A/N: I am so sorry this took so long for me to get the next chapter out. I know I promised some what of a quick reply then it turned to over a month. I'm so sorry. School has been tortuous. We've had over 10 major projects due over the course of the month. All really long and really, really harsh like making a video and stuff. Really, really bad and on top of things I've had so many science competitions the last few weeks that's that takes up pretty much all my weekends then I kept on changing and adding stuff to this chapter. Then this weekend I had to go to Austin for another competition. It was an over night trip too. It was fun, but tiring. I barely got in nine hours of sleep this weekend. So sleepy but I know I had to post… again I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to post this chapter.
Oh… another thing I wanted to add. As of the reviews from the last chapter I finally hit 300 reviews! Another milestone! I'm so happy! So happy that after 32 chapters and one prologue you guys are still with this fic. I'll try my hardest to make this fic be worth reading when I'm finally done with it… which won't be unfortunately for a very long time.
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon.
Reviewer's Comments:
Kawaii- Inu- Inutaishou::: Yep just the pairing I support. Of course I'll keep posting. It just might take me awhile. Thanks for the review.
Kamehameha::: Yep. You're my 300th reviewer. Thanks for the compliment and the review.
Starlightbabe::: Uh… the guy and the boy… uh… thanks for the compliment and the review.
Moonteargirl::: Uh… yeah… the black out… stress maybe? I'm not sure. I guess she does black out a lot in this fic. I never realized that till now, but you're right about that. Just… uh… easier to get to memories, flashbacks and stuff I guess. Oh you'll like this chapter. Not my sort of style but I thought I should stop tormenting you guys so much. I said her eyes were green. Oops. I have no clue were the green came from. Really… I use to think that same thing when I first got into the hang of Ash/ Misty. Scared me alittle too. I was so sheltered from life practically… then I'm thinking about romance for two anime characters. Really… you're too kind. Thanks for the review.
AAMRN fan::: Uh yeah… I probably should… but not that many people like those other fics for some reason. So I decided to go for the one that the readers like the best… and that's this fic. The X-mas one… uh yeah… for some reason I can never seem to write another chapter for that fic. I have no idea why… probably cause I don't really like the ending I made for it. Seem too… unrealistic in my opinion now. Thanks for the review.
Labannya::: Uh I know. Ash and his father in one sentence doesn't seem that right. Probably cause we don't even know who his dad is. Yep… in 20 some chapters everything will be explained… well most of it… but the Pokémon going bad question definitely will… I think. Hard to believe huh? Thanks for the review.
Etherelemental::: It did? Uh… Misty… uh… tell you later… 'kay? Yep… guess I can spoil that much… legendary Pokémon will be in this fic. Golden box? That'll take a really long time before you find out what's in it. Yeah that's all good way to put it… I thought of that when I was writing :people looking at her… uneasy: Eeep… that's a really good point though. Thanks for the review.
Fyreblazen::: Really you understood it? Care to explain it to me. :people look at her weird: Hey who said I have to understand everything I write. Originally that chapter wasn't suppose to be there… like a lot of the chapters before. Thanks for the review.
Hawaiian Protagee::: I won't. That I promise. I have to finish this fic. That's a goal I have long ago set for myself. Thanks for the review.
Nightswift::: Uh… Misty… old Pokémon… uh… boy and guy… uh… uh… uh… I know… must be annoying with all these uhs. I'm not sure how to answer without saying something I'll regret and give away stuff. Thanks for the review.
GoldamonX::: Uh… uh… thanks for the review.
Uriel Martin::: You got it really? Care to explain? I know it's something important just haven't worked out exactly how to incorporate it in without making this fic seem too… uh… uh… unrealistic. Then again it probably will sooner or later. Really… care to tell me what you think what my plot is? I want to see how close you are before I get to the turning point soon where almost everything is revealed. Thanks for the review.
GogetaJr::: Don't worry. Tons of people said that already. Was it? Or wasn't it? Can't tell. Oh thanks and I actually did pretty well on those tests. I think I made straight A's this six weeks again… I just don't know about one class (that's how my school's year is divided, into six weeks we get a report card at the end each six weeks). Thanks for review.
Ryu Werewolf::: Really you do. Really you were going to do something like this too. Really… who did you change Ash's dad's identity too? Thanks for the review.
Ash and Misty Forever::: Just out of curiosity… did you review this fic twice under two different pen names? I'm getting really confused cause each time you review you change your pen name… any ways. Yep… not like predictable things. I think. Then again you probably already figured that part out from the chapters before especially with all the times Ash could have came back on. Uh… that fic… still working on it? Thanks for the review.
SulliMike23::: Yeah I have to agree with you. It was a little weird. Thanks for the review.
Chapter 32
But what she found wasn't a human but a Pokémon. She gasped… stunned. The Pokémon chirped and licked her face once more. She pushed it away not wanting the love the electric rodent was giving her. "Pikachu stop… please. I'm not in the mood…Ash…"
"Pikapi?" It turned its head aiming for the far left. Misty's breath caught her half way up. She saw him… Ash. He was still here. He hadn't left. His body was hunched against a tree… leaning against it. His head was stooped down almost as if asleep.
New found strength surged though her body as she ran to him. Stopping a mere centimeter from him. "Ash."
"Misty." He merely acknowledged.
"I… I thought you left."
"I thought so too."
"Then… why… why are you still here?"
"Pikachu. He didn't want to leave. You're lucky Misty…"
"How?"
"Pikachu likes you too much… even if you no longer share those same feelings for 'em."
She felt her face boil. Steam covered her face turning into unpleasant shades of red. "I… I… I'm sorry. Ash… I didn't mean what I said."
"Hmph. What ever Mist. If you didn't mean it, you obviously wouldn't have said it. Must have crossed your mind at some point for you to make it so clear for me."
"Must you always be so philosophical?"
"No. I'm merely stating the obvious."
"Oh… Ash…"
"Hmm."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For… for… not stopping it the moment the…"
"Shh." Ash left his pose and turned to face his love. He raised his index finger and held it over Misty's lips… silencing her. "I know it wasn't the real you 'alking. It was just… just the anger… tired and confused you 'alking. Let's not bring it up anymore 'kay?"
Misty nodded before looking away. She looked at the Pokémon. It was currently standing a couple of centimeters away from them… grooming itself. "Ash…"
"Hmm?"
"D… do you still want to join Thunderbolt?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you still want to join? That's why I wanted you to come down to the office. I wanted to registrar you into the system. Then… then it turned into such a big mess."
"You think it's wise? With so many people giving me strange looks. So many hating me… hating what I stand for."
"No… no… but… but you are right."
"'Bout?"
"Pikachu… Pokémon in general. We…we've been at war for so long… that most people have forgotten the beauty… the harmony we once shared with them. Especially the young ones… the ones born here… the ones that were under fifteen. They don't know the feeling of training Pokémon. The feeling of being out there battling with these wonderful creatures. The friendship, the bond, the love that you can share with these mystical creatures. Most people here… even the adults… mainly the adults… they are fueled by anger… so is everyone. They only see the bad in Pokémon now. They don't remember what's it's like to live in peace anymore…
"They find them as enemies. On opposite sides… they think the Pokémon on are the side that is out to get them… the ones who had murdered their loved ones… destroyed their homes. I saw it in everyone's eyes yesterday… today. They thought I was insane for thinking that you are Ash. The fact that you had a Pokémon with you is… just makes them see you as the enemy….
"So… I fear Ash. I really do fear now. That even if one side wins the battle… we will still lose the war."
"Huh?"
"If we win, will we really be able to live in peace again? I… don't know. Seeing you again made me wonder. I was angry. I only thought of killing the Pokémon, so we could live in the outside world again, but the thing is… Ash… won't we still hate the Pokémon for all these years of damage? So many have died in this war… on both sides I bet. I… I… don't know…"
"Why the sudden change of sides?" asked Ash simply. "Just half an hour ago I was telling you to trust Pikachu… that he isn't bad. And you throw all these counters back at me. Now… now you're agreeing with me. What happened to that Misty? Did you… whoever you are brainwash her or something?" asked Ash teasingly.
Misty merely chuckled… before replying. "Nope. It's the same me. I guess you could say a little birdie showed me the truth… taught me to trust again… got something to click once again in my mind. Finally made me realize that… that I'm stereotyping the evil Pokémon for the good ones… like Pikachu… and Espeon. Finally got me to remember what beauty and grace… and humanity Pokémon possess. Reminded me that years before I once loved Pokémon too. That it was my life's ambition to become a Water Pokémon Master. The love and friendship I had developed with them over time. I… I just forgot. You were right. I should have trusted you. I should have. Never once… not once have you ever lied to me… or broke a promise. I should have trusted you… believed in you. But… but I didn't. I…"
"No Mist… you're wrong. You're so wrong… so wrong. Some… times I can't even trust myself… for the things I've done. The things I didn't do. The things I could have done…" Misty looked at her love… a faraway glaze appeared in his amber eyes. No longer were they looking at her. She knew Ash was in pain… in pain for something that had happened in his past. She decided not to intrude… wait till he was ready to tell her… she had nearly lost him before by pressing the subject… Pikachu had saved him for her. The silence lingered for a moment before Misty let out a sigh… breaking the silence.
"No… Ash… you're wrong. Please… believe me. That part of your life is gone. I… I know something hurted you back then… but now it… it doesn't matter. Nothing will hurt you again… nothing. I promise. I promise. Every thing will work out again. You'll see… now that we'll together again." She continued to mutter words… words that Ash couldn't hear or simply didn't try to hear. He didn't want to hear. No… he didn't. He knew Misty's words were futile. How ironic they were. Completely the opposite of the truth. It… it hurt more now then it ever did. B… but still… still… he didn't know. He couldn't tell her… not now… but maybe… maybe someday.
Misty kept speaking… changing her thought process with her insane words to comfort. Ash slid her a glance and knew she was tired. They were both tired… so tired. Her eyes showed the fatigue… as if she hadn't slept in days. But still she kept speaking… as if more to herself… to comfort herself than for Ash. He couldn't stand it any longer and simply looked away. He felt so guilty… so god damn guilty for breaking her heart so. And Misty knew… she saw Ash looking down at her… knew that he wasn't buying it… or he was and it was giving him that opposite affect of what she had hoped for.
"Ash," she muttered. Looking down… away from his back. She knew that deep down he was listening to her. That he was just as hurt as she was now. "But that wasn't all of it. Seeing you again with Pikachu. I was so lost. The laughter… the bond you two shared… I was lost… confused. Another part of myself resurfaced over the years. Sure, I've taken precautions over the years to prepare ourselves for the day humans would return to the living world. But… but when I saw you… all the emotions that I had held deep within me… just clicked. A feeling… a fear that nearly caused Thunderbolt to never become a military team resurfaced. I had tried to bury that part deep within my mind… my heart. Forcing myself for over a year that what I was doing was right. At night I would mutter to myself for half an hour that I'm doing the right thing just so I wouldn't go crazy.
"Ash… you… you… you think everything is about you don't you? Still after all these years… it's quite humorous actually. Yeah… that's another thing I did… Hakura-chan and I. We use to stay up at night fantasizing… it was before she married Brock. Before things got really serious between the two of them. We used to sit on my bed for hours… fantasizing over pointless things. Wondering about pointless things. Wondering what we could have been doing now.
"Sometimes… just once a month… you would be our topic. For that brief hour… I would forget about everything… and I would fantasize about you. How handsome you would look now? What we would look like? How tall you would be. Your personality and so on, but I would never tell Hakura. I only told her half… I could never tell her everything… it… it was too personal. I guess.
"But strangely, each time… I would always remember one part about you. No matter how back or forward in time I would go. There would always be one thing about you that would always be the same. You know what that was, Ash?"
"…"
Misty sighed before turning. "Your smile, Ash. Yeah… your smile. Something that was a part of every image I created of you. It was your smile. But… but now that I see you… that's the one thing I rarely see on you anymore. That smile… that loop sided smile of yours. Those different types of smiles you have. One when you are happy. One when you just won anything. One when you joke around. One when you talk with one of your Pokémon. One when you're annoyed yet don't want anyone know. One when you know something that someone else doesn't. One when you talk about Pokémon. One where you talk about your friends and family. One when you talk about…me. But… but I haven't seen any of those smiles yet… smiles that I love to see. All I see now is the smile when you pretend you are happy. Why Ash? Why? Why do you have to break my prefect image of you?
"You were my impression. It was you that helped me force those feelings of guilt to go away…after the first time I held my gun… after the first time I took a shot at a Pokémon. The fear that what we're doing is wrong… that killing… fighting isn't going to win this war… that whatever the outcome is… we still lose… somehow. I tried to forget that. But that wasn't all… I use to play mind games with myself… debating if what I'm doing is wrong… or making it worst.
"Ironically enough… you… my prefect image of you… kept me going. But when… when I saw the real you…when I saw you… it just destroyed all those barriers in my mind… all the mental defenses I had built up over the years… and… and I now… n…" She no longer could keep her words straight. Tears flowed from her eyes.
Ash hearing the whimpering turned… finding his love on the ground… clasped in darkness… in the same darkness that had and still consumes him today. A darkness that had and is slowing destroying everything from him. He leant down and brought her sobbing… shaking body to his chest. He wrapped his strong arms against her… cradling and rocking her… trying to claim her.
"No… Mist. No… that's not true. There is another way… a way for us all to win. You mustn't give up. You never have. I almost gave up when I lost to Richie in my first league competition. I so depressed… I felt I was trash… dirt… and when you rubbed it in my face. That hurt… that hurt badly that that way I saw myself… other people did too. Like my mum… the prof… Brock and even Pikachu. But… you didn't stop like they did… you continued arguing with me… helping me get back on my feet… show me again that life has as many defeats as there are victories. Showed me that I would be an even bigger loser if I didn't try again. You helped me then Mist. When I was down, when I felt like trash. You helped me. Now… let me help you. You can't fall into darkness… no… you can't. You can't."
"But h…how? How? It seems so hopeless now." Her face was red from crying… looked up. Like always Ash's glaze has glazed over… deep in thought… yet he answered like always.
"That you must figure out yourself for now. I can't tell you… not now. Not now… maybe… maybe someday. Someday everyone will know… know the truth behind all this. But till that day… till that day comes we'll still be at different places on a spectrum… the spectrum of life… of destiny… or rebirth." He looked down staring at Misty's lost look.
He chuckled once… simply… then again only this time a laugh of sarcasm… of insanity left his lips. "A game… this is all a game. A game…a test…" He left Misty's side and walked over to Pikachu. The Pokémon looked up at its trainer before letting out a small cha before returning to washing itself. "Test." He looked over to Misty… who sat there innocently. Once again Ash laughed… a laugh of insanity. "Why must everything… everyday be a test? Why… Misty? Why? Why? Why must all our lives be filled with tests? When I was little, Prof. Oak tested me on life… now… now… life tests me. Kind of ironic huh? We grow up being tested. And this… this is the biggest test of my life. Sometimes I wonder… what if I just die tomorrow. Sometimes… sometimes death is so much easier than life… then times like this one… another test with so many rules. You want to hear them Mist?"
The young woman simply nodded… scared. Once again Ash chuckled then turned away… not continuing on his thought. The insanity in his eyes disappeared just at unexpectedly as they had come… instead it was replaced by that of tranquillity. "Oh Mist… why is life so unfair… so hard to live with. You and me. We're so different yet so much alike. You enthrall me… complete me. You might not know it… but remembering you… remembering the good times we've had together it helped me let though the pain… though everything. But still… still we are so different… our lives began with two different paths… then met… now… now… our lives are entwined… braided… yet separate. Our life's path is so different.
"Now… now I guess I finally gave into terms with it. I… see no hate in Pokémon but… you do. I saw it in you today. And as much as I hate to believe or think about it. I'll probably see it in you again. You ever wondered why I never decided to return? Besides the fact that I promised you long ago that when I returned it would safe again… but… but because I knew… I knew that if I returned I would make your life a living nightmare. But… but lately I couldn't help it… I had to see you again… even if it's… a risk… a risk… I'll probably regret this decision for the rest of my days. But I had too… I had to return and see you again. I made myself believe that by returning I could get you to see the light again. But… but now I know… I know that I'm on my own on this. Nobody can help me. Only I can help myself… save us all. That's why we… I… could never stay here. It's best that I go. Lugia was right. I shouldn't have let you shoot me down…"
"What! You let me?"
Ash scoffed. "Of course I let you. Why do you think none of the other shots did any harm? Ever heard of safeguard?"
"Safeguard?"
"Yeah… an attack that protects Pokémon from status changes and stuff. Only now it works like counter and mirror coat."
"Oh yeah… that attack."
"Any ways… I better go." He cocked his head at his love and lightly planted a small but passionate kiss upon her lips before walking away. "Pikachu come on. We got to go."
"Pikachu?" The Pokémon replied in wonderment. I don't want to and neither do you.
Pikachu! We've stayed long enough. I feel it ebbing closer. It's not safe anymore. We have to leave.
"Pika." The Pokémon shook his head before jumping on to Misty's shoulder. "Pikachupi! Pika!"
Ash sighed once more before reaching for his forehead. It was burning. His skull burned with pain and frustration that Pikachu wouldn't listen to him. He knew they couldn't stay… but deep down… he wanted to just as much as Pikachu. That last kiss he planted upon Misty's lips. It had sparked old memories. Memories of late night walks, lay downs on beaches, water fights, cuddling together on a couch and his most cherished memories involving a bed.
A/N: Well how was this chapter? At least I didn't make Ash go bye bye again right? You like? Tell me your opinions… please! I need to know what you think to make the next chapter good. I'll try the get in another chapter soon… if not definitely during spring break, which is in three or four weeks. Can't remember which. Sad I know.