"Slip Slidin' Away"
A Snips and Spirals Fanfic
Text by Lady Tesser
--------------------
DISCLAIMER: The Harry Potter characters in this story belong to J. Rowling.
Spirals belongs to Lady Tesser and Atana.
Snips and Spirals deny having anything to do with the stone horse head
found in Sirius Black's bed.
--------------------
Ice skating on the lake during the winter months was a tradition at Hogwarts extending as far back as anyone could remember.
First-Year Britomartis 'Spirals' Vox thought she was in Hell.
Living on Crete her entire life, all she had known was warmth and sunshine. The Mediterranean had hot summers and balmy winters, and sunshine was plentiful all year round.
The midlands of Scotland, however, began nightly freezing temperatures in early September. By the time November rolled around, the lake was already surface frozen and students spent time after classes skating on the ice.
Except for Martis and her best friend Severus 'Snips' Snape, who both were huddled close together under their cloaks and green and silver scarves and trying to keep warm even though the cold had frozen their feet through their boots. They were there to cheer on Slytherins Evan Ryper and Rodolphus Lestrange (Sev's cousin) in an improvised ice hockey match against Gryffindors Sirius Black and James Potter.
"Snips!" Martis cried in shock. "My thighs are frozen!"
Sev's voice answered with as much surprise, "So are mine! I never noticed that before!"
"I'm going to freeze to death here," she proclaimed, hopping from one foot to the other. "Tell your cousin that we can't be his unpaid fan club right now because we're about to freeze our noses off."
Sev pulled his thin cloak closer around his body and picked his way over dead grasses and half-frozen mud to the shore of the lake to wait for Rodolphus to skate by -
Sev was shocked to suddenly find himself slammed onto his cheek against the ice, the inside of his head ringing from the impact. 'Anybody catch the number of that broom?' he thought.
Dazed, he looked up to see Martis sailing over him, her boot stretched out from under her cloak. The ice burned his hands as he forced himself to sit up to see Martis crash into Sirius Black and James Potter's backs, her arms hooked around the back of their necks.
"WHAT THE AVERNUS WAS THAT FOR?!?!" she demanded, falling to the ice. "Snips was going to talk to his cousin - not bother you two toads!"
"GET OFF ME!" Potter yelled, whipping his wand out. "NESOSPIZA!"
Martis kicked his wand away from her, sending the direction of the hex toward Peter Pettigrew who transformed into a giant canary.
Sev managed a giggle even though it hurt his head. He pulled his own wand out.
Black pointed his wand at Martis, opening his mouth -
At the same time, Sev pointed his wand at Black and called, "EXPELLIARMUS!"
Black's wand spun end over end toward the center of the lake. Martis uppercut the Gryffindor's jaw and added, "Great Mother! Have the decency to point it at my face at least!"
"Shut up!" he snarled, grabbing a fistful of her knee-length hair and yanking.
"OW!" Martis cried.
"How you like it, Rapunzel?"
"Hey!" Potter and Sev shouted.
"Uncalled for!" Potter objected.
Martis snatched a handful of Sirius' own long black hair. "Back atcha, Samson!"
Sev crawled across the ice and grabbed Black's leg.
"Get off me, you greasy git!" Black roared.
Potter tackled Sev and both boys began earnestly punching each other. Potter's glasses were lost somewhere during the struggle.
Black and Martis managed to stand up on their knees on the ice and exchanged hair pulls, slaps, and scratches (mostly by Martis) as she muttered, "Have to pick on girls to prove your manhood, right, Dog-Breath?"
"Enough," Professor Penderdandis' voice stated loud enough for every student in the vicinity to hear. Even though it was never above his normal voice, the power behind it carried the intent into the heads of all students.
The four brawling students paused in their fights, looking up at the extremely thin Arithmancy instructor staring at them in a completely neutral expression from behind his pince-nez glasses. "Mr. Black, Mr. Potter - Professor McGonagall will hear of this - you'll have detention with me tomorrow after classes. Mr. Snape, Miss Vox - come with me."
Black and Potter got up and skated to the shore of the lake, picking up Potter's glasses and Black's wand along the way, their faces pinched in disgust. Martis and Sev attempted to get up from the slippery ice several times before Evan Ryper helped them up and brought them to the shore.
"Do you need to visit Nurse Pomfrey?" Professor Penderdandis asked.
Both shook their heads.
"Then let's go inside, warm you up, then hang you both in the dungeons," their House Master said as he turned and led the way back to the school.
Sev and Martis shivered, following him at a respectful distance.
* * *
Professor Gallo Penderdandis tented his fingers as he stared down at his two Slytherin children known to the school at large as the 'Infamous Snips and Spirals'. The boy was obviously terrified, while the girl hid her emotions extremely well behind her sunglasses.
"Brawling on the ice," he said. "Not only brawling but hexing each other. Why?"
Martis remained silent. Sev answered, "They knocked me down first."
"And you felt you had to finish it?"
"Martis finished it, sir."
"Miss Vox?"
Martis quietly stated, "I refuse to believe Hogwarts allows institutionalized bullying ... despite what I've seen."
Sev pressed his lips together while hers fell into a straight line.
Penderdandis had an overwhelming urge to hang them up by their hair in the dungeons. "Nevertheless, I cannot officially accept my students fighting with the other houses; however ... I cannot do anything if you aren't caught."
Sev coughed to cover up his giggle while Martis continued to silently stare.
"Five points off total, plus cleaning both girls and boys showers. Off with you."
* * *
Sev closed the door to Professor Penderdandis' office after Martis left. She glanced back, and then gently touched her fingers to his cheek. "You're getting a bruise."
"I think it's where I hit the ice," he replied, reaching up to rub the skin. The dull pain pulsed a bit, and then he brushed his hair from his mouth. "I think I gave Potter a black eye with my nose, though."
She broke into a giggle, clutching his arm and hugging him. "My rowdy Snips." She sighed. "Come on, we better start on cleaning the showers."
* * *
It took two hours to finish the boys' showers.
Martis - clad in a spiral-printed shirt and denim trousers with her hair in a long braid - and Sev - in his grungiest tunic and trousers - hauled their buckets of cleaning supplies across the Slytherin common room and deposited them on the floor before them as they both fell on a couch together.
"Girls' showers will take longer," Martis gasped.
"I can't take it anymore, Spirals," he admitted.
Lucius Malfoy, Fourth-Year, lowered the book he was reading. "Dragging the Slytherin name through the mud again, Snips and Spirals?" he asked. "Everyone heard about your little scuffle on the ice."
"The Brainless Brigade started it," Martis complained. "If they had left Snips alone, it would never have happened."
"What did you do to them, Snape?" Lucius asked.
"Probably breathed in their fumes," Sev muttered. Martis giggled and poked his arm. Medusa appeared over the back of the couch, slithering down around Martis' shoulders.
Lucius sneered. "You two are the most undignified members of Slytherin. You really should concentrate on keeping up appearances rather than fighting with the Gryffindors."
"But they beg for it," Martis explained. "How could we deny them something that justifies their petty existence? It keeps them entertained at least."
"Although," Sev added. "we can hardly sharpen our wits against them."
"That's why we hardly ever go into a battle of wits - it'd be like hexing fish in a barrel."
"True, and I have a beautiful one waiting to be used on Black when we're old enough to not be under the Underage Wizarding Laws."
"We'll probably forget it by then," Martis pointed out. "By then, we should be out of here and back on Crete - " She poked Sev in the shoulder. "Bother."
He poked her shoulder in returned. "Bother."
"Bother."
"Bother."
"Bother."
"Bother."
"WILL YOU TWO CUT THAT OUT?!" Lucius bellowed.
They turned to look at him, grinning, and then giggled, "No!"
* * *
Martis carefully combed her long ash blonde hair over her shoulder as she stood before the one full-length mirror in her dorm room. Three of her roommates were giggling to themselves about some nonsense or other, while the other had been reported as being sick and in the care of Nurse Pomfrey.
Finally, one of the girls - a small, pretty Japanese girl - approached Martis. "Spirals, we had a thought."
"Be gentle with it," Martis commented, adjusting her sunglasses. "It's in a strange place."
Akiko Mori stuck her tongue out at her. "We were just wondering - considering the way you and Snips hang out, we were wondering if you two were dating or something."
Martis chortled. "Oh, please, I just turned twelve! I haven't officially noticed boys yet."
"No, really, do you like Snips?"
"As a friend, Aki."
Oriana Crescent grinned slyly. "Of course you do." She slit her violet eyes. "But the Ladies of Slytherin have plans for you."
Martis clutched her hairbrush hard enough to break the joint between the handle and the brush-head. "What are they up to?"
"Pay up, first."
Martis lifted up Medusa and casually tossed the snake at the girl.
Oriana began screaming while Akiko and Peony Danderfluff giggled nervously. Martis finally picked Medusa up and asked, "What do the Ladies of Slytherin say about me, little spy?"
Oriana gasped for breath, grabbing a book to fan herself. "The Ladies had suggested ... that ... if you and Severus Snape were to ... form an alliance ... then arrangements can be made for ... Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy - the stud - to form their own alliance in ... in conjunction with yours - "
"Plain language, Crescent!" Martis snarled, picking her up by the front of the girl's nightgown.
"Narcissa and Lucius are planning on marrying and having children when they leave Hogwarts," she explained quickly. "She wants you and Severus to hook up to have kids so their kids and yours can get together - "
Martis tossed her on the bed. "I'm not a breeding horse! What kind of a pervert is she??" She threw on her spiral-printed cloak and shoved her feet into slippers. "Oriana, I'll get you some peanut butter fudge when I go by the candy shop next time - thank you for cooperating."
She hurried out of the dorm room and down the spiral staircase to the other dorms. Knocking first, she opened the door and said, "Narcissa Black! You - me - common room - prepare to die!"
Narcissa Black (Fourth-Year), her blonde hair pulled up in a towel and her fingers spread wide for her nail polish to dry, looked up at the First-Year student challenging her. Her expression matched the same as a person who bit into an apple and discovered half a worm sticking out of the flesh.
"Can this wait some other time, Vox?"
"No - either preserve your dignity by coming willingly, or I'll drag you downstairs by your peroxided hair!"
"It is not colored!" Narcissa huffed, getting up and carefully stomping past her.
Martis followed her down to the common room; every once in a while someone would poke their head out of their door to see the Lady of Slytherin and Spirals about to have their showdown.
Narcissa Black settled in one of the armchairs, spreading her fingers out over the arms and gazing down her perfect nose at the Cretan girl.
Martis immediately thought of the reigning Queen of Crete by Narcissa's posture and manner, and realized that the Queen was every bit as arrogant as this girl. So why was it less annoying on the Queen?
"Rumor reached me," Martis stated. "That you have ideas of what to do with any children I may have in the future."
"Something along those lines, Miss Vox," the older girl admitted. "These ideas are for the far future, when we're all ... mature." She sniffed. "Some more than others."
Martis flipped her hair back, pushing her sunglasses up on her nose. "Miss Black, your concern about matters that have nothing to do with school constantly amazes me. Especially your concern about what comes out of my womb."
"As Pureblooded ladies, we have to preserve our - "
"We have completely different views of what constitutes 'Pureblood' and 'maturity'. And, frankly, your definitions make me puke."
Narcissa smiled coldly. "We'll find out in five years or so. It's quite the talk of the school, you know, of how you and Severus Snape are closer than twins. I've heard the Headmaster is quite concerned about it."
"Why? We're just a couple of friends being kids together."
"That's not what the Rumor Mill says."
"Then I suggest you stop speaking into the Rumor Mill." Martis leaned close, her sunglasses within inches of Narcissa's blue eyes. "And if there are any more suggestions of what I can do with my womb, I'll offer YOU suggestions of what to do with your head and your backend." She sniffed. "Understand?"
Narcissa sniffed slightly louder, and then snorted in response. She got up, keeping her fingers wide apart as she ascended the stairs back up to her room.
Martis made several rude hand gestures she had learned from her fellow housemates during a Quidditch match with Gryffindor, and then ran up the opposite staircase to the boys' dorms.
The boys of Slytherin were used to seeing her dash up and down the stairs; several of them thought it was kinda neat that she was willing to risk capture by Penderdandis just to see that antisocial sot Snape.
Martis herself had discovered she could not spend much time in the boys' dorms; it seemed there was some sort of spell on the entire place that prevented anyone of the opposite gender from staying more than one minute. More than a minute, and the offender in question is zapped to the rooms of their House Master or Mother (depending on gender).
It took exactly thirty seconds to get up to Sev's room. It took twenty- five seconds to run back down.
Leaving five seconds for her to do her evening ritual...
Martis flew the door open to one of the dorm rooms - inside were Malfoy, Ryper, and Sev - and yelled, "Night, Snips!" Then slammed the door shut and ran back down the stairs.
Ritual done, she could now sleep better.
* * *
Inside the boys' dorm room, Evan Ryper grinned. "I still say she fancies you, Snape."
"Shut up, Ryper," Sev replied as usual with a shy grin.
Lucius rolled his eyes. "You used to be so dignified before she came along, Snips."
Sev shrugged, burying his nose in a potions book and not replying. It was true - dignified, solemn, and entirely depressed.
But Martis encouraged him to be a kid, just like he was supposed to be. Even if they got into more physical fights with the Marauders, it was worth it with her at his back. He was not alone anymore, and that is all that really mattered to him.
A potion caught his attention and he read over the ingredients list and procedures.
A string of light bulbs popped up around his head.
Oh, perfect. And he just happened to have access to Professor Sartoris' potion stores.
He could not wait to tell Martis what he had found.
* * *
"Spirals, I want to pull a prank on the Marauders."
Martis looked up at Sev as he sat next to her in the Great Hall. "They're about due in for one, especially from what happened yesterday. Got anything for Narcissa Black?"
He picked an orange out of the fruit bowl near them and began peeling it. "What has Little Miss Lady Obnoxia done now?"
"She thinks we're an item." Martis shoved a huge spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth.
"Item of what?" he asked as he inhaled a slice.
She swallowed. "Together. Dating." Her nose wrinkled up in disgust. "Going to do nasty, biological things to each other and make babies - "
He spat an orange slice across the table, making it land in Rosier's oatmeal. "WHAT?"
"That was pretty much my reaction, Snips." She shoved another spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth. "I think I'll make boils break out on her face when she's in public view."
Sev thoughtfully chewed for a moment, and then said, "You're twelve and I'm thirteen. I think we're too young to be thinking about that stuff."
"Of course. And Nasty-issa is eagerly awaiting the day we have kids so she can marry her kids off to ours. Evidently, she and Lucy - "
"Lucy?"
"Lucius - anyway, she and Lucy have this weird idea that they'll have kids and that we'll have kids and that our kids should all get together."
Sev giggled, blushing. "Why?"
"Probably because we aren't related to them and we're still 'Pureblood'." She made quotation marks in the air with her fingers around the last word. "Stupid bint. The Ladies of Slytherin are nothing more than a brood-mare cult. Makes me mad."
"Then I have something to cheer you up - a potion to embarrass the Marauders."
Martis broke into a smile. "All right, I can deal with that. What have you got?"
He told her. At last, he said, "It's going to take the entire evening to work on."
"We still have the girls' showers to clean." She was silent, then said, "What the Avernus - I'll clean the showers and you make the potion. It'll be worth it."
"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want you working alone - "
"Snips, shut up and make the potion. I'll finish up the work. Just make sure you have it done when I'm around."
"All right."
* * *
Classes went by slowly that day. Sev became resolute in performing his prank during Divinations class when Pettigrew (no longer a large Canary) jokingly tranced, "I ... predict ... Snivellus Snape will fall on his greasy butt on the ice!"
There was definitely going to be someone falling on his butt - and it would not be him.
After classes, Sev ran down to the dungeons to the potions lab, finding Professor Sartoris in his office.
"Good afternoon, Master Snape," the old man called through the doorway.
"Good afternoon, sir," Sev called back as he placed his book bag on his usual desk. He rubbed his hands together to warm them as his breath came out in clouds. Dungeons were always so cold this time of year, but he did not mind the cold. "I'd like to work on a potion, if you don't mind."
"Not at all. Take what you need from the stores, remember to clean up, you know the routine."
"Thank you, sir."
Sev excitedly set up the trivet and cauldron, lighting a fire beneath it and began adding the liquid base into the cauldron. While he waited for the liquid to boil, he gathered up jars of other ingredients and measuring instruments, setting them up across the desk.
Not many understood the beauty of brewing potions. The steam was always warm, lightly scented, curling above the cauldron before vanishing. There was something calming about timing the boil, measuring out ingredients from jars, adding them in proper order. One of the Chinese students had referred to the feeling he had as Zen ... and there was a type of Zen involved in potionmaking. And the blossoming results of doing it right - either by color or scent or light or the right effect when applied.
"Bloody brilliant," he murmured to himself as he added the first ingredient. As it dissolved, another thought intruded in his Zen. "I'm not going to have kids!!!"
He almost spilled the third ingredient in, but saved it in time.
Concentrate.
* * *
"Got it," Sev said the next morning at breakfast, pulling out a vial of icy- silver liquid.
Martis lifted her head and yawned. "Brilliant, Snips. I'm going to sleep again."
"I'm so sorry, Spirals."
"Hey, it got made, right? So, how are you going to get it on them?"
He thought about it. "Is Medusa able to roll something along the floor?"
"Sure." Martis lifted the snake from her shoulders. "You can tell her how to do it."
Sev stroked the snake's head and back. "Medusa, we have a job for you. Could you roll this vial under the feet of those four boys that always bug us?"
Medusa slithered down Martis' lap and to the floor. Sev handed the vial to Martis and she placed it in front of Medusa's nose. The snake began pushing it across the room under the tables and feet of the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables toward the Gryffindor table.
"How's the vial going to be opened?" Martis asked.
"It's made of sugar - the last ingredient in the potion - it'll dissolve completely in a few minutes and blend into the potion, then it'll spread out."
"You're so smart, Snips!" she crooned.
He blushed. "Thanks, but we have to make sure that it works."
A little while later, the bell rang for nine o'clock classes and Martis picked Medusa up and draped her around her neck. "Well, showtime."
The Marauders got up, walking out of the Great Hall. Martis and Sev quickly caught up, keeping a safe distance of students between them and the Marauders.
Potter and Black kept messing up each other's hair, grinning like idiots. Remus Lupin walked slowly behind them, lost in thought, while Pettigrew grinned enough to expose his front teeth. Potter turned around, his hair perfectly mussed the way he liked it, and called out, "Hey, Evans! Wait up!"
Lily Evans turned around, her red hair whipping around her face. "I'm not waiting for you to catch up, Potter, I want to be on time."
James Potter jogged up to her -
And promptly lost his footing, slamming into her.
Behind him, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin's feet began sliding all over the place like they were standing on slick ice. They fell into a pile right in front of the crowd of students.
"Get off me!" Lily yelled.
"I'm trying!" Potter answered. He got on his knees and tried to pick himself up, then slipped back down on top of her.
Lily began screaming as he apologized over and over again.
"Gerroff me!" Pettigrew shrieked to Lupin.
"Trying," Lupin replied, inadvertently shoving his foot into Pettigrew's face.
"What the hell is going on?!" Black shrieked. He used Lupin to get back on his feet, and then pulled a belly flop on top of Pettigrew.
"Another sneaky Slytherin trick!" Potter spat.
"JAMES POTTER, YOU'RE A PERVERT!" Lily Evans cried.
And then – just like Muggle pinwheels – the Marauders began slowly revolving on the ground in perfect circles. Faster and faster they whirled, school books and book bags shooting out and striking students on their ankles. The pupils so struck backed up with a shout, clearing the area so that everyone could clearly see the four boys, prone and whirling like dervishes.
"Gonna barf!" Pettigrew whined, spinning like a top.
"Gag!" Black screamed.
"Gonna puuuuuuuuuuuuuke!" Remus Lupin announced. More people jumped back and away from them.
Martis and Sev broke into laughter, howling as they clutched each other for support.
Behind them, Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black sneered.
"How children amuse themselves," Narcissa commented.
"Indeed," Lucius agreed. "Any children from them would be very strange for sure."
"It was a good idea at the time," she snapped as both Fourth-Years picked their way around the Marauders, who by this time were slowing in their whirling motion.
Martis and Sev were still laughing as McGonagall and Penderdandis attempted to sort out the chaos created by the four very motion-sick boys.
* * *
"A Slippery Potion?" Headmaster Dumbledore said.
"It appears to be," Professor McGonagall stated. "I had Professor Sartoris examine their shoes and he concluded it was a potion."
"Any idea of who would make such a thing?"
McGonagall pursed her lips together. "Albus, I think we both know who."
He raised his hand. "Minerva, we cannot accuse them without proof. We are not blind to what they are going through with your students."
McGonagall laced her fingers together. "There's only so much we can do."
"Then allow them to deal with it their own way. How is Miss Evans?"
"Calming down. Poppy gave her some calming tea, so she should be better by afternoon classes. I'm quite certain Lily Evans was not meant to be part of the prank."
"Of course she wasn't; she was an innocent bystander. Does Professor Penderdandis suspect?"
"He did not say so. According to him, my students brought it on themselves."
Dumbledore shrugged. "Then there is nothing we can do in this case. The rivalry between the groups known as 'the Marauders' and 'Snips and Spirals' will have to be sorted amongst themselves."
"Is that wise, Albus?"
"For the time being, yes."
* * *
Out in the Quad, Sev and Martis walked across the dead grasses, clutching their scarves around their faces.
"Muph-muph," Martis said.
Sev pulled his scarf down. "What was that, Spirals?"
She pulled her own down. "I said 'you're smart'."
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"Cause you are." She hugged his shoulders. "Slippery Potion - revenge is ours!"
He drew an arm around her shoulders, making sure not to pull her hair. "Marauders - zero; Snips and Spirals - ten points."
"Too bad we can't apply it to house points," she laughed.
"We should. We didn't get caught."
"Woo-hoo!" She hugged him again. "Come on - inside and warm up with hot chocolate."
"Sure – let's give it a whirl!"
Both friends ran across the Quad, laughing.
-End-
A Snips and Spirals Fanfic
Text by Lady Tesser
--------------------
DISCLAIMER: The Harry Potter characters in this story belong to J. Rowling.
Spirals belongs to Lady Tesser and Atana.
Snips and Spirals deny having anything to do with the stone horse head
found in Sirius Black's bed.
--------------------
Ice skating on the lake during the winter months was a tradition at Hogwarts extending as far back as anyone could remember.
First-Year Britomartis 'Spirals' Vox thought she was in Hell.
Living on Crete her entire life, all she had known was warmth and sunshine. The Mediterranean had hot summers and balmy winters, and sunshine was plentiful all year round.
The midlands of Scotland, however, began nightly freezing temperatures in early September. By the time November rolled around, the lake was already surface frozen and students spent time after classes skating on the ice.
Except for Martis and her best friend Severus 'Snips' Snape, who both were huddled close together under their cloaks and green and silver scarves and trying to keep warm even though the cold had frozen their feet through their boots. They were there to cheer on Slytherins Evan Ryper and Rodolphus Lestrange (Sev's cousin) in an improvised ice hockey match against Gryffindors Sirius Black and James Potter.
"Snips!" Martis cried in shock. "My thighs are frozen!"
Sev's voice answered with as much surprise, "So are mine! I never noticed that before!"
"I'm going to freeze to death here," she proclaimed, hopping from one foot to the other. "Tell your cousin that we can't be his unpaid fan club right now because we're about to freeze our noses off."
Sev pulled his thin cloak closer around his body and picked his way over dead grasses and half-frozen mud to the shore of the lake to wait for Rodolphus to skate by -
Sev was shocked to suddenly find himself slammed onto his cheek against the ice, the inside of his head ringing from the impact. 'Anybody catch the number of that broom?' he thought.
Dazed, he looked up to see Martis sailing over him, her boot stretched out from under her cloak. The ice burned his hands as he forced himself to sit up to see Martis crash into Sirius Black and James Potter's backs, her arms hooked around the back of their necks.
"WHAT THE AVERNUS WAS THAT FOR?!?!" she demanded, falling to the ice. "Snips was going to talk to his cousin - not bother you two toads!"
"GET OFF ME!" Potter yelled, whipping his wand out. "NESOSPIZA!"
Martis kicked his wand away from her, sending the direction of the hex toward Peter Pettigrew who transformed into a giant canary.
Sev managed a giggle even though it hurt his head. He pulled his own wand out.
Black pointed his wand at Martis, opening his mouth -
At the same time, Sev pointed his wand at Black and called, "EXPELLIARMUS!"
Black's wand spun end over end toward the center of the lake. Martis uppercut the Gryffindor's jaw and added, "Great Mother! Have the decency to point it at my face at least!"
"Shut up!" he snarled, grabbing a fistful of her knee-length hair and yanking.
"OW!" Martis cried.
"How you like it, Rapunzel?"
"Hey!" Potter and Sev shouted.
"Uncalled for!" Potter objected.
Martis snatched a handful of Sirius' own long black hair. "Back atcha, Samson!"
Sev crawled across the ice and grabbed Black's leg.
"Get off me, you greasy git!" Black roared.
Potter tackled Sev and both boys began earnestly punching each other. Potter's glasses were lost somewhere during the struggle.
Black and Martis managed to stand up on their knees on the ice and exchanged hair pulls, slaps, and scratches (mostly by Martis) as she muttered, "Have to pick on girls to prove your manhood, right, Dog-Breath?"
"Enough," Professor Penderdandis' voice stated loud enough for every student in the vicinity to hear. Even though it was never above his normal voice, the power behind it carried the intent into the heads of all students.
The four brawling students paused in their fights, looking up at the extremely thin Arithmancy instructor staring at them in a completely neutral expression from behind his pince-nez glasses. "Mr. Black, Mr. Potter - Professor McGonagall will hear of this - you'll have detention with me tomorrow after classes. Mr. Snape, Miss Vox - come with me."
Black and Potter got up and skated to the shore of the lake, picking up Potter's glasses and Black's wand along the way, their faces pinched in disgust. Martis and Sev attempted to get up from the slippery ice several times before Evan Ryper helped them up and brought them to the shore.
"Do you need to visit Nurse Pomfrey?" Professor Penderdandis asked.
Both shook their heads.
"Then let's go inside, warm you up, then hang you both in the dungeons," their House Master said as he turned and led the way back to the school.
Sev and Martis shivered, following him at a respectful distance.
* * *
Professor Gallo Penderdandis tented his fingers as he stared down at his two Slytherin children known to the school at large as the 'Infamous Snips and Spirals'. The boy was obviously terrified, while the girl hid her emotions extremely well behind her sunglasses.
"Brawling on the ice," he said. "Not only brawling but hexing each other. Why?"
Martis remained silent. Sev answered, "They knocked me down first."
"And you felt you had to finish it?"
"Martis finished it, sir."
"Miss Vox?"
Martis quietly stated, "I refuse to believe Hogwarts allows institutionalized bullying ... despite what I've seen."
Sev pressed his lips together while hers fell into a straight line.
Penderdandis had an overwhelming urge to hang them up by their hair in the dungeons. "Nevertheless, I cannot officially accept my students fighting with the other houses; however ... I cannot do anything if you aren't caught."
Sev coughed to cover up his giggle while Martis continued to silently stare.
"Five points off total, plus cleaning both girls and boys showers. Off with you."
* * *
Sev closed the door to Professor Penderdandis' office after Martis left. She glanced back, and then gently touched her fingers to his cheek. "You're getting a bruise."
"I think it's where I hit the ice," he replied, reaching up to rub the skin. The dull pain pulsed a bit, and then he brushed his hair from his mouth. "I think I gave Potter a black eye with my nose, though."
She broke into a giggle, clutching his arm and hugging him. "My rowdy Snips." She sighed. "Come on, we better start on cleaning the showers."
* * *
It took two hours to finish the boys' showers.
Martis - clad in a spiral-printed shirt and denim trousers with her hair in a long braid - and Sev - in his grungiest tunic and trousers - hauled their buckets of cleaning supplies across the Slytherin common room and deposited them on the floor before them as they both fell on a couch together.
"Girls' showers will take longer," Martis gasped.
"I can't take it anymore, Spirals," he admitted.
Lucius Malfoy, Fourth-Year, lowered the book he was reading. "Dragging the Slytherin name through the mud again, Snips and Spirals?" he asked. "Everyone heard about your little scuffle on the ice."
"The Brainless Brigade started it," Martis complained. "If they had left Snips alone, it would never have happened."
"What did you do to them, Snape?" Lucius asked.
"Probably breathed in their fumes," Sev muttered. Martis giggled and poked his arm. Medusa appeared over the back of the couch, slithering down around Martis' shoulders.
Lucius sneered. "You two are the most undignified members of Slytherin. You really should concentrate on keeping up appearances rather than fighting with the Gryffindors."
"But they beg for it," Martis explained. "How could we deny them something that justifies their petty existence? It keeps them entertained at least."
"Although," Sev added. "we can hardly sharpen our wits against them."
"That's why we hardly ever go into a battle of wits - it'd be like hexing fish in a barrel."
"True, and I have a beautiful one waiting to be used on Black when we're old enough to not be under the Underage Wizarding Laws."
"We'll probably forget it by then," Martis pointed out. "By then, we should be out of here and back on Crete - " She poked Sev in the shoulder. "Bother."
He poked her shoulder in returned. "Bother."
"Bother."
"Bother."
"Bother."
"Bother."
"WILL YOU TWO CUT THAT OUT?!" Lucius bellowed.
They turned to look at him, grinning, and then giggled, "No!"
* * *
Martis carefully combed her long ash blonde hair over her shoulder as she stood before the one full-length mirror in her dorm room. Three of her roommates were giggling to themselves about some nonsense or other, while the other had been reported as being sick and in the care of Nurse Pomfrey.
Finally, one of the girls - a small, pretty Japanese girl - approached Martis. "Spirals, we had a thought."
"Be gentle with it," Martis commented, adjusting her sunglasses. "It's in a strange place."
Akiko Mori stuck her tongue out at her. "We were just wondering - considering the way you and Snips hang out, we were wondering if you two were dating or something."
Martis chortled. "Oh, please, I just turned twelve! I haven't officially noticed boys yet."
"No, really, do you like Snips?"
"As a friend, Aki."
Oriana Crescent grinned slyly. "Of course you do." She slit her violet eyes. "But the Ladies of Slytherin have plans for you."
Martis clutched her hairbrush hard enough to break the joint between the handle and the brush-head. "What are they up to?"
"Pay up, first."
Martis lifted up Medusa and casually tossed the snake at the girl.
Oriana began screaming while Akiko and Peony Danderfluff giggled nervously. Martis finally picked Medusa up and asked, "What do the Ladies of Slytherin say about me, little spy?"
Oriana gasped for breath, grabbing a book to fan herself. "The Ladies had suggested ... that ... if you and Severus Snape were to ... form an alliance ... then arrangements can be made for ... Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy - the stud - to form their own alliance in ... in conjunction with yours - "
"Plain language, Crescent!" Martis snarled, picking her up by the front of the girl's nightgown.
"Narcissa and Lucius are planning on marrying and having children when they leave Hogwarts," she explained quickly. "She wants you and Severus to hook up to have kids so their kids and yours can get together - "
Martis tossed her on the bed. "I'm not a breeding horse! What kind of a pervert is she??" She threw on her spiral-printed cloak and shoved her feet into slippers. "Oriana, I'll get you some peanut butter fudge when I go by the candy shop next time - thank you for cooperating."
She hurried out of the dorm room and down the spiral staircase to the other dorms. Knocking first, she opened the door and said, "Narcissa Black! You - me - common room - prepare to die!"
Narcissa Black (Fourth-Year), her blonde hair pulled up in a towel and her fingers spread wide for her nail polish to dry, looked up at the First-Year student challenging her. Her expression matched the same as a person who bit into an apple and discovered half a worm sticking out of the flesh.
"Can this wait some other time, Vox?"
"No - either preserve your dignity by coming willingly, or I'll drag you downstairs by your peroxided hair!"
"It is not colored!" Narcissa huffed, getting up and carefully stomping past her.
Martis followed her down to the common room; every once in a while someone would poke their head out of their door to see the Lady of Slytherin and Spirals about to have their showdown.
Narcissa Black settled in one of the armchairs, spreading her fingers out over the arms and gazing down her perfect nose at the Cretan girl.
Martis immediately thought of the reigning Queen of Crete by Narcissa's posture and manner, and realized that the Queen was every bit as arrogant as this girl. So why was it less annoying on the Queen?
"Rumor reached me," Martis stated. "That you have ideas of what to do with any children I may have in the future."
"Something along those lines, Miss Vox," the older girl admitted. "These ideas are for the far future, when we're all ... mature." She sniffed. "Some more than others."
Martis flipped her hair back, pushing her sunglasses up on her nose. "Miss Black, your concern about matters that have nothing to do with school constantly amazes me. Especially your concern about what comes out of my womb."
"As Pureblooded ladies, we have to preserve our - "
"We have completely different views of what constitutes 'Pureblood' and 'maturity'. And, frankly, your definitions make me puke."
Narcissa smiled coldly. "We'll find out in five years or so. It's quite the talk of the school, you know, of how you and Severus Snape are closer than twins. I've heard the Headmaster is quite concerned about it."
"Why? We're just a couple of friends being kids together."
"That's not what the Rumor Mill says."
"Then I suggest you stop speaking into the Rumor Mill." Martis leaned close, her sunglasses within inches of Narcissa's blue eyes. "And if there are any more suggestions of what I can do with my womb, I'll offer YOU suggestions of what to do with your head and your backend." She sniffed. "Understand?"
Narcissa sniffed slightly louder, and then snorted in response. She got up, keeping her fingers wide apart as she ascended the stairs back up to her room.
Martis made several rude hand gestures she had learned from her fellow housemates during a Quidditch match with Gryffindor, and then ran up the opposite staircase to the boys' dorms.
The boys of Slytherin were used to seeing her dash up and down the stairs; several of them thought it was kinda neat that she was willing to risk capture by Penderdandis just to see that antisocial sot Snape.
Martis herself had discovered she could not spend much time in the boys' dorms; it seemed there was some sort of spell on the entire place that prevented anyone of the opposite gender from staying more than one minute. More than a minute, and the offender in question is zapped to the rooms of their House Master or Mother (depending on gender).
It took exactly thirty seconds to get up to Sev's room. It took twenty- five seconds to run back down.
Leaving five seconds for her to do her evening ritual...
Martis flew the door open to one of the dorm rooms - inside were Malfoy, Ryper, and Sev - and yelled, "Night, Snips!" Then slammed the door shut and ran back down the stairs.
Ritual done, she could now sleep better.
* * *
Inside the boys' dorm room, Evan Ryper grinned. "I still say she fancies you, Snape."
"Shut up, Ryper," Sev replied as usual with a shy grin.
Lucius rolled his eyes. "You used to be so dignified before she came along, Snips."
Sev shrugged, burying his nose in a potions book and not replying. It was true - dignified, solemn, and entirely depressed.
But Martis encouraged him to be a kid, just like he was supposed to be. Even if they got into more physical fights with the Marauders, it was worth it with her at his back. He was not alone anymore, and that is all that really mattered to him.
A potion caught his attention and he read over the ingredients list and procedures.
A string of light bulbs popped up around his head.
Oh, perfect. And he just happened to have access to Professor Sartoris' potion stores.
He could not wait to tell Martis what he had found.
* * *
"Spirals, I want to pull a prank on the Marauders."
Martis looked up at Sev as he sat next to her in the Great Hall. "They're about due in for one, especially from what happened yesterday. Got anything for Narcissa Black?"
He picked an orange out of the fruit bowl near them and began peeling it. "What has Little Miss Lady Obnoxia done now?"
"She thinks we're an item." Martis shoved a huge spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth.
"Item of what?" he asked as he inhaled a slice.
She swallowed. "Together. Dating." Her nose wrinkled up in disgust. "Going to do nasty, biological things to each other and make babies - "
He spat an orange slice across the table, making it land in Rosier's oatmeal. "WHAT?"
"That was pretty much my reaction, Snips." She shoved another spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth. "I think I'll make boils break out on her face when she's in public view."
Sev thoughtfully chewed for a moment, and then said, "You're twelve and I'm thirteen. I think we're too young to be thinking about that stuff."
"Of course. And Nasty-issa is eagerly awaiting the day we have kids so she can marry her kids off to ours. Evidently, she and Lucy - "
"Lucy?"
"Lucius - anyway, she and Lucy have this weird idea that they'll have kids and that we'll have kids and that our kids should all get together."
Sev giggled, blushing. "Why?"
"Probably because we aren't related to them and we're still 'Pureblood'." She made quotation marks in the air with her fingers around the last word. "Stupid bint. The Ladies of Slytherin are nothing more than a brood-mare cult. Makes me mad."
"Then I have something to cheer you up - a potion to embarrass the Marauders."
Martis broke into a smile. "All right, I can deal with that. What have you got?"
He told her. At last, he said, "It's going to take the entire evening to work on."
"We still have the girls' showers to clean." She was silent, then said, "What the Avernus - I'll clean the showers and you make the potion. It'll be worth it."
"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want you working alone - "
"Snips, shut up and make the potion. I'll finish up the work. Just make sure you have it done when I'm around."
"All right."
* * *
Classes went by slowly that day. Sev became resolute in performing his prank during Divinations class when Pettigrew (no longer a large Canary) jokingly tranced, "I ... predict ... Snivellus Snape will fall on his greasy butt on the ice!"
There was definitely going to be someone falling on his butt - and it would not be him.
After classes, Sev ran down to the dungeons to the potions lab, finding Professor Sartoris in his office.
"Good afternoon, Master Snape," the old man called through the doorway.
"Good afternoon, sir," Sev called back as he placed his book bag on his usual desk. He rubbed his hands together to warm them as his breath came out in clouds. Dungeons were always so cold this time of year, but he did not mind the cold. "I'd like to work on a potion, if you don't mind."
"Not at all. Take what you need from the stores, remember to clean up, you know the routine."
"Thank you, sir."
Sev excitedly set up the trivet and cauldron, lighting a fire beneath it and began adding the liquid base into the cauldron. While he waited for the liquid to boil, he gathered up jars of other ingredients and measuring instruments, setting them up across the desk.
Not many understood the beauty of brewing potions. The steam was always warm, lightly scented, curling above the cauldron before vanishing. There was something calming about timing the boil, measuring out ingredients from jars, adding them in proper order. One of the Chinese students had referred to the feeling he had as Zen ... and there was a type of Zen involved in potionmaking. And the blossoming results of doing it right - either by color or scent or light or the right effect when applied.
"Bloody brilliant," he murmured to himself as he added the first ingredient. As it dissolved, another thought intruded in his Zen. "I'm not going to have kids!!!"
He almost spilled the third ingredient in, but saved it in time.
Concentrate.
* * *
"Got it," Sev said the next morning at breakfast, pulling out a vial of icy- silver liquid.
Martis lifted her head and yawned. "Brilliant, Snips. I'm going to sleep again."
"I'm so sorry, Spirals."
"Hey, it got made, right? So, how are you going to get it on them?"
He thought about it. "Is Medusa able to roll something along the floor?"
"Sure." Martis lifted the snake from her shoulders. "You can tell her how to do it."
Sev stroked the snake's head and back. "Medusa, we have a job for you. Could you roll this vial under the feet of those four boys that always bug us?"
Medusa slithered down Martis' lap and to the floor. Sev handed the vial to Martis and she placed it in front of Medusa's nose. The snake began pushing it across the room under the tables and feet of the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables toward the Gryffindor table.
"How's the vial going to be opened?" Martis asked.
"It's made of sugar - the last ingredient in the potion - it'll dissolve completely in a few minutes and blend into the potion, then it'll spread out."
"You're so smart, Snips!" she crooned.
He blushed. "Thanks, but we have to make sure that it works."
A little while later, the bell rang for nine o'clock classes and Martis picked Medusa up and draped her around her neck. "Well, showtime."
The Marauders got up, walking out of the Great Hall. Martis and Sev quickly caught up, keeping a safe distance of students between them and the Marauders.
Potter and Black kept messing up each other's hair, grinning like idiots. Remus Lupin walked slowly behind them, lost in thought, while Pettigrew grinned enough to expose his front teeth. Potter turned around, his hair perfectly mussed the way he liked it, and called out, "Hey, Evans! Wait up!"
Lily Evans turned around, her red hair whipping around her face. "I'm not waiting for you to catch up, Potter, I want to be on time."
James Potter jogged up to her -
And promptly lost his footing, slamming into her.
Behind him, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin's feet began sliding all over the place like they were standing on slick ice. They fell into a pile right in front of the crowd of students.
"Get off me!" Lily yelled.
"I'm trying!" Potter answered. He got on his knees and tried to pick himself up, then slipped back down on top of her.
Lily began screaming as he apologized over and over again.
"Gerroff me!" Pettigrew shrieked to Lupin.
"Trying," Lupin replied, inadvertently shoving his foot into Pettigrew's face.
"What the hell is going on?!" Black shrieked. He used Lupin to get back on his feet, and then pulled a belly flop on top of Pettigrew.
"Another sneaky Slytherin trick!" Potter spat.
"JAMES POTTER, YOU'RE A PERVERT!" Lily Evans cried.
And then – just like Muggle pinwheels – the Marauders began slowly revolving on the ground in perfect circles. Faster and faster they whirled, school books and book bags shooting out and striking students on their ankles. The pupils so struck backed up with a shout, clearing the area so that everyone could clearly see the four boys, prone and whirling like dervishes.
"Gonna barf!" Pettigrew whined, spinning like a top.
"Gag!" Black screamed.
"Gonna puuuuuuuuuuuuuke!" Remus Lupin announced. More people jumped back and away from them.
Martis and Sev broke into laughter, howling as they clutched each other for support.
Behind them, Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black sneered.
"How children amuse themselves," Narcissa commented.
"Indeed," Lucius agreed. "Any children from them would be very strange for sure."
"It was a good idea at the time," she snapped as both Fourth-Years picked their way around the Marauders, who by this time were slowing in their whirling motion.
Martis and Sev were still laughing as McGonagall and Penderdandis attempted to sort out the chaos created by the four very motion-sick boys.
* * *
"A Slippery Potion?" Headmaster Dumbledore said.
"It appears to be," Professor McGonagall stated. "I had Professor Sartoris examine their shoes and he concluded it was a potion."
"Any idea of who would make such a thing?"
McGonagall pursed her lips together. "Albus, I think we both know who."
He raised his hand. "Minerva, we cannot accuse them without proof. We are not blind to what they are going through with your students."
McGonagall laced her fingers together. "There's only so much we can do."
"Then allow them to deal with it their own way. How is Miss Evans?"
"Calming down. Poppy gave her some calming tea, so she should be better by afternoon classes. I'm quite certain Lily Evans was not meant to be part of the prank."
"Of course she wasn't; she was an innocent bystander. Does Professor Penderdandis suspect?"
"He did not say so. According to him, my students brought it on themselves."
Dumbledore shrugged. "Then there is nothing we can do in this case. The rivalry between the groups known as 'the Marauders' and 'Snips and Spirals' will have to be sorted amongst themselves."
"Is that wise, Albus?"
"For the time being, yes."
* * *
Out in the Quad, Sev and Martis walked across the dead grasses, clutching their scarves around their faces.
"Muph-muph," Martis said.
Sev pulled his scarf down. "What was that, Spirals?"
She pulled her own down. "I said 'you're smart'."
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"Cause you are." She hugged his shoulders. "Slippery Potion - revenge is ours!"
He drew an arm around her shoulders, making sure not to pull her hair. "Marauders - zero; Snips and Spirals - ten points."
"Too bad we can't apply it to house points," she laughed.
"We should. We didn't get caught."
"Woo-hoo!" She hugged him again. "Come on - inside and warm up with hot chocolate."
"Sure – let's give it a whirl!"
Both friends ran across the Quad, laughing.
-End-