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Chapter seven
It's nearly the end of my shift and all day long I've had my head in the clouds. I can't stop thinking about the night I had with Abby. Nothing happened, but there was flirting, good old fashion flirting, not to mention the fact that I almost saw her naked. We had a late diner together and watched a little bit of television before retiring to our own bedrooms to go to sleep.
Its Abbys first day back at work, we came in together at eight o'clock this morning. I can tell she's having a little bit of difficulty settling back into her job. She's really self-conscious about her bruises and I don't blame her. People have been looking and questioning her all morning.
It's the middle of her shift and I walk into the lounge to meet her for a coffee break. I walk in and she's waiting for me, a cup of coffee poured waiting for me as well. I can tell that she's relieved to be with me. I think she feels like I'm the only one not judging her or looking at her with pity.
"How are you doing?"
"I feel like everyone is staring at me today." She reveals to me with frustration in her voice. I reach for her hips and steady her in front of me, stroking my hands up and down her sides.
"Ya know what, who cares what they think. We both know that what happened wasn't your fault. Besides, the bruises will be gone soon and this will all be over."
"No it won't," she says this harshly, I think some of her anger is finally surfacing and she's yelling now.
"Brian's still out there. He's still in my apartment building; he's still inside my head. He's still-"
"Whoa whoa whoa" I cut her off drawing her close to me and wrapping my arms around her.
"Shhh, its okay." She's crying now, actually, she's somewhat hysterical. I sway her a little in my arms trying to comfort her as her tears fall onto my lab coat. I move my left hand to the back of her head to rest it on my chest and I lift my other hand up to her face to wipe away the tears that are falling. She's calming down a little now, her body quivering each time she tries to catch a breath.
Seeing as we were joking around and enjoying ourselves yesterday, I'm a little surprised at all the emotions she is dealing with today. I thought she was dealing with this pretty well, but I guess she's been in denial because it seems that she hasn't dealt with it at all. Not till now anyway. Its good to see her cry, not that I want her to be upset, but I have a feeling that she bottles up all her emotions and hides them away. I bet she never cries, not even when she's alone and if she cries about this now, she won't have to face it later on.
"Abby," I take her face in my hands, "Maybe it was too early for you to come back to work, maybe you need a couple more days."
"I'll be fine." She's shutting herself off now, wiggling out of my grasp and walking to the other end of the lounge. I'm a bit disappointed because I finally got her to open up to me and now she's closing off again. I know that I have to be patient with her. She's had a traumatic experience and I want to give her as much time as she needs.
She turns around and looks at me apologetically, like she knows that she was reverting to her old ways and didn't like how it felt. She walks back close to me and we reach for each other's hands.
"Hey, why don't you go home and lay down for a while. I'll tell Kerry that you didn't feel well."
She cuts me off, letting go of my hand. "I can't go home, he's still there."
I grab her hand back and pull her in front of me and give her a smile.
"Abby, I meant to my home."
She shakes her head at me while she wipes the wet residue off of her face.
"You think I'm gonna get rid of you that quickly" I joke with her and she smiles through her tears.
"Thank you" She moves to her locker to collect her things. "What time are you off?"
"Around eight, I'll bring home some diner."
Wow, I wonder if this is what its like to be married. I must say, it feels good to know there is someone waiting for me at home, even though she is just a houseguest and not my girlfriend. I know she's not staying forever, but I'll take advantage of the time I get to spend with her while she's there.
Its half past eight and I've just walked in my front door. I almost want to shout out "Hi honey, I'm home!" But, somehow I'm not sure that it would be the most appropriate joke. I walk up the stairs to change out of my work clothes and then through the bathroom to knock on Abbys door.
"Come in"
I walk through the door to find Abby sitting on her bed in a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt, her bare legs hanging over the side.
"Hey, how was the rest of your shift?" I sit down on the bed next to her and reply.
"Good, how are you feeling?"
"Better. Sorry about my little outburst." I shake my head.
"Abby, you never have to apologize for being hurt or angry or frustrated. Come on, diners waiting for us downstairs."
I grab her hand to pull her off the bed and head toward the kitchen.
A couple hours later we are sitting next to each other on the couch flipping through the channels on the television. Both of us sit facing forward, our feet resting on the coffee table. I can tell Abby's exhausted and a bit uncomfortable so I reach to the table to grab her feet and turn her body around so she's sitting with her back against the armrest and with her feet in my lap. I stroke up and down her legs a bit and she closes her eyes for a second and opens them again. I start to rub her feet a little and I can tell that she's getting comfortable and even enjoying it. She closes her eyes again; I think she's fighting to stay awake. I flip channels and land on sports center and immediately I am engrossed in today's play by plays. I look back at Abby a couple minutes later and she's sound asleep.
"Abby" I whisper, not wanting to startle her, but she doesn't respond.
"Abby" I try one more time, but still nothing. She's totally out of it.
I let her feet go and stand up from my position on the couch. I move over to her side and in one swift motion, I pick her up like a baby and carry her up the stairs and into her room. I set her down on the bed and lift her body up a bit to pull the cover out from under her and then over her body. She stirs a bit, just as I'm about to turn her light off.
"Carter" She calls out in the cutest, sleepiest voice, her eyes still closed. "I'm tired"
I walk back to her to give her a kiss on her forehead and she opens her eyes. I'm using all my restraint to not kiss her gently on her lips.
"Good night" I whisper to her and she closes her eyes again. I stand there and watch her turn over and grab a pillow and bring it up to her chest hugging it. I walk back to the door and shut the lights off.
I turn over to look at the clock that reads three in the morning. I have been awake ever since I got in bed three hours ago. My mind wont shut itself off tonight. I can't stop thinking about Abby and how much I want her, and want to be with her. I want to hold her, and kiss her, and make love to her, and watch her sleep in my arms, and protect her, and care for her. Just as my brain is flashing me pictures of all these things I hear a door creak and a stirring in the bathroom. Then I hear my bathroom door creak and open very slowly. Abby walks up to my bedside in the dark, she can't tell that my eyes are open and I can see nothing but her silhouette. I'm pretty sure that she thinks I'm sleeping. I want to let her approach me; I think it's important that she reaches out. I feel a dip in my bedside as she sits down next to me. I move a little to let her know that I'm awake. She turns around to face me and I sit up in bed, swinging my feet over the edge of it. Without saying anything, I take her hand and stand her up, moving her to come between my legs and sit on my right knee. I reach my right hand up to rub her back. I don't say anything yet. Its not like I don't know why she's here. I'm sure she had a bad dream about Brian, or couldn't sleep.
"I told you I might take you up on that offer." She whispers her sleepy voice; I sense a tiny tone of embarrassment.
"I'm glad you did." I hug her to my body and she reciprocates by resting her head on my shoulder. She has never been this affectionate with me. I know she wants to be comforted, and I do want to comfort her, but I really do hope that there is more feeling involved for her than just comfort. I'm not sure where she wants to go from here. I'm not sure what's appropriate to do now.
I sense that she is starting to fall asleep, sitting on my lap.
"Your exhausted. Do you want me to bring you back to your bed?" I whisper to her.
She shakes her head no into my shoulder.
Well, now that I have made the gentleman like offer that she turned down, I guess I am going to have to make a different one. I stand up a little bit, taking her with me. I hold her right hand in my left hand and use my right hand to pull the covers open. I crawl back into bed and slightly tug on her hand.
"Do you want to sleep here?"
She shakes her head yes at me and I hold up the covers to allow her to slip into bed next to me. I let the covers fall back over us as I lay stiffly beside her. I don't want to touch her right now because I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I figure I'll let her initiate any type of physical closeness. After being physically abused by a man a couple of days ago, I don't want to pressure her in anyway to do anything that she isn't comfortable with, although, it seems that she's the comfortable one, and I'm the one that's nervous. She faces me on her side and I can feel her breathing beside me, it's so silent, I feel as if I could hear her heart beating. She stirs a little in the bed and in one quick second she is lifting herself up a little bit, only to lower herself back down onto my chest. I feel her breathing against me, her breasts pressed close to my body. This is the best feeling in the world, I know we aren't cuddling in a sexual way, but I hope it feels good for her too. I lift my arm up to rest my hand on her back and start to rub up and down. I decide to try something to feel more contact with her skin, hoping that she doesn't get up and sock me. I slowly slip my hand underneath her shirt and continue to rub her bare back. She breaths in deeply, I think silently communicating that she's okay with our new closeness. I can't believe what is happening, I am cuddling with Abby in my bed, touching her skin, breathing in each other so closely. I feel her relax even more, like she might be falling asleep. I all of the sudden feel exhausted, but I'm fighting not to fall asleep. I want this moment to last forever, if I fall asleep, I won't be able to feel her. I kiss her head and start to dose off; I can't help it anymore. This will be the best nights sleep I've ever had.