Faint light could be seen through his eyelids as they fluttered open, waking from his dreamless sleep. He stretched in his bed, his body feeling strangely unrefreshed. Throwing the covers off himself and rolling out of bed, he padded over to a sliding door, which hid a washbasin and mirror. Squall rubbed his eyes and face in an effort to wake up and blinked into the mirror. His eyes widened in surprise and his hands rose to his chest as he noticed small circular bruises that weren't there the night before.

He couldn't disregard them as marks Selphie had gave him since the one on his neck was a darker shade of purple. He gave up pondering on the spontaneous generation of bruises as he continued his morning routine of washing and brushing his teeth.

He dressed in a daze, pulling on black jeans, a white T-shirt and a black short sleeved shirt. He groaned inwardly as he remembered the paperwork that awaited him.

On his way to his office he bumped into Rinoa who seemed to be lost in her own world.

'Hey.' She said smiling looking up into his eyes where he noticed a flicker of her attention as she glanced at his neck.

'Oooh... get lucky in Trabia?' she teased.

Squall clapped a hand to his neck and blushed. 'I don't have time for this.' He muttered.

Rinoa arched an eyebrow 'So you're not going to tell me who it was?' she asked.

'What does it matter?' Squall replied feeling this wasn't something to discuss with an ex even if you were still friends.

'Ohh, touchy. I was only teasing. Whoever she is you'd better not be this grouchy with them.' She admonished him.

'Whatever. I'm sorry Rinoa but I didn't get much sleep and I've got work to do.' He told her walking off as she giggled and said 'I'll bet' to his retreating back.

Squall slumped into the office and gazed at his desk. To his surprise the mountain of paper he expected to be awaiting him was a mere layer. A few simple mission reports, promotion slips to sign and details on Timber division and that was it.

Whilst sitting back in his chair, eyes closed, he became aware of a soft long squeak and then a click as his door locked. Opening his eyes instantly he scanned the room seeing no one.

It was then hands pushed him back against the chair by his shoulders but there were no hands there to be seen. Fear gripped him as he panicked, wondering if he was having a nightmare, trying to pinch himself but now his arms were pinned to the sides of the chair leaving him to the mercy of this invisible force.

Paralysed, Squall was unable to stop unseen hands tearing open his T-shirt exposing his bare chest, leaving him to watch as the fabric ripped all the way down to his waist.

'What's going on?' he murmured his mind wilding trying to comprehend what was going on but failing as arousing signals over rode it as the sensation of lips on his skin and a gentle motion against his groin fused his thoughts.

Squall moaned softly, his head tilting back in a subconscious reaction, eyes closing as the pleasure washed over him and he tried to fight it.

He felt the release of tension in his groin and vaguely recalled the soft sound of a zip but this was drowned out by the heat and scent of heavy breaths as they blew over his face.

This finally got him to open his eyes and he was met with a vision of blue fine strands that cascaded down over his cheeks, framing deep sapphire eyes that glinted like ice crystals while small wisps of steam came from full blue lips surrounded by skin that was white yet somehow very slightly tinged blue, a blue so pale it barely registered.

'Shiva?' he gasped out loud as he could finally see his captor but was muffled as her lips pressed against his, her tongue slipping between them preventing any protests.

Squall sat helpless against her unrelenting passion, his body controlled by her will, until finally subdued she collapsed, shrieking, onto his shoulder, her hair tickling his face as she sat in his lap.

Squall was too drained to push her away or feel the rage he knew he should. Instead he whispered a simple question. 'Why?'

'Because I love you Squall.' She replied tenderly, her face still buried in the nook of his neck and shoulder.

'Are you sure it isn't lust because you don't show love by abusing someone like this or like last night.' He said sharply still sat limply in the chair, arms draped over her thighs.

Shiva sat up, hurt burning her eyes as she looked at him. 'How about the way I protect you? I take your pain yet you never thought to soothe mine.' She snapped.

'That's the truth isn't it? You hid what I felt for Selphie because you were jealous.' He retorted softly as his mind worked things out yet another part of him felt guilty at the truth of her words.

'Yes I was jealous. You never once looked at me as you did when you first met her. You said you wanted me but as soon as you took me I was cast deep into your mind, made into a tool.' She replied bitterly.

'You made me forget what happened between us in the cave.' Squall replied pained by the tears in her eyes.

'Only that we made love. I never made you forget why you willingly accepted me.' She told him, her body quivering as she fought back tears.

'I'm sorry Shiva... but surely you know this can't work.' He said softly his hands twitching to life and moving comfortingly to her back.

'Why not?' she demanded.

'I'm in love with Selphie, I can't cheat on her.' He told her gripping onto this one fact as his world was slipping away.

'Why not? Don't you love me?' she asked hurt.

Squall sighed. 'The truth is I really do Shiva but not in the same way, besides how can it work between a human and a GF?' he said to her still looking into her eyes.

'Shiva ran a hand through his hair tracing his scar. 'I'm with you always just as you asked. I watched as you got this injury, in fear and terror that you would perish and I would be torn from you. I never felt this way for anyone, human or otherwise, we have your whole life to give it a try' she whispered.

'What of children?' Squall mused.

'Do you really want to be a father?' she asked.

'I want to leave something of myself in this world regardless of my fears that I may not be there for them.' He replied.

'Then I could always share you, just like I have these past few years.' She replied her hands placed on his chest over his heart.

'You don't ask if I wish to be shared?' Squall asked mildly.

'I have no need. You willingly accepted me. I share your existence now and always.' Shiva explained.

She was surprised as Squall pushed her back pinning her to the desk so she was bent back, having to tilt her chin down to look into his grey eyes that gleamed wildly.

'Is this what you want?' he asked forcefully as he aggressively kissed her neck moving down to her breasts sucking and biting making her cry in pain and pleasure, her inner thighs aching as she was still impaled on him.

Squall stopped abruptly and looked her in the eyes. 'Well?' he asked.

'Not like this.' Shiva cried.

'Why not? It's what you did to me.' He replied releasing her.

'Fine but it was the only way for me.' Shiva told him sitting up.

'It wasn't, there is always a choice. I can't do this Shiva, not to Selphie.' Squall told her acutely aware how bad this was looking to anyone who might see.

'She will never have to know.' Shiva whispered gazing at him imploringly.

'I can't...' he told her but defiance was draining under her gaze and touch.

'All you have to do is love me like you love her, the only physical contact I will need is cuddles and kisses, I promise.' She told him softly her lips so close to his they almost brushed against them.

'Okay Shiva I promise too.' He whispered in reply his eyes closing as he lost himself to her.

He awoke, his cheek resting on his desk, arms sprawled over the paperwork as he had slumped forward in his chair. He sat up pulling the piece of paper stuck to his cheek. Confused, he rubbed his eyes wondering if what had happened with Shiva was a dream but a cold draft on his chest made him look down and see the ripped T-shirt.

'So it was real. I never knew how deeply she felt for me... just like Quistis. Yet Shiva is a part of me, how could I not see?' Squall thought to himself.

'Because fear kept you from it.' Shiva's voice whispered softly behind him, her slender arms wrapping around his neck.

'I have to go back now but don't forget our promise my love.' She told him and faded away, back into his mind.

He could feel her there, weakened by her prolonged maintenance of corporeal form that she couldn't speak to him in his mind truly leaving him alone.

He buttoned up his shirt hiding the torn fabric beneath. He wondered if he'd be able to cope with having Selphie and Shiva as lovers. He knew there would be guilt for even if he only made love to Selphie he was emotionally tied to Shiva and he couldn't deny that, not now.

For now he'd have to carry on with his work and take things with Selphie as they came.

He opened his eyes, tracing the name in the cold stone lovingly. How long it had been he had no idea, memories were getting so much harder to hold these days. But he could never forget her, his bouncing, lithe sunflower, her perpetual smile and brown hair that framed her elfin features.

That had been together for decades, their love growing stronger with each day. Blessed by two children, a son and daughter both aged with grandchildren of their own now. He couldn't know directly for he had to watch them from afar, to his children he was dead just like his beloved Selphie.

He had grown old with her, watched her weaken and slip away while he still stayed young and strong underneath his aged façade. In the end he had to fake his own death lest his children became disturbed by his longevity.

Now every year he came to this place, after wandering the world with his other love, the one whom he was bound to forever, the one who kept him forever young, his guardian and companion Shiva.

Gazing at the tombstone that had both his and Selphie's names upon it, he wondered if he'd be able to join her on the other side but he sighed as he always did every year this thought came to mind as he sat at her grave. He had made his choice long ago that he couldn't change.

Shiva sat silent in his mind knowing the truth she kept even now from Squall. It could work out between a human and an Esper, so long as the Esper had been human before. She knew causality didn't run in a smooth line from then to now, but could loop and fold.

She had met her true love before he had met her. She had the strange experience of reliving her life seeing it from the outside whilst having a dual existence. She wished she could tell Squall, her love, the final truth and spare him the pain of the guilt he carried this last century but would he believe her or think she was only comforting him if she finally told him that she had began her existence as Selphie Tilmitt?