*Author's Notes*: I was temporarily insane when I considered not continuing
this, it will probably go on as long as I have "ideas" for it. If something
about the books always bugged you, tell me and I'll try and write it in,
because I'm running on empty at all times.
Fan fiction has decided that, now that I actually have a long chapter name, they're only going to display part of it! I love when a whole site is changed just for my sake. Here's a list of the chapters, to date;
Chapter 1 - The Plotless Begining
Chapter 2 - The Second Plotless Chapter
Chapter 3 - And So Begins The 'Plot'
Chapter 4 - Everyone Else Has A Dream Sequence, And I['m Just A Follower, Though Mine Isn't At The Begining At Least]
From now on, the title will be on the page to be safe in the case that fanfiction decides we only get one letter.
Other formatting updates: Fanfic no longer supports the less than sign, apparently, so I changed my page breaks. I apologize for the hideousness, but I have very little to work with. The ANs are supposed to be on new lines with one return separating new paragraphs, but fanfiction interpreted this as once giant paragraph, somehow. I'm sorry about the huge spacing, but it was just ugly.
In other news, Cocoa recently posted an HP parody comic we're co-authoring at the URL on my profile. Feel free to check it out and tell me how horrible of an artist I am. I'm Essa, by the way, on that site.
In the disclaimer section, I don't own it.
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\ Chapter 5 - Unrelated Occurrences //\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//
In which I finally get around to writing Draco into the story.
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\*//^\\*//\\//\\//\\//\\//
Harry was squinting in concentration, his whole being hanging on his next move. This could make or break him, he knew, and with this in mind he carefully made a decision. His opponent took a sharp breath, and Harry knew he had one. With pride and conviction, he declared his masterful victory.
"Tic tac toe," he began, and looked askance with what he believed was a 'James Bond' look, "three in a row." With a flourish he made a dark line through three 'O's on the parchment, which Ron promptly got all over his nose as he tried to bury his head in the table.
Their teacher soon dismissed the class, and the Gryffindor Trio, as they were sometimes (mockingly) called, packed up their things.
"What did I tell you about playing games in class!" Hermione cried as she scrubbed the inkblot from Ron's nose.
"You very distinctly said 'word games', Hermione, so we stopped playing hangman ages ago. Besides, the teachers always pass me, I'm Harry Potter, boy hero and Dumbledore's favorite student." Harry held his head high, and an obedient ray of sun shone on him from a conveniently placed window. This was ill advised, as they were now walking down the hall, and he promptly fell over an extended leg and toppled down three flights of conveniently placed stairs. As he scrambled with heroic grace from the floor, he noticed a ghostly white presence in front of him, the presence of...
"Christmas Past! But I have so much holiday spirit!" Harry exclaimed quite stupidly. He then regained his composure, which had tried to escape the pitiful being that was Harry Potter, as he recognized... "Draco Malfroy."
"There's no 'r' in my name, Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Potterrrrrrrrrrrr. I'm evil, and to prove this I carry an annoyingly unpronounceable name. You think it's simple, but boy, are you wrong! Muahahaha!" Draco tilted his head back and laughed with evil pleasure. Crabe and Goyle, arriving late, simply looked confused and out of place in the tete a tete before them.
"Harry, are you alright?" Ron crashed down the stairs, looking frantic and late. Hermione followed him at a slightly more composed pace, but both had a 'just been snogging' dishevelment about them.
"I'm fine, now that I have you guys here to back me up. Let's take on Malfr... Malfoy's gang once and for all!" Harry thrust his wand into the air with determination, and a few stray sparks scattered on the group of enemies. One caught Crabe in the eye, and he fell to the ground in the fetal position.
"Harry, we aren't in a 50's gang movie, or even a 18th century dueling movie. You're going to have to fight Malfr... Malfoy with words. We do have children in the audience." Hermione reasoned with Harry, and after a few hours he began to understand the idea of a battle of wits.
"You suck, Malfr... Malfoy. And you smell bad." Harry spat, being at his wittiest at this time of day.
Draco looked at him with utter contempt. "You're such a poopy-head, Harry." He tossed imaginary hair over his shoulder by flipping his head to the side and said, "Let us go, boys." The three pivoted simultaneously on their right heels, and several spectators wondered when they found time to choreograph exits. Draco then sashayed off into the distance with his loyal thugs.
"He has great dancer's legs..." Hermione said wistfully, watching the departing trio, and Ron glared at her. Harry just nodded; staring in awe at the corner his opponent had just turned.
"How can I ever beat someone with such an extensive vocabulary." Harry whined, but his friends quickly steered him towards the great hall before he came up with a plan. None of the students questioned the convenience of the mealtime, as they got to eat as much dessert as they wanted.
"Try the new chocolate flavored sugar cubes, Ron, they're excellent. Or should I say wicked?" A first year grinned, and Harry gagged at the sight of her rotted brown teeth. Ron blushed at the girl's obvious and unexplainable crush on him, while Hermione tried to place the anonymous character.
"Sleeping with the director." A jealous extra murmured to themselves, and sat at the farthest corner from the main characters with a plate of plastic food props.
Ron and Harry left the great hall to play wizards chess while Hermione lectured a group of first years on proper dental hygiene. None of the characters questioned the name of the game, despite the fact that wizards would consider it normal chess. Conveniently, anything makes sense if you learn it from childhood... at least that's what 'they' say.
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\*//^\\*//\\//\\//\\//\\//
I'm way too lazy to put accents on tete a tete. This is short because I wrote it all in one sitting (apart from some of the ANs)
RoseTheNinth: I'm so sorry that someone in fanfiction admin deleted only my comment to you from the middle of my last chapter read - I'm illiterate and skipped over your name I'm glad you actually think this is funny, and I won't stop.
XxDragon Princess NikkixX: I can't tell if I like or hate it either. My writing style definitely is unique, unto itself. It changes if I stop writing for over ten minutes, which leads to great inconstancies. It has to do with me thinking things through as I write, as well as when I pause. It's very complicated and fake and I'm sure you're interested, so send a self-addressed envelope to [note is too long, so I'm cutting it short now]. Thanks, and I will continue.
Casus Fere: I'm not that insane. *Eye twitches* I actually twitched my eye. There is a measure of my sanity. Though... I did it of my own free will, after typing, because I like to make my actions true. I hope you like this chapter, too.
SecretDestiny13: I shall, thanks.
Samara: I actually laugh like that. I think I'm the only person who does. It's actually freaky, but at least it's rare. I'm proud to say that I don't have a mua at the beginning of my laugh, which makes me certainly good.
Foureyedsnail: That was freaky, I've read some of the books seven times and I can't quote things like that. Kind of cool freaky, though. Do it again, do it again! I've realised that Dumbledore is nowhere in my fic, except for one sentence about 'the headmaster', which doesn't even name him. I'll write him in next chapter, if I can.
Spikey the Neon BlowFish: Thanks, that's what I was going for! I just thought of all those bad cartoons where they go up with an audible WOOOSH, and hang from empty sky in a net like no other. The title, unfortunately, got cut off, but it's here for all to see now (see top).
rebekah1: The house commentary is actually my favourite part of this whole story so far. Actually I think that's my favourite chapter, too. I don't like the first, I was going somewhere totally different with that, and I'm glad it changed.
Miss Piratess: You've changed your name, and now my reply from last chapter is thrown off. *Sigh* No matter. It was sinister, wasn't it, like those moustache guys from the black and white movies where the girl is tied to train tracks... ah, the classics. He does need it, and I'm glad you noticed that sentence. I'm always worried people won't understand the inflections I hear when I type this.
nkittyhawk: I really wonder how JKR would react to some of the parodies in fanfiction. I think I can imagine that reaction, though. I've read the books way too many times (7, 2 or 3, 5, 3 or 4 and once, respectively), does it really show that badly? If you try the thing with the socks make sure they're clean, I don't want to be held responsible for any injury from foot-fumes. Tell me if you remember what you were going to say, once your brain gets back. You should have used UPS, I guess. I'm not very knowledgeable about the different shipping companies.
This feels like reviewing my own story, which will give me an inflated ego and I'm already mildly ill, so good bye for now, my lovely readers, and I hope to hear more from you. These comments seem to generate more feedback, which is good. I live for it, and actually can't write without it. It's all part of a complicated physics equation that I don't know. Next chapter I promise to exert some self-control and keep them to a minimum because they must be boring for those of you who aren't the person I'm replying to. Au revoir.
Fan fiction has decided that, now that I actually have a long chapter name, they're only going to display part of it! I love when a whole site is changed just for my sake. Here's a list of the chapters, to date;
Chapter 1 - The Plotless Begining
Chapter 2 - The Second Plotless Chapter
Chapter 3 - And So Begins The 'Plot'
Chapter 4 - Everyone Else Has A Dream Sequence, And I['m Just A Follower, Though Mine Isn't At The Begining At Least]
From now on, the title will be on the page to be safe in the case that fanfiction decides we only get one letter.
Other formatting updates: Fanfic no longer supports the less than sign, apparently, so I changed my page breaks. I apologize for the hideousness, but I have very little to work with. The ANs are supposed to be on new lines with one return separating new paragraphs, but fanfiction interpreted this as once giant paragraph, somehow. I'm sorry about the huge spacing, but it was just ugly.
In other news, Cocoa recently posted an HP parody comic we're co-authoring at the URL on my profile. Feel free to check it out and tell me how horrible of an artist I am. I'm Essa, by the way, on that site.
In the disclaimer section, I don't own it.
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\ Chapter 5 - Unrelated Occurrences //\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//
In which I finally get around to writing Draco into the story.
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\*//^\\*//\\//\\//\\//\\//
Harry was squinting in concentration, his whole being hanging on his next move. This could make or break him, he knew, and with this in mind he carefully made a decision. His opponent took a sharp breath, and Harry knew he had one. With pride and conviction, he declared his masterful victory.
"Tic tac toe," he began, and looked askance with what he believed was a 'James Bond' look, "three in a row." With a flourish he made a dark line through three 'O's on the parchment, which Ron promptly got all over his nose as he tried to bury his head in the table.
Their teacher soon dismissed the class, and the Gryffindor Trio, as they were sometimes (mockingly) called, packed up their things.
"What did I tell you about playing games in class!" Hermione cried as she scrubbed the inkblot from Ron's nose.
"You very distinctly said 'word games', Hermione, so we stopped playing hangman ages ago. Besides, the teachers always pass me, I'm Harry Potter, boy hero and Dumbledore's favorite student." Harry held his head high, and an obedient ray of sun shone on him from a conveniently placed window. This was ill advised, as they were now walking down the hall, and he promptly fell over an extended leg and toppled down three flights of conveniently placed stairs. As he scrambled with heroic grace from the floor, he noticed a ghostly white presence in front of him, the presence of...
"Christmas Past! But I have so much holiday spirit!" Harry exclaimed quite stupidly. He then regained his composure, which had tried to escape the pitiful being that was Harry Potter, as he recognized... "Draco Malfroy."
"There's no 'r' in my name, Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Potterrrrrrrrrrrr. I'm evil, and to prove this I carry an annoyingly unpronounceable name. You think it's simple, but boy, are you wrong! Muahahaha!" Draco tilted his head back and laughed with evil pleasure. Crabe and Goyle, arriving late, simply looked confused and out of place in the tete a tete before them.
"Harry, are you alright?" Ron crashed down the stairs, looking frantic and late. Hermione followed him at a slightly more composed pace, but both had a 'just been snogging' dishevelment about them.
"I'm fine, now that I have you guys here to back me up. Let's take on Malfr... Malfoy's gang once and for all!" Harry thrust his wand into the air with determination, and a few stray sparks scattered on the group of enemies. One caught Crabe in the eye, and he fell to the ground in the fetal position.
"Harry, we aren't in a 50's gang movie, or even a 18th century dueling movie. You're going to have to fight Malfr... Malfoy with words. We do have children in the audience." Hermione reasoned with Harry, and after a few hours he began to understand the idea of a battle of wits.
"You suck, Malfr... Malfoy. And you smell bad." Harry spat, being at his wittiest at this time of day.
Draco looked at him with utter contempt. "You're such a poopy-head, Harry." He tossed imaginary hair over his shoulder by flipping his head to the side and said, "Let us go, boys." The three pivoted simultaneously on their right heels, and several spectators wondered when they found time to choreograph exits. Draco then sashayed off into the distance with his loyal thugs.
"He has great dancer's legs..." Hermione said wistfully, watching the departing trio, and Ron glared at her. Harry just nodded; staring in awe at the corner his opponent had just turned.
"How can I ever beat someone with such an extensive vocabulary." Harry whined, but his friends quickly steered him towards the great hall before he came up with a plan. None of the students questioned the convenience of the mealtime, as they got to eat as much dessert as they wanted.
"Try the new chocolate flavored sugar cubes, Ron, they're excellent. Or should I say wicked?" A first year grinned, and Harry gagged at the sight of her rotted brown teeth. Ron blushed at the girl's obvious and unexplainable crush on him, while Hermione tried to place the anonymous character.
"Sleeping with the director." A jealous extra murmured to themselves, and sat at the farthest corner from the main characters with a plate of plastic food props.
Ron and Harry left the great hall to play wizards chess while Hermione lectured a group of first years on proper dental hygiene. None of the characters questioned the name of the game, despite the fact that wizards would consider it normal chess. Conveniently, anything makes sense if you learn it from childhood... at least that's what 'they' say.
\\//\\//\\//\\//\\*//^\\*//\\//\\//\\//\\//
I'm way too lazy to put accents on tete a tete. This is short because I wrote it all in one sitting (apart from some of the ANs)
RoseTheNinth: I'm so sorry that someone in fanfiction admin deleted only my comment to you from the middle of my last chapter read - I'm illiterate and skipped over your name I'm glad you actually think this is funny, and I won't stop.
XxDragon Princess NikkixX: I can't tell if I like or hate it either. My writing style definitely is unique, unto itself. It changes if I stop writing for over ten minutes, which leads to great inconstancies. It has to do with me thinking things through as I write, as well as when I pause. It's very complicated and fake and I'm sure you're interested, so send a self-addressed envelope to [note is too long, so I'm cutting it short now]. Thanks, and I will continue.
Casus Fere: I'm not that insane. *Eye twitches* I actually twitched my eye. There is a measure of my sanity. Though... I did it of my own free will, after typing, because I like to make my actions true. I hope you like this chapter, too.
SecretDestiny13: I shall, thanks.
Samara: I actually laugh like that. I think I'm the only person who does. It's actually freaky, but at least it's rare. I'm proud to say that I don't have a mua at the beginning of my laugh, which makes me certainly good.
Foureyedsnail: That was freaky, I've read some of the books seven times and I can't quote things like that. Kind of cool freaky, though. Do it again, do it again! I've realised that Dumbledore is nowhere in my fic, except for one sentence about 'the headmaster', which doesn't even name him. I'll write him in next chapter, if I can.
Spikey the Neon BlowFish: Thanks, that's what I was going for! I just thought of all those bad cartoons where they go up with an audible WOOOSH, and hang from empty sky in a net like no other. The title, unfortunately, got cut off, but it's here for all to see now (see top).
rebekah1: The house commentary is actually my favourite part of this whole story so far. Actually I think that's my favourite chapter, too. I don't like the first, I was going somewhere totally different with that, and I'm glad it changed.
Miss Piratess: You've changed your name, and now my reply from last chapter is thrown off. *Sigh* No matter. It was sinister, wasn't it, like those moustache guys from the black and white movies where the girl is tied to train tracks... ah, the classics. He does need it, and I'm glad you noticed that sentence. I'm always worried people won't understand the inflections I hear when I type this.
nkittyhawk: I really wonder how JKR would react to some of the parodies in fanfiction. I think I can imagine that reaction, though. I've read the books way too many times (7, 2 or 3, 5, 3 or 4 and once, respectively), does it really show that badly? If you try the thing with the socks make sure they're clean, I don't want to be held responsible for any injury from foot-fumes. Tell me if you remember what you were going to say, once your brain gets back. You should have used UPS, I guess. I'm not very knowledgeable about the different shipping companies.
This feels like reviewing my own story, which will give me an inflated ego and I'm already mildly ill, so good bye for now, my lovely readers, and I hope to hear more from you. These comments seem to generate more feedback, which is good. I live for it, and actually can't write without it. It's all part of a complicated physics equation that I don't know. Next chapter I promise to exert some self-control and keep them to a minimum because they must be boring for those of you who aren't the person I'm replying to. Au revoir.