Kayla- Don't worry about it, I realize that at times stuff comes up. As it
stands, I probably won't be able to write anything for the story tonight
because I have to study for a test tomorrow and whatnot. I'm glad you're
enjoying what's happening so far. Maxie's reaction will be an interesting
chapter to say the least.
Story-
Courtney had been watching Michael for a few minutes. Her nephew, all of her nephews, she loved them so much. She ran a hand through Michael's hair and smiled. She had the chance for herself to be a mother taken away from her because of Alcazar. She thought about how she would have eventually be watching her own child like she was watching Michael. Of course her child would have different hair color, but the point would remain the same. The baby would be hers, hers and Jason's. He could have that gap that he still felt when he gave up his paternal rights to Michael filled at last. She knew how much he loved Michael and how much it hurt him when he signed the rights over to Sonny. It was for the best, Carly was in love with Sonny and Michael did look up to Sonny as his own father. Jason had no true tie to Michael outside of being his uncle through AJ, and he had been gone, out of Michael's life for an extended period of time.
Courtney had heard the door open and had also heard Sonny and Carly talking. She didn't want them to wake up Michael and alert him to the situation that was happening. They all took so much precaution when it came to making sure that Michael and Morgan stayed in the dark as much as possible when it came to the things that went on in their family. It wasn't the ideal situation to raise any child in. Maybe, just maybe, it was a good thing that she lost the child. It didn't make the loss any less painful to deal with.
She stayed in the walkway as she listened to Sonny talk about how difficult it was going to be to help Damian because of his morals. It was true, Damian wasn't going to just let something illegal happen because of his imprisonment. She wouldn't want it to happen either, had it been her. The shocking part was that Sonny also admitted that he almost wanted his son to not be as pure as he was. Courtney resented that very much. She knew that Sonny and Jason and even to a certain extent Carly lived their lives a certain way, but that didn't mean that everyone around them had to be like that as well. She loved them all for who they were, but it was painfully obvious that Sonny at least didn't feel the same way. It was sad and very disappointing to her. She wouldn't say anything about it, though. What happened between Sonny and Damian was their business and their business alone.
Still, she wasn't going to let anyone, even her brother, badmouth her nephew because of his nobility. She continued her trek down the stairs, "The boys are still asleep."
Sonny turned around, "Thank you for watching them."
"I'd do anything for them, Sonny. You know that."
Carly smiled warmly, "We still appreciate that you dropped everything to make sure that they had someone with them."
"Damian asked me to watch them because he couldn't do it," Courtney had the vision of her nephew being taken away like he was a criminal. Like he was his father. "I couldn't let him down, not when he didn't have any other choice."
"If we hadn't have left..." Sonny started.
Courtney stopped him, "You couldn't have done anything, Sonny."
"I can always do something," Sonny retorted.
"They had a warrant, regardless of if it was actually a true warrant or not, it was binding and entirely legal." Courtney sighed, "I wanted to do something, I really did, but I knew that I couldn't. He wouldn't have wanted me to throw myself in the fires for him anyway."
"I'm going to help him in any way I can, regardless of if he likes it or not."
Courtney shook her head, "You promised him that you wouldn't do anything like that to help him, remember? Sonny, the last time he left was because you lied to him, if you do it again... do you really think he'll come back?"
"Are you saying that I should just let him suffer in there?" Sonny asked, somewhat angered by the perceived implication that his sister was giving him.
"Of course not!" Courtney exclaimed. "But I'm say that anything you do should be entirely legal. Sonny, you've gotten off for doing things through the legal system before, you know how to do it again for him. He'll take the help, as long as it's legal."
"I know my son..."
"You know him, yes," Courtney said. "But I know him better. I don't mean that in a negative way, because the two of you have an excellent relationship with each other, but I understand how he thinks better than you do, Sonny. We think alike, you know that. If I were in that situation I wouldn't want you or Jason to break me out by force. Please think about how he would take any action that you could decide on before you actually go and do it. For once, Sonny, think with your head rather than your instincts. Even if you manage to get him out by doing what you want, you won't have your son back, not really."
As much as he resented the tone that his little sister was taking with him, Sonny knew that she was right. Damian's (at times) foolish sense of morality could be a very offsetting trait, and at times it was the only thing that kept him together. Sonny knew as much as Courtney did that if he broke the promise that he had made to Damian he wouldn't get his son back. Sonny didn't want that at all. More than anything he wanted to have Damian safe and happy. He owed Damian that much. It would be one of the few steps that he would take towards atoning for the abandonment. Sonny grabbed his coat, "I'm going to see him."
Carly looked at Courtney. She had some harsh words for her best friend, but at the same time she knew that Courtney was only acting in Damian's best interests. A few days ago she would have resented that fact, but now she was against the way that Courtney spoke to Sonny. Some things were more important at that moment, though. "Courtney... could you stay here and make sure that the boys are safe?"
"No problem," Courtney said. "Do me a favor, though, okay? Tell Damian that no matter what happens I believe that he'll be okay."
Carly nodded, "I'll do that." She followed her husband out the door and saw him looking at something, yet looking at nothing at the same time. It was what he often did when he was thinking very hard about something. "She shouldn't have jumped down your throat like that, Sonny."
"She's right," Sonny muttered.
"I know she's right," Carly said. "But that doesn't mean that she had to take the steps that she did."
"Courtney's always acted the way that she felt was best regardless of what I or anyone else ever thought. She gets it from her mother... she must." He didn't really know where the compassion came from. Courtney was really the only good thing to come out of their family. He and Mike did horrible things to their family or to other people, but Courtney... Courtney was something different entirely. She had some form of kindness that was always displayed. Sonny couldn't do it as easily or as often as she could. She was the best to come out of the Corinthos line that Sonny had seen... her and Damian. Maybe that was why they had connected like they did. Courtney was right about that as well, they did have a lot in common. They both were very accepting of what went on around them on the surface while resenting it in actuality. Sonny hated that it hurt them both as much as it did, but he couldn't change who he was, and neither could Jason. It was the life that they had picked for themselves and that was something that they couldn't get out of. "Where did I go wrong, Carly?"
Carly looked at her husband without really understanding what he meant. "You haven't done anything wrong, Sonny."
Sonny shook his head, "Look around you, everything that I've done is wrong on some level. I kill people without feeling anything for what I've done. I forced AJ into giving up the custody rights to Michael. I made sure that my stepfather was killed..."
"Sonny, he beat you and your mother senseless for his own enjoyment!" Carly knew that this was coming from what happened with Courtney, and she didn't like it at all. Courtney was her best friend, she loved Courtney very much, but if the choice came between Courtney and Sonny she couldn't chose anyone but her husband, the man that she pledged her life to more than once. "You can't be responsible for the weight of the world, and you shouldn't even try to do it right now."
"Everything I've done haunts me," Sonny said softly. "From the resentment that I still feel with my father to what happened with Damian's mother and everything that comes in between. Carly, I don't deserve to have any of this. I don't deserve to have you as my wife, I don't deserve to have Courtney as my sister, I don't deserve to have my sons in my life. I've been so lucky, and I always take advantage of it without really giving it much thought."
"Stop it, Sonny," Carly was both pleading and ordering. "You're not going to do anyone any good if you can't keep it together. You want to help your son, don't you?"
Sonny looked up at her, his eyes slowly beginning to well up with the tears of frustration and anxiety. "I want to be worthy of the people that love me."
Carly put her hands on Sonny's cheeks, "You're worthy of every single person in your life, Sonny. The people that you care about survive because you're there to protect them. Michael wouldn't be the great son that he is to both of us if you hadn't have taught him the things that you never learned because you were too afraid of your stepfather to even try and ask if he wanted to play ball with you. If you hadn't have accepted Jason for what he was after the accident, Jason might not even be around Port Charles, he might not even be alive. Sonny, no matter how much doubt you feel in your heart, it's not true. You're not some horrid person that doesn't feel anything for the decisions that you've made in your life. I know that you are constantly kept awake by the demons, but that's because you feel something for what you did. On some level you feel regret. You're not some inhuman killing monster, you feel, you hurt, you love."
"Carly..."
"You're a passionate and decent man, Sonny," Carly reaffirmed her husband. "You deserve the love that I give you, that Lily gave you, that everyone who knows the type of person you are has ever given you. They can see past what you do and can see the reasons that you have. You weren't given a choice."
"I was," Sonny said. "I told you I was going to get out of the life, Carly. After you woke up from that coma that I put you in..."
"It was an accident!"
"I still did it!" Sonny told her. "I still almost killed you and our son because of my desire to keep everything that I love safe. But I don't realize or don't want to accept just how much danger I am to everyone that I care for. No matter what, I can't keep you safe, but somehow being in the business keeps you all safer than being out of it. If I were still around when Damian got kidnapped by that crazy bitch..."
"I'm not going to let you do this to yourself, Sonny," Carly grabbed his hand. "I'm not going to let you eat at yourself."
"I can't help it."
"Think about Damian," She told him. "What good is it going to do if you're an emotional mess. He doesn't need to know about the breakdowns."
"I never thought about telling him," Sonny said. "I don't want him to see just how weak I really am. I have to keep my vulnerability a secret from everyone, even my own son."
"It's for everyone's good," Carly told him. "We need you to be as strong as you can be."
"I don't know if I can do this, Carly," Sonny admitted. "I don't know if I can see my son and realize just how powerless it makes me appear. Not because someone might take it as weakness, but because I don't want to live with the realization that comes with knowing that I can't do a thing about it."
Story-
Courtney had been watching Michael for a few minutes. Her nephew, all of her nephews, she loved them so much. She ran a hand through Michael's hair and smiled. She had the chance for herself to be a mother taken away from her because of Alcazar. She thought about how she would have eventually be watching her own child like she was watching Michael. Of course her child would have different hair color, but the point would remain the same. The baby would be hers, hers and Jason's. He could have that gap that he still felt when he gave up his paternal rights to Michael filled at last. She knew how much he loved Michael and how much it hurt him when he signed the rights over to Sonny. It was for the best, Carly was in love with Sonny and Michael did look up to Sonny as his own father. Jason had no true tie to Michael outside of being his uncle through AJ, and he had been gone, out of Michael's life for an extended period of time.
Courtney had heard the door open and had also heard Sonny and Carly talking. She didn't want them to wake up Michael and alert him to the situation that was happening. They all took so much precaution when it came to making sure that Michael and Morgan stayed in the dark as much as possible when it came to the things that went on in their family. It wasn't the ideal situation to raise any child in. Maybe, just maybe, it was a good thing that she lost the child. It didn't make the loss any less painful to deal with.
She stayed in the walkway as she listened to Sonny talk about how difficult it was going to be to help Damian because of his morals. It was true, Damian wasn't going to just let something illegal happen because of his imprisonment. She wouldn't want it to happen either, had it been her. The shocking part was that Sonny also admitted that he almost wanted his son to not be as pure as he was. Courtney resented that very much. She knew that Sonny and Jason and even to a certain extent Carly lived their lives a certain way, but that didn't mean that everyone around them had to be like that as well. She loved them all for who they were, but it was painfully obvious that Sonny at least didn't feel the same way. It was sad and very disappointing to her. She wouldn't say anything about it, though. What happened between Sonny and Damian was their business and their business alone.
Still, she wasn't going to let anyone, even her brother, badmouth her nephew because of his nobility. She continued her trek down the stairs, "The boys are still asleep."
Sonny turned around, "Thank you for watching them."
"I'd do anything for them, Sonny. You know that."
Carly smiled warmly, "We still appreciate that you dropped everything to make sure that they had someone with them."
"Damian asked me to watch them because he couldn't do it," Courtney had the vision of her nephew being taken away like he was a criminal. Like he was his father. "I couldn't let him down, not when he didn't have any other choice."
"If we hadn't have left..." Sonny started.
Courtney stopped him, "You couldn't have done anything, Sonny."
"I can always do something," Sonny retorted.
"They had a warrant, regardless of if it was actually a true warrant or not, it was binding and entirely legal." Courtney sighed, "I wanted to do something, I really did, but I knew that I couldn't. He wouldn't have wanted me to throw myself in the fires for him anyway."
"I'm going to help him in any way I can, regardless of if he likes it or not."
Courtney shook her head, "You promised him that you wouldn't do anything like that to help him, remember? Sonny, the last time he left was because you lied to him, if you do it again... do you really think he'll come back?"
"Are you saying that I should just let him suffer in there?" Sonny asked, somewhat angered by the perceived implication that his sister was giving him.
"Of course not!" Courtney exclaimed. "But I'm say that anything you do should be entirely legal. Sonny, you've gotten off for doing things through the legal system before, you know how to do it again for him. He'll take the help, as long as it's legal."
"I know my son..."
"You know him, yes," Courtney said. "But I know him better. I don't mean that in a negative way, because the two of you have an excellent relationship with each other, but I understand how he thinks better than you do, Sonny. We think alike, you know that. If I were in that situation I wouldn't want you or Jason to break me out by force. Please think about how he would take any action that you could decide on before you actually go and do it. For once, Sonny, think with your head rather than your instincts. Even if you manage to get him out by doing what you want, you won't have your son back, not really."
As much as he resented the tone that his little sister was taking with him, Sonny knew that she was right. Damian's (at times) foolish sense of morality could be a very offsetting trait, and at times it was the only thing that kept him together. Sonny knew as much as Courtney did that if he broke the promise that he had made to Damian he wouldn't get his son back. Sonny didn't want that at all. More than anything he wanted to have Damian safe and happy. He owed Damian that much. It would be one of the few steps that he would take towards atoning for the abandonment. Sonny grabbed his coat, "I'm going to see him."
Carly looked at Courtney. She had some harsh words for her best friend, but at the same time she knew that Courtney was only acting in Damian's best interests. A few days ago she would have resented that fact, but now she was against the way that Courtney spoke to Sonny. Some things were more important at that moment, though. "Courtney... could you stay here and make sure that the boys are safe?"
"No problem," Courtney said. "Do me a favor, though, okay? Tell Damian that no matter what happens I believe that he'll be okay."
Carly nodded, "I'll do that." She followed her husband out the door and saw him looking at something, yet looking at nothing at the same time. It was what he often did when he was thinking very hard about something. "She shouldn't have jumped down your throat like that, Sonny."
"She's right," Sonny muttered.
"I know she's right," Carly said. "But that doesn't mean that she had to take the steps that she did."
"Courtney's always acted the way that she felt was best regardless of what I or anyone else ever thought. She gets it from her mother... she must." He didn't really know where the compassion came from. Courtney was really the only good thing to come out of their family. He and Mike did horrible things to their family or to other people, but Courtney... Courtney was something different entirely. She had some form of kindness that was always displayed. Sonny couldn't do it as easily or as often as she could. She was the best to come out of the Corinthos line that Sonny had seen... her and Damian. Maybe that was why they had connected like they did. Courtney was right about that as well, they did have a lot in common. They both were very accepting of what went on around them on the surface while resenting it in actuality. Sonny hated that it hurt them both as much as it did, but he couldn't change who he was, and neither could Jason. It was the life that they had picked for themselves and that was something that they couldn't get out of. "Where did I go wrong, Carly?"
Carly looked at her husband without really understanding what he meant. "You haven't done anything wrong, Sonny."
Sonny shook his head, "Look around you, everything that I've done is wrong on some level. I kill people without feeling anything for what I've done. I forced AJ into giving up the custody rights to Michael. I made sure that my stepfather was killed..."
"Sonny, he beat you and your mother senseless for his own enjoyment!" Carly knew that this was coming from what happened with Courtney, and she didn't like it at all. Courtney was her best friend, she loved Courtney very much, but if the choice came between Courtney and Sonny she couldn't chose anyone but her husband, the man that she pledged her life to more than once. "You can't be responsible for the weight of the world, and you shouldn't even try to do it right now."
"Everything I've done haunts me," Sonny said softly. "From the resentment that I still feel with my father to what happened with Damian's mother and everything that comes in between. Carly, I don't deserve to have any of this. I don't deserve to have you as my wife, I don't deserve to have Courtney as my sister, I don't deserve to have my sons in my life. I've been so lucky, and I always take advantage of it without really giving it much thought."
"Stop it, Sonny," Carly was both pleading and ordering. "You're not going to do anyone any good if you can't keep it together. You want to help your son, don't you?"
Sonny looked up at her, his eyes slowly beginning to well up with the tears of frustration and anxiety. "I want to be worthy of the people that love me."
Carly put her hands on Sonny's cheeks, "You're worthy of every single person in your life, Sonny. The people that you care about survive because you're there to protect them. Michael wouldn't be the great son that he is to both of us if you hadn't have taught him the things that you never learned because you were too afraid of your stepfather to even try and ask if he wanted to play ball with you. If you hadn't have accepted Jason for what he was after the accident, Jason might not even be around Port Charles, he might not even be alive. Sonny, no matter how much doubt you feel in your heart, it's not true. You're not some horrid person that doesn't feel anything for the decisions that you've made in your life. I know that you are constantly kept awake by the demons, but that's because you feel something for what you did. On some level you feel regret. You're not some inhuman killing monster, you feel, you hurt, you love."
"Carly..."
"You're a passionate and decent man, Sonny," Carly reaffirmed her husband. "You deserve the love that I give you, that Lily gave you, that everyone who knows the type of person you are has ever given you. They can see past what you do and can see the reasons that you have. You weren't given a choice."
"I was," Sonny said. "I told you I was going to get out of the life, Carly. After you woke up from that coma that I put you in..."
"It was an accident!"
"I still did it!" Sonny told her. "I still almost killed you and our son because of my desire to keep everything that I love safe. But I don't realize or don't want to accept just how much danger I am to everyone that I care for. No matter what, I can't keep you safe, but somehow being in the business keeps you all safer than being out of it. If I were still around when Damian got kidnapped by that crazy bitch..."
"I'm not going to let you do this to yourself, Sonny," Carly grabbed his hand. "I'm not going to let you eat at yourself."
"I can't help it."
"Think about Damian," She told him. "What good is it going to do if you're an emotional mess. He doesn't need to know about the breakdowns."
"I never thought about telling him," Sonny said. "I don't want him to see just how weak I really am. I have to keep my vulnerability a secret from everyone, even my own son."
"It's for everyone's good," Carly told him. "We need you to be as strong as you can be."
"I don't know if I can do this, Carly," Sonny admitted. "I don't know if I can see my son and realize just how powerless it makes me appear. Not because someone might take it as weakness, but because I don't want to live with the realization that comes with knowing that I can't do a thing about it."