Sleeping Beauty Inuyasha style!

by kagura37

It's just what the title says! I rewrote Sleeping Beauty using the Inuyasha characters. It does have some swearing in it. So sue me. Review anyways.

A/N: It's Inu Sleeping Beauty! I also did Inu Bambi, if you haven't already read it. ^.^ 
Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to Inuyasha, or Sleeping Beauty, or the various other things I stole lines from, like Gilmore Girls, Finding Nemo, Wish, homestarrunner.com, great site, and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which is a really great movie.

~*~*~*

Cast in Order of Appearance:

Narrator-Toutousai

Announcer-Myoga

King Stephan-Hojo

King Hubert-Miroku

Prince Phillip-Inuyasha

Mistress Flora (the pink fairy)-Kikyo

Mistress Fauna (the green fairy)-Sango

Mistress Merryweather (the fat blue one)-Naraku

Maleficent-Sesshoumaru (He was so fitted for this part I kept a lot of lines the same. ^.^)

Maleficent's pet raven-Rin

Maleficent's servant/minion/thing-Jaken

Briar Rose/Aurora-Kagome

Prince Phillip's horse (Samson)-Toutousai's cow

And, most importantly, the REAL narrator (not Toutousai)-Kagura, me!

Toutousai: In a far away land, long ago, lived a king and his, for some reason nameless and unimportant…

Kagura: Get on with it, stupid old guy.

Toutousai: Queen. Many years they had longed for a child and finally their wish was granted. A daughter was born, and they called her Aurora. Yes, they named her after the dawn for she filled their lives with sunshine. Wow…this is…a load of crap…And our story begins on that most joyful day.

[inside the castle]

Toutousai: Thus…Who says 'thus?! On this great and joyous day did the entire kingdom celebrate the long awaited royal birth. And good King Stefan and his Queen-See, no name? Made welcome their life long friend.

Myoga: Their royal highnesses, King Hojo. Um…I mean King Stefan. And his nameless queen.

*Hojo enters and sits on his throne*

Toutousai: And more royal highnesses, King Miroku…erm….Hubert. And Master Inuyash-

Kagura: Not Master Inuyasha, you insect.  *gets out her fan and sets it beside her pointedly*

Myoga: I mean, uh….*nervous glance at fan* Prince Phillip. Stupid names changing.
*Miroku and Inuyasha enter*

Toutousai: Today would they announce that Phillip, Hubert's son and heir and Stefan's child would be betrothed. And so to her his gift he brought, and looked, unknowing, on his future bride.

Chibi Inuyasha: Blech…I don't like her.

Hojo: Tough luck, kid.  I'd have her….but I'm supposed to be her dad…*consults script*

Inuyasha: Look, you stupid pansy, we don't have to FOLLOW the script.

Kagura: Oh yes you do, mister. *looks threatening*

Inuyasha: Shut up, wind wench.

Kagura: You shut up! You're supposed to leave now anyway!

Inuyasha: Well I don't have to, because I have free will unlike SOME PEOPLE…

Kagura: HEY! That was uncalled for! *blows him out of the room with her fan* *clears throat* Now…um…Myoga?

Myoga: The most honored and exalted excellencies, the three good fairies. Mistress Flora, Mistress Fauna, and Mistress Merryweather.

Naraku: I'm not a GOOD FAIRY.

Kikyo: Why am I in a PINK dress?

Sango: Oh, shut up both of you. I have it the worst.

Naraku and Kikyo: What makes you think that?

Sango: My dress is GREEN. You know how much this clashes with my eye shadow?!

Kikyo: *looks at the script* Hmm. I suppose I'll give her a gift?! Isn't this baby Kagome? Pssh, no, I'll kill her instead.

Kagura: No you won't. Remember our little deal? *rubs fingers together so that only Kikyo can see, clearly meaning 'MONEY'*

Kikyo: Oh yeah…that deal.  Little princess, my gift shall be the gift of beauty.  Even though you usually just steal other people's beauty…

Kagura: SHUT UP!

Kikyo: *sighs* Right…beauty.

The Magical Choir that Just Happens To Know Exactly What To Sing:

One gift, beauty rare
Full of sunshine in her hair
Lips that shame the red red rose
She'll walk with springtime
Wherever she goes

Sango:

Tiny princess, my gift shall be the gift of song.

The Magical Choir that Just Happens To Know Exactly What To Sing:

One gift, the gift of song
Melody her whole life long
The nightingale's her troubadour
Bringing her sweet serenade
to her door

Naraku: Hey, until I see that piece of the Shikon Jewel, you don't get any gift. Actually…after I get the Jewel, I'll probably just kill you.

Kagura: *moans* Why won't you people COOPERATE?!

Naraku: Shut it. *tries to squeeze her heart* Hey…why aren't you moaning in pain?!

Kagura: HAHAHA! I have my heart!

Naraku: Well how did that happen?!

Kagura: Tenseiga.

Naraku: Well that's not-

Kagura: Oh, just try and give the princess your gift.

Naraku: No. 

Kagura: Fine then. *muses to herself* *looks to her wonderful readers ^.^* You know, I'm thinking sequel: The Little Mermaid…How'd you like to see Naraku as a mermaid? Fins and a seashell bra…

Naraku: My gift will be-

Kagura: *snickers behind her fan* Just then, a gust of wind blew the doors open and lightning flashes and thunder booms.  Sesshou-ER…Maleficent enters, his…er…her? I don't know…Maleficent's fluff blowing in the wind, and his pet raven on his shoulder.
Sesshoumaru: *looks cool*

Fangirls: *squeal*

Kikyo: Hey, Sesshoumaru!  What's up?

Kagura: *glare*

Kikyo: I…mean…Oh no, it's Maleficent!
Rin: Rin is here too! Rin is here with Sesshoumaru-sama because Sesshoumaru-sama said for Rin to come and Rin does what Sesshoumaru-sama says for Rin to do and Sesshoumaru-sama said to come, so Rin-
Entire cast: Shut up Rin.

Naraku: *grumbles* Why didn't I get a fangirl squeal?

Fangirls: Because you're ugly.

Sesshoumaru: Hey, don't forget about me! I'm badass!  Well, look at all these people.  Royalty, nobility, the gentry…I really feel quite distressed about not receiving an invitation…

Kikyo: Hey, don't look at us fairies. I think you'd actually liven this thing up.

Kagura: I think he was looking at you three because one of you has a line next…?

Naraku: *mocking-style* You weren't wanted!

Sesshoumaru: Not wa-?  Oh…what an awkward situation…I had hoped it was merely an oversight.  Well, in that event I'd best be on my way.

Hojo: You aren't offended?

Sesshoumaru: Hell, yes I'm offended…but I'll give the chick a gift anyway.

Hojo: Don't harm Kagome!

Kagura: Dude, her name's Princess Aurora.

Sesshoumaru: Um…What's something mean but…cunning? Ah, yes. Before the sun sets on her sixteenth birthday, she will prick her finger on the needle part of a sewing machine and DIE! Heh heh heh.

Kagura: *sweatdrops* Sewing machines haven't been INVENTED yet. They won't be invented for another 200 years or so.

Sesshoumaru: And…?

Kikyo: Hey, I like your style…

Sesshoumaru: Thanks! *disappears in a flash of lightning*

Naraku: Hey, I thought you wanted me to give my gift?

Stefan: Then you can save Kagome?

Kagura: Au-ror-a.

Sango: Nah, she can't do that.

Naraku: He.  And yeah I can!

Sango: Maleficent's powers are much too strong.

Naraku: No match for me.

Sango: Yes they are.

Naraku: *sigh* Fine, she won't die, just sleep until some dude kisses her.

Hojo: Okay! *pause* But I think we should still burn all the spinning wheels…

Kikyo: *groan* What a thought…what horrible shape our country'd be in if he didn't have us to advise him… 

~*~*~*

Kagura: So the fairies watched the bonfire from the castle, where they were watching the Princess Aurora and having a cup of tea, which really doesn't solve anything.

Naraku: I don't like tea.

Kagura: Then have milk.

Kikyo: I think we should kill the princess. Then I can have Inuyasha.

Kagura: *cough*money*cough*

Kikyo: *minimizes herself and Fauna and Merryweather and they go into the sneaky thingy* Let's turn her into a flower!

Sango: Who, Sesshoumaru?

Kikyo: No, stupid, the princess.  I did say her.

Naraku: Just as long as it isn't me.  I was a flower last time.

Kagura: And if you aren't careful, you can be a mermaid in the next one.  Besides, you were a SKUNK. Your name was just Flower.

Naraku: I mean…uh…oh, she'd make a lovely flower.

Kikyo: A flower can't prick its finger.

Sango: Until Maleficent sends a frost.

Kikyo: Oh yeah. Shit. *pause* Hey…We could take care of her.

Naraku: Crap idea.

Kikyo: I know, but if we don't, then the story doesn't work out, and if the story doesn't work out…none of us get paid.

Naraku: I don't think I'm getting paid anyway.

Kagura: No, you aren't.

Kikyo: Well, let's anyway. It'll get the story over quicker.

Sango: She has a point.

Kikyo: So, we'll raise her…but we'll be mortals. *takes away their wands* Which is also a crap idea.

Sango: Aw darn.

Kikyo: We'll persuade the King and Queen Nameless somehow. Let's go. *turns herself back to normal size*

Naraku and Sango: HEY! Bitch, you forgot about us!

Kikyo: Yeah…so?

Naraku and Sango: We're part of this too!

Kikyo: I don't need you two!

Kagura: And obviously, you don't need money either.

Kikyo: *quickly changes Naraku and Sango back*

~*~*~*

Hojo: I don't want them to take Kago-oh.  Shoot.  Princess Aurora away!

Kikyo: *She and Naraku and Sango are leaving* *shouts back up* Tough luck, kid!

~*~*~*

Toutousai: Many sad and lonely years passed for King Stefan and his people.   But as the sixteenth year was drawing to a close, the kingdom began to rejoice.

Kingdom: *rejoices*

Toutousai: Erm…right.

~*~*~*

Kagura: And if you'll look in front of you, we are outside…Maleficent's castle!

Kanna: …

Kagura: *smacks head* WHY a tour guide?! And why her?

Kanna: …

~*~*~*

Kagura: Right…well…outside Maleficent's castle.

Maleficent's castle: *thunder and lightning and that funny cloud thing that is ONLY over the place of evil*

~*~*~*

Sesshoumaru: You're sure you can't find her.

Jaken: *looks like a bobble head*

Sesshoumaru: Well, she didn't disappear into thin air!  Have you searched everywhere?

Jaken: *looks like a bobble head* Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru, sir.

Kagura: *hits him with a stick* Heh. I've always wanted to do that. Say your line right.

Jaken: Maleficent, sir.  Uh, ma'am.

Sesshoumaru: The town…the forests…the mountains?

Jaken: *looks like a bobble head* We searched the mountains, forest, houses…and all the cradles!

Sesshoumaru: *pause*   …Cradles.

Jaken: *looks like a bobble head* Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru- *gets hit with a stick* Er, Maleficent, sir, every cradle.

Sesshoumaru: *to Rin* Heh. Did you hear that, my pet? All these years, they've been searching for a baby…*little chuckle*

Jaken: *joins laughter*

Sesshoumaru: *abruptly stops laughing* FOOL! IDIOT! IMBECILE!

Rin: *to another servant* Wow…Sesshoumaru-sama's on fire…

Sesshoumaru: * hits Jaken with a stick* *looks over at Kagura* Wow, that's pretty fun!

Kagura: Yeah it is.

Jaken: *scowls*

Sesshoumaru: It says I'm supposed to drive you away, but could you go do my ironing please? And then you have to brush out the fluff. All that disappearing in flashes of lightning is murder on it…*pets fluff* *shoos Jaken away* * talking to Rin* He's a disgrace to the forces of evil. My pet, you are my last hope. Circle far and wide, search for a maid of sixteen with hair of sunshine gold and lips red as the rose. I thought this was Sleeping Beauty.

Kagura: It is.

Sesshoumaru: But that's from Snow White. Except her hair was black.

Kagura: Shut it up. Shut it up you.

Sesshoumaru: Shut it up me. *to Rin* Go, and do not fail me.

Rin: Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama! Rin will do whatever Sesshoumaru-sama tells her to do, and if Sesshoumaru-sama wants Rin to do this, Rin will and Rin-

Entire cast: Shut up Rin.

Rin: Fine then. *Skips off*

Sesshoumaru: No skipping in the big formidable castle with the cloud hanging over it!

~*~*~*

Toutousai: *in a monotone* And so for sixteen long years the whereabouts of the princess remained a mystery, while deep in the forest, in a woodcutter's cottage, the good fairies carried out their well-laid plan. Living like mortals, they had reared the child as their own and called her Briar Rose. They had something special planned for her 16th birthday.

Kagura: *sweatdrops* Why are Naraku and Kikyo looking at DRESSES?! Sango I can understand, but Naraku and Kikyo?!?! I'm scared.

Kikyo: Well, I'm looking at them because they're money involved.

Kagura: SHHHHH! What part of BETWEEN US do you not understand?!

Kikyo: Sor-ry. Wow, pissy.

Kagura: Shut. The. Hell. Up. *scowls*

Naraku: I'm looking at dresses because they're PRETTYFUL!!

Kikyo: *snicker* Fruit.

Kagura: *nods to Whitney (the authoress)* Making him gay was a good idea.

Whitney: Thank you. Besides, of course it was a good idea, it WAS mine. ^.^

Kagura: *rolls eyes* And she's so humble…

Naraku: *poring over the book* This is a good dress. Okay, few changes there, pretty bow, shoulder line, pleats…Nice! Ok, I can probably-

Kikyo: Okay…we're taking this away now…*tries to get book from him*

Naraku: *holds onto book desperately* NOOOOO! I wanna make the dress! Why can't I make the dress!?!?!

Sango: *looks up from cookbook* Because you're an idiot.

Kikyo: You'd screw it up horribly.

Naraku: FINE. But we're making it pink.

Kikyo: Black. It's going to be black.

Naraku: Pink! Pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pin-

Kikyo: JEEZ! Fine, we'll make it pink! Holy crap! *mouths to everyone else behind Naraku's back* It'll be BLACK.

*Kagome enters*

Kagome: What are you three doing?!

Kikyo: None of your business! Go pick berries.

Kagome: But I picked berries yesterday.

Kikyo: Like we care. Go pick berries.

Kagome: FINE. *storms out of the house* Frickin' berries.

Naraku: WELL…I'll go get the wands.

Kikyo: No wands.

Sango: No magic, remember?

Naraku: But-

Kikyo: No chances.

Naraku: *whining* But I've never baked a FANCY cake. Cookies, I can make. And any type of custard. Jams, tarts, Jell-O,-

Kagura: Shut up, fruitcake.

Naraku: Oh, I can make fruitcake too!

Sango: Anyways, I'm making the cake.

Kikyo: And I'm making the dress.

Naraku: But you can't sew, and she's never cooked! Actually, both of you are kinda tomboys.

Kagura: The ultimate irony. The guy is more like a girl then the two girls. Get on with the story.

Kikyo: Anyways, it's simple.

Sango: You just follow the book.

Naraku: BUT-

Kikyo: *drags a stool to the center of the room* Up here, Naraku, you'll be the dummy.

Kagura: We all know this part, right? Fauna horribly messes up the cake and the dress is pink, black in this instance I guess, and is being royally screwed up by Fauna?

Naraku: *muffled* The dress is black!

Kikyo: Yes, That's what we decided it was going to be.

Naraku: YOU decided.

Kikyo: Yes, that's what I said.

Naraku: It should be pink.

Kikyo: Blech. Gross. No.

Naraku: And who taught you how to sew? It looks awful!

Kikyo: That's only because it's on you.

Sango: *poring over the cookbook* Tsp? What the f*** is a tsp?

Naraku: TEASPOON!

Sango: Then why don't they SAY teaspoon?

~*~*~*

Kagome: *singing*

~*~*~*

Inuyasha: *had nearly fallen asleep on Toutousai's cow* *gets woken up by the singing* What the hell? Who woke me up?! *listens* Pretty.  *tries to turn the cow around* F***ing cow. Turn around.

Toutousai's cow: *wanders into a pond*

Inuyasha: DAMNIT! I'm going to KILL Toutousai!

Toutousai: Kill me later. I'm NARRATING!

Inuyasha: … -.-;;
~*~*~*

Kagura: *read off a memo* 'We are officially not going to do the scene where the animals steal the prince's clothes and dance around with them because that's retarded.  Kagome will be dancing by herself, and then Inuyasha will jump in and dance with her. So there, stupid little forest animals. *quotes Strong Bad* "If a cute little animal came up to me…I'd kick it." ANYWAYS…Kagura if you give Kikyo too much money I won't give you ANY. Thank you.  ~Whitney, the authoress. ^.^' Alrighty…

~*~*~*

Kagome: *dancing by herself*
I know you
I walked with you
Once upon a dream
I know you
The gleam in your eyes
Is so familiar a gleam
And I know it's true
That visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did
Once upon a dream

Inuyasha: *tries to join her dancing, but she won't slow down enough to let him grab her. Makes several attempts to grabs her…and finally does*

Kagome and Inuyasha: The way you did

                                  Once upon a dream

Kagome: Oh! *tries to run away* Let go of me!

Inuyasha: Nope. I hafta do what the wind witch wants. She threatened me with my, erm, delicate areas, and she DOES control the wind.

Kagome: Delicate areas? Your…shins!?

Inuyasha: Wow, I'm not quite sure I want this one…

Kagura: *GLARE* *plays part from the movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen* 'INVISIBLE MAN: Well I'm feeling a bit of a draft in my nether regions…'

Inuyasha: *wince* Sorry!

Kagome: Well, I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.

Inuyasha: We've met before.

Kagome: We have?

*Everyone braces themselves for the extremely cheesy movie line*

Inuyasha: *Grits teeth* Once upon a dream.

Kagome: I think I have to go.

Inuyasha: Will we meet again?

Kagome: No, never.

Inuyasha: Never?

Kagome: *scans script* Um, yeah actually. This evening.

Inuyasha: Where?

Kagome: At the cottage, in the glen.

~*~*~*

Sango: This cake looks messed up. *Standing in front a cake that's really tall, but has bent almost in half and is falling over and looks really gross. I mean, I wouldn't eat it if you paid me. Well, maybe. If it were a lot.*

Naraku: *peering over enough cloth to kill someone* Wow, that's some screwed up cake.

Sango: *glares* And I hope you suffocate in that lump of cloth posing as a dress.

Kikyo: HEY!!!!!

Sango: Look at it, Kikyo.

Kikyo: *looks sadly at the mess of tangled cloth* Yeah, you're right.

Naraku: *struggles out of dress*

Dress: *falls apart*

Naraku: I'ma get the wands.

Kikyo and Sango: Good idea.

Naraku: *gets wands and hands them back to the girls*

Kikyo: Now I'll make the black-

Naraku: PINK.

Kikyo: BLACK dress, and Fauna, you take care of the cake.

Naraku: *looks hopeful to help* While I…

Kikyo: Clean the room.

Naraku: Oh. *sighs* Come on, bucket, mop, broom. Flora says, clean the room.

Bucket, mop, and broom: *start to clean the room*

Kikyo and Sango: *start to make the dress and cake*

Naraku: *points wand at the dress* Make it pink. *makes the dress pink*

Kikyo: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMake it black. *makes it black*

Naraku: Pink. *makes it pink*

Kikyo: Black. *makes it black*

Naraku: Pink. *makes it pink* *accidentally hits Kikyo*

Kikyo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm pink I'm pink get it off me get it off me!!

Naraku: *makes it pink*

Kagura: *plays another part from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen* DORIAN GREY: We'll be at this ALL DAY.
Sorry people the authoress has a newfound obsession with that movie and-

Shout from backstage: THAT MOVIE'S SOOOOOOOO GREAT!

Kagura: Anyways. The two fairies get into a color war, and sent sparks of color up the chimney.

Rin: *comes across the cottage*

Kagura: And the servant of Maleficent saw the lights.

Rin: OOH Rin sees fairy lights and Sesshoumaru-sama said that the fairies disappeared too and that the girl might be hiding with the fairies and then Sesshoumaru-sama said for Rin to find the Princess Aurora-sama and Rin will do that because Sesshoumaru-sama said so and Rin-

Entire Cast: Shut up Rin.

Rin: *goes back to Maleficent*

Kagura: Then Mistress Flora and Mistress Merryweather both hit the dress at the same time and the effect was like two buckets of paint had been dumped on the Princess's dress. Actually, I like it ANY color as long as it's longer then that stupid short skirt she always wears…Anyway.

Kikyo: Now look what you've done!

Kagura: The fairies hear Kagome singing.

Kikyo: 'Nuff of this crap. *puts dress away* Black! *makes it black*

Naraku: Pink! *makes it pink*

Mop: *still mopping*

Kikyo: Put the mop away, Idiot.

Naraku: *does so*

Kagome: *Comes in* *sees dress and cake* Oh!

Three Fairies: *glumly* Happy birthday…

Kagura: *glare* Kikyo, money.

Kikyo: HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAR ROSE!

Kagura: Naraku, same thing I threatened Inuyasha with.

Naraku: Eeep. *covers his 'area'* Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!

Kagura: Sango, um…*makes a TV appear and Kirara and Kohaku are on the screen about to be tortured*

Sango: NOOOOOOO! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Kagura: When in doubt, blackmail. ^.^

Kikyo: Oh, by the way, you're a princess and we're forcing you to marry against your will. The cake and dress were kind of bribes to get to to-

Kagura: Oh, DO shut up.

Kagome: But I've met someone! Once upon a dream!

Sango: Too bad, so sad. You have to marry a prince. You're already betrothed to him too. Tonight we're taking you to your father, King Stefan.

~*~*~* At Stefan's castle

Hojo: *looking anxiously out the window* There isn't any sign of her yet, Miro….Um….Hubert.

Miroku: 'Course not. Isn't sundown yet, is it, Idiot? *eats* *and drinks* *and drinks some more*

Hojo: Sorry. But after 16 years of worrying, never knowing…

Miroku: *sweatdrops* Why are you following the script word for word?

Hojo: Because someone told me to.

Miroku: Boy, you're going to make some girl a lovely doormat someday!

Kagura: Now, you guys hafta do the next part just like it says because it's funny. I like the word. Skumps, skumps skumps! What does it mean, anyways? Hmm…

Miroku: It's the past. *whips out bottle of wine* We toast to a future with something I've been saving for 16 years…*recoils* This wine is 16 years old!?!?! No way am I drinking this.

Kagura: OKAY new note to all guys: You do something stupid that I told you not to do and *hits button* INVISIBLE MAN QUOTE: 'Well I'm feeling a bit of a draft in my nether regions…'

Miroku and Hojo and Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru and Naraku (I didn't count Toutousai or Jaken as guys): *WINCE*

Miroku:*pours two glasses of wine* Here, to the future!

Hojo: Right…To the future!

Miroku: Skumps!

Hojo: Skumps!

Miroku: A toast to this night

Hojo: The outlook is rosy

Miroku: The future is bright

Miroku and Hojo: Our children will marry…our kingdoms unite…Skumps, skumps, skumps!

Kagura: *bursts out laughing* You two should be on Broadway. That was hilarious.

Miroku: *scowls darkly at Kagura* Ah, excellent vintage. And now to the new home, ey?

Hojo: *clueless*  New home?

Miroku: The kids'll need a place of their own, right? A place to…*nudge nudge* You know, raise a brood of their own? Get it ON?

Kagura: *sweatdrop* Guys…*shakes head sadly*

Every guy except Miroku: No, it's just him.

Kagura: *nods* Sorry guys.

Miroku: *pretends to be highly insulted*

Hojo: Well, I suppose they can move in time…

Miroku: Yeah! To the new home! Skumps!

Hojo: Skumps!

Miroku: Skumps!

Hojo: Skumps!

Miroku and Hojo: *they just like the word* Skumps, skumps, skumps!!

Miroku: The plans! *claps his hands and a servant comes and holds castle's plan in front of the two* Nothing elaborate, naturally. Forty bedrooms…dining hall…It's really only a honeymoon cottage.

Hojo: You mean you're building it?

Miroku: It's built! The lovebirds can move in tomorrow.

Hojo: But…They aren't even married yet!!!

Miroku: Oh. My bad. Um, Let's start planning the wedding! We'll take care of that tonight.

Hojo: I haven't seen Kagome in 16 years and you're already taking her away!?!?

Miroku: So? Want to see our grandchildren, don't you? I do.

Hojo: Well, she doesn't know anything about it. It might come as a bit of a shock.

Miroku: Shock? My son a shock…wait a second. I already have an heir! Why do I want them to get married anyway?!

Kagura: *clears throat* I don't know…maybe because YOU won't be able to create any MORE heirs soon if you aren't careful!?!?!

Miroku: u.u; My son a shock?! What's wrong with Inuyasha?

Kagura: Philip. Prince Philip. Learn your son's name.

Hojo: *realizes Miroku could beat him to a pulp because Hojo's a pansy* Nothing! I just meant…

Miroku: Why doesn't your daughter like my son?

Hojo: Eep. I'm not sure my grandchildren want you for a grandfather!! You're scary!

Miroku: Why, you unreasonable, pompous, blustering old windbag!

Kagura: The two kings start to drunkenly fight.

*they stop*

Miroku: Um…what's this about?

Hojo: Nothing, Hubert, absolutely nothing.

Miroku: Of course! The children are bound to fall in love with each other.

Myoga (Remember, he's the announcer): Hey…uh…people, here comes master Inuyash…I mean Prince Philip.

Miroku: Oh, him? I'ma go meet him. *goes to meet him*

Kagura: Inuyasha WOULD come leaping up on his beautiful white horse like Prince Philip does in the movie. But NO. Because of budget cuts-

Whitney: Which, as I recall, was YOUR fault because you had to pay off Kikyo.

Kagura: . . Who, me?

Whitney: Wasn't me. I'ma saving my money. (A/N: We're getting a Hot Topic in our mall! *cheers and throws a party* Now we don't have to go to the mall that's semi-far away!! YAY!)

Kagura: Well, anyway, since we're low on money, we had to use Toutousai's cow.

Inuyasha: *comes ambling slowly up to his father and King Stefan* Go faster you stupid three-eyed cow!

Miroku: Philip! Change into something suitable! Can't meet your bride looking like that! She won't be turned on AT ALL-

Kagura: Beside the point, Miroku.

Inuyasha: I've already met my future bride.

Miroku: Well, yeah, when you were, what, six?

*Everyone braces themselves for extremely cheesy movie line*

Inuyasha: No, once upon a dream! But I really did meet her.

Miroku: You've met Princess Aurora?

Inuyasha: I didn't say it was Aurora. Actually, I don't know who it is. Some peasant girl, I guess.

Miroku: Some…peasant girl?! But you're a prince! You're kidding, right?

Kagura: Okay, I take it back. DON'T follow the script almost word for word. It's Snoozeville. Why do little kids like Disney movies so much? Jeez!

Miroku: SKUMPS! SKUMPS! SKUMPS! SKUMPS! SKUMPS! SKUMPS! SKUMPS! SKUMPS! I like this word! SKUMPS! SKUMPS!

Kagura: Do shut up.

Inuyasha: *has slipped away unnoticed*

~*~*~*

Kagura: The fairies and Princess Aurora slip unnoticed into the castle. They enter a room.

Kikyo: Why does SHE get Inuyasha?! Jeez! It's unfair!

Kagura: Kikyo, you should go read some Inuyasha-Kikyo pairing fanfics. 'Cause this isn't one of them.

Kikyo: *pouts* I'm still hoping that Sesshoumaru will win…

Kagura: Just give it to her.

Kikyo: *chucks a crown at Kagome*

Kagura: That's it, the three of you need to LEAVE.

Naraku: *fussing with the crown and Kagome's hair* Now, your hair should be done this way, so the crown sits nicely right here, and-

Kagome: GET. OFF. OF. MY. HEAD.

Sango: Oh, let's just go in the hall so this fic will be OVER SOONER. We need not prolong the agony for such a long time arguing!

*they go sit in the hall*

Kikyo: Stupid Kagome.

*in the room*

Kagome: *gets up to follow a light (Sesshy!) through the wall the magically opens. She follows the light up the stairs into a room that is empty except for…what else? A sewing machine*

Kagome: Oh. A sewing machine. Well, even though I had a curse placed on me that if I touch one of these I will sleep for a hundred years, I'll touch it!

*in the hall*

Kikyo: Let's go and check on her.

Sango: Right…

*They go into the room just in time to see the wall close*

Kikyo: YES! Go Sesshoumaru!

Kagura: You are supposed to be concerned.

Kikyo: *unenthusiastically* Oh no. Why did we leave her alone. Oh no.

Naraku: What if he messes up her HAIR?!?!? Oh no, we have to save her! *opens up the wall with his magic*

Kagura: The fairies reached the room where the princess had been tricked, and arrive jut in time to see her slump the floor.

Sesshoumaru: *appears in a flash of lightening* Idiots. Thinking you could defeat me, the master of all evil. Well, here's your precious princess. *Disappears in a flash of lightening*

Kagura: He likes lightening, doesn't he?

~*~*~* Outside the castle. People waiting for the princess, the two kings as well.

Myoga: The sun has set, make ready to welcome your princess!

Kagura: In the room, the fairies have set Aurora on the magic bed that happened to be there.

Sango: *looking out the window* Poor King Stefan and the Queen, who still remains nameless.

Naraku: They'll be heartbroken when they find out.

Sango: They won't find out.

Kikyo: Right. You know, they're stupid, but if Princess Aurora NEVER comes, they might get a clue of what's going on.

Sango: No, we'll put them all to sleep until SHE wakes up.

Kagura: So the fairies flew around, putting everyone in and enchanted sleep. They were working on putting the King Hubert to sleep when he started mumbling. Remember he had had quite a lot to drink before…-.-;

Miroku: Well…just been talking to Philip. He's fallen in love with some peasant girl. Sea monkey's got my money.

Kikyo: Sea monkey? *shakes head* What about a peasant girl?

Miroku: Just some peasant girl he met. Yes, I'm a natural perv.

Kikyo: Where did he meet her?

Miroku: Once upon a dream. *finally falls asleep*

Kikyo: Hey, didn't the chick say that she met that guy once upon a dream? Hey, you guys, we should go to the cottage because Prince Hubert's going to be there meeting Briar Rose and she ain't there.

Sango and Naraku: *automatically know what she's talking about even though that was gibberish* Yes, let's go.

Kagura: The three good fairies hurried back to the cottage. But, at the cottage…

Inuyasha: *on the cow, going very s…l…o…w…l…y up to the door of the cottage and knocks*

Sesshoumaru: *To Rin* Look, it's my idiot younger brother. *changes his voice into Kagome's* Come in! *back to his normal voice and to Rin* This is funny.

Inuyasha: *enters the cottage, and the funky little servant thingies that tied up Kagome when Inuyasha was being molested by his 'mother' and Jaken grab him and tie him up*

Sesshoumaru: *To Rin* This was perfectly planned. *To Inuyasha* Well, this is a pleasant surprise. I set my trap for a peasant…and I catch a prince! *snicker* My idiot half-breed brother. *to servants* Away with him. But gently…I have plans for our…royal guest.

Rin: Yes! Sesshoumaru-sama told Rin the plans! Rin thinks they are good plans! But Sesshoumaru-sama then told Rin not to tell anyone the plans. So Rin won't tell anyone the plans, because Sesshoumaru-sama said for Rin not to and Rin will do what Sesshoumaru-sama tells Rin to do and Rin-

Entire cast: Shut up Rin.

Rin: Fine then. *pouts*

Kagura: So, just for a little change, Maleficent and her raven disappeared in…a flash of lightening! *rolls eyes* The fairies get there right after she leaves. They see Prince Philips's hat on the ground.

Sango: *points at the hat* They've got him.

Kikyo: Heh. Let's go save him! 'Cause then maybe he'll forget about Kagome.

~*~*~*

Kagura: At Maleficent's castle. In a room. Maleficent and her raven are watching all the servant dancing around a huge bonfire.

Sesshoumaru: *to Rin* What a…pity Prince Phillip couldn't join in this feast. Come with me, we must go to the dungeon and…cheer him up. ^.^

Rin: Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama says for Rin to-

Entire Cast: Don't even start, Rin.

*They go to the dungeon, where Inuyasha is chained to the wall. The fairies, tiny-size, are hiding just out of sight on the windowsill*

Sesshoumaru: Stupid half breed. Why so melancholy? You, the destined hero of a charming fairy tale come true.

*as Sesshy says the next part, he uses his magic stick to depict the following, his voice dripping with sarcasm*

Sesshoumaru: Behold, King Stefan's castle, and in yonder topmost tower, dreaming of her true love, the princess Aurora. But see the gracious whim of fate. Why, 'tis the self same peasant maid, who won the heart of our noble prince but yesterday. She is indeed most wondrous fair. Gold of sunshine in her hair, lips that shame the red, red rose. In ageless sleep she finds repose. The years roll by, but a hundred years to a steadfast heart are 'bout a day. And now, the gate of the dungeon part and the prince is free to go his way. Off he rides on his noble steed… a valiant figure, straight and tall, to wake his love with love's first kiss, and prove that true love conquers all.

Naraku: Why, you mean…He has great hair! *starts to fly toward Maleficent, but is pulled back by Sango*

Sesshoumaru: *exits the dungeon, locking the door and smiling, as much as he can smile* For the first time in 16 years I shall sleep well.

*Kikyo and Sango and Naraku approach Inuyasha and unchain him and unlock the door.*

Kikyo: Inuyasha, are you SURE you wouldn't consider coming to hell with me?

Inuyasha: *gives her a look that clearly says 'who do you think you're kidding?!'*

Kikyo: *sigh* It was worth a shot. *looks at the script* Um, something about true love…Oh, here's your sword back…*hands Tetsusaiga to him* Oh, and here's your fire-rat kimono to protect you… (A/N: PERVERTS! He was NOT NAKED…He had on his 'princely outfit' on that Prince wears in the movie. Hentai people…)

Inuyasha: *scowls* Did you STEAL this from me?

Kikyo: Um…No…

Inuyasha: Then how did you get this stuff?

Kikyo: Um, you should go…fight…evil…

Inuyasha: *scowls* *snatches his stuff back* *looks at Kagura* How did she get my stuff?

Kagura: *scowls at Kikyo* She apparently stole it. I had nothing to do with it. I swear.

Kikyo: . .

Inuyasha: Oh Kami…I swear, if Kagome wasn't in so much danger then…*scowls at Kikyo*

Kikyo: *starts to cry* Kagome, Kagome, Kagome. JEEZ! Do I get any consideration?

Inuyasha: You killed me. Don't CRY!

Kikyo: You betrayed me-

Inuyasha: THOUGHT I betrayed you. Stop crying! You killed me, I was pinned to a TREE for FIFTY YEARS, and Kagome saved me. And now you're stealing my stuff!

Kikyo: Well, this is not about me...Kagome's in danger! You should…*scowls and grits teeth* Save her…

Inuyasha: You were just complaining because---*looks to the other two fairies for assistance, but Sango's filing her nails and yawning and Naraku's drooling over the latest YM magazine (A/N: HEY OMG I'm drooling too! YUM Orlando Bloom! Cover story!!!!!! He's sooo hot…)* *Inu sweatdrops* Great. Thanks. Well, I'm going to do that then…*mutters something about 'clay pots' and 'dead priestesses' and 'women'* (Another A/N: I don't have nething against Kikyo or anything. I actually like her a lot…but…oh well…preferences can be sacrificed for the sake of comedy. I mean, I made Sesshy a BUNNY in the last one, so…)

Kikyo: *pout*

Inuyasha: *Slowly ambles out of the castle on the cow*

Servants: *throw rocks at him*

Sango: *lazily points at the rocks with her wand and turns them into bubbles*

Servants: *shoot a lot of arrows at Inuyasha*

Kikyo: *debates leaving them as arrows, but then changes them into flowers at the last second*

Rin: *comes running out of the castle room where her and Sesshoumaru were* Rin is checking on the prisoner! Sesshoumaru-sama told Rin-

Naraku: You are interrupting my time to gaze happily at Orlando Bloom. (A/N: *drools*) *Turns her into stone*

Sesshoumaru: *comes out of the room* Who's being so LOUD? Jeez…Rin, go tell them to-Rin? *sees she's stone* Oh. Goddamnit. (A/N: omg there's a picture and semi-article on Jared Padalecki in here too! Dean on Gilmore Girls? Hot hot hot …I love this magazine!!) *orders the drawbridge raised*

Sango: Watch out!

Inuyasha: *jumps off the cow and immediately makes it like 15 feet AFTER the bridge…

Kagura: Stupid cow. Wish we had a pretty white horse…

Whitney: It's YOUR FAULT!

Inuyasha: I'm faster then a horse too!

Kagura: Put you'd look cooler with one.

Forest: *gets clogged with thorns*

Inuyasha: *easily swipes through it all with Tetsusaiga*

Sesshoumaru: Damn sword that I should have gotten…

Kagura: QUIT DWELLING ON THE STUPID SWORD! Get over it! And say your line!

Sesshoumaru: *scowls darkly* It cannot be! *appears in front of Inuyasha* Now you will deal with ME, stupid half-breed, and all the powers of evil!

Inuyasha: ALL of them? I'm sure women fall under that category…

Sesshoumaru: *turns himself into a huge dragon* *With a huge fluffy tail/boa/mane…whatever you think it is*

Inuyasha: Eep…maybe MOST of the powers of hell…*readies Tetsusaiga*

Sesshoumaru: heh…*blows fire at him*

Inuyasha: *Three words: Fire rat kimono.*

Sesshoumaru: Damn.

Inuyasha: *does the ultimate attack of Tetsusaiga, which I forgot the name of because there's a picture of JOHNNY DEPP, who is the hottest of ALL on this page. ^^*

Sesshoumaru: *dies*

Backstage: *Sesshoumaru appears. I couldn't really kill him off! Are you insane?!?!

Inuyasha: *does the cute little hoppy thing up to the castle room where Kagome is*

Kikyo: *has taken the place of Kagome. Kagome is in a heap on the floor from being shoved off the bed. Kikyo is not really asleep and has her lips in a 'kiss me' form*

Inuyasha: *sweatdrops* Her?! I gotta kiss HER?!

Kagura: *furious* No! You have to kiss HER! *points to Kagome* Kikyo!

Kikyo: FINE *stomps out of the room angrily*

Kagura: *rolls eyes*

Inuyasha: *puts Kagome back on the bed* *kiss*

Kagome: *sits up and slaps him* Oh! Sorry!

Inuyasha: *scowls* I save from being comatose forever, and you SLAP me. Great. Just great.

Kagome: I'm sorry!

Inuyasha: Wench…

Kagome: Sit boy!

Inuyasha: *hits the floor*

Everyone else in the kingdom: *wakes up*

Miroku: mmmm? Forgive me, Stefan, the wine…What were you saying?

Hojo: I was saying something? No, you were saying something about a peasant girl…

Miroku: Oh! Philip has it in his head that he's going to marry some peasant girl…

Hojo: Then can I have Kagome?

Kagura: EW!!!!!!!! Incest! Incest! Ew! Ew! Ew! Incest! Gross!

Hojo: Oh, right, I'm her dad…my bad.

Inuyasha and Kagome: *Enter, dancing to the crazy music of 'Once Upon A Dream'*

Miroku:  HEY! That isn't some peasant girl! *checks her out*

Hojo: *bops him on the head* It's Kagome.

Miroku: It is? *gets closer look* Oh. Well, she is quite lovely…But not as lovely as Sango. ^.^

Sango: Shut up, hentai monk. *blushes at his compliment anyway*

*Inuyasha and Kagome continue to dance in the middle of the room*

-In the balcony-

Kikyo: *Sees the dress in pink* Ew, black. *changes it to black*

Naraku: Pink. *changes it to pink*

-The dress keeps changing colors as the picture of the castle fades away, until Prince Phillip and Kagome are dancing in the clouds, and still the dress changes colors. After they kiss, the words 'happily ever after' appear at the bottom of the screen.-

Sesshoumaru: I'm not happy! I'm DEAD, for crying out loud.

Kikyo: You'll get used to it.

Sesshoumaru: *scowls* Jeez…