Chapter 24
Captain Hudson sat in his favourite chair in his room, his blunt fingers massaging his temples. Why had she looked at him like that? What had he done to her to warrant such fear?
He'd been wracking his brains for almost an hour, trying to understand what had gone so horribly wrong, but the only images that kept surfacing were those of Lex as a young child, her huge green eyes turned up to him, filled with childish excitement. He could almost feel her cherubic little arms clamped tightly around his neck. Whenever he'd come home from duty she'd always squealed in delight before launching herself at him. But somewhere, something had changed.
"You're going to hurt yourself," a voice said from the doorway. Hudson looked up to find Kristen standing in the door, a gently smile on her lips. "May I come in?" she asked.
Hudson nodded, motioning to a chair across from his. Kristen crossed the room and sat, sighing as she chose her next words carefully. "I know that this is really none of my business, and Nathan would probably throttle me if he knew I was here, interfering..." Kristen clamped her mouth closed and frowned.
The corners of Hudson's mouth curled in the barest of smiles. "That's never stopped you before. What's on your mind?"
Kristen shifted in her chair. "I bumped into Lucas earlier, and he told me what happened. Lex's reaction when she saw you. He was really rather confused by it."
"That makes two of us," Hudson muttered as he rose and walked over to the small bar in the corner of the room. Grabbing the bottle of scotch, he held it up towards Kristen. She hesitated briefly before nodding. He then poured two drinks, passing Kristen hers before sinking into his chair.
"I've been meaning to ask you about that," he said, frowning into his drink. "Exactly how well does he know Lex?"
Kristen's brows rose. "I think that's something you should be asking him."
"I don't think I have that right anymore." Hudson's shoulders sagged as he took a drink.
Kristen felt her heart break when she saw the despair in his dark eyes. "She was his first love. Maybe his only. She saw him for who he was in his heart, and never looked at his intelligence as a disease. That made a very deep impression on him. And Lucas seems to have had the same effect on her."
Hudson frowned slightly. "How so?"
"You're aware of the line of work Lex was in the first time she was on SeaQuest? Lucas asked her to stop and find an honest job, and she did. I think they genuinely care for each other."
Hudson nodded grimly, his hand clenched around his glass. Kristen leaned forward, squeezing his knee lightly. "Lucas is a good man, Oliver. Tension between you and Lex is already high, and if I may, I'd like to give you some friendly advice. Leave their relationship, whatever it may be, alone. Questioning either of them might only widen the gulf between you and your daughter. And THAT is the real reason I came to see you."
"To tell me not to be a nosy father?" One of Hudson's brows rose.
"No. To share my thoughts after having talked with Lucas."
"Go on."
"I got to thinking, Oliver," she said, sipping her drink, "and I think I might be able to shed some light on her feelings towards you."
Hudson looked up, hope in his eyes. "Yes?"
Kristen edged forward in her seat. "When I was thinking about her reaction today, I recalled a conversation that I had overheard between her and Lucas, just after they'd first met. They had been talking about their fathers, and at the time it didn't click with me, but now in retrospect, I understand it perfectly."
"What?"
"I remember her saying that nothing she did would ever be good enough for her father. That he was ashamed of her and loathe to be around her."
"What?!" Hudson cried, jumping from his chair and pacing the room in frustration. "I have never been ashamed of her, Kristen!"
"Then what do you think would have given her that impression? Something must have provoked that feeling."
Hudson scowled and continued to pace as he recalled his encounters with his daughter. He stopped suddenly, turning alarmed eyes toward Kristen. "The time I brought her on my ship. She was so terrified, it damn near drove me nuts."
Kristen frowned delicately. "Well, she DID show signs of hydrophobia when she'd been on SeaQuest the last time."
Hudson's gaze softened. "She was so ... different from me. She was gentle, soft and sweet natured. Everything I wasn't. I just wanted there to be one thing we could share."
"Your love of the sea," Kristen replied softly, comprehension dawning in her eyes.
Hudson laughed scornfully. "I couldn't understand why she was so frightened."
Kristen leaned forward. "And then what happened?"
Hudson's shoulders dropped. "I never saw her again, until today."
"You avoided her?"
"I was avoiding my life. My marriage had fallen apart. But it wasn't so much that, as the call I got a few months later. My neighbour called to tell me she hadn't seen Lex going to or coming from school for over a week. She'd tried talking to my ex wife, but she'd refused to answer the door. My neighbour was concerned. By the time I got home, Lex was long gone. We never found her. I spent weeks searching for her, not sleeping, calling everyone I knew. It was during that time that I realized that my marriage was over and I had been hiding from the truth of it at sea."
"But don't you see? Lex wouldn't have known that. In her mind, the reason you wouldn't return home was because you were so disappointed in her."
"But I'm not!"
"Then tell her that. She's the one who needs to know, Oliver. Tell her how you felt back then, and how you feel now."
Hudson sighed and sank into his chair. "Will that stop her from running?"
"I don't know. Deep down inside, I don't think she was running from you at all. But I can't help but think that it might get you a step closer to finding out the real reason she left all those years ago."
Squeezing his hand in compassion, Kristen stood and left him staring pensively into his glass of scotch.
Captain Hudson sat in his favourite chair in his room, his blunt fingers massaging his temples. Why had she looked at him like that? What had he done to her to warrant such fear?
He'd been wracking his brains for almost an hour, trying to understand what had gone so horribly wrong, but the only images that kept surfacing were those of Lex as a young child, her huge green eyes turned up to him, filled with childish excitement. He could almost feel her cherubic little arms clamped tightly around his neck. Whenever he'd come home from duty she'd always squealed in delight before launching herself at him. But somewhere, something had changed.
"You're going to hurt yourself," a voice said from the doorway. Hudson looked up to find Kristen standing in the door, a gently smile on her lips. "May I come in?" she asked.
Hudson nodded, motioning to a chair across from his. Kristen crossed the room and sat, sighing as she chose her next words carefully. "I know that this is really none of my business, and Nathan would probably throttle me if he knew I was here, interfering..." Kristen clamped her mouth closed and frowned.
The corners of Hudson's mouth curled in the barest of smiles. "That's never stopped you before. What's on your mind?"
Kristen shifted in her chair. "I bumped into Lucas earlier, and he told me what happened. Lex's reaction when she saw you. He was really rather confused by it."
"That makes two of us," Hudson muttered as he rose and walked over to the small bar in the corner of the room. Grabbing the bottle of scotch, he held it up towards Kristen. She hesitated briefly before nodding. He then poured two drinks, passing Kristen hers before sinking into his chair.
"I've been meaning to ask you about that," he said, frowning into his drink. "Exactly how well does he know Lex?"
Kristen's brows rose. "I think that's something you should be asking him."
"I don't think I have that right anymore." Hudson's shoulders sagged as he took a drink.
Kristen felt her heart break when she saw the despair in his dark eyes. "She was his first love. Maybe his only. She saw him for who he was in his heart, and never looked at his intelligence as a disease. That made a very deep impression on him. And Lucas seems to have had the same effect on her."
Hudson frowned slightly. "How so?"
"You're aware of the line of work Lex was in the first time she was on SeaQuest? Lucas asked her to stop and find an honest job, and she did. I think they genuinely care for each other."
Hudson nodded grimly, his hand clenched around his glass. Kristen leaned forward, squeezing his knee lightly. "Lucas is a good man, Oliver. Tension between you and Lex is already high, and if I may, I'd like to give you some friendly advice. Leave their relationship, whatever it may be, alone. Questioning either of them might only widen the gulf between you and your daughter. And THAT is the real reason I came to see you."
"To tell me not to be a nosy father?" One of Hudson's brows rose.
"No. To share my thoughts after having talked with Lucas."
"Go on."
"I got to thinking, Oliver," she said, sipping her drink, "and I think I might be able to shed some light on her feelings towards you."
Hudson looked up, hope in his eyes. "Yes?"
Kristen edged forward in her seat. "When I was thinking about her reaction today, I recalled a conversation that I had overheard between her and Lucas, just after they'd first met. They had been talking about their fathers, and at the time it didn't click with me, but now in retrospect, I understand it perfectly."
"What?"
"I remember her saying that nothing she did would ever be good enough for her father. That he was ashamed of her and loathe to be around her."
"What?!" Hudson cried, jumping from his chair and pacing the room in frustration. "I have never been ashamed of her, Kristen!"
"Then what do you think would have given her that impression? Something must have provoked that feeling."
Hudson scowled and continued to pace as he recalled his encounters with his daughter. He stopped suddenly, turning alarmed eyes toward Kristen. "The time I brought her on my ship. She was so terrified, it damn near drove me nuts."
Kristen frowned delicately. "Well, she DID show signs of hydrophobia when she'd been on SeaQuest the last time."
Hudson's gaze softened. "She was so ... different from me. She was gentle, soft and sweet natured. Everything I wasn't. I just wanted there to be one thing we could share."
"Your love of the sea," Kristen replied softly, comprehension dawning in her eyes.
Hudson laughed scornfully. "I couldn't understand why she was so frightened."
Kristen leaned forward. "And then what happened?"
Hudson's shoulders dropped. "I never saw her again, until today."
"You avoided her?"
"I was avoiding my life. My marriage had fallen apart. But it wasn't so much that, as the call I got a few months later. My neighbour called to tell me she hadn't seen Lex going to or coming from school for over a week. She'd tried talking to my ex wife, but she'd refused to answer the door. My neighbour was concerned. By the time I got home, Lex was long gone. We never found her. I spent weeks searching for her, not sleeping, calling everyone I knew. It was during that time that I realized that my marriage was over and I had been hiding from the truth of it at sea."
"But don't you see? Lex wouldn't have known that. In her mind, the reason you wouldn't return home was because you were so disappointed in her."
"But I'm not!"
"Then tell her that. She's the one who needs to know, Oliver. Tell her how you felt back then, and how you feel now."
Hudson sighed and sank into his chair. "Will that stop her from running?"
"I don't know. Deep down inside, I don't think she was running from you at all. But I can't help but think that it might get you a step closer to finding out the real reason she left all those years ago."
Squeezing his hand in compassion, Kristen stood and left him staring pensively into his glass of scotch.