A/N: Okay, it must have been about six months or more since I updated this
- been a busy bee. At least I've seen LOTR a few times enough to grasp the
plot. So here it is - chapter seven of The Lord Of The Matrix!
-- THE NEB –
Morpheus: Okay, Neo. We are ready- ready to go somewhere you will know but will have never really experienced.
Neo: No, I've been to Disneyland.
Morpheus: We are going into the MATRIX, Neo.
Neo: Cool. Can I go on Space Mountain?
Trinity: Don't you just want to hit him, sometimes?
Neo: Yeah- oh. You mean me. Right. I'll shut up now.
Morpheus: Are you ready, Neo? Are you ready to ROCK?
Neo: Did I just hear you correctly?
Morpheus: Um. I said are you ready to ENTER THE MATRIX?
Neo: YES! I AM REEEAADDYYY!!!
Trinity: Please take a seat, and enjoy the ride. Fire exits are located h-
Morpheus: Will you SHUT UP?
The two bundle Neo into one of the tatty recliners near them.
Neo: Hey- is this one of those cool chairs? Ohmygod, it totally is! Woowww! *pushing springy-out footrest down with his feet* I LOVE these!
Trinity: Oh, screw this- *jacks him in*
-- SOMEWHERE LONELY- MUST BE THE MATRIX –
Morpheus: Welcome, Neo.
Neo: Welcome, Morpheus.
The rest of the crew join them, except for TANK and POSER because they can't. TANK is a freeborn and so is POSER, but even if he wasn't, POSER would be too busy looking in the mirror to be bothered about jacking in. LOUSE is too busy beeping and concentrating on the woman in the red dress.
Morpheus: Do you know why you were unplugged? Do you know what we are living and fighting for?
Neo: Well, as far as I know, I was unplugged because I knew about you. I knew about the Matrix. Well, I had my suspicions, because I didn't think that the noodle bar down the road could be real.
Trinity: Why?
Neo: Have you SEEN the prices? No noodle bar could survive on such LOW prices. Hooha!
Trinity: You just said "Hooha".
Neo: Sorry, so sorry.
Morpheus: Okay, well, anyway. The fact is, we are all in danger. We are protecting something, of great value.
Neo: Me?
Morpheus: Er, no. This thing is called the "One Bling". It is highly dangerous and must be destroyed.
Neo: Can I see it?
Morpheus: Well, I suppose.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gold medallion.
Neo: Wow, BLING!
Morpheus: You said it. Look, there's an inscription.
Inscription: God is a DJ, Life is the dancefloor, Love is the rhythm, You are the music
Neo: Wow. That's pretty deep. How- how did it come to be in your power?
Morpheus: I picked it up reasonably cheap at a jumble sale.
Neo: It's just - I was wondering, if you have it here, do you have it in the, well, "real" world? Where does it go when we're not in the Matrix?
Trinity: That's the most intelligent thing you've said, like, ever.
Neo: My pleasure.
Morpheus: Oh, come on, Neo, how could you expect me to know something like that? I'm a ship's captain, not a SCIENTIST. It probably hovers around in cyberspace. Does something fun. I dunno.
Trinity: Best leave it at that. My Trinity senses are tingling, we had better move.
So this is the Fellowship of Six: Trinity, Neo, Morpheus, Legolas, Snapoc, and Siphon. They walk across an empty land. Morpheus knew the pathway like the back of his hand. (Okay, I'll stop putting Keane lyrics in, sorry)
Neo: Where are we headed?
Morpheus: A place of peace and harmony. For now, anyway. The land of the Elf people. They're very nice, just a little – threatened.
Legolas: Uh, OBJECTION! They're my people and we aren't threatened. We're just vulnerable and sensitive. Because we have hearts and care about small fluffy animals.
Neo: Fair enough.
They reach the town with plenty of time to spare (for what? My brain hurts). They climb the majestic, ivy-covered marble steps to a building grander than Neo had ever seen in his entire Matrix life...
Neo: McDONALD'S?
Morpheus: Aren't you hungry, Neo? I like to stop here whenever we pass by, because it's nice.
Trinity: I'll have a Big Mac. And large, no, super-size fries, and a Coke.
Neo: The girl can eat.
Trinity: Yeah, well. It's not like I have to worry about my weight in the Matrix. Oh, what a pleasure it is.
Neo: I'm not hungry, thanks.
Legolas: You sure, Neo? I mean, we're in for a long journey.
Neo: Oh, MAN. How long?
Legolas: Oh, just, quite long. I haven't been for a while, so I kinda forgot.
Neo: Shoot. Okay then. I'll have a Happy Meal with chicken nuggets. And a fruit juice.
Trinity: It makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Morpheus: I've had my doubts. But he must be the Chosen One, after all the others, he must be. Mustn't he?
Trinity: I have no choice but to trust you. And I can't disagree 'cos my food is here and I'm starving. Smell you later.
Trinity dashes off to eat while the others wait for their orders. Siphon bangs his head on the table.
Siphon: Oh, man! *Slurp* They don't have goop! They have no goop here! I hate this place!
Neo: Hey, that Snapoc guy hasn't said much.
Snapoc: What's that, Potter?
Neo: See, I don't GET you. Who the Frodo Baggins is Potter? What was his first name again? Holly? Hannah?
Snapoc: Harry. Harry Potter. *shudders* Stupid boy. Worst student ever. Thinks he's a celebrity. Oh, he isn't, he isn't.
Neo: I am SO THROUGH with talking to him.
They finish their meals, and set off again. This time they reach a block of flats about ten storeys high.
Morpheus: Welcome to the palace of Smelrond.
Neo: Palace? You are joking?
They climb the stairs in the building until they get to the top. Walking into the room, they come face-to-face with a long-haired, very smelly old man.
Neo: Dude! It's that hobbit guy! The one who slurs my name!
Smelrond: You must be mistaken, we have not met. I am Smelrond, and I govern this kingdom.
Morpheus: Yes. Smelrond. *chokes* We are *cough* pleased *splutter* to see you. We are *deep breath* in search of help.
Smelrond: Is this about the One Bling? I have heard much of its travels.
Morpheus: You got it.
Smelrond: Okay, well, I can't take it. I'd be a dead man. You have to go to Merdor and destroy the medallion – drop it into the magic toilet of the goblins. The acid in the water is enough to melt it.
Neo: Merdor? Toilet? That sounds appealing.
Trinity: Shut it, short stuff.
Neo: Shut it yourself.
Morpheus: Will you two stop fighting? We have to go to Merdor this instant.
Neo: Uh, a question?
Smelrond: Fire away.
Neo: What does the One Bling do?
Smelrond: Much harm, much damage. Much grief. It turns the wearer into – dare I say it – a gangster rapper.
Legolas screams and faints, while Snapoc crouches down and sobs.
Morpheus: You see, Neo, this is why we cannot let it get into evil hands. We cannot cope with any more gangster rap in the Matrix, or it could overload and fry.
Trinity: Don't say it! It hurts too much!
Smelrond: Go! You must go! Now!
So they go. And suddenly Neo realises he left his sunglasses in McDonald's but there is no time to go back. But they run into a wall with a suit on.
Wall: Mr Aaaandersooonnn. Where are you going?
*CLIFFHANGER*
-- THE NEB –
Morpheus: Okay, Neo. We are ready- ready to go somewhere you will know but will have never really experienced.
Neo: No, I've been to Disneyland.
Morpheus: We are going into the MATRIX, Neo.
Neo: Cool. Can I go on Space Mountain?
Trinity: Don't you just want to hit him, sometimes?
Neo: Yeah- oh. You mean me. Right. I'll shut up now.
Morpheus: Are you ready, Neo? Are you ready to ROCK?
Neo: Did I just hear you correctly?
Morpheus: Um. I said are you ready to ENTER THE MATRIX?
Neo: YES! I AM REEEAADDYYY!!!
Trinity: Please take a seat, and enjoy the ride. Fire exits are located h-
Morpheus: Will you SHUT UP?
The two bundle Neo into one of the tatty recliners near them.
Neo: Hey- is this one of those cool chairs? Ohmygod, it totally is! Woowww! *pushing springy-out footrest down with his feet* I LOVE these!
Trinity: Oh, screw this- *jacks him in*
-- SOMEWHERE LONELY- MUST BE THE MATRIX –
Morpheus: Welcome, Neo.
Neo: Welcome, Morpheus.
The rest of the crew join them, except for TANK and POSER because they can't. TANK is a freeborn and so is POSER, but even if he wasn't, POSER would be too busy looking in the mirror to be bothered about jacking in. LOUSE is too busy beeping and concentrating on the woman in the red dress.
Morpheus: Do you know why you were unplugged? Do you know what we are living and fighting for?
Neo: Well, as far as I know, I was unplugged because I knew about you. I knew about the Matrix. Well, I had my suspicions, because I didn't think that the noodle bar down the road could be real.
Trinity: Why?
Neo: Have you SEEN the prices? No noodle bar could survive on such LOW prices. Hooha!
Trinity: You just said "Hooha".
Neo: Sorry, so sorry.
Morpheus: Okay, well, anyway. The fact is, we are all in danger. We are protecting something, of great value.
Neo: Me?
Morpheus: Er, no. This thing is called the "One Bling". It is highly dangerous and must be destroyed.
Neo: Can I see it?
Morpheus: Well, I suppose.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gold medallion.
Neo: Wow, BLING!
Morpheus: You said it. Look, there's an inscription.
Inscription: God is a DJ, Life is the dancefloor, Love is the rhythm, You are the music
Neo: Wow. That's pretty deep. How- how did it come to be in your power?
Morpheus: I picked it up reasonably cheap at a jumble sale.
Neo: It's just - I was wondering, if you have it here, do you have it in the, well, "real" world? Where does it go when we're not in the Matrix?
Trinity: That's the most intelligent thing you've said, like, ever.
Neo: My pleasure.
Morpheus: Oh, come on, Neo, how could you expect me to know something like that? I'm a ship's captain, not a SCIENTIST. It probably hovers around in cyberspace. Does something fun. I dunno.
Trinity: Best leave it at that. My Trinity senses are tingling, we had better move.
So this is the Fellowship of Six: Trinity, Neo, Morpheus, Legolas, Snapoc, and Siphon. They walk across an empty land. Morpheus knew the pathway like the back of his hand. (Okay, I'll stop putting Keane lyrics in, sorry)
Neo: Where are we headed?
Morpheus: A place of peace and harmony. For now, anyway. The land of the Elf people. They're very nice, just a little – threatened.
Legolas: Uh, OBJECTION! They're my people and we aren't threatened. We're just vulnerable and sensitive. Because we have hearts and care about small fluffy animals.
Neo: Fair enough.
They reach the town with plenty of time to spare (for what? My brain hurts). They climb the majestic, ivy-covered marble steps to a building grander than Neo had ever seen in his entire Matrix life...
Neo: McDONALD'S?
Morpheus: Aren't you hungry, Neo? I like to stop here whenever we pass by, because it's nice.
Trinity: I'll have a Big Mac. And large, no, super-size fries, and a Coke.
Neo: The girl can eat.
Trinity: Yeah, well. It's not like I have to worry about my weight in the Matrix. Oh, what a pleasure it is.
Neo: I'm not hungry, thanks.
Legolas: You sure, Neo? I mean, we're in for a long journey.
Neo: Oh, MAN. How long?
Legolas: Oh, just, quite long. I haven't been for a while, so I kinda forgot.
Neo: Shoot. Okay then. I'll have a Happy Meal with chicken nuggets. And a fruit juice.
Trinity: It makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Morpheus: I've had my doubts. But he must be the Chosen One, after all the others, he must be. Mustn't he?
Trinity: I have no choice but to trust you. And I can't disagree 'cos my food is here and I'm starving. Smell you later.
Trinity dashes off to eat while the others wait for their orders. Siphon bangs his head on the table.
Siphon: Oh, man! *Slurp* They don't have goop! They have no goop here! I hate this place!
Neo: Hey, that Snapoc guy hasn't said much.
Snapoc: What's that, Potter?
Neo: See, I don't GET you. Who the Frodo Baggins is Potter? What was his first name again? Holly? Hannah?
Snapoc: Harry. Harry Potter. *shudders* Stupid boy. Worst student ever. Thinks he's a celebrity. Oh, he isn't, he isn't.
Neo: I am SO THROUGH with talking to him.
They finish their meals, and set off again. This time they reach a block of flats about ten storeys high.
Morpheus: Welcome to the palace of Smelrond.
Neo: Palace? You are joking?
They climb the stairs in the building until they get to the top. Walking into the room, they come face-to-face with a long-haired, very smelly old man.
Neo: Dude! It's that hobbit guy! The one who slurs my name!
Smelrond: You must be mistaken, we have not met. I am Smelrond, and I govern this kingdom.
Morpheus: Yes. Smelrond. *chokes* We are *cough* pleased *splutter* to see you. We are *deep breath* in search of help.
Smelrond: Is this about the One Bling? I have heard much of its travels.
Morpheus: You got it.
Smelrond: Okay, well, I can't take it. I'd be a dead man. You have to go to Merdor and destroy the medallion – drop it into the magic toilet of the goblins. The acid in the water is enough to melt it.
Neo: Merdor? Toilet? That sounds appealing.
Trinity: Shut it, short stuff.
Neo: Shut it yourself.
Morpheus: Will you two stop fighting? We have to go to Merdor this instant.
Neo: Uh, a question?
Smelrond: Fire away.
Neo: What does the One Bling do?
Smelrond: Much harm, much damage. Much grief. It turns the wearer into – dare I say it – a gangster rapper.
Legolas screams and faints, while Snapoc crouches down and sobs.
Morpheus: You see, Neo, this is why we cannot let it get into evil hands. We cannot cope with any more gangster rap in the Matrix, or it could overload and fry.
Trinity: Don't say it! It hurts too much!
Smelrond: Go! You must go! Now!
So they go. And suddenly Neo realises he left his sunglasses in McDonald's but there is no time to go back. But they run into a wall with a suit on.
Wall: Mr Aaaandersooonnn. Where are you going?
*CLIFFHANGER*