Chapter 27
Standing in front of the door, Lex took a deep breath before wiping her suddenly damp palms on her jean clad thighs. Fortunately, Wendy was close enough in size to loan Lex some clothes, and she'd gratefully accepted.
Taking one last deep breath, Lex had just raised her hand to knock on the door when it flew inward.
"Lex?" Hudson asked, shocked.
"Hi," she replied awkwardly, jamming her hands nervously into her pockets. "Am I interrupting something?"
Hudson shook his head. "I was just going to find Lucas."
"I can come back another-"
"No! No, it can wait. Come in." Hudson stepped back from the door, watching with a mixture of pleasure and confusion as Lex walked past him into his quarters.
Lex took a moment to take in her surroundings. The room seemed to match her father perfectly. Masculine, bearing only the essentials. On the walls, which were covered in a rich, dark wood, hung several landscape paintings. The lush, navy blue carpet muffled her footsteps as she walked farther into the room.
Her green gaze roamed about, taking in the floor to ceiling bookshelves jammed full of well read novels in several genres. In the far corner sat a wet bar, it's dark wood counter gleaming under the bright light hanging from the ceiling. But it was a small table in the dark corner of the room that grabbed Lex's attention the most.
"You still play?" she asked in shock as she crossed the room to examine the instrument.
"As often as I can," Hudson replied softly as he followed her, immensely pleased that she recalled his fondness for the instrument.
Lex gently ran her fingers along the strings. "I remember you used to sit outside on the deck and play for hours."
"It used to drive your mother crazy," Hudson chuckled. "She hated the sound of it."
Lex shook her head slowly. "It sounded so beautiful. Haunting at times."
For a moment they fell silent, both caught up in memories of a better time. Hudson was the first to speak. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"No, I'm fine." Lex blinked to erase the images, sighing nervously as she turned to look at her father. He too stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Lex couldn't help but remember how she would throw herself into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and hugging tightly. She found herself wondering if she'd ever have that opportunity again, or had too much time passed by already.
Stretching out a hand, Hudson invited Lex to sit in one of the chairs. He waited while Lex fidgeted, searching for the right way to begin this delicate subject. Looking at her father's broad shoulders and his no nonsense expression, Lex decided just to jump in with both feet.
"I talked with Wendy today."
"I see," he replied slowly, a slight frown marring his brow.
"But that's not what I came here to talk to you about."
Hudson settled back into his chair, the frown deepening. He could tell Lex was nervous, and this was a new experience for him. As a child she'd been so open and expressive, and then she'd become defensive as an adult. Curiosity told him to be patient, as this was a difficult task for her.
Lex frowned, clenching her woven fingers tightly, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. "She ... said that she ... she thinks that ... you believe you're the reason that I ran away the first time."
"I didn't exactly qualify for father of the year," he said bitterly, leaning forward in his chair, his broad shoulders suddenly rigid with tension.
"Then we're perfect for each other, because I was a lousy kid," Lex replied dryly.
Hudson's head snapped up, incredulity in his eyes. "How can you say that?! You were so ... beautiful and pure, sweet, gentle, smart. I'd look at you and wonder how something so perfect could have come from me!"
"If I was so perfect, then why did you never come back home?" she asked softly, her voice thick with tears.
In a heartbeat, Hudson flew from his chair and knelt in front of her, gently cradling her face in his hands. "I was a coward, Alexandria. Your mother and I ... had grown apart and I couldn't bring myself to go home and see what a complete failure I'd been as a husband and father. It was never you, Lexi, it wasn't your fault. I just couldn't stand to see you look at me, knowing I'd let you down."
He tenderly brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek. "I know you ran away because you thought I'd abandoned you."
Lex leaned away from him with a small laugh. "I thought you ran away because of me, and you think I ran away because of you. We make quite the pair."
Hudson rested his hands on the arm of her chair. "Tell me, Lex. Help me to understand. All those years you were gone, your mother would never speak about you. She would never tell me what had happened."
At the mention of Angelica, Lex's heart stuttered before it began to pound furiously. Hudson frowned at the cold shield she seemed to wrap herself in.
"How is dear old Mom, anyway?" she asked bitterly.
Hudson's frown deepened when he heard the fear and hostility behind her words. "It's been several years since I've seen her."
He sighed deeply as he returned to his seat. "After your disappearance, she became ... unstable."
In a reaction that mirrored his perfectly, Lex raised one brow pointedly. He caught the look and gave a small smile at the familiarity of it. Yes, she definitely was his daughter. Crossing his arms across his chest, he took a deep breath before continuing.
"I took a leave of absence for a year, so I could be home to look for you and be there when you came home. It was during this time that I finally admitted that your mother and I didn't belong together anymore. We divorced a year after you left and she got even worse. She began drinking heavily and using narcotic drugs. I eventually had to have her committed to an institution six months later, when every attempt to get her help failed."
Lex sat in her chair, her body shaking. Since the age of seven she'd always wondered why her father had left home and never returned. All this time she'd clung to the belief that it had been because of his revulsion to her fear of his passion, the sea, that had driven him away. And now that she knew the truth, she was filled with a confusion of mixed emotions. Relief that it hadn't been her fault, anger towards her mother for making her believe it HAD been, and sadness over what might have been, had she not run away from her father. How different would her life had been, had they been able to have this conversation all those years ago?
Feeling the need to be alone to sort out her feelings, Lex stood and headed for the door. She pulled it open and then turned to find her father watching her carefully, his eyes reflecting her own conflicting emotions.
"You weren't the reason I had to run. It was a matter of survival," she replied softly.
And then she was gone.
Standing in front of the door, Lex took a deep breath before wiping her suddenly damp palms on her jean clad thighs. Fortunately, Wendy was close enough in size to loan Lex some clothes, and she'd gratefully accepted.
Taking one last deep breath, Lex had just raised her hand to knock on the door when it flew inward.
"Lex?" Hudson asked, shocked.
"Hi," she replied awkwardly, jamming her hands nervously into her pockets. "Am I interrupting something?"
Hudson shook his head. "I was just going to find Lucas."
"I can come back another-"
"No! No, it can wait. Come in." Hudson stepped back from the door, watching with a mixture of pleasure and confusion as Lex walked past him into his quarters.
Lex took a moment to take in her surroundings. The room seemed to match her father perfectly. Masculine, bearing only the essentials. On the walls, which were covered in a rich, dark wood, hung several landscape paintings. The lush, navy blue carpet muffled her footsteps as she walked farther into the room.
Her green gaze roamed about, taking in the floor to ceiling bookshelves jammed full of well read novels in several genres. In the far corner sat a wet bar, it's dark wood counter gleaming under the bright light hanging from the ceiling. But it was a small table in the dark corner of the room that grabbed Lex's attention the most.
"You still play?" she asked in shock as she crossed the room to examine the instrument.
"As often as I can," Hudson replied softly as he followed her, immensely pleased that she recalled his fondness for the instrument.
Lex gently ran her fingers along the strings. "I remember you used to sit outside on the deck and play for hours."
"It used to drive your mother crazy," Hudson chuckled. "She hated the sound of it."
Lex shook her head slowly. "It sounded so beautiful. Haunting at times."
For a moment they fell silent, both caught up in memories of a better time. Hudson was the first to speak. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"No, I'm fine." Lex blinked to erase the images, sighing nervously as she turned to look at her father. He too stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Lex couldn't help but remember how she would throw herself into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and hugging tightly. She found herself wondering if she'd ever have that opportunity again, or had too much time passed by already.
Stretching out a hand, Hudson invited Lex to sit in one of the chairs. He waited while Lex fidgeted, searching for the right way to begin this delicate subject. Looking at her father's broad shoulders and his no nonsense expression, Lex decided just to jump in with both feet.
"I talked with Wendy today."
"I see," he replied slowly, a slight frown marring his brow.
"But that's not what I came here to talk to you about."
Hudson settled back into his chair, the frown deepening. He could tell Lex was nervous, and this was a new experience for him. As a child she'd been so open and expressive, and then she'd become defensive as an adult. Curiosity told him to be patient, as this was a difficult task for her.
Lex frowned, clenching her woven fingers tightly, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. "She ... said that she ... she thinks that ... you believe you're the reason that I ran away the first time."
"I didn't exactly qualify for father of the year," he said bitterly, leaning forward in his chair, his broad shoulders suddenly rigid with tension.
"Then we're perfect for each other, because I was a lousy kid," Lex replied dryly.
Hudson's head snapped up, incredulity in his eyes. "How can you say that?! You were so ... beautiful and pure, sweet, gentle, smart. I'd look at you and wonder how something so perfect could have come from me!"
"If I was so perfect, then why did you never come back home?" she asked softly, her voice thick with tears.
In a heartbeat, Hudson flew from his chair and knelt in front of her, gently cradling her face in his hands. "I was a coward, Alexandria. Your mother and I ... had grown apart and I couldn't bring myself to go home and see what a complete failure I'd been as a husband and father. It was never you, Lexi, it wasn't your fault. I just couldn't stand to see you look at me, knowing I'd let you down."
He tenderly brushed a strand of hair away from her cheek. "I know you ran away because you thought I'd abandoned you."
Lex leaned away from him with a small laugh. "I thought you ran away because of me, and you think I ran away because of you. We make quite the pair."
Hudson rested his hands on the arm of her chair. "Tell me, Lex. Help me to understand. All those years you were gone, your mother would never speak about you. She would never tell me what had happened."
At the mention of Angelica, Lex's heart stuttered before it began to pound furiously. Hudson frowned at the cold shield she seemed to wrap herself in.
"How is dear old Mom, anyway?" she asked bitterly.
Hudson's frown deepened when he heard the fear and hostility behind her words. "It's been several years since I've seen her."
He sighed deeply as he returned to his seat. "After your disappearance, she became ... unstable."
In a reaction that mirrored his perfectly, Lex raised one brow pointedly. He caught the look and gave a small smile at the familiarity of it. Yes, she definitely was his daughter. Crossing his arms across his chest, he took a deep breath before continuing.
"I took a leave of absence for a year, so I could be home to look for you and be there when you came home. It was during this time that I finally admitted that your mother and I didn't belong together anymore. We divorced a year after you left and she got even worse. She began drinking heavily and using narcotic drugs. I eventually had to have her committed to an institution six months later, when every attempt to get her help failed."
Lex sat in her chair, her body shaking. Since the age of seven she'd always wondered why her father had left home and never returned. All this time she'd clung to the belief that it had been because of his revulsion to her fear of his passion, the sea, that had driven him away. And now that she knew the truth, she was filled with a confusion of mixed emotions. Relief that it hadn't been her fault, anger towards her mother for making her believe it HAD been, and sadness over what might have been, had she not run away from her father. How different would her life had been, had they been able to have this conversation all those years ago?
Feeling the need to be alone to sort out her feelings, Lex stood and headed for the door. She pulled it open and then turned to find her father watching her carefully, his eyes reflecting her own conflicting emotions.
"You weren't the reason I had to run. It was a matter of survival," she replied softly.
And then she was gone.