Withdrawal
Posted: April 30th
Author's notes: I've decided to stick with this draft of this story. I sorta like it, and before, when on paper, it had NO quotes. Hope you like. Might get reader Responses up later. Technically grounded from computer...
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
She woke up and didn't know where she was. Once she had that figured out, she had another question for herself...why?
"When ... When did the building fall down?"
"I don't know. Must have been sometime between the first time and the, uh... "
"Oh. Oh my god."
Why was she in bed, obviously naked, with a guy she hated? Why would she desecrate her body like this? And why did she keep coming back to him?
"I just don't see why you have to run off so quick. Thought we could-"
"Not gonna happen. Last night was the end of this freak show."
It wasn't like she owed him anything. At least, she didn't feel she did. So why?
It wasn't his dashing good looks; she had been with prettier guys, or his sunny disposition. He was the only one who didn't feel false to her. Maybe that was why.
Or maybe it was how he made her feel. He had her feel loved, like she could be touched, like she still meant something. He didn't need anything from her. What he got from her, he could always get somewhere else, from somebody else. And being with him like this was the closest she could get to her Gift. That blissful feeling where nothing matters, and she had no responsibilities.
She hoped for death.
She rolled over, away from him, and he shifted over, putting an arm around her waist. It was like sleeping with death, like being in death's arms.
She knew this had to stop. This was slowly killing what little will to live that she still possessed. And she almost cared. All her friends loved her, and they had thought they were doing the right thing, pulling her out of heaven, in to this hell. But this placed numbed her, in mind, body and spirit. Only the feeling she got in his arms helped her go on.
"No, it's not that easy. We have something, Buffy. It's not pretty, but it's real, and there's nothing either one of us can do about it."
And she knew she didn't love him. She knew she was just using him. She loved the feeling he brought to her, but he was just a puppet. And she'd never love him, because he couldn't. Love wasn't apart of her vocabulary any more. Hunt, kill. That was her world. The world that she had been dragged back into after her release. After she had received her ultimate gift.
She still felt for her friends, but could it really be called love? Her feelings were strange, confusing, mixed emotions she couldn't explain to save her life, or theirs. But she still felt something.
And Dawn. She felt closer to her sister than ever before, and yet she was so distanced from the girl. She felt the closest thing to love for her sister, but she knew that she had once truly loved the girl, no matter how annoying she had been, and she hated herself that she couldn't feel the same now.
Self-Loath. Great job Summers.
She knew she had to stop this. If hr friends found out, they would leave her, and then where'd she be? And yet she had no clue how she could make herself feel as he did. But she knew it was wrong. He was a like a drug to he. And it was slowly killing her.
"It's over."
"I've memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want."
"I know that. I do want you. Being with you ... makes things ... simpler. For a little while."
"I don't call five hours straight a little while."
"I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just ... being weak, and selfish..."
"Really not complaining here."
"...and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry ... William."
She hadn't loved him, but the withdrawal was a bitch. She needed her fix, but knew it was over, and there was no going back.
She had wanted to feel, but not like this.
Posted: April 30th
Author's notes: I've decided to stick with this draft of this story. I sorta like it, and before, when on paper, it had NO quotes. Hope you like. Might get reader Responses up later. Technically grounded from computer...
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
She woke up and didn't know where she was. Once she had that figured out, she had another question for herself...why?
"When ... When did the building fall down?"
"I don't know. Must have been sometime between the first time and the, uh... "
"Oh. Oh my god."
Why was she in bed, obviously naked, with a guy she hated? Why would she desecrate her body like this? And why did she keep coming back to him?
"I just don't see why you have to run off so quick. Thought we could-"
"Not gonna happen. Last night was the end of this freak show."
It wasn't like she owed him anything. At least, she didn't feel she did. So why?
It wasn't his dashing good looks; she had been with prettier guys, or his sunny disposition. He was the only one who didn't feel false to her. Maybe that was why.
Or maybe it was how he made her feel. He had her feel loved, like she could be touched, like she still meant something. He didn't need anything from her. What he got from her, he could always get somewhere else, from somebody else. And being with him like this was the closest she could get to her Gift. That blissful feeling where nothing matters, and she had no responsibilities.
She hoped for death.
She rolled over, away from him, and he shifted over, putting an arm around her waist. It was like sleeping with death, like being in death's arms.
She knew this had to stop. This was slowly killing what little will to live that she still possessed. And she almost cared. All her friends loved her, and they had thought they were doing the right thing, pulling her out of heaven, in to this hell. But this placed numbed her, in mind, body and spirit. Only the feeling she got in his arms helped her go on.
"No, it's not that easy. We have something, Buffy. It's not pretty, but it's real, and there's nothing either one of us can do about it."
And she knew she didn't love him. She knew she was just using him. She loved the feeling he brought to her, but he was just a puppet. And she'd never love him, because he couldn't. Love wasn't apart of her vocabulary any more. Hunt, kill. That was her world. The world that she had been dragged back into after her release. After she had received her ultimate gift.
She still felt for her friends, but could it really be called love? Her feelings were strange, confusing, mixed emotions she couldn't explain to save her life, or theirs. But she still felt something.
And Dawn. She felt closer to her sister than ever before, and yet she was so distanced from the girl. She felt the closest thing to love for her sister, but she knew that she had once truly loved the girl, no matter how annoying she had been, and she hated herself that she couldn't feel the same now.
Self-Loath. Great job Summers.
She knew she had to stop this. If hr friends found out, they would leave her, and then where'd she be? And yet she had no clue how she could make herself feel as he did. But she knew it was wrong. He was a like a drug to he. And it was slowly killing her.
"It's over."
"I've memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want."
"I know that. I do want you. Being with you ... makes things ... simpler. For a little while."
"I don't call five hours straight a little while."
"I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just ... being weak, and selfish..."
"Really not complaining here."
"...and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry ... William."
She hadn't loved him, but the withdrawal was a bitch. She needed her fix, but knew it was over, and there was no going back.
She had wanted to feel, but not like this.