. I was right, Tokyo was a lot better. But the looks on their faces when I said I was going to operate on Radar. Well, it was worth the flight.
I think it was around then when I realized that the army had gotten to me after all. Because I still didn't care about the war, or the army, but I did care about the 4077th. They were my men there, and they weren't better off without me. They needed me, to avoid making decisions and drink in my office and play too much golf. And, I hate to admit it, I missed them.
Which I guess is what Hawkeye and Trapper were trying to show me, so maybe they out-operated me after all? Well, they're better doctors than I am – I guess they oughta be better operators.
So here I am, back in the same old office, Radar showing up five seconds before I call him. And I'm not happy, because don't get me wrong, this is still a rotten place. But I guess something leaked into me at officer training school after all, because it's where I want to be.