Disclaimer: You know, I know, they know.
Ariennye - And another chappie! And number 7 at that. I'm scared... And, hey, Jones did save the day... Scary.
Sukuru - Norwegian blue prefers keepin' on it's back. Along with those 4 redshirts that just died, leaving 16 nervous ones left ,and one very nervous Jones. (And yes, that is the actual number!)
Now, without further adu...
Star Trekking for the Holy Grail
"Spock, if you ever attempt to suggest a plan again, well, just don't, okay?" Kirk growled.
"Captain, that is illogical. If I have a reasonable plan, why should I withhold it, especially if it could get us out of a dangerous situation?" Spock, of course.
"Two reasons, Spock. One, with this author, plans of any type will most certainly backfire and get us killed-"
"'With this author', Captain? May I please inquire as to how a writer of literature affects our mission? Indeed, or how it could affect our life or death." Amazing how Spock has the longest lines...
"Poor, poor old Spock..." McCoy. "You still don't realize that this whole mission is being typed out by an author on his dad's old typewriter, and therefore any typo's you may find are not his fault, but rather the fault of the wierd keyboard that the typewriter has."
"Za?" This, of course, came from everybody. Except Spock. Of course. Spock's expression was the closest that Spock's face had ever gotten, or indeed ever will get, to confusion. That is, it was as far away from it as was possible. It was also as far away from total understanding as possible. More of a neutral. Like always.
"Anyway, moving on, my second reason, Spock, is that your last plan nearly killed someone."
"Uh, Jim, it did kill someone. Two someones. Redshirts." That was McCoy.
"Oh, well, I mean, someone important."
"How callous." Spock said emotionlessly.
"Well, face it, Spock, when was the last time a redshirt did something important?"
"Approximately 5 minutes ago, when Ensign Jones warned us of the wooden Klingon that had just been transported above us."
"Besides then."
"Approximately 6 months ago, when Ensign Jones used a phaser to destroy the transporter room, and therefore cancel our mission."
"Besides then."
"Approximately 12 motnhs ago, when Ensign Jones-"
"Something that doesn't have to do with something Ensign Jones did!!" Kirk bellowed.
Before Spock could reply, Jones squealed out: "I didn't do anything!!"
"That's a lie and you know it, Ensign!" Kirk continued to bellow.
"Then, well, what did I do?" Jones asked, honestly confused.
"Too much!" Bellow-boy.
"But-"
"Too much!!" Bellow-boy again, but louder. "Stop calling me Bellow-boy!" You can guess. "Stop that! Stop it now!" Kirk charged at the camera, only to then realize that this is a story, not a movie, and therefore there's no camera. Wonder what he'll do now... "Why you little-! I'll kill you! You get down here right now, and I'll show you the reason why people don't call Jim Kirk bellow-boy!!" Eh, may as well please 'im.
And so, POOF, I appeared right in front of Kirk, with a sack in my hand. As Kirk got ready to 'teach me a lesson,' Spock pointed to my sack. "If I may ask, Sir, what is that?"
"Why, I'm glad you asked. It's my bean-filled whack-bonk."
"Indeed. And, if you don't mind my continued inquiries, what does it do?"
"I'll do better then tell you, Spock, I'll show you." And with that, I swung my bean-filled whack-bonk into Kirk's head, making a large 'WHACK' sound, and sending him to the ground, head first, which made a loud 'BONK' sound.
"Indeed."
"It's fun. Wanna try it?"
"I must decline. It is not a logical weapon to carry."
"Well, none of this is really logical."
"I concede the point." So I handed him the whack-bonk, and another appeared in my hand.
"Now, to continue the story-" I was interrupted by Kirk's groans. "Do you mind?" More groans. "Oh, fine. Before we continue, I'll have a replacement Captain placed until Kirk's set to continue." I clapped my hand once, and both me and Kirk disappeared. A second later, Picard appeared where Kirk had been, looking confused.
"What am I doing here?" The Frenchman said in his British accent. "Number One? Lt-Commander Data? Worf?" He looked around, thoroughly confused.
Spock frowned. "If I am not mistaken, 'Worf' is a Klingon name. Why would you be asking for a Klingon when you are clearly asking for your officers?"
Picard turned to Spock and was about to answer. "Bec- wait a minute. You're Ambassador Spock!" He looked around. "And you're Doctor McCoy!" He exclaimed all of the officers names in amazement, until he got to Jones. "And you're... the security guard, who never died on any away mission, though you went with on all... Or something like that. You're legendary among the security guards on my ship. Blast, what was your name...? I think it was Simmons- no, that was the other one..."
"Jones?" The ensign whose name was just mentioned said.
"Yes! Yes, that's it!"
Before Picard could keep going, Spock cut in. "Excuse, Captain...?"
"Picard."
"Yes, Captain Picard, what is your ship?"
Picard frowned. "Certainly, Ambassador, you would remember. Before I appeared here, where ever 'here' is - or whenever- I was talking to you."
"Captain, what is your ship?"
"The Enterprise."
"That's impossible!" McCoy burst out. "The Enterprise is over there!" He pointed over at their Enterprise.
"Actually, Doctor, our complete code is USS NC-1701-D. It's the Enterprise-D." Picard explained.
"Oh."
"Wait - is that the actual Enterprise? The Original?!" Picard seemed to get really excited.
Jones had by now wandered off with everyone but McCoy and Spock.
McCoy looked at Spock. "You handle him. I have a feeling that this story is going to grind to a halt with Picard in charge. I'm going to find Jim so I can get him up and running again."
Godspeed, Bones.
Ariennye - And another chappie! And number 7 at that. I'm scared... And, hey, Jones did save the day... Scary.
Sukuru - Norwegian blue prefers keepin' on it's back. Along with those 4 redshirts that just died, leaving 16 nervous ones left ,and one very nervous Jones. (And yes, that is the actual number!)
Now, without further adu...
Star Trekking for the Holy Grail
"Spock, if you ever attempt to suggest a plan again, well, just don't, okay?" Kirk growled.
"Captain, that is illogical. If I have a reasonable plan, why should I withhold it, especially if it could get us out of a dangerous situation?" Spock, of course.
"Two reasons, Spock. One, with this author, plans of any type will most certainly backfire and get us killed-"
"'With this author', Captain? May I please inquire as to how a writer of literature affects our mission? Indeed, or how it could affect our life or death." Amazing how Spock has the longest lines...
"Poor, poor old Spock..." McCoy. "You still don't realize that this whole mission is being typed out by an author on his dad's old typewriter, and therefore any typo's you may find are not his fault, but rather the fault of the wierd keyboard that the typewriter has."
"Za?" This, of course, came from everybody. Except Spock. Of course. Spock's expression was the closest that Spock's face had ever gotten, or indeed ever will get, to confusion. That is, it was as far away from it as was possible. It was also as far away from total understanding as possible. More of a neutral. Like always.
"Anyway, moving on, my second reason, Spock, is that your last plan nearly killed someone."
"Uh, Jim, it did kill someone. Two someones. Redshirts." That was McCoy.
"Oh, well, I mean, someone important."
"How callous." Spock said emotionlessly.
"Well, face it, Spock, when was the last time a redshirt did something important?"
"Approximately 5 minutes ago, when Ensign Jones warned us of the wooden Klingon that had just been transported above us."
"Besides then."
"Approximately 6 months ago, when Ensign Jones used a phaser to destroy the transporter room, and therefore cancel our mission."
"Besides then."
"Approximately 12 motnhs ago, when Ensign Jones-"
"Something that doesn't have to do with something Ensign Jones did!!" Kirk bellowed.
Before Spock could reply, Jones squealed out: "I didn't do anything!!"
"That's a lie and you know it, Ensign!" Kirk continued to bellow.
"Then, well, what did I do?" Jones asked, honestly confused.
"Too much!" Bellow-boy.
"But-"
"Too much!!" Bellow-boy again, but louder. "Stop calling me Bellow-boy!" You can guess. "Stop that! Stop it now!" Kirk charged at the camera, only to then realize that this is a story, not a movie, and therefore there's no camera. Wonder what he'll do now... "Why you little-! I'll kill you! You get down here right now, and I'll show you the reason why people don't call Jim Kirk bellow-boy!!" Eh, may as well please 'im.
And so, POOF, I appeared right in front of Kirk, with a sack in my hand. As Kirk got ready to 'teach me a lesson,' Spock pointed to my sack. "If I may ask, Sir, what is that?"
"Why, I'm glad you asked. It's my bean-filled whack-bonk."
"Indeed. And, if you don't mind my continued inquiries, what does it do?"
"I'll do better then tell you, Spock, I'll show you." And with that, I swung my bean-filled whack-bonk into Kirk's head, making a large 'WHACK' sound, and sending him to the ground, head first, which made a loud 'BONK' sound.
"Indeed."
"It's fun. Wanna try it?"
"I must decline. It is not a logical weapon to carry."
"Well, none of this is really logical."
"I concede the point." So I handed him the whack-bonk, and another appeared in my hand.
"Now, to continue the story-" I was interrupted by Kirk's groans. "Do you mind?" More groans. "Oh, fine. Before we continue, I'll have a replacement Captain placed until Kirk's set to continue." I clapped my hand once, and both me and Kirk disappeared. A second later, Picard appeared where Kirk had been, looking confused.
"What am I doing here?" The Frenchman said in his British accent. "Number One? Lt-Commander Data? Worf?" He looked around, thoroughly confused.
Spock frowned. "If I am not mistaken, 'Worf' is a Klingon name. Why would you be asking for a Klingon when you are clearly asking for your officers?"
Picard turned to Spock and was about to answer. "Bec- wait a minute. You're Ambassador Spock!" He looked around. "And you're Doctor McCoy!" He exclaimed all of the officers names in amazement, until he got to Jones. "And you're... the security guard, who never died on any away mission, though you went with on all... Or something like that. You're legendary among the security guards on my ship. Blast, what was your name...? I think it was Simmons- no, that was the other one..."
"Jones?" The ensign whose name was just mentioned said.
"Yes! Yes, that's it!"
Before Picard could keep going, Spock cut in. "Excuse, Captain...?"
"Picard."
"Yes, Captain Picard, what is your ship?"
Picard frowned. "Certainly, Ambassador, you would remember. Before I appeared here, where ever 'here' is - or whenever- I was talking to you."
"Captain, what is your ship?"
"The Enterprise."
"That's impossible!" McCoy burst out. "The Enterprise is over there!" He pointed over at their Enterprise.
"Actually, Doctor, our complete code is USS NC-1701-D. It's the Enterprise-D." Picard explained.
"Oh."
"Wait - is that the actual Enterprise? The Original?!" Picard seemed to get really excited.
Jones had by now wandered off with everyone but McCoy and Spock.
McCoy looked at Spock. "You handle him. I have a feeling that this story is going to grind to a halt with Picard in charge. I'm going to find Jim so I can get him up and running again."
Godspeed, Bones.