UNDER THE INFLUENCE
Part 5
I didn't stop to chat with Don this time. I drove home, showered, ate something, went back to the lab and caught up with my paperwork.
I did everything possible to avoid thinking too much of her unexpected request. I mean, why Nick and not Catherine? Why him and not me?
But when I told Nick, I began to understand why she'd chosen him. Nick is a nurturing guy after all. His immediate reaction was of concern. ("Oh, man, why didn't you tell me?") and I didn't even have to tell him to keep this a secret. ("We can't let anybody know, Grissom!").
I dutifully told him about visiting hours, and then handed him a book
"You won't have time to buy her anything today, so give this to her."
He read the title.
"'Nonsense Poems'?" he smirked. "This is what you've been giving her? Books?"
The smirk stung and for a brief moment I hoped he'd go and buy her teddy bears and chocolates and that everything would be torn apart by the clinic staff…
But I'm a 'reasonable' man. Just before the shift ended, I warned him about the regulations.
"I'll get her a puzzle." He said full of enthusiasm and I gaped… why didn't I think of it myself? She loves puzzles! Oh, damn…
No wonder Sara preferred him.
**
A few days after, Jim and I were questioning a suspect, though to be honest, I wasn't paying much attention. As soon as I saw the guy's hands I knew he wasn't our murderer. Calluses like the ones he had on his fingers would have shown on the fingerprints I'd lifted. I didn't need Jacqui's report to know he wasn't our guy.
But I didn't tell Jim; I was distracted by my own troubles.
I was losing control. I had been working too hard and sleeping too little, and frankly I had been tormenting myself by thinking of Sara and the things that I did and didn't do to deal with her problem.
For instance, I never told her that I was sorry. She had blamed herself for what had happened but I knew that I shared a huge part of the blame. If I had been another man (like Nick, I guess), I would have known what to do with the love she'd offered; I would have helped her deal with her insecurities.
What comforted me a little was the fact that she would be fine. According to Don, she was going to be discharged in less than a week and her prospects were good. She'd choose whether to stay or to leave... And I would honor her choice.
"Would you give her up that easily?"
Those words haunted me now. I hadn't understood what Don meant at the time but now I did. I'd given her up as soon as I agreed to tell Nick, but it hadn't been easy. Up until today I had hoped that she would call me and ask me to visit. She didn't.
I knew my life would be hell from now on. I mean, what was I going to do without her?
That thought came unexpectedly and I gasped.
Jim's suspect looked at me.
"Hey man, you ok?" He said full of concern, "You've just gone white."
I muttered something and left the room, barely aware of Jim frantically saying something into the tape recorder to account for my abrupt exit.
I went to the nearest bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I took deep breaths and gradually calmed down, but that thought was tormenting me. what am I going to do… ?
Jim found me there and started yelling at me for ruining his case. I mechanically told him about the guy's fingers and asked him to leave me alone, though not in those polite terms. He hesitated and then left.
For a moment, I stood in the middle of the bathroom, not knowing what to do. I didn't want to go home –I couldn't sleep anyway- and I didn't want to go back to the lab and face my coworkers. Suddenly I understood how Sara had felt: Having a drink sounded like a good way of solving my dilemma…
I phoned Jim instead, and I apologized.
**
In the end I went to my office but couldn't concentrate. I just sat there, staring at the pile of paperwork that never seemed to decrease.
Then I looked around me. Everything I had worked for was there, neatly contained in a single room. My diplomas, my files, my specimens and all the little mementos that I'd gathered through the years; they were witnesses of a career that was entering its final decade.
It was a just a box, I realized. A big cold box made out of glass, chrome, plastic, and my own dried up heart… But this was what I'd always wanted, wasn't it?
"What do you want?" I asked aloud, surprising myself.
My answer was barely audible, though.
"I want to go back in time."
I smiled to myself. Go back in time, like in a fairy tale… Go back and do all the things that I never did because I too scared to even try…
"Hey, Grissom?" Nick asked. He had entered my office and I hadn't noticed, "Can I talk to you?" .
"Sure, Nick." I said, quickly composing myself. "Sit."
"It's about Sara." He said, lowering his voice.
"Yeah?" I wasn't concerned. I had called Don that morning and he'd assured me she was doing good.
"It's... Well..." he hesitated, "I've been worried. I mean-"
I sighed in exasperation.
"What, Nick?"
"I was wondering if… if all this happened because of the promotion."
"No, Nick." I said patiently, "It wasn't that."
"Because if it was, man! It would be awful."
"Nick, don't feel guilty, just try to be supportive, all right?"
"I want to be supportive, but this is Sara, Grissom. She's usually so level headed; it's hard to see her going through this."
"I know, but that's exactly why she needs our support. How is she doing, by the way?" I asked politely.
"If you want to know, go ask her yourself."
I paused. That didn't sound like Nick.
"What did you just say?" I asked and he gulped but didn't back down.
"You heard me," he challenged. "You just stopped visiting; that's not very supportive, Grissom."
"I don't think she needs to see her boss right now, Nick."
"Are you sure? She looks over my shoulder all the time, as if she's waiting to see someone else. She didn't forbid you to go, did she?"
I paused, trying to remember her exact words. She had said that she'd be all right… that she could be on her own and that I had enough problems... I guess she didn't want me to think that I had to be there all the time… But she didn't forbid me to go. She simply wanted me to have a choice now- My choice.
"What do you want?" Don had asked over and over and until now I didn't understand why.
Nick was still talking.
"… Poor girl has been making paper flowers to decorate the gym, and-"
"Why?" I asked.
"She'll be working at a party tonight." Nick said, "Something about a Center-"
"Senior's Center." I interrupted, trying not to sound too eager. "Do you know where it is?"
**
Part 6
Don was filing some papers when I entered his office.
"I need to know what she wants," I sad abruptly.
"Good evening, my friend." he said gently,
"Just tell me." I insisted, "I have to know if she still needs me."
"I can't talk about that, Gil, you know it."
"Don, I don't want to hurt her. I just need to know how she feels about me; if she wants me, I'll do something about it-"
"Gil, she's always been honest with you. She's told you the truth over and over. Figure it out by yourself."
"I can't," I confessed, "All I can think of is that I'll make things worse for her."
He took off his glasses and motioned me to sit down.
"Gil... I wish I could tell you what to do but I can't. Nobody can. You see, no matter what I say or what Sara tells you, you only listen to yourself. And what you keep saying over and over is that you can't love her." He looked at me with something close to compassion as I fought not to break down.
"I ..." I began, "I did want to love her. I would have this time, if she had asked me-"
"Why would she do that again? It didn't take her anywhere the other times she did." he leant on, "Gil, she's rebuilding her self-esteem. She can't go on asking and hoping that you'll say yes. That's in the past and you'll have to accept it."
I looked down and eventually I nodded. He sighed.
"Remember College, Gil?" he said softly, "We all used to wonder why it was so difficult for you to accept that someone could love you. Lots of girls did, you know."
"I'm not going to talk about it, Don." I said, standing up.
"So don't." he said gently, "Just tell me what you want."
I was going to be evasive again, but in the end I relented.
"I want Sara." I admitted.
He nodded, as if he already knew that.
"Then make a decision." he said gently. "And stick to it, for her sake and yours."
I nodded.
**
Part 6
The 'Center' was actually an all-purpose building tucked behind a Catholic church that had seen better days. Some kids were scrubbing the front steps and others were hanging a banner that announced, DANCE AND DINNER TONIGHT. I asked them for directions and they told me to go in and ask for the organizer, Ms. Sandburg.
The building was actually a large square with high windows that apparently doubled as a sports center too. There were a few pieces of exercise equipment that had been pushed into a corner and replaced with tables and chairs.
An elderly lady (Ms. Sandburg?) was scolding a young woman who was wearing the clinic's signature silk t-shirt. It wasn't Sara, so I turned the other way and looked for her.
I went down a hallway and tried several doors; I was about to try another, when she herself came out of the room and was immediately startled.
"Grissom! What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I frowned, "Why?"
"Are you here to investigate a crime or something?"
"No, Sara." I smiled, "I just wanted to see you. I mean, since I haven't been able to go to the clinic"
"Oh." she glanced around, "Well, I'm not really supposed to talk to anybody, Grissom," she said apologetically, "Ms. Sandburg's very protective and I'm a little busy right now." She lifted a pot she was carrying "I'm taking the food to the kitchen." she explained. "But I might have a few minutes if she's looking the other way."
I nodded but didn't wait for her. I went to talk to Ms. Sandburg and, introducing myself as Dr. Mackenzie's good friend, Dr. Grissom, I offered my help.
**
Ms. Sandburg was upset because the young woman, Meredith, was refusing to do her job. She'd simply sat on the floor and was ignoring everyone around her, ('she's angry because I didn't let her talk to a young man…') Ms. Sandburg whispered loudly. (but I can't let them out of my sight, you know.")
I offered to replace Meredith, thinking that I'd be sent to work with Sara… But I wasn't. I was asked to hang paper flowers. I was morosely wondering where to hang the last one when Sara came to mock me.
"My, my, someone was tricked into helping"
"I wasn't tricked; I offered." I replied. Then I looked around and lamented, "This reminds me of the Prom".
"Did you go to the Prom?" she was surprised.
"Not exactly. I refused to go and as punishment, they put me in charge of lights and the cleaning. I had to be there from beginning to end."
"Dr. Grissom!" gushed Ms. Sandburg, suddenly materializing behind Sara, "Thank you very much for your help! Just in time too. Our senior citizens are coming."
"Ms. Sandburg," I smiled, "is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Well... I don't think so..." she hesitated.
"I'll need help with the dish washing," said Sara, "since Meredith bailed out."
"Oh, but I don't think Dr. Grissom would-"
"Please," I said as charmingly as I could, "Call me Gil."
**
"'Please, call me Gil.'" Sara was mocking me as we went to the kitchen.
"Hey, it worked. We can talk and you won't get in trouble."
"You're a master manipulator." she retorted. That sounded like a reproach but before I could ask if it was, she pulled me to a side door.
"Let's stay here while they serve the food." She said, opening the door and leading me to a little patio. Sara sat on a pile of bricks and looked at me expectantly.
"So what's the deal with Meredith?" I asked
"Oh. You know." She said evasively. She was being loyal to a fellow inmate and I respected that.
We were silent for a moment and then Sara said suddenly,
"Calico drum
the grasshoppers come
the butterfly, beetle and bee
over the ground..." she paused.
"...around and round, with a hop and a bound." I finished.
"Ah, ha!" she laughed, "I knew it! You sent me that Edward Lear book, didn't you? Did you really think I'd believe Nick would give me that book?"
"What's wrong with it?" I replied morosely. She was surprised at my tone.
"Nothing." She said "I loved it."
"What did Nick get you?" I asked before I could stop myself.
"A puzzle" she answered, looking closely at me closely, "Very pretty, by the way."
She was smiling faintly, studying my reaction. I was about to say that I wasn't jealous but I stopped; I was losing control of the situation and I didn't like that. She waited for me to say something but I didn't and she sighed.
"Come on." She said, standing up, "We have to wash some pots."
We entered the kitchen again and I lifted a pot that didn't look so dirty.
"Oh, good." I said, "It seems they were licked clean" She made a face.
"Ugh. Saliva."
"I'll wash, you dry." I said and she smiled. She opened a plastic bag and took out some gloves and plastic aprons. She handed me the gloves and helped me with the apron. I returned the favor.
"I've missed you." I said as I tied her apron.
"Me, too." she admitted, looking at me.
"I would have found the time to visit, Sara. It wasn't a burden."
"I was hoping you would come." she said, putting a pot in the soapy water, "I loved your visits, Grissom, but I needed to prepare myself for the world outside." She looked at me and realized that I didn't understand. "I mean, there you were giving me all your attention and I... I needed to start each day knowing that you wouldn't necessarily be there; I needed to face each day accepting that fact."
"But why did you ask for Nick?"
"I've been unkind to him many times. I wanted to apologize first of all." She explained, handing me a pot to scrub, "It was like a penance, you know? I mean, it was hard for me to be humble, and he's so irritatingly clean and perfect-" she narrowed her eyes for a moment.
I snorted and she smiled sheepishly.
"He sometimes gets on my nerves but he's a good guy, Grissom. AND he's been working on my cases. I needed to know what he'd done so far."
I was visibly surprised to hear her talk about work and she shrugged.
"I miss the lab. I miss the people, the place, even the smells."
"We've all missed you too, Sara. It's been too long without you."
She didn't say anything; she handed me another pot and put the rest to soak.
"Will you take me back?" she asked after a moment.
"I will, Sara. Are you sure you want to go back?"
"I am. I can't say I won't be overwhelmed by the cases, but I can manage my stress now. I can even deal with the fact that-"
The arrival of kids with some stacks of dirty dishes interrupted her. She looked at me.
"You'll dry this time."
We worked together very well. We didn't even have to talk to know what the other was going to do. It was the first time in a long time that our silence hadn't felt like a reproach.
Was I going to disturb that perfect harmony by telling her how I felt?
**
Suddenly, the music got louder.
"Hey," she said, "The dancing's started! Let's hurry; I want to see it."
Her enthusiasm surprised me.
"You must have enjoyed your prom, Sara."
"Me? Oh, no, I didn't go."
"Too cool to go, huh?" I teased her.
"It seemed silly." She shrugged. "You put on a dress and hope that a kid will take you dancing and then you go somewhere else to get drunk, and…" she flushed.
"Yes, some kids got drunk." I admitted.
"Did you ever go?"
"Not exactly. Dancing was out of my league, but I helped around and watched the rituals involved." I explained and suddenly I remembered that a girl did ask me once and even though I wanted to go, I said no. I was too scared.
She helped me dry the last dishes. She seemed to be thinking hard about something.
"Actually…" she began. "I think that… deep down I did want to go."
"Had a crush on someone?" I asked gently.
"Yeah, like all teens. But it wasn't just that. The prom is… a rite of passage, isn't it?"
"I suppose. "
"We should all take part in these rituals." she said slowly, "Even if they turn out to be mistakes, we learn from them and then move on…If you don't experience that mistake as a young person, you'll make it as an adult and then it isn't so cute, is it?" she seemed to be thinking aloud, "Or you keep avoiding the experience in order to avoid the mistake and in the end you're not experiencing life at all."
She wasn't talking about the Prom anymore. I looked at her over the stacks of clean dishes, thinking of all the experiences I'd missed because I'd been afraid.
"We need to grow up," Sara said suddenly, "We have to change… evolve…" she looked at me in the eye. "These past weeks have helped me see myself under a different light, Grissom. I hope you understand that I won't be the same."
"Sara-"
"I'll work hard to win back your confidence," she said quickly, "But I need you to see me as your equal, not as a 'girl' anymore."
She took me by surprise, so I simply nodded, but I wondered what she meant by 'equal'. I had always had confidence in her abilities, after all. I tried to explain.
"I may have referred to you as a 'girl' but I wasn't patronizing you, Sara. It's just that you're younger. And…" I paused for effect, "I'm very aware that you're my equal… AND a woman."
She blushed but didn't look at me until we finished and went to watch the old people –excuse me, senior citizens – dance. To my surprise they were playing music from the 60s.
"This is depressing." I groaned, "They're dancing to songs I knew when they were new!"
"When was that? When records were carved in stone?" she joked and I scowled.
She smiled and continued watching. She looked happy, and why not? She had helped organize this and it had gone well.
She was happy and relaxed while I was nervously aware that I had wasted hours waiting for the right moment to talk to her. Why was it so hard? I'm usually clumsy with women, but I can be direct, as I was with Lady Heather… But it wasn't the same, was it? After all, I had studied Heather's web site to know how to act around her. I thought she would accept me, flawed as I am. Ironically, she accepted my flaws, but not the one thing that I consider my only quality: My work as an investigator.
But there were no books or websites on how to love Sara.
That was the difference: I loved Sara. There, I'd said it to myself and very clearly.
I held my breath, vowing not to exhale until I got the courage to tell her. I was already turning blue when I turned to her…
…And backed off at the last minute.
"Want to dance?" I said, loud enough for her to hear.
"Wha…? Oh, no. No, no, no, thanks." She said, vigorously shaking her head. "I'm so bad you wouldn't believe it."
"I'm bad too." I said and I grabbed her hand. "Let's do it anyway." I pulled her to a dark corner of the room. She resisted.
"Grissom, this isn't a good idea."
"Come on, it'll be fun-"
"Grissom, no; you'll laugh at me-" She pleaded.
"Sara, please?" I interrupted, "Let's try. Just think that this is our Prom."
She hesitated a little and finally relented.
"All right. Just remember I'm not wearing boots."
"Fine, fine… just follow my lead." She let me position her left hand on my shoulder. I placed my left hand flat on her back, leant a little and let our cheeks meet. "Ok." I whispered. "1, 2, 3…" I counted along with the song as I moved, with her in my arms.
Tonight you're mine completely
Give me your love so sweetly
…Will you still love me tomorrow?
"Hey, you've done this before?" she asked, pulling back a little.
"No, (1, 2, 3)"
"How did you learn?"
"Web site, (1, 2, 3)"
"But have you practiced?" she insisted.
"No. (1, 2, 3)"
"Ouch!" she cringed.
"Uh, sorry, Sara. Oh, sorry. (1, 2, 3)."
But by the third song, we weren't doing so bad and we were more comfortable with the closeness too. By the time they played, "Stand by Me" I didn't need to count anymore. I held her even closer.
So darling, darling stand by me…
"Is my beard bothering you?" I asked suddenly.
"It's ok." She said softly.
"Sara? I'm going to dip you." I warned.
"Oh, no. No, no, don't, Grissom!" she was alarmed, "I swear, if you do that, I'll- Aaauurgh!" she moaned as I dipped her until her hair almost touched the floor. Even in the dim light I could see her awed expression. For a few seconds I pictured her like this, blushing, soft and pliant in my arms, with her lips parted in anticipation… in my bed. No, not my bed, hers. She'd feel more comfortable in her own room-
I brought her back up and she pretended to be angry but her smile betrayed her.
"You'll pay for this, Gil Grissom!"
"Oh, yeah?" I challenged, "What are you going to do to me?"
"Nothing. Your back will give you enough trouble tomorrow!"
The song ended but I didn't release her. I held my breath again, but only for a moment.
"I need to tell you something." I said.
***
We were back at the patio, but this time she didn't sit. We stood in the middle, under the stars… I hadn't released her hand. I needed it for support.
"Sara, I have a confession to make."
"What is it?"
I still hesitated for a moment, but told myself that I wanted to do this. I wanted… I wanted… I was selfish tonight.
"First of all, I'd like you to know that I admire what you've done. You're completing your treatment; Don says you're doing great-"
"Thank you." she said formally.
"I'd also like to apologize for not being the kind of friend you deserve." I said firmly and she looked down for a moment. I continued; suddenly it was easier now that her gaze wasn't on me.
"You've always been honest and open, and... I haven't." I took a deep breath. "You see, I always thought I was self sufficient and independent. I thought I did well on my own. I mean, I do well on my job but I not in my private life-"
She didn't move; she seemed to be waiting for me to make a point. It was going to be very difficult.
"When I was a kid I read fairy tales." I smiled sheepishly. "I loved them. Andersen, Grimm, Chinese, Arabian… I escaped through them, you know? But at the same time I was very aware of reality. My own reality at least. To me, happiness and love were the stuff fairy tales are made of. Lovely to read about but not real, and not within my reach. I could dream and fantasize all I wanted, and I still do, but I knew what real life was. I got used to live like that and I was doing ok. My personal life didn't interfere with my job and that was all that mattered. Until a few years ago when I started having troubles; I couldn't concentrate, I wasn't sleeping much, and I was a little depressed… I didn't look for help, of course. I simply added another job: I began teaching Seminars because I thought traveling would be a diversion." I looked at her, "And so one day I entered a classroom, just another classroom or so I thought, and there I saw this girl… You. You were hard to ignore, you know? You were wearing a magenta blouse," I smiled fondly at my recollection, "And you kept firing up questions and you kept interrupting the class because you needed to know things… I'd never met anyone like you. You were so smart and fearless, Sara. And when you smiled." I closed my eyes, "That smile… just mesmerized me. From that day on, it felt as if you owned me." I heard her quick intake of breath and felt her hand squeeze mine. "I guess I fell in love that night." I took a deep breath, "I didn't really know… or maybe I didn't want to know. But I kept in touch with you, which I'd never done before, and I tried to do things for you. Things like getting you books that were out of print or rare magazines, or helping you find another job instead of telling you to tough it up. I loved doing things for you. I kept hoping you'd need something, anything that I could get for you. Any thing that would keep me in touch with you. And all that time I never realized that all I wanted was to give you… myself."
When I finished, Sara tentatively put a hand on my shoulder. I was barely aware of this. I simply kept talking. I felt as if something hard and heavy that I'd carried inside me was dissolving.
"So that's my confession," I whispered, "I spent years telling myself that I was better off alone, when in fact I've been depending on you. You lived in my dreams and I thought that was enough. What I didn't understand is that relationships have to evolve to survive… I mean, I thought you'd always be there no matter what I did. But today I realized for the first time that you might not need me anymore, and my first thought was 'What am I going to do now. How can I go on without her.' And then I remembered all the times that you tried to help us grow up and I rejected you… And I wish I could go back in time and start over and do all the things that you asked me." I looked at her, "I was just so afraid I'd be clumsy and you'd be bored and just turn your back on me. Or worse, that I'd hurt you. And it's awful because I hurt you anyway." I looked at her and noticed that she had tears in her eyes. "I know I have to grow up; I WANT to, but..." I took a deep breath. "It's hard."
"Yeah." she nodded, and she gently wiped the tears that I had shed without knowing. "It is. But we have each other." She added with a smile.
I closed my eyes and leant my forehead against hers, relieved.
"Yes," I nodded gratefully. "We have each other."
She pressed her body against me and I gulped.
"Just don't change too much, Grissom." She whispered, "I like you already."
Oh, damn, what a wonderful woman… It was painful to think that I would have lost her-
"I'm sorry I didn't figure it out sooner." I said apologetically.
"We wouldn't have lasted a week back then." She said wisely, "There were so many things I didn't understand about me and about you, Grissom. It'll be easier this time."
She slid her arms around me and I even though I loved the closeness I couldn't return her embrace as easily. However, I knew that Sara's generosity was more that I deserved. The least I could do was show her that I was willing to change: I put my arms around her and held her a little closer. We remained like that for a moment, getting used to new sensations.
"You know…" I lowered my voice, "There's something I've always wanted to do."
"What is that?" she asked breathlessly.
I nuzzled her cheek.
"There's a cute mole just below your ear…" I whispered. "I've always wanted to kiss it." I did. She gasped softly as I brushed kisses on her neck. "There's another one here." I whispered and smiled when I heard a strange sound coming from her. "Sara Sidle, you're giggling!"
"No!" she was indignant. "Your damn beard's tickling me!"
"I'll shave it if you want." I teased.
"No." she said softly, "I love how it looks on you."
I happily kissed every inch of her face then –everywhere except her lips, and looked at her expectantly. She looked into my eyes.
"I'm going to kiss you." She whispered. She grabbed the front of my shirt and slowly pushed me against a wall. I smiled at her, letting her take the lead. Her lips were soft against mine. Soft and sweet and tender…A delicious first kiss. She pulled back for a moment and looked at my lips, as if she couldn't believe she'd kissed me. She smiled and leant for another kiss, and then another…and suddenly we didn't care that that we were more or less in a public place, and we were hungrily exploring each other, desperate for more…
"SARA!" Ms. Sandburg's voice brought reality back to us. "SARA, WE'RE LEAVING!"
We opened our eyes in a panic and Sara immediately pulled back.
"Got to go." She said regretfully.
"No. No, don't." I pleaded, "Not yet."
"Got to. I have a curfew."
I pulled her back in my arms and kissed her neck again. She pulled away and she nervously wiped my lips, "My lipstick's all over you." She explained, not looking up.
"Leave it." I pleaded, "It's evidence that you kissed me. If you wipe it off it'll feel as though it was just another fantasy."
"It's not." She said softly. "It's real, Grissom. I love you."
I gulped and tried to say something but Ms. Sandburg's call interrupted us again.
"SARA!" Now it sounded angry and I really didn't want to get her in trouble. I tried to comb her hair with my fingers. "Go. Run."
She nodded, but before she left, she blew a kiss in my direction and then she called out to Ms. Sandburg.
"There you are!" gushed Ms. Sandburg, "Sara, everything went well, thanks to you-"
I remained in the little patio for a while, trying to hold on to the memory of her in my arms, and her scent all around me.
I suddenly wanted to shout that I'd kissed Sara Sidle; that my Sara had kissed me and touched me… that I loved her; that I believed that love and happiness were within my reach… Yeah, I was acting like an idiot and if my coworkers had seen me then, they would have gaped at me.
I smiled.
What would they say if I told them that Sara and I had just starred in our own fairy tale? That we danced and kissed, and at midnight –well, 11:30- she'd had to run?
Well, I didn't have a crystal shoe but I didn't need it to find her.
**
Two days later, I was reading a report when suddenly I had the feeling that someone was watching me. I looked up and my heart began to jump in my chest.
"Hey." She smiled but I was a bit alarmed.
"Sara, what are you doing here?"
"I hid under the dirty clothes and escaped." She said lightly, but when she saw my expression, she hurriedly explained, "I have the evening free! It's one of my final tests, Grissom. I have to return sober."
I walked to her and hesitated; we were at the lab and we couldn't even shake hands without calling everybody's attention, but it felt awkward not to be able to touch her.
"I thought I'd say hi." She said, "I'm supposed come to work next Friday, but I thought I'd come and greet the guys-"
"Good." I approved, "Everybody will be happy to see you."
She nodded, looking at me expectantly. I was a bit nervous. I thought I'd see her on Friday, and I hadn't prepared anything to tell her yet. I didn't know how to be spontaneous.
"Don told me something about you working for him…?"
"Yeah." She nodded, "I'll do some fund raising and reading for the Clinic. He's just trying to help me pay my bill" she admitted, "But I'll try to do my best."
I admired her so much I hoped I'd be able to tell her some day.
"Are you busy, Grissom?" she asked, looking over my desk.
"Yeah. I'm… you know, catching up with paperwork."
"I see." She said, still smiling. "Well. I'll go and…" she paused, "talk to my coworkers."
"Yeah. Sure." I nodded, and watched as she walked backwards towards the hallway.
Then at the last moment I decided to show her that I was already changing. A little, at least.
"Hey, Sara?" I said and held my breath.
"Yeah." She stopped.
I exhaled and held out my hand to her. She nervously reached out for it.
"I'd like you to have lunch with me on Friday." I said. "Anywhere you want. Or" and I enjoyed the look on her face as I added, "I can cook something at your place." Her place would be better. "I've been checking out some vegetarian recipes and I think you'll be impressed."
"I'd like that." She said, smiling lovingly. That smile was all I needed.
"And…" I paused, gathering some courage "I love you. You know that, right?"
Her lips parted but she didn't say anything for a long time. She was so surprised. But when she spoke, it was just what I'd hoped to hear.
"Yes."
THE END
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