Disclaimer: I continue to stand by my ridiculous claims.
Njong - Oh bob! Geebs! I Completely forgot 'bout the jolly ol' Knight's of Ni! I'll try and work 'em in... And of course I must ride Piccy. He's well... Piccy! And I'm not sure anyone's goin' to Castle Anthrax... I mean, God hasn't even given them the quest yet. So that's a ways in the future. I'll try and work Sulu and Chekov in, though. But I already have this chapter written, so I'll aim for the next.
WHEE! NINE CHAPTERS!
Kirk was angry at me again, so it'll be a few chapters before I appear again, unless the almight Plot shows up. But he's already 5 chapters late, so don't hold your breath.
Anyways, onward. Kirk and his (not so) chivalrous crew decided toleave the Enterprise with Harry Mudd. Let HIM deal with the Klingons. Let HIM deal with it all. Kirk would be marginally happier that way.
Soon, in their aimless travels, they came to a river, and therefore a bridge crossing over it, with what appeared to be two redshirts dukin' it out. One was Romulan, the other human.
The human one leapt at the Romulan with a handful of grass. Upon seeing the handful of grass, the Romulan gave a cry of fright. The human redshirt saw his advantage, and moved in for the kill, throwing the grass at his cowering opponent.
The grass impaled the Romulan, killing him quickly and painfully. With that, the human stood imposingly before the bridge. Several of Kirk's redshirts whipered at the sight of such cruelty, and Jones shuddered.
Kirk was confused. So was Spock.
"This is illogical." Spock. Naturally. "How could grass kill someone?"
McCoy came to the rescue. Of who... well, why should I know? "They're redshirts, Spock. They die for absolutely no reason whatsoever."
"That is-"
"Illogical, sad, and true." Kirk looked serious. "Oh well. Let's go."
"NONE shall pass." Said the redshirt guarding the bridge.
Upon hearing those words, a redshirt spontaneously combusted. (For those who are keeping count at home, I believe that leaves 16 left. For those new to the story, I did a count a few chapters ago.)
Kirk blinked. A redshirt had never been so blunt to him before! "Move!" He growled.
"NONE shall p-" Just then, the gorund opened up and swallowed him. When the smoke cleared, I was standing there scowling. "Yes, I know I said I wouldn't be in this chapter, but I'm tired of the lack of a plot. So..." My voice deepened dramatically. "Kirk... Captain of the Enterpri- OW!" I was cut off by a stone. That hit me. In the forehead. And it was thrown by - "KIRK!!!"
Kirk jumped. "AH!" He turned tail to flee my wrath.
I took off after him like a shot from a bow.
Then the old music where everyone's chasing each other started playing. The location they were playing from is as yet undisclosed.
A threw paper, grass, and air molecules at Kirk before remembering that this wasn't Picard's era, and Captain's were made of sterner stuff, even if the redshirts weren't. Then I threw a rock at Kirk. It hit him in the back of the head, knocking him over.
As I walked over to him and stoof over him, a TF Gun appeared in my hand.
"Don't do that again." I said menacingly. "I KILL YOU!"
"No you won't-"
"Jim, I'd do what he says if I were you." McCoy cautioned.
"Who asked you?"
I sighed, and zapped Kirk into a cat. I picked him up with my free arm and started mumbling. "Great. Now I have to get a new Captain again. I'm not getting Picard, either. Maybe I'll grab that Bolam character, or maybe her First Officer. What's his name...? Oh, yeah, Jahoam. What a great guy, he'll make an excellent replacement Captain..." And so on.
Everyone else was still shocked that their Captain was currently.
Jones managed to squeak something out.
"Wha?" I turned around to him.
"Would you mind - uh - turning the Captain back to - er - his normal form, sir?"
"Hm. Sure." I dropped Kirk and shot him back to human. "But he's still gonna be gone for a little bit." I snapped my fingers and he disappeared. "Gotta find a replacement Captain... I should get two people, because one from that era has absolutely no competency. Unlike me. I'm a competent sausage cutter."
Everyone looked at me funny as a giant Yard o' Beef appeared in my hand. I pulled the wrapping back, and started cutting completely evenly. I ate the first piece, but then started to offer to the others. "Any of you want some beef?"
"I am a -" Spock began.
"Vegetarian, I know. Anyone else?"
McCoy half raised a hand. "Got any cheese or crackers?"
With a snap of my fingers, a giant table appeared in front of us, filled with every type of cheese, cracker, and meat. And some soup, for Spock. He nodded to my in thanks, and everyone else began digging in. Another snap, and two more tables appeared, with random little bits of food about them. "Dig in, one and all!"
"Vhy not?" Chekov reasoned.
******
Soon after the feast (halfway through which I had disappeared) the group was soon moving again. They had barely gone anywhere when the sky opened up with lots and lots of thunder. Bright light poured from inside the opening, and everyone in the group averted their eyes. McCoy, who had read ahead in the script (script? What script? I didn't make any script!), whispered to the others. "This must be God! The plot's going to advance!"
At this announcement, a little mini-cheer went up. "Plot advancement! I thought that was just a fable..."
"I believed it! I always have, and always will!"
"No you didn't!" This and several other remarks like it mingled with the cheers. Soon, the light grew even stronger, and a big booming voice spoke to them...
******
Eheheheh... Well, now that you've read, just go click that little button down there... It says 'review'... At least, I think it does.
Njong - Oh bob! Geebs! I Completely forgot 'bout the jolly ol' Knight's of Ni! I'll try and work 'em in... And of course I must ride Piccy. He's well... Piccy! And I'm not sure anyone's goin' to Castle Anthrax... I mean, God hasn't even given them the quest yet. So that's a ways in the future. I'll try and work Sulu and Chekov in, though. But I already have this chapter written, so I'll aim for the next.
WHEE! NINE CHAPTERS!
Kirk was angry at me again, so it'll be a few chapters before I appear again, unless the almight Plot shows up. But he's already 5 chapters late, so don't hold your breath.
Anyways, onward. Kirk and his (not so) chivalrous crew decided toleave the Enterprise with Harry Mudd. Let HIM deal with the Klingons. Let HIM deal with it all. Kirk would be marginally happier that way.
Soon, in their aimless travels, they came to a river, and therefore a bridge crossing over it, with what appeared to be two redshirts dukin' it out. One was Romulan, the other human.
The human one leapt at the Romulan with a handful of grass. Upon seeing the handful of grass, the Romulan gave a cry of fright. The human redshirt saw his advantage, and moved in for the kill, throwing the grass at his cowering opponent.
The grass impaled the Romulan, killing him quickly and painfully. With that, the human stood imposingly before the bridge. Several of Kirk's redshirts whipered at the sight of such cruelty, and Jones shuddered.
Kirk was confused. So was Spock.
"This is illogical." Spock. Naturally. "How could grass kill someone?"
McCoy came to the rescue. Of who... well, why should I know? "They're redshirts, Spock. They die for absolutely no reason whatsoever."
"That is-"
"Illogical, sad, and true." Kirk looked serious. "Oh well. Let's go."
"NONE shall pass." Said the redshirt guarding the bridge.
Upon hearing those words, a redshirt spontaneously combusted. (For those who are keeping count at home, I believe that leaves 16 left. For those new to the story, I did a count a few chapters ago.)
Kirk blinked. A redshirt had never been so blunt to him before! "Move!" He growled.
"NONE shall p-" Just then, the gorund opened up and swallowed him. When the smoke cleared, I was standing there scowling. "Yes, I know I said I wouldn't be in this chapter, but I'm tired of the lack of a plot. So..." My voice deepened dramatically. "Kirk... Captain of the Enterpri- OW!" I was cut off by a stone. That hit me. In the forehead. And it was thrown by - "KIRK!!!"
Kirk jumped. "AH!" He turned tail to flee my wrath.
I took off after him like a shot from a bow.
Then the old music where everyone's chasing each other started playing. The location they were playing from is as yet undisclosed.
A threw paper, grass, and air molecules at Kirk before remembering that this wasn't Picard's era, and Captain's were made of sterner stuff, even if the redshirts weren't. Then I threw a rock at Kirk. It hit him in the back of the head, knocking him over.
As I walked over to him and stoof over him, a TF Gun appeared in my hand.
"Don't do that again." I said menacingly. "I KILL YOU!"
"No you won't-"
"Jim, I'd do what he says if I were you." McCoy cautioned.
"Who asked you?"
I sighed, and zapped Kirk into a cat. I picked him up with my free arm and started mumbling. "Great. Now I have to get a new Captain again. I'm not getting Picard, either. Maybe I'll grab that Bolam character, or maybe her First Officer. What's his name...? Oh, yeah, Jahoam. What a great guy, he'll make an excellent replacement Captain..." And so on.
Everyone else was still shocked that their Captain was currently.
Jones managed to squeak something out.
"Wha?" I turned around to him.
"Would you mind - uh - turning the Captain back to - er - his normal form, sir?"
"Hm. Sure." I dropped Kirk and shot him back to human. "But he's still gonna be gone for a little bit." I snapped my fingers and he disappeared. "Gotta find a replacement Captain... I should get two people, because one from that era has absolutely no competency. Unlike me. I'm a competent sausage cutter."
Everyone looked at me funny as a giant Yard o' Beef appeared in my hand. I pulled the wrapping back, and started cutting completely evenly. I ate the first piece, but then started to offer to the others. "Any of you want some beef?"
"I am a -" Spock began.
"Vegetarian, I know. Anyone else?"
McCoy half raised a hand. "Got any cheese or crackers?"
With a snap of my fingers, a giant table appeared in front of us, filled with every type of cheese, cracker, and meat. And some soup, for Spock. He nodded to my in thanks, and everyone else began digging in. Another snap, and two more tables appeared, with random little bits of food about them. "Dig in, one and all!"
"Vhy not?" Chekov reasoned.
******
Soon after the feast (halfway through which I had disappeared) the group was soon moving again. They had barely gone anywhere when the sky opened up with lots and lots of thunder. Bright light poured from inside the opening, and everyone in the group averted their eyes. McCoy, who had read ahead in the script (script? What script? I didn't make any script!), whispered to the others. "This must be God! The plot's going to advance!"
At this announcement, a little mini-cheer went up. "Plot advancement! I thought that was just a fable..."
"I believed it! I always have, and always will!"
"No you didn't!" This and several other remarks like it mingled with the cheers. Soon, the light grew even stronger, and a big booming voice spoke to them...
******
Eheheheh... Well, now that you've read, just go click that little button down there... It says 'review'... At least, I think it does.