Mall Marauders!
By: Baron Von Halfsmurfen
Author's Note: I apologise ahead of time for all the giggling involved in this chapter.
Disclaimer: Nothing do I own, excepting the GSVoID.
***
Chapter Three: The Return of The Vortex
The Marauders head down the corridor of the mall, near the entrance where they came in. James is still pestering Remus about the contents of Victoria's Secret; Sirius is beginning to feel the after-results of his sugar high; Peter is merely tagging along.
James: Come on, Remus! I just want to know what's in the place!
Remus: (shaking head) And I told you, James, it's nothing you'd be interested in. (pause) Come to think of it, you probably would be interested in it. Which is precisely why I'm not telling you anything.
James makes a frustrated face at Remus and catches up with Sirius, who has somehow taken the lead.
Sirius: (sounding tired) Hey, James.
James: What's wrong, Padfoot?
Sirius: Hyper...draining...sleep...needed....
James: Why don't we sit down outside then?
Remus: You know, that's a good idea. I'd like a bit of fresh air myself.
The four exit the mall and sit on the curb.
Peter: Maybe since we came back out here, the swirly thing will come back!
Sirius: (looks towards Peter, amazed) You might have a point there, Wormtail!
James: Well, it had better come soon. This place is getting boring.
The other three nod in agreement. After the brief nodding spell, they lapse back into silence. During this, four giggling teenage girls walk past them, all pausing for a moment in front of the boys. They are dressed in jeans and t-shirts - Abercrombie & Fitch style.
Giggling Teenage Girl 1: (giggle) Hi! (more giggling)
The boys look up at the girls questioningly.
Giggling Teenage Girl 2: Are you guys Goths?
Sirius looks to James, brow raised, and mouths 'Goths?'
James: We don't know what a Goth is.
Giggling Teenage Girl 1: Like, do you shop at Hot Topic?
Giggling Teenage Girl 3: (nudges Girl 1 in the ribs) I shop at Hot Topic!
Giggling Teenage Girl 1: Oh, Jazmyne, you only go there because you lack self-esteem and think that in order to gain more attention from the opposite sex, you should wear lots of black and t-shirts from bands you've never heard of. It's a sociological problem.
The other three girls look at her in amazement.
Giggling Teenage Girl 2: Where did you learn all those big words? Have you been actually paying attention in class?
Giggling Teenage Girl 1: (giggle) I don't know what I just said, but eww, I must be sitting too close to the nerds or something.
A chorus of 'eww' springs from the four obviously dimwitted girls.
Remus: (crossing his arms) You have something against nerds?
Remus is sadly ignored as Sirius speaks up.
Sirius: Hot Topic...that's the loud, dark place, right, James?
James: The one that almost cost me my hearing? Yes.
Giggling Teenage Girl 2: Oh. My. God. Did you hear their accents? They're like SO cute! (giggle)
Giggling Teenage Girl 4: I LOVE British accents! Orli has the best one!
Giggling Teenage Girl 1: That's not British, Chelsie.
Chelsie: Whatever! He's still SO hot! (giggle)
The girls continue to giggle and oogle over the Marauders. Sirius once again tries to "put the moves" on them, but his lack of energy causes him to give up.
Remus: (stands up) I'm taking a walk.
Peter: I think I'll follow you. These girls are scaring me. (stands)
Remus: I think I would have had a better time with those other girls we saw.
Peter: The ones in the black? (looks over his shoulder, as if comparing the two sets of girls mentally) I do, too. They didn't laugh quite so much.
Remus nods and starts to walk with Peter around the corner of the mall. Suddenly, a ripping noise is heard and the Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom appears in front of them. Remus stares, then turns back around and races back to James and Sirius, with Peter behind him.
Sirius: (to the girls) So, anyway, I told him to move it, but -
Remus: (interrupting) James! Sirius! Come on!
James: (stands) Where?
Sirius: (stands as well) Is it here?
Remus: Yes! (starts running back to the Vortex. James and Sirius follow, too.)
As the four arrive back at the place of the Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom. They all jump in at the same time, hoping they will return to their own time and place. As luck would have it, they do return to the Hogwarts of 1976.
Sirius: (now sprawled on the ground) Well, that was fun.
James: (stands up from his place of sprawling and dusts off his robes) I swear, if this Vortex hadn't appeared right when it did, I would have killed those girls.
Remus: I wouldn't have stopped you, either.
The three Marauders who are still on the ground get up and look around. It seems that they haven't been gone for long.
Remus: (to random passing student) Do you know what day it is?
Student: (with furrowed brows) The fifth of April.
Remus: (nods) Nineteen Seventy-six?
Student: (becoming slowly wary of Remus' sanity) Yes.
Remus: Thank you.
The student backs slowly away, and as soon as he's gotten far enough away, breaks into a run.
James: Now, Sirius, have you learned your lesson?
Sirius: What lesson, James?
James: About going through Giant Swirling Vortexes of Imminent Doom.
Sirius: Oh, of course. (clears throat) I learned that Giant Swirling Vortexes of Imminent Doom, and the travel they induce, should be not be used for leisure, but rather a way to rid yourself of nasty people you don't like. (pause) Or something like that.
James: And...?
Sirius: And I'm not allowed to ever suggest we travel through said Vortex again.
Remus: I thought the lesson was that time travel is silly and unpredictable.
James: Not necessarily, Remus. Time travel is quite useful in the right situation.
James and Remus continue to debate the effects of time travel long into the night. As they all settle into bed, Sirius speaks up again.
Sirius: Hey, you guys...?
James: Mmmph...what Sirius?
Sirius: You reckon if we threw Snape through the Vortex tomorrow anyone would notice?
The other three groan.
Remus: Go to sleep, Sirius.
Sirius: A man can dream, can't he?
Remus: No, Sirius. A man can't dream at all. Now go to sleep.
Sirius finally goes to sleep, though his dreams are mostly all about throwing Snape down the Giant Swirling Vortex of Imminent Doom and getting eaten by those weird preppy girls.
***
The author of this story breathes a sigh of relief. Finally, her demented creation is finished. The world can sleep once again.
But suddenly, the evil white plot bunny of Cair Banorg leaps onto the author's head and fills it with one of its evil creations.
The author screams into the night.
"A SEQUEL? NOOOO!"