Mall Marauders!

By: Baron Von Halfsmurfen

Author's Note: Thank you, thank you, all my wonderful reviewers! Now on with the story!

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything...

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Chapter Two: Some Things Are Best Kept Secret...

The four are walking down the corridor of the mall, Remus still trying to figure out how they are going to get back. He turns to ask James what he thinks, and discovers that they are not there. He looks around for them, but to no avail.

Remus: Hope they didn't find a way home without me....(stops by nearest store) Maybe they went in there....

Remus enters the store, called Victoria's Secret, and immediately knows he should turn around. The store is filled with many frilly...things and smells like bad perfume. Before he can make it back out the door, a saleswoman accosts him.

Saleswoman: Hello, sir! Looking for something for your girlfriend?

Remus: No, I don't have -

Saleswoman: (holding up a frilly...thing) We have a sale on these today!

Remus: No, really, I -

Saleswoman: (holds up perfume) A free bottle of perfume with every purchase of fifty dollars or more! Here, smell! (sprays bottle)

The perfume is not enticing in any way. Remus coughs and tries to side-step the obviously deranged saleswoman.

Remus: Look, I really have to g-

Saleswoman: Well, have a nice day and thank you for shopping at Victoria's Secret!

Remus: (pauses on his way out the door) What is Victoria's secret, anyway?

Saleswoman leans over and whispers in Remus's ear. Remus looks either ill or disgusted. He claps his hand over his mouth.

Remus: I think I might be sick.... (rushes out the door and hurries far, far away from that store)

***

Meanwhile, James, Sirius, and Peter are looking for Remus. They turn up at a store with two large display windows. The windows are filled with comical cartoon characters.

James: Let's try in here.

Sirius: Eh...something tells me Remus wouldn't go in there.

James: We might as well try, though.

The three walk into the store, titled the Disney Store. It is loud with the screams of small children and something that is playing on a very large screen. It is also littered with pink things.

Sirius: (almost being run over by a horde of children) What kind of place is this?

James: I don't know, but Remus sure isn't in it. We're like the tallest people here!

Peter looks appropriately frightened and is trying to edge out the door. James and Sirius start to join him, until they too are accosted by a salesman - he acts a lot like the Dell dude. I hate that guy.

Salesman: (dripping with overly cheery-ness) Hey, dudes! Welcome to the Disney Store! Looking for anything in particular?

James: No...we hate this place.

Salesman: Aww, now you can't hate the Disney Store!

Sirius: Yes, we can.

Salesman: No, you can't.

Sirius: Yes, we can. And we do. (turns to leave)

The door is blocked by several weary-looking women, each with a child in a stroller and a child running about them.

James: Damn.

Salesman: Hey, man! No swearing in the Disney Store!

Peter: Shut up, will you?

Salesman: No can do, bro!

The women and their children have ceased blocking the door. James, Sirius, and Peter make a run for it, escaping the overly-cheery salesman...thankfully.

James: Never...never again....

Sirius: No. Never.

Peter is merely shaking his head in shock. Suddenly, they are run into by another person. It is Remus, still on the run from the Victoria's Secret saleswoman.

Remus: There you are! You guys have to hide me!

James: Why, Moony?

Sirius: You didn't go in...there, did you? (points to the Disney Store facade)

Remus: (looks at store and grimaces) No! I went to this place called...Victoria's Secret. It was all...frilly. (sits down exasperatedly)

The rest of the group joins Remus.

James: Yeah, well, we had to go to that Disney place. We were attacked by-

Sirius: - little kids -

Peter: - pink -

James: - and a crazy salesman.

Sirius: (nods) He tried to be cool.

James: So what is Victoria's Secret?

Remus: (looks ill again) You don't want to know....

*****

A/N: Don't worry! The Marauders will find their way home, probably in the next chapter. I just like toying around with them! ::evil grin::