Chapter two

I walk back into county and it feels like I just left, like I was only on a brake, but I am surprised at my mood today.  I am not upset about being here, even though I am exhausted and I didn't sleep much last night.  My coworkers are waving hello with warm and friendly smiles and I instantly feel a sense of belonging here, these people are my family, how can you feel lonesome when you've got your whole family at work with you all day long.  It's the going home part that's hard.  The walking into the front door without a "Hi honey, how was your day?" or getting into an empty and cold bed alone for the evening.   As long as I'm here, I have the world.  Maybe I'll move in. 

I walk up to the front desk to grab my first chart and I immediately feel a buzz in the air.  People are talking, I'm not sure about what, but I can hear little snippets of conversation coming from all angles.  I hear Chunys voice distantly, although I cant see her anywhere, she's saying something about a woman badly bruised. I'm not understanding why this is a piece of gossip but it seems like it is a big deal.  This is an ER, I've seen a lot worse than bruising, and quite frankly, if it's not my patient, I'm not sure that I care.  I ignore the conversations and turn to write my name on the board next to my first patient.  That's when I see it.  "Lockhart."  I freeze.  For a second I've forgotten to breath, forgotten where I am even standing.  I feel an intentional jerk coming from the left side of me and I am scooted over and out of Pratts way. 

"Shit or get off the pot man!" 

I just stair back at him blankly before my brain signals my legs to start moving.  I race down the hall to exam two and I hear Pratt behind me  "Now that's what I'm talking about!"

I peer through the window to see Susan sitting on a bed staring at a sleeping figure.  I open the door and hesitate to walk in, and for a second I feel as if I'm being intrusive.  She turns quickly and raises her finger to her lips motioning me not to wake her.  She puts down her chart and I follow closely on her heals as she walks out of room.  She can tell that I'm concerned, worried, not even remembering to breath. 

"What happened?"   My words come out harshly and she winces at my tone.

"She's ok."  

She pauses as if she isn't going to tell me anymore, like she is actually going to follow the patient confidentiality rule right now. I give her a roll of my eyes and she gets my drift, as if Abby's not going to tell me what happened anyway. 

"Her neighbor assaulted her.  She's got a broken nose and some bad bruising around her eye.  I also did a rape kit cause she had some bruising on her upper thighs." 

I grab my face with my hands and rub my eyes. I can't believe this.  I can't even picture it.  Abby is one of the strongest people I know.  I can't believe that she was taken advantage of, hurt, abused.  How could anybody hurt someone so special? And for a second I refuse to believe this.  I need to see for myself.

I say nothing to Susan as I turn my back to her and walk into the room where Abby is asleep.  I stand in the corner for what seems like forever, watching her chest move up and down, afraid that if I move I will hurt her.  She's covered with a thin blanket and once every couple of seconds I see her body shiver.  I feel it in my own; goose bumps are sprouting up and down my arms.  Her face is turned away from me and I can't see any physical signs of abuse.  She looks like an angel. 

I sign inwardly and walk out of the room, heading for the linen closet.  I grab a couple blankets and walk back into Abbys room, approaching the bed slowly so I don't wake her up. As I move to stand over her to cover her with the extra blankets she stirs a little and turns her body so it's now facing me.  I finish tucking the blankets underneath the thin mattress and I take the first good look at her that I can.  Her nose is bandaged and her eye is deeply bruised and suddenly I am met with a fiery of anger.  I can feel my face contorting into an expression that would probably scare Abby half to death if she woke up and saw me standing over her like that.  I soften up a bit and move to pull a chair to her bedside so that I can watch her sleep.  I know that its silly, but I feel that I am protecting her, although I know that if she was awake she would tell me that she doesn't need me to do that. 

It's hours later when I stir a bit and glance at my watch with sleepy eyes.  Oh my god, I have just slept through half of my shift.    I notice that a blanket has been thrown on top of my body as my gaze diverts to the empty bed beside me.  I get out of my makeshift bed quickly and glance around the halls of the ER.  There aren't many people around; I guess that's why no one woke me up. 

I walk by the board and I see that Abbys name has been erased.  I approach Susan and she answers my question before I can even ask it

"She went home.  I guess to pack up some stuff."

"Alone?"  I ask.

"She said she was gonna get a hotel room even though I offered her to stay on my couch" 

"Why didn't you wake me?"  I say this accusingly.  As if I'm blaming Susan for my being asleep when Abby woke up, but I feel like an ass.

"I wanted to let you get some sleep, I know you needed it."  Okay, so that's true, and I do feel a little rested, although my back is aching from sleeping in a chair. And now I'm worried about Abby being at her place alone. 

It's four o'clock in the morning and the hospital looks like a ghost town.  I take a look around me and turn back to Susan with a pleading look on my face. 

"Can you cover for me?  I want to make sure she's okay."

Susan gives me a mocking smile and I can tell she's making fun of me, as if we both don't know that Abby will be all right on her own.  She's been through so much in her life; I sometimes forget that she's one of the strongest women that I have ever known.  But I also know that sometimes she puts on a facod.  And this time could be one of those times when she needs someone and doesn't want to ask.  I give her one last look, the most pathetic one that I can conjure up.  Right now I am pulling teeth to get her to let me go. 

"Its not like I haven't just covered half your shift while you were sleeping!"

I give her my best puppy dog pout one last time.

"Oh all right."  She gives in.  "But you owe me one!"

I grab her and kiss her on the cheek.

"Thanks Susan" 

I don't know why, but as I'm walking the steps up to her apartment building, I'm feeling apprehensive.  Maybe it's because I haven't been here for a while.  I think I'm scared to see her beaten down, or maybe she might be scared for me to see her that way.  I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or ashamed, but I have to make sure she's okay.  I reach her front door and regret knocking on it the minute I do so.  I should have called first; I'm probably startling her.  I hear her footsteps on the other side of the door and immediately feel her presence as she leans against the door to look through the peephole and see who it is.  I hear her take a step back to shuffle through all the bolts and locks and open the door for me. 

"Carter?"