Title: Forgiveness
Author: Jenny11
Disclaimer: Characters and some lines are property of Marvel. Not me.
Archive Rights: I'm flattered, just ask.
Feedback: I'll love you forever. Could also mean advance snippets between long updates.
Rating: R
Notes: Alternate Universe. Elements of comics, cartoon, and movies.
Cheers Darlin - Glad you like it!
Arin Ross/Arain Rowan() - Thanks for explaining the Rogan thing. Also, thank you for the helpful review. Usually, I do like to write Jean as a bitch, but it wasn't necessary for this story. As for the cliffie, I'm hoping to update soon. If people keep reviewing, I'm sure it will be updated in no time.
Syd() - I agree. I love AU stories.
DaughterofDeath - So I take it you like the story?
Tara() - Goosebumps, huh? I hope this one can meet that standard.
Lesley() - Thanks! I only intended to give an advanced snippet if for some reason it had been over a week since I'd updated and I felt bad. Also, this is the first time you reviewed, and the advanced snippet is kind of a reward for loyal reviewers. However, if you continue to review, I will send you advanced snippets.
Ladychopsticks - Thanks. Hmmm, what could it all mean . . .
Lesley() - Background information on Rogue will be revealed soon . . .
Lesley() - Rogue and Wolverine definitely share something in common . . .
Tannash - I love Cyclops as a source of humor too. It's just too easy.
By the time the Blackbird landed back at the X-Mansion, Rogue had stopped fighting. Instead, her body trembled violently, her head shaking from side to side. She mumbled unintelligible words, occasionally squeezing her eyes shut.
"Scott, what happened?" Jean asked quickly, rushing to where Wolverine and Cyclops were wheeling Rogue on a stretcher.
"We went to Alkali Lake, but there was no one there. Rogue and I went down to the basement and she just flipped out."
As they got to the door, Jean led the way down to the med lab. Wolverine and Cyclops followed right behind her, pushing Rogue's stretcher. As soon as they entered the med lab, Jean was all business.
"All right, both of you hold her down," she commanded. She opened several cupboards, pulling out a syringe and a vial. Wolverine tensed as she approached.
"Wolverine, Scott, you should both go," Jean said as she injected the liquid into Rogue's arm. "This tranquilizer should keep her quiet. I'm going to run a few tests. I'll come upstairs as soon as I'm done and you'll know what I know."
Wolverine didn't have to be told twice, but Cyclops seemed to want to hang back.
"Scott, this isn't your fault, and you standing in my way isn't going to help her."
As Cyclops left the room, Jean turned back to Rogue. The tranquilizer didn't seem to be taking effect as quickly as is should have. Frowning, Jean checked her vitals. After assuring herself that Rogue's body was not responding to the tranquilizer, she turned and refilled the syringe, giving her another injection. Eventually, the drug kicked in and Rogue's form grew still. Shaking her head, Jean began hooking up the machines to monitor Rogue's brain activity. As the readings spewed out on the computer, Jean ran the information over in her mind. Something about the readings seemed familiar. Suddenly, something clicked in Jean's mind. Walking over to the computer, she typed in Wolverine's name and pulled up his information.
* * *
"So what'd you find out Jeannie?" Wolverine asked.
"Wolverine, why weren't you in the basement with Scott and Rogue?" Jean interrupted.
Wolverine narrowed his eyes. "I've been in the room before."
"Was that where the experiments were performed on you?"
Wolverine bristled at her question. It wasn't like Jean to be this blunt about such a sensitive issue.
"Yeah. Why?"
Jean held up the file in her hand.
"Wolverine, have you felt different at all since Rogue absorbed you?" Jean asked thoughtfully.
Wolverine raised an eyebrow. "No. Should I?"
"I don't know. But the readings I'm getting from Rogue right now are remarkably similar to the readings I got from you when I monitored your brain waves during one of your nightmares."
Wolverine clenched his teeth. He remembered that particular episode. Jean had wanted to find out if his nightmares were like any other nightmare, caused by random images produced by the brain, or if they were, as the Professor believed, flashbacks of events that had happened to him. He'd had to spend the night in that damnable med lab. Jean had been certain that the very fact that he was in the med lab would be enough to trigger one of his nightmares and she'd been right. It was not a treasured memory.
"What does that mean? Is Rogue having Wolverine's nightmares?" Cyclops asked curiously.
"I don't know, Scott. We don't know very much about the nature of Rogue's powers. Wolverine's nightmares are flashbacks from his past. Even if Rogue does absorb memories as well as energy, it is unlikely that she would have kept them for this long. Even if she did, they should be much weaker than the readings I'm getting right now."
"If she does retain information she absorbs from other people, shouldn't she still have Kitty's memories too?"
Jean shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. To the best of my knowledge, the Professor never quizzed her in depth about her powers. In any case, the only way we can be sure is to ask Rogue herself."
"In which case, we're shit outta luck 'til she wakes up," Wolverine finished.
Jean nodded slowly. "I'm afraid so. In which case, Wolverine, I think you may be our best bet. She's already demonstrated an aversion to talking with the Professor. Maybe she would feel more comfortable discussing this with you."
"She does seem to feel disturbingly close to you," Cyclops muttered.
Wolverine grinned wolfishly. "Must be my animal magnetism."
Jean tried not to laugh at the look of irritation on her husband's face.
"All right, hot shot," she broke in, jokingly. "Then it's decided. Tomorrow, you talk to Rogue. It's about time we learned something about our newest recruit."
* * *
The next morning, Rogue woke up to the eerie feeling that someone was watching her. Shooting up in bed, she swept her fist out in an arc, instinctively trying to strike out at her observer.
"Whoa, calm down, darlin'. I'm not gonna hurt you."
Rogue blinked. Wolverine was sitting in a chair beside her bed. She looked around. She was back in her room at Xavier's. The covers around her were bunched up and disordered, but she didn't remember falling asleep, let alone going to bed.
"How did Ah get here?"
"I brought you. I know what it's like to wake up in a lab, and I figured you'd probably like this better. All things considered," he added, carefully.
Rogue tilted her head. "What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously.
Wolverine took a deep breath. "Look, I know you've been through a lot of shit, an the last thing you wanna do is put your life on display."
"But . . ."
"But, there's a few things I need to know," Wolverine finished bluntly.
"Like what?" Rogue asked uncomfortably.
"Like your powers."
Rogue looked confused. "What about them?"
"Well, for starters, what are they?" Wolverine asked wryly.
Rogue stared at him for a moment and Wolverine could almost see the wheels turning in her head. She was thinking about this question awfully hard, and Wolverine wondered whether she was debating on whether to talk to him . . . or how much to tell him.
"Ah absorb people when Ah touch them," Rogue said finally.
"Absorb what?" Wolverine prompted.
"Strength . . . powers . . . memories."
Wolverine tensed. "How long do you keep them?"
Rogue shifted uncomfortably. "Depends on how long Ah hold on and whether Ah'm tryin' to absorb them or if it's an accident."
"You absorbed me the other day. Do you still have what you took?"
Rogue sighed. "Ah don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" Wolverine asked firmly.
Rogue looked around as if the conversation was becoming difficult. "Ah don't know. There's this . . . block. Inside mah head."
Wolverine raised his eyebrows and Rogue seemed to fumble for the right words.
"When Ah absorbed you, Ah kind of panicked and shoved everything behind the wall in mah mind."
"Why did you panic?"
"Ah don't know, all right? Ah wasn't really thinkin' that straight. Ah just pushed the memories away."
"So they could still be inside your head?"
Rogue shrugged.
"Look," Wolverine said. He was starting to get agitated. Getting answers out of Rogue was like pulling teeth and his patience was wearing thin. "For the past couple of days you've been telling us you don't remember anything. You keep pumping me for information, so obviously you remember something about me. Now I think it's time you tore that damn wall down and got some answers."
"Don't you dare tell me what to do," Rogue said softly. Her voice was strained with anger as she bit out the words. "Do you have any idea what it's like to have no memories? To get little flashes here and there, not enough to give you any real idea who you are, but just enough to make you sure that you would do anything not to remember?"
Her voice broke at the end and Wolverine found himself moving to sit on the bed next to her. His chest felt constricted as images from his nightmares rushed through him. Her words sounded eerily familiar to him and he started to wonder just how much he and Rogue had in common.
"Yeah. I know what that's like." He hesitated. "Rogue, just tell me one thing. Last night, when we were at Alkali Lake," He met her eyes. "What scared you?"
Rogue's eyes got a faraway look in them and she subconsciously moved closer to Wolverine.
"Ah felt . . . pain. Ah remember looking at a tank . . . and Ah felt it." She trailed off for a moment. "Needles. Lots of them. They're—" Suddenly, she broke off.
Wolverine put his arm around her and she buried her face in his chest. His head felt like it was going to explode. He had to talk to the Professor.
* * *
"Well, Wolverine, I've examined these printouts and I believe you may be onto something." Professor Xavier looked down at the papers in front of him. "Rogue's readings show a great deal of similarity to yours, but I haven't found any evidence of Kitty." He looked at Wolverine. "Where is Rogue, right now?"
"Upstairs taking a shower. So the things she remembered back at Alkali Lake aren't my memories," he prodded.
Xavier paused. "It's possible that when Rogue touched Kitty she was too weak for the transfer to open completely. You said yourself, Rogue told you her powers depended on the length and power of the contact."
Wolverine shook his head. "I'm telling you, Chuck, the look in her eyes wasn't some faint recollection of a memory she got from me. It really happened to her."
"I believe you that you feel a strong empathy with Rogue," he said carefully.
"Damn straight," Wolverine growled angrily. "Those bastards experimented on her the same way they did to me."
Professor Xavier folded his hands in front of him. "If that was true, Wolverine, what is it you think they did to her? Your memories concern the adamantium process. If Cyclops was able to carry her out of the complex with as little difficulty as he related, I highly doubt Rogue has an adamantium skeleton."
Wolverine ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know."
Xavier sighed. "What do you intend to do then, Wolverine? If Rogue does not wish to discuss it, I don't know what you can do."
Wolverine stood up. "I can be there for her. When she's ready to talk, I'll be waiting."
Xavier watched him walk to the door. "Wolverine?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you feel that somehow Rogue is the key to finding your lost past?"
Wolverine thought for a moment. "I don't know," he said finally. "But I intend to find out."
* * *
Rogue stared out over the water of the lake outside the mansion. Sitting on the dock, she rocked back and forth. Her head hurt. She was trying so hard to push the memories that had come pouring out at Alkali Lake back behind the wall that she felt exhausted. It was getting harder and harder for her to keep the wall standing. Each day the wall seemed to weaken. Just being around Wolverine seemed to taught the memories in Rogue's head, making them want to come to the foreground to be recognized. Still, after last night, Rogue was more sure than ever that she didn't want those memories. Didn't want to know what had happened. The question was, how long could she keep them back?
Suddenly, Rogue looked behind her. Wolverine was standing a few feet away.
"Hey."
"Hey, yourself," Rogue responded.
Wolverine came over and sat down beside her. "How ya doin'?
"'Bout how you'd expect, Ah guess. Why? You got more questions?"
Wolverine shook his head. "I'm not here to ask you any questions. When you wanna talk, you talk, I'll listen."
Rogue smiled. "Thanks."
Wolverine nodded. For several minutes, they both just looked out over the water. After a while, Wolverine spoke.
"Feel like goin' for a ride?"
Rogue nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. Yes Ah do."
Wolverine grinned and they both stood up. After stretching her muscles, Rogue turned to follow Wolverine back towards the mansion. As they passed the boathouse, Jean and Scott came out, each in their swimsuits.
"Hey, Rogue, Wolverine. Where are you guys off to?" Jean smiled.
"Just into town, Jeannie. Figure it's about time our new recruit saw the city," Wolverine answered.
"Takin' her to Harry's?" Scott asked, knowingly. Harry's Hideaway was a small bar and grill where the X-Men usually hung out. The owner, Harry, was sympathetic to mutants and could always be counted on to make anyone feel at home.
"Probably," Wolverine nodded.
After he and Rogue had gotten a distance away, Rogue chuckled.
"What?" Wolverine asked curiously.
"You like Jean?" Rogue asked. There was a sparkle of mischief in her eyes.
Wolverine turned around and deliberately ran his eyes over Jean's form. "Wouldn't mind havin' a go at her." He turned and grinned as he ran his eyes over Rogue's body. "Then again . . ."
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Lord, why do Ah ask?"
Wolverine laughed.
* * *
"Eight ball, corner pocket."
"Nice shot," Rogue complimented.
Wolverine took another swig of his beer. They'd been shooting pool and drinking for eight hours and he was actually starting to get a buzz. Then again, a couple bottles of liquor and as many beers would do that to a person. He grinned and looked over at Rogue as she racked the balls. Speaking of rack . . .
"You're not doin' so bad yourself."
Rogue smiled. "Not used to havin' a chick kick your ass, huh?"
Wolverine chuckled. "You haven't won all of them."
Rogue shrugged and straightened up, grabbing her stick. "Ah've won mah share."
Wolverine looked at the clock. "Bar's gonna be closin' soon."
Rogue gritted her teeth as she broke. Two balls fell into their pockets.
"Don't suppose there's anywhere else to go?" she asked distractedly.
"Why? Don't feel like crashin' yet?"
Rogue shrugged and eyed up her next shot. "Nightmares aren't really mah thing. Ah don't reckon Ah'm gonna get much sleep tonight anyway."
Wolverine frowned as she missed her shot. He walked over and examined the table.
"How long you been havin' nightmares?"
Rogue sighed. "Ah don't really remember dreamin' anything before last night. Still, Ah'm thinkin' that nightmare's gonna be back, now that it broke through." She shook her head. "Too bad. Ah do so treasure mah sleep."
Wolverine made his shot and straightened up to line up the next one. "Trust me, I know how you feel."
He moved to shoot, but then stopped. He looked up at Rogue. Slowly, he put his cue stick down and walked over to their table along the wall. Rogue followed, curious as to his sudden change of mood.
"What's wrong?"
Wolverine looked at her. "When I say I understand, I mean it. The same thing happened to me."
Rogue knitted her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"The nightmare you had yesterday. I have the same one."
"How do you know?"
Wolverine sighed. "Alkali Lake. That's where it happened. I was an experiment is some study by the government. I have nightmares about it all the time." He met her gaze. "That's where they used the needles."
Rogue's eyes widened. "You mean . . . that nightmare . . . that stuff is real? It's not just a dream?"
Wolverine shook his head slowly. "No. It's real all right." He looked down at his beer before taking another swig.
Rogue sat down abruptly. "Christ."
"He had nothing to do with it," Wolverine said quietly.
Rogue looked at him, questions burning in her eyes. "What was the experiment about?"
Wolverine shrugged. "I don't know much about it. My memory cuts off up to about fifteen years ago. It happened before that. All I have now are flashes of memory, usually in the form of one of those nightmares."
"You think they took mah memory too?"
"Don't know."
For a few moments both of them were silent. Finally, Rogue spoke again, her voice soft with fear and dawning understanding.
"How do you handle the nightmares?"
Wolverine stared straight into her eyes. "One at a time, darlin'. One at a time."
* * *
Men with glasses of champagne on trays surround her looking down. Their laughing faces seem to mock the extreme horror she can feel coursing through her swollen body. Hundreds of needles inch their way towards her naked body as she lies in a tank. She tries to scream, but no sound comes out. Suddenly, a burning sensation shoots through her body as the needles find their sheaths . . .
Rogue screamed, shooting to a sitting position on her bed. Her heart pounded in her chest with enough force to make her feel as though it was going to burst against her ribcage. Sucking in huge breaths of air, she tried to calm down, even as her mind raced to deal with the images of her most recent nightmare. Desperately, Rogue clenched her eyes shut and tried to push them back behind the wall in her mind, but this time she failed. The images swirled around her, mocking her inability to control them. Clutching her head in her hands, she felt tears burning in her eyes. The nightmare was still so fresh in her mind that she imagined she could still feel the needles pricking her skin, and hear the men laughing at her suffering.
Finally, with a shriek of panic, Rogue scrambled out of her bed. The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon as she shakily climbed into the shower. She had slept naked so she didn't have to pause to remove any clothes. Wrenching the handle to the shower, she turned the water on hot enough to scald. Standing there under the spray, she desperately tried again to force the memories back behind the wall. Again, she was unsuccessful. Sobbing, Rogue punched the shower wall. Pain shot up her arm and for a split second, Rogue could feel the memories ease away. Then, as the pain faded too quickly, the memories attacked her once again. Screaming, Rogue jumped out of the shower.
Pulling on clothes over her still dripping body, she rushed out of her room. There was a need inside her. A drive that guided her downstairs towards the kitchen. As her eyes fell on Jean sitting at the table with Scott, Rogue's eyes glazed over. Her bare hands tensed as she walked closer.
"Good morning, Rogue," Scott greeted her cheerfully. "Would you like some breakfast?"
Rogue didn't respond, her unseeing gaze still on Jean as Scott stood up and turned his back to prepare her a plate. Reaching out, Rogue's arm extended her bare hand forward . . .