Chapter 3: A Whole Lot Of Talk

Author's Note: If anyone complains that Rachel is not like she is the series, well, if Joey can change (later on) into someone who really falls in love with Rachel, why can't she change earlier (as in real life she would almost certainly do), especially under the impact of a major emotional shock?

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For the rest of the journey home they talked about less intimate matters. When Phoebe dropped the others outside Central Perk, she said that she would go home to shower and change, and then swing by the apartment in the evening.

"I'm not done with you yet," she said, beaming at Rachel. "I find all this about your childhood, like, fascinating, and I want to hear more."

Once she had pulled away, Rachel rolled her eyes at Monica. "It sounds like Phoebe wants to live the childhood she should have had through sucking me dry of memories," she said a bit grumpily.

"Indulge her a little, sweetie," Monica said. "She had a hard time in her teens, remember, and maybe earlier, I guess."

Rachel's face relaxed. She nodded, and smiled a little at her friend. "Yeah, I guess I can indulge Pheebs for a while."

As soon as he had got out of the cab, Ross had taken out his cellphone, evidently to contact Bonnie. Now his voice rose.

"Bonnie, I swear there is nothing between me and Rachel any more," he almost shouted. Looking around frantically, his gaze fell on Rachel. "Here," he said fiercely, thrusting the phone at her, "you tell her."

"Me?" said Rachel in a near-squeak, so surprised that she had taken the phone before she knew it. Seeing Ross looking at her with a very earnest, almost pleading expression, she didn't have the heart to refuse him, and reluctantly lifted the phone to her face.

"Um, um, hi Bonnie," she stammered. "Okay, you, you wanna know, is there something between me and Ross? Well, well, here it is, here's the deal …" she paused, quite uncertain what to say next.

"Come on, Rachel, spit it out," said Bonnie impatiently. "Look, I'll help you. Do you want Ross back?"

"N-no," said Rachel hesitantly, then, more firmly, "No." This might not be the whole truth, but she certainly wasn't taking him back as things stood.

"Okay … but did you?" Bonnie pursued.

Rachel felt her cheeks begin to colour. "Um, um, sort of," she said. "I mean …" She looked up, feeling Ross's gaze upon her. "Will you not listen in?" she snapped. "This is private, between me and Bonnie."

Looking affronted, Ross moved away.

"That's telling him, Rachel," said Bonnie in an amused tone. "Well, what were you going to say?"

"I, um, was considering it," Rachel said, "and I sort of gave him some encouragement."

"What kind of encouragement?" said Bonnie, her voice suddenly harsh.

Rachel took a deep breath. "Hear me out on this, Bonnie, okay? No interruptions till I'm done. Well, I sort of admitted I still had feelings for him when we were at the beach house, that night after I had, um, encouraged you to shave your head, and I was hoping that he would …" Her voice suddenly failed. Reliving this was more painful than she had expected.

"Take your time," said Bonnie more gently. "I'm listening."

Rachel took another breath. "I was h-hoping he would come to my room that night. But when he did come in, he m-made it clear that," she paused and swallowed a sob, "he had been to your room first. So, he had made his choice. He chose you," her voice trailed away into a near-whisper, "not me."

There was a pause, while Rachel fought to control herself. It should not hurt so much, she thought – but it did. Then Bonnie said, softly, "I see. That explains why you seemed suddenly so upset." Her voice strengthened. "Rachel, I really appreciate your honesty on this, and I won't forget it. Will you, could you bear to answer one more question?"

"Okay," said Rachel, who by now was feeling rather drained.

"Did you encourage me to shave my head in the hope that Ross would … go off me?"

Cheeks hot with shame at what now seemed a cheap trick, Rachel bowed her head. "Yes," she almost croaked. "I'm … I'm sorry, Bonnie."

To Rachel's surprise, Bonnie laughed. "Don't worry about it. It was a neat idea, and after all, it didn't put him off permanently, did it  – though he did want the light out! Okay, Rachel, don't be afraid I'll bear you a grudge, because I won't. It seems to me that you're the loser here, big time. At least you have one consolation: you won't have to cope with Ross popping up at Bloomie's every five minutes to see who you're going to seminars and presentations with, and stuff like that."

This surprised a laugh out of Rachel. "You know about that?"

Bonnie sighed. "Rachel honey, I know all about Ross and you, and Ross and Carol, and Ross and who-all else. You know Ross. He'll never admit he was in the wrong, he always has to justify his actions, and so he keeps raking over the past – doesn't matter how long ago it was. It's one of his most irritating characteristics." Her voice suddenly took on an intimate tone. "You know what I think? Even if you were on a break, he shouldn't have done it, if he cared about you at all. Now, can you pass me back to him?"

In a daze at the knowledge that Bonnie actually sympathised with her, Rachel passed the phone back to Ross without saying a word, then turned to Monica, who was looking at her rather anxiously, and gestured. They moved away.

"Bonnie thinks I was in the right!" she said excitedly. "She thinks Ross shouldn't have gone with Chloe. She was sort of nice to me. Maybe I won't hate her after all."

"That's good, sweetie," said Monica approvingly. "I think you handled that pretty well, especially seeing how Ross dumped it in your lap like that. Now, shall we go to the apartment and unpack?"

Rachel nodded. Even unpacking was preferable to hearing Ross express increasingly loving feelings towards Bonnie, with whom he was clearly becoming reconciled.

Later, as they relaxed with a cool drink after unpacking, she said to Monica, "You know what? I feel really strange."

"Strange how?" said Monica, raising her eyebrows in curiosity.

"Sort of … free," said Rachel. She struggled to find words to explain how she was feeling. "I've spent all this time either being with Ross, or trying not to think about him, when actually I was thinking about him all the time. And now it's like … because he's decided we can't work, knowing he feels like that has taken a whole lot of weight off of me. I can still meet him as a friend, but I won't be all the time obsessing about what he's feeling, and what I'm feeling, and all that."

"Well, maybe he'll be feeling more friendly towards you anyway, now the thing with Bonnie seems on again," said Monica.

"Yeah," said Rachel. "But, you know, Mon, I can't see how he can be lastingly happy with her, or she with him. I guess he sees sides of her that we don't, but he is so not the kind of guy that you'd think would attract her."

"Well, sweetie, some people might say the same about you," said Monica. "I mean, let's face it, you're no intellectual."

Rachel pulled a face. "Yeah, that was a side of Ross I found hard to take. He would talk about these things like they were really important – but he wouldn't show the tiniest bit of interest in my work!"

Monica hid a smile. In a way, Rachel was right. Ross often expected more of others than he gave; their parents had almost encouraged this attitude in him. But most people would think that studying the past, even the incredibly remote past of the dinosaur age, was more important than fashion. Still, Rachel deserved some support at the moment. Whatever she said, her emotional state was likely to be very rocky for a while.

"Well, at least you don't even have to try to get him interested now," she said lightly. "You should get Phoebe to listen to you on fashion, in exchange for telling her about sailing and high school and stuff."

Rachel grinned. "Hey, that's not a bad idea." She smiled at Monica, grateful for her unstinting support. "You know, Mon, I don't say this often enough, but I do like living here with you. This apartment feels more like home to me now than my parents' house."

Monica felt very touched, and would have gone over to hug her, but the door opened and Chandler and Joey walked in without knocking, as usual.

"Hello children," said Chandler. "All ready for the return to the world of work tomorrow?"

Monica pulled a face. "Speak for yourself. I have no job, and none in sight, even."

"Aw, poor Mon," he said in rather overdone sympathy. "Phoebe would probably say, you're working off bad karma for refusing to take me seriously."

"My run of bad luck started long before this weekend," Monica replied lightly. She seemed to be making a joke of it, but Rachel saw the pain in her eyes and felt mad at Chandler.

"Would you drop it, Chandler, for Heaven's sake?" she said. "If you just have to hit on someone, I'm free."

"All I want," said Chandler a bit huffily, "is for Monica to admit that she could take me seriously as boyfriend material. I mean, other women have."

"Janice!" Monica scoffed. "Joanna!"

Rachel could not help smiling – Chandler did seem to have an attraction for rather strange women – but any comment she might have made was forestalled by Phoebe's arrival. She was looking fresh and attractive, and when she took her coat off her dress was one that they had never seen before. It was mid-calf length like most of her clothes, but figure-hugging, in a nice blue colour that matched her eyes.

"Wow, Pheebs, great dress!" Rachel said in genuine admiration. "How come you've never worn this where we could see it?"

"Well, I bought it, and then I, like, didn't have the nerve to wear it," said Phoebe. "Until now."

"So is it for a hot date?" said Joey interestedly.

Phoebe shook her head. "No such luck, unless you count Rachel." She turned to her smiling. "I want you to come eat with me, so we can talk without boring the others."

"Well, er, thank you, Pheebs," said Rachel, rather surprised. "But, um, couldn't Mon come too? I mean, she was like my best friend all through school."

"I've heard a lot of her school memories, but okay," said Phoebe. "Yeah, let's have a girls' night out and get away from the guys for once."

"Great!" said Monica with conviction. "Chandler will have to hit on Joey, for want of anyone else," she added with a wicked grin.

Everyone laughed except Chandler, who threw his hands in the air.

"All right, all right!" he said. "I keep saying, I'm not intending to hit on you, but okay, forget it. Where's Ross?"

"Probably out with Bonnie," said Rachel. "They were patching it up when we last saw him."

"You're being too modest," said Monica. "Ross totally put her on the spot," she explained. "He asked her to tell Bonnie over his cellphone that there was nothing between them!"

The others gasped.

"And she was really honest. Okay, she didn't mention the kissing, but she admitted everything else, even encouraging Bonnie to shave her head. Luckily, Bonnie took that well. Anyway, as a result, Bonnie's surely back with Ross now."

The men looked at Rachel with sympathetic expressions, and Phoebe with considerable approval. "That was a good thing to do," she said emphatically. "Rachel Karen Green, I'm proud of you. You're growing." Joey and Chandler added assenting murmurs.

Rachel felt a little glow. It was nice to be approved of as having done something good.

"Yeah, Bonnie's not so bad, really," she said. She was going to go on to cite Bonnie's support of her point of view in the great "on a break" controversy, but Monica evidently guessed this and shook her head at her violently, so she dropped the idea. Phoebe clearly noticed, but did not comment, saying instead, "You know, Rachel, if you can put aside your, like, natural prejudice, you'll find Bonnie is great fun."

"But, Phoebe, she has sex on the brain!" Monica protested. "She can't talk about anything else."

"I don't think her brain is the relevant organ," commented Chandler, causing Joey to guffaw and the girls to snicker.

"Maybe she does come on a bit strong," said Phoebe, "but it's only when she's with guys. We talk about all kinds of things when we're on our own."

Here was a point of view that had never really occurred to Rachel before, that people that they knew primarily because of their connection to one of the group might seem quite different in another context. This started her thinking. What did she really know about Joanna her boss, or Sophie the apparently downtrodden secretary, come to that? Were they actually playing a little game that Rachel was not let in on? And what about Janice? From what Chandler said, she was much the same with him on his own as she was when in the company of the group, and yet … he had fallen in love with her over the internet. She remembered Phoebe telling her and Monica how Janice had been taking Chandler on a virtual tour of the Guggenheim, hand in hand. Who knew that Janice was interested in art?

It struck her suddenly that there might even be something to be said for the dreaded Chloe. After all, she had not gone to bed with Ross to spite Rachel. The way he told it, she had not really known about Rachel until they had got to bed, though she had surely known that something major was bothering Ross.

"Rach!" said Monica insistently. "Hello, earth to Rachel, come in, please! Phoebe and I want to know where you'd like to go eat."

Rachel started out of her meditations. "Oh, uh, sorry, I was thinking," she said apologetically.

"Wow" said Chandler lightly. "Newsflash: today Rachel Green engaged in an act of thought."

This time no one else laughed. Rachel pulled a face at him, and found what she felt was a good response.

"And you're surprised Mon won't take you seriously? Chandler, until you stop putting people down all the time, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously? I mean, did you do that to Janice?"

Chandler's face showed what looked like pain. "Not after the first time or two. She took it too much to heart. But look," he went on with desperate sincerity, "it was only meant to be a silly joke. I wasn't out to really put you down, Rachel. I wouldn't do that to you." Suddenly he was looking directly into her eyes, and she was startled to see the real warmth in his expression.

"Yes, well, um, okay, hold the jokes," she said, feeling rather flustered. She coughed and turned to Monica and Phoebe. "So, um, what ideas did you come up with?"

A brief exchange of views had them agreeing to go Italian, and within half an hour they were off. Rachel was rather relieved to be away from the unsettlingly admiring looks that Chandler kept giving her, to an extent that the others had noticed.

"Do you think he's gonna, like, transfer his affections to you?" said Phoebe mirthfully. "That'll take the heat off of Monica."

Though she laughed, Monica felt secret dismay. For all that she loved Rachel, she did not want Chandler to get involved with her. She felt that Chandler was her special friend.

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"So, Rachel, huh?" said Joey to Chandler when the girls had left. "You're actually gonna make a move on her? How d'you think Ross will like that?"

"Ross has no right to any say in the matter," said Chandler rather hotly. "He made his choice. He can't put Rachel off limits to the rest of us."

"Well, what about Monica?" said Joey. "You're giving up, just like that?"

"Joey, I wasn't trying to get Monica to be my girlfriend," said Chandler, wondering why everyone was finding this so hard to accept. "I just wanted her to agree that the idea of my being her boyfriend was not totally ridiculous, as she seemed to suggest."

Joey frowned. "But, you know, Chandler, it's like … they're our sisters. I can't feel about them like they're girls you would date."

"Why not?" said Chandler I some surprise. "I mean, Ross could feel that way about Rachel  – and you've tried to see more of them than you should, more than once."

Joey grinned and ducked his head. "Yeah, but … that's just fooling around. And with Ross there was this whole history of wanting Rachel, and I think they're like, what is that thing people say … the exception that proves the rule," he produced triumphantly.

"Well, all I can say is, I could easily get interested in Rachel, especially now she's getting more mature," said Chandler. "And that's all I'm gonna say, for now." He was silent for a moment, looking thoughtful. "So you see the girls as sisters, eh Joe?" he continued. "I'd have thought you had enough sisters already."

"Well, yeah," said Joey, grinning. "They're kinda different from my real sisters, but that's how I feel about them."

"So, do you see me and Ross as like brothers?" Chandler said. A close observer would have noticed a certain tenseness in his posture.

Joey looked thoughtful, then nodded. "Yeah, in a way. But Ross is the older brother who's always on your tail for something – not that he is, really, but he gives off that kind of vibe. You're like the brother I always wanted, the one to hang out with and do stuff with. It's not so easy for a guy, you know, growing up in a house dominated by women. I really did want a brother, lots of times."

Chandler had totally relaxed. Joey had not even hesitated in the way he referred to their relationship. Phoebe must be misreading him: he just wanted a brother, and Chandler fitted the bill. "Thanks, Joe," he said. For a moment they smiled at each other, then looked away, feeling obscurely embarrassed.

"So, do you wanna go out and grab a pizza, maybe a beer or two?" said Chandler. "Or shall we order stuff in and get a video to watch? My treat."

"Aw Chandler, you don't have to do that," Joey protested.

"I feel like it," said Chandler. "That break really set me up."