Title: Mall Marauders!
By: Baron Von Halfsmurfen
Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story, except the Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom. The mall in which this is set is a local mall, but you probably didn't need to know that. It should also be noted that I was drinking mass amounts of caffeine as I wrote this. Read at your own risk.
James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are sitting around by the lake. Suddenly, a Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom appears next to them. No one else seems to notice.
Sirius: Hey, James, isn't that a Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom? (points)
James: (looks up from his doodling) Yep, it sure is.
The other two look up at the Vortex as well.
Sirius: (evil grin) You thinking what I'm thinking?
Remus: (shakes head) No, Padfoot. You've already thrown three Slytherins in the Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom. One more and I might have to give you detention.
Sirius: I wasn't talking about that, Moony. What if we threw ourselves in?
Remus, James, Peter: WHAT?
Sirius: Well, what can it hurt? The Slytherins have always turned back up -
James: - months later -
Remus: - traumatised beyond belief -
Peter: - ending up spending a year at St. Mungo's.
Sirius: Oh, come on! That only happened once!
James: I guess it couldn't hurt to try....
Sirius and James get up and advance to the Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom. Remus shakes his head exasperatedly.
Remus: (standing up and pulling Peter along) C'mon Peter, we'd better follow. Goodness knows what'll happen if we left those two to their own devices....
The four jump into the Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom. After quite a bit of swirling, the four land in a heap on a large slab of pavement.
James: (looking around) I don't think we're at Hogwarts anymore...
Sirius: (watching cars drive on the right side of the road) I don't think we're in England anymore...
Remus: (looking more closely at the cars) I don't think we're in 1976 anymore...
Peter: Then where are we?
Sirius: Good point, Wormtail. (stands up and walks towards the large building behind them) It says here we're at the...Monroeville Mall.
James: (also standing up) Mall? Isn't that one of those places where Muggles go to buy things?
Remus: I think it is.
James looks around for a door into the mall. He sees one and starts to walk towards it.
Sirius: (following James) We're going to go in there?
James: Sirius, it's your fault we're here, so we better make the best of it.
Remus and Peter follow. The four now walk into the mall. All four gape for a moment.
Remus: Well, what are we going to do now?
The other three shrug and look around.
James: Hey! (he takes a few steps, bends over and picks something up)
Sirius: (looking over James's shoulder) It's a wallet!
James opens the wallet ad looks inside.
James: There seems to be quite a bit of money here.... (he throws it to Remus) Here. You're the only one of us who takes Muggle Studies. Tell us how much is in there.
Remus examines the money.
Remus: I've never seen this kind of money before. (he begins to count it) There's a twenty, a ten, another twenty and some ones.
Sirius: That's at least fifty...er...fifty money-things!
Peter: And we can spend it on whatever we like!
Remus looks a bit concerned at this but nods along with James and Sirius.
James: Well, we can't spend these money-things by just standing here...unless that's something Muggles do....(he looks questioningly at Remus)
Remus: (exasperated sigh) No, James. Muggles do not pay to stand around; in fact a lot of them complain about doing just that.
The four begin to walk, passing several shops and staring into the windows. People don't seem to think that there is anything out of the ordinary about four teenage boys wearing long black robes and very '70s haircuts.
Random Old Guy: (grunts as he watches the four walk past) Must be some new fad...damn crazy punks.
Sirius: Remus, what's a punk?
Remus: Dunno.
Peter. Maybe it's a Muggle word for a wizard!
James: Don't be silly, Wormtail, they hardly know we exist!
The group pass a candy store and Sirius stops suddenly, causing Remus to walk into him.
Remus: Hey!
Sirius stares, transfixed by all the candy.
Sirius: Can we, James? Please?
James agrees and Sirius bolts in, piling his arms full of sugary things.
Remus: Sirius! Calm down! (he reaches for one of the little bags) Put those in here.
Sirius does so. He fills up about four bags and runs to the counter. The cashier, who has been watching all this, looks at the four in a very odd manner.
James: (pulls out wallet) Hello... (reads the cashier's name tag and smiles) Hello, Wendy!
Wendy the Cashier: Uh, hi. (Wendy the Cashier proceeds to ring up all of Sirius's candy) That'll be $12.50
The four crowd around the wallet, bickering.
James: The one that says twenty, Sirius!
Sirius: No! It's the one that says one!
Peter: No! It's the ten!
Remus yanks the wallet away from the three and counts out thirteen dollars.
Remus: (handing the bills to Wendy the Cashier) There you are ma'am.
Wendy the Cashier starts to take out the extra fifty cents, but the four are already down the hall.
Sirius: (giving everyone a bag of candy) There. (he finds a bench and sits down, ripping open the bag and eating as much as he can)
The other three seat themselves around Sirius and watch as he steadily gets hyper.
Sirius: (quite hyper) Hey Remus! You don't want that candy! (snatches Remus's candy and downs half of it, throwing the rest back)
Remus: Sirius! (hides his candy)
Sirius: (laughs manically) C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Let's do something!
James: I actually agree with him. We should find something to -
James is cut off by Sirius, who is now running at full speed towards the Mr. Rogers Playland. James, Remus and Peter follow.
Sirius: (climbing up one of the little tower things and sliding down the slide) WHEE! COME ON JAMES! This Muggle -
Remus slaps his hand over Sirius's mouth.
The four turn and notice a store across from the Mr. Rogers Playland. It looks dark inside and there is a lot of noise which might be music coming from it. Several teenagers come out of it, all wearing equally dark clothes. Sirius jumps over the low wall of the Playland and runs up to the teens.
Sirius: HI!
The teens stare and a few laugh. Sirius notices that they are all girls and tries to "put the moves" on them. Fortunately, he is too hyper to do this properly.
Random Hot Topic Girl: Who are you, anyway?
Sirius: I'm Sirius! (tries to wink, but just looks like he has something in his eye)
James, Peter and Remus catch up with Sirius and take him hurriedly by the arms into the store. It is, in fact, dark and loud. Sirius seems to be enjoying himself, though.
Sirius: (holding up a shirt) This one says, 'Dorks Are Hot'! Hey, Remus, maybe that means you'll get a girlfriend!
Remus hits him. James, meanwhile, is looking at a pair of very baggy pants.
James: I think there's something wrong with these pants....They're too big at the bottom!
Remus: (laughs at James then goes to examine the CD listening station. He picks up a CD) What's this?
James: Dunno, Moony. (picks up headphones and somehow manages to realise that you put them on your head. He does so.) What now?
Hot Topic Salesguy: You press this, (presses the CD selection button) then this, (presses Play).
James is now listening to something very fast, very loud and almost inaudible. James is listening to Probot.
James: (throws off headphones) Agh! What was that!
Sirius, Remus and Peter come over to investigate.
Sirius: (puts headphones to his ears and winces) I think it's supposed to be music, Prongs.
James looks startled at this news.
Remus: You know, it's not our time, maybe people think it's really good music.
Sirius: I have my doubts.
Meanwhile, the Hot Topic Salesguy is watching the four from the counter.
Hot Topic Salesguy: Are you gonna buy anything or what?
Sirius: Um...(looks around at the rack of shirts behind him and picks one up) Yes. I'm going to buy this!
Sirius holds the shirt up to his chest, it reads, "Kiss Me, I'm A Pirate".
James: (stifling laughter) Sirius...a pirate?
Remus: Well, marauder is another term for a pirate, James.
James: Did you eat a dictionary this morning, Moony?
Remus: No, I'm always this smart. (satisfied smile)
Sirius walks up to the counter with his shirt. Remus runs in front of him and pulls him back to the group.
Sirius: Remus! I want to buy this shirt!
Remus: You can't.
James and Sirius: Why not?
Remus: Because if you buy that shirt and bring with back with you, people are going to ask where you got it.
Sirius: I'll say I bought it over the summer.
Remus: Sirius, that's a Muggle shirt. People are going to ask why a Pureblood like you has a Muggle shirt.
James: Sirius, Remus is right. There would be too many questions.
Sirius: When did you all start being so obedient? James, I thought the risk would be more fun!
James: It would, but, well...you did make us go through the Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom.
Sirius: (throws shirt back on the rack) Fine. I'll just make my own pirate shirt when we get back.
The four walk out of the store and down the corridor. Remus pauses for a moment.
James: What's wrong, Moony?
Remus: How are we going to get back?
Sirius: (thinks for a moment) Maybe the Vortex will just pop back up.
Remus: But when? And where?
James: Hmm...wish I could tell ya.
Peter: Time turner?
Sirius: No, that would take too long. And plus, we don't have one.
James: Portkey?
Remus: It might take us back to Hogwarts, but it would still be in whatever year this is.
Sirius: But maybe if we go back there, they can help us get back.
James: Of all the things they teach us at Hogwarts, why don't they tell us how to use a Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom?