Disclaimer: I stand by my claims, whatever they may be.
Ariennye - Just keep reviewing, and you'll have your very own whack-bonk! *Pats mine appreciatively*
Picard was confused. That is to say, more confused then usual. Not that this in itself was a shock, since he didn't have his fancy android to help him figure out what was going, and even when he did have his fancy android, he was still confused.
McCoy stated all of this, in most colorful detail.
"And he even has the closest thing to a computer we have! He has Spock, who I think could beat most computers." McCoy argued, and earned a few chuckles all aorund.
Picard and Spock either ignored it or didn't hear. With Spock, it's highly doubtful that he didn't hear. With Picard... well, you never know.
"Run that by me one more time?"
"This is approximately 78.2 years before your rightful time. The author of this..." Spock paused and departed on a noble quest to find the correct word. "Story, I suppose, will suffice. The author of this story angered Captain Kirk, and then when he issued a challenge, the author came down and knocked unconscious the good Captain. With the utmost of ease, I might add."
"So.... what am I doing here?"
"The author decided that the story needed a replacement Captain, seemed to twist temporal rifts and whatnot (A/N: I've always wanted to here Spock say whatnot. Well, not always, but you get the idea.) to bring you here, and presumably send Captain Kirk to your own time."
At this, ominous thunder and insane laughter cut Spock's explanation... right at where he had planned at ending it. I need to work on my timing. Anyway, the thunder and laughter cut Spock off. Ominously.
Said I, as I appeared; "Nonononononono, Mr Spock, you've got your head on backwards!"
"My head is quite clearly on forwards-"
"I have sent Picard backwards, but I've not put Kirk forwards, that would be logical!"
"That is illogical-"
"Shall where Captain Kirk is stay a mystery?"
"Well, that is a distinct possibility."
"Or shall I relieve the suspence?"
"You are talking in Past Tense."
"No I'm not; the tense I'm in, I've not decided yet."
"Kindly, tell us where the Captain is, so Ensign Jones won't fret."
"Oh fine; I'll end the mystery!
"Captain Kirk is here, with me!"
"Why didn't you just say that in the begining?" McCoy grumbled. "Instead of going on with Spock like that."
Spock was busy frowning. "I did not say any of that."
Everyone looked at him funny. "Yes you did." They all said.
"My voice did, but I did not think it. It was completely against my will."
I chuckled. "Oh, my that's fun! Rhyming Time with Spock! OH-HOHO! I should do that! Make millions!" A notepad appeared in my hand, and I jotted down notes on my notepad with a pen that appeared.
Soon Picard recovered from the stunned silence he was apparently in. "Q!!!" He shouted.
I blinked. And turned. To look at him funny. Then realization dawned on my face. "Ohh... You think I'm from the Q Continuum."
"No, I think that you're Q."
"Do I look like I'm Q?!"
"Well, not exactly, but you do everything Q does.'
"Oh, pish posh. I can do everything that he does and much, much more! Here, watch." I snapped my fingers, and the real Q appeared. He was also confused. Then I snapped my fingers and he started Irish Dancing.
"Stop this at once!" Q shouted. "Whoever's doing this-" Then he saw me. "YOU!"
"Yes, me." And I shoved his hand into Q's stomach and green gunk spread out all around him, and when it retreated he looked exactly like me. As this happened, I said, "Me, me, me...," cheeply ripping off the Matrix.
"Oh, stop this nonsense." Q changed back to his normal self.
"Anyways, I used my divine influence to make Spock say it. Honestly, McCoy, wasn't it a riot?"
"No, it was -" And he burst into fits of laughter, giggles, and soon tears from all the laughter. In between laughs he managed to gasp out a few things: "STOP IT!" Okay, fine, maybe that's only a couple, but it's better then most could do.
Soon I stopped. And he glared. At me. And I hid behind Picard, who shriveled up under the intensity, which prompted me to go backwards in time and not make McCoy laugh. So I did, and he didn't laugh.
Soon Picard recovered from the stunned silence he was apparently in. "Q!!!" He shouted.
I blinked. And turned. To look at him funny. Then realization dawned on my face. "Ohh... You think I'm from the Q Continuum."
"No, I think that you're Q."
"Do I look like I'm Q?!"
"Well, not exactly, but you do everything Q does."
"Oh, pish posh. I can do everything that he does and much, much more! Here, watch." I snapped my fingers, and the real Q appeared. He was also confused. Then I snapped my fingers and he started Irish Dancing.
"Stop this at once!" Q shouted. "Whoever's doing this-" Then he saw me. "YOU!"
"Yes, me." And I shoved his hand into Q's stomach and green gunk spread out all around him, and when it retreated he looked exactly like me. As this happened, I said, "Me, me, me...," cheeply ripping off the Matrix.
"Oh, stop this nonsense." Q changed back to his normal self. "You're not of the Q Continuum. What are you, an A? U? T? H? O? R?"
"Well, put all that togethor, and you'll see."
Q was apparently slow today. "Qauthor?"
"No, I'm one of the Author Continuum. Or, if you write for Star Wars, I'm on the Author's Side of the Force."
Everyone around gasped. Jones was confused. "What's the author continuum? Are they redshirts? What's Star Wars? Are they dangerous?"
McCoy quickly grabbed Jones and shook him. "Are you mad!? Never question one of the Author Continuum! And they are the most dangerous forces in the universe! They have ultimate power over anything and everything they choose, in the form of the stories they make, for the duration of those stories."
Jones looked horrified, and then realization dawned on his face. Like a revelation. Which it was. "That's it! That's why so much has happened to me! It's because of Author's! They toy with me for their own sick amusement!!!"
"Of course we do. It's quite comical, but everyone loves you. Remind me to get Tavia to let you explore FanFiction.net."
"But don't you control everything?"
"Well, yeah, but not other Authors. And I need Tavia's permission, 'cause she kinda created you..."
He looked too stunned to handle that, so I wiped that last bit from his memory.
He just shrugged. "Okay, I'll remind you."
"That's a good boy. And I'll try not to be mean to you for this story."
"Really?! You mean no accidents?!"
"Well..." As I said that, Jones tripped on a blade of grass (quite traitorous, those blades of grass) and nearly fall on a particularly sharp rock, which would have impaled his eye, but just in time I used my awesome powers to stop him from dying. Jones squealed and ran away.
"Hm. Maybe I should bring Kirk back. But he still has a nasty bump on his head..."
Picard was still looking nastily at me. "Just get us all back to where we need to be, you... whatever you are."
"Eh. Well, since Kirk's with me, he's kind've a temporary part of the Author Continuum, so that should heal up in about 20 seconds." As I said that, Kirk appeared. He glared at McCoy.
"Time for some revenge I've been planning on for quite some time." He snapped his fingers, and McCoy was in a maid's outfit. McCoy stood aghast.
"Wha- How did you do that?!" He shouted.
I sighed. "I already told you, he's temporarily part of the Author Continuum." And with that, a Transformation Gun from the wonderful comic El Goonish Shive appeared in my hand, which I suggest you go read at www.elgoonishshive.com, and I pointed it at Kirk. "Change 'im back. I have a story to write, reviewers to please-"
Jones looked confused. Again. Like always. "But, if you control everything, why do you have to please people?"
I hesitated. "Er.... Well... The ultimate power you will ever know is the Reviewer. They are the ones who review our stories, and I for one love my reviews. It's kinda a sense that you aren't the only person who knows that you exist, and that you've managed to entertain someone while doing what you like. Or you just like 'em. Either or, really. But reviewers can have ultimate power over stories indirectly through influence, if not directly. They make suggestions, and we work to intigrate it into the story sometimes. Though sometimes stories have a predetermined plot and somewhere that the author wants it to go, kind of like this one. It doesn't have a plot, but I know where it's going to go. You won't find out until it gets there, but, well, that's life."
Jones considered this.
I then turned to look at Kirk. After fiddling with the Transformation Gun (TF Gun) for a few seconds, I zapped Kirk and he stopped floating in the air, and fell to the ground. I then snapped my fingers, and Picard appeared back in his normal time. "There, now everything's taken care of."
"Ahem." McCoy. "I believe there's still the issue of my clothing."
"No, there isn't."
"But-"
"Don't push me, because this TF Gun DOES have a 'Female' setting."
McCoy fell silent.
"Alright, does anyone else need anything?"
"Well, I wouldn't mind being an author again-"
"No chance, Kirk."
"Hm. Okay, then maybe some plot advancement?"
"I'm working on it. Next?"
"That's about it."
"Okay then." And in a completely unnecessary but completely cool puff of blue smoke, I disappeared.
------
So how was it? Good? I got rid of Picard, you can't complain about that, can you? And I'm serious about the Rhyming Time with Spock. Just ask :-)
Ariennye - Just keep reviewing, and you'll have your very own whack-bonk! *Pats mine appreciatively*
Picard was confused. That is to say, more confused then usual. Not that this in itself was a shock, since he didn't have his fancy android to help him figure out what was going, and even when he did have his fancy android, he was still confused.
McCoy stated all of this, in most colorful detail.
"And he even has the closest thing to a computer we have! He has Spock, who I think could beat most computers." McCoy argued, and earned a few chuckles all aorund.
Picard and Spock either ignored it or didn't hear. With Spock, it's highly doubtful that he didn't hear. With Picard... well, you never know.
"Run that by me one more time?"
"This is approximately 78.2 years before your rightful time. The author of this..." Spock paused and departed on a noble quest to find the correct word. "Story, I suppose, will suffice. The author of this story angered Captain Kirk, and then when he issued a challenge, the author came down and knocked unconscious the good Captain. With the utmost of ease, I might add."
"So.... what am I doing here?"
"The author decided that the story needed a replacement Captain, seemed to twist temporal rifts and whatnot (A/N: I've always wanted to here Spock say whatnot. Well, not always, but you get the idea.) to bring you here, and presumably send Captain Kirk to your own time."
At this, ominous thunder and insane laughter cut Spock's explanation... right at where he had planned at ending it. I need to work on my timing. Anyway, the thunder and laughter cut Spock off. Ominously.
Said I, as I appeared; "Nonononononono, Mr Spock, you've got your head on backwards!"
"My head is quite clearly on forwards-"
"I have sent Picard backwards, but I've not put Kirk forwards, that would be logical!"
"That is illogical-"
"Shall where Captain Kirk is stay a mystery?"
"Well, that is a distinct possibility."
"Or shall I relieve the suspence?"
"You are talking in Past Tense."
"No I'm not; the tense I'm in, I've not decided yet."
"Kindly, tell us where the Captain is, so Ensign Jones won't fret."
"Oh fine; I'll end the mystery!
"Captain Kirk is here, with me!"
"Why didn't you just say that in the begining?" McCoy grumbled. "Instead of going on with Spock like that."
Spock was busy frowning. "I did not say any of that."
Everyone looked at him funny. "Yes you did." They all said.
"My voice did, but I did not think it. It was completely against my will."
I chuckled. "Oh, my that's fun! Rhyming Time with Spock! OH-HOHO! I should do that! Make millions!" A notepad appeared in my hand, and I jotted down notes on my notepad with a pen that appeared.
Soon Picard recovered from the stunned silence he was apparently in. "Q!!!" He shouted.
I blinked. And turned. To look at him funny. Then realization dawned on my face. "Ohh... You think I'm from the Q Continuum."
"No, I think that you're Q."
"Do I look like I'm Q?!"
"Well, not exactly, but you do everything Q does.'
"Oh, pish posh. I can do everything that he does and much, much more! Here, watch." I snapped my fingers, and the real Q appeared. He was also confused. Then I snapped my fingers and he started Irish Dancing.
"Stop this at once!" Q shouted. "Whoever's doing this-" Then he saw me. "YOU!"
"Yes, me." And I shoved his hand into Q's stomach and green gunk spread out all around him, and when it retreated he looked exactly like me. As this happened, I said, "Me, me, me...," cheeply ripping off the Matrix.
"Oh, stop this nonsense." Q changed back to his normal self.
"Anyways, I used my divine influence to make Spock say it. Honestly, McCoy, wasn't it a riot?"
"No, it was -" And he burst into fits of laughter, giggles, and soon tears from all the laughter. In between laughs he managed to gasp out a few things: "STOP IT!" Okay, fine, maybe that's only a couple, but it's better then most could do.
Soon I stopped. And he glared. At me. And I hid behind Picard, who shriveled up under the intensity, which prompted me to go backwards in time and not make McCoy laugh. So I did, and he didn't laugh.
Soon Picard recovered from the stunned silence he was apparently in. "Q!!!" He shouted.
I blinked. And turned. To look at him funny. Then realization dawned on my face. "Ohh... You think I'm from the Q Continuum."
"No, I think that you're Q."
"Do I look like I'm Q?!"
"Well, not exactly, but you do everything Q does."
"Oh, pish posh. I can do everything that he does and much, much more! Here, watch." I snapped my fingers, and the real Q appeared. He was also confused. Then I snapped my fingers and he started Irish Dancing.
"Stop this at once!" Q shouted. "Whoever's doing this-" Then he saw me. "YOU!"
"Yes, me." And I shoved his hand into Q's stomach and green gunk spread out all around him, and when it retreated he looked exactly like me. As this happened, I said, "Me, me, me...," cheeply ripping off the Matrix.
"Oh, stop this nonsense." Q changed back to his normal self. "You're not of the Q Continuum. What are you, an A? U? T? H? O? R?"
"Well, put all that togethor, and you'll see."
Q was apparently slow today. "Qauthor?"
"No, I'm one of the Author Continuum. Or, if you write for Star Wars, I'm on the Author's Side of the Force."
Everyone around gasped. Jones was confused. "What's the author continuum? Are they redshirts? What's Star Wars? Are they dangerous?"
McCoy quickly grabbed Jones and shook him. "Are you mad!? Never question one of the Author Continuum! And they are the most dangerous forces in the universe! They have ultimate power over anything and everything they choose, in the form of the stories they make, for the duration of those stories."
Jones looked horrified, and then realization dawned on his face. Like a revelation. Which it was. "That's it! That's why so much has happened to me! It's because of Author's! They toy with me for their own sick amusement!!!"
"Of course we do. It's quite comical, but everyone loves you. Remind me to get Tavia to let you explore FanFiction.net."
"But don't you control everything?"
"Well, yeah, but not other Authors. And I need Tavia's permission, 'cause she kinda created you..."
He looked too stunned to handle that, so I wiped that last bit from his memory.
He just shrugged. "Okay, I'll remind you."
"That's a good boy. And I'll try not to be mean to you for this story."
"Really?! You mean no accidents?!"
"Well..." As I said that, Jones tripped on a blade of grass (quite traitorous, those blades of grass) and nearly fall on a particularly sharp rock, which would have impaled his eye, but just in time I used my awesome powers to stop him from dying. Jones squealed and ran away.
"Hm. Maybe I should bring Kirk back. But he still has a nasty bump on his head..."
Picard was still looking nastily at me. "Just get us all back to where we need to be, you... whatever you are."
"Eh. Well, since Kirk's with me, he's kind've a temporary part of the Author Continuum, so that should heal up in about 20 seconds." As I said that, Kirk appeared. He glared at McCoy.
"Time for some revenge I've been planning on for quite some time." He snapped his fingers, and McCoy was in a maid's outfit. McCoy stood aghast.
"Wha- How did you do that?!" He shouted.
I sighed. "I already told you, he's temporarily part of the Author Continuum." And with that, a Transformation Gun from the wonderful comic El Goonish Shive appeared in my hand, which I suggest you go read at www.elgoonishshive.com, and I pointed it at Kirk. "Change 'im back. I have a story to write, reviewers to please-"
Jones looked confused. Again. Like always. "But, if you control everything, why do you have to please people?"
I hesitated. "Er.... Well... The ultimate power you will ever know is the Reviewer. They are the ones who review our stories, and I for one love my reviews. It's kinda a sense that you aren't the only person who knows that you exist, and that you've managed to entertain someone while doing what you like. Or you just like 'em. Either or, really. But reviewers can have ultimate power over stories indirectly through influence, if not directly. They make suggestions, and we work to intigrate it into the story sometimes. Though sometimes stories have a predetermined plot and somewhere that the author wants it to go, kind of like this one. It doesn't have a plot, but I know where it's going to go. You won't find out until it gets there, but, well, that's life."
Jones considered this.
I then turned to look at Kirk. After fiddling with the Transformation Gun (TF Gun) for a few seconds, I zapped Kirk and he stopped floating in the air, and fell to the ground. I then snapped my fingers, and Picard appeared back in his normal time. "There, now everything's taken care of."
"Ahem." McCoy. "I believe there's still the issue of my clothing."
"No, there isn't."
"But-"
"Don't push me, because this TF Gun DOES have a 'Female' setting."
McCoy fell silent.
"Alright, does anyone else need anything?"
"Well, I wouldn't mind being an author again-"
"No chance, Kirk."
"Hm. Okay, then maybe some plot advancement?"
"I'm working on it. Next?"
"That's about it."
"Okay then." And in a completely unnecessary but completely cool puff of blue smoke, I disappeared.
------
So how was it? Good? I got rid of Picard, you can't complain about that, can you? And I'm serious about the Rhyming Time with Spock. Just ask :-)