Chapter 30
"Anything, Chief?" Lucas asked hopefully, in spite of the look of frustrated resignation on the security chief's face.
"Sorry, Lucas," Crocker shook his head sadly, "we've turned this ole girl inside out. Nothing."
Lucas nodded grimly, sinking slowly to sit beside the moon pool as Crocker left the launch bay.
The water rippled lightly as Darwin swam to the edge of the pool, clicking and whistling. When Lucas failed to pay attention, Darwin shot a stream of water at him.
"Alright!" Lucas muttered, wiping dripping water from his face as he reached out to turn on the vocorder.
"Lucas sad?" Darwin asked.
Lucas ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Yes, Darwin, I'm sad."
"Lucas cry too?"
"No, I'm not cry ..." Suddenly Darwin had Lucas' full attention. "Darwin, what do you mean? Who else is crying?"
"Lex cry."
"Where, Darwin? Where is Lex?"
"Safe."
"Safe?"
"Yes."
"But where is she safe?"
"Sleep."
"Sleep?" Lucas frowned. He'd already checked Lex's room. In fact it had been the first place he'd looked. But maybe he'd beaten her there. Maybe she'd taken a longer route.
"Thanks, buddy!" Lucas hollered in Darwin's direction as he ran from the room.
"Excuse me," he muttered, weaving his way through the suddenly crowded hallways, taking the spiral staircase two steps at a time as he raced to the living quarters.
"Hey, Wolenczek!"
"Not now, Tony!" Lucas replied, brushing his way past his friend.
"It's about your girlfriend!" Tony's shout halted Lucas in his tracks.
"What about her?"
"You lookin' for her?" Tony walked the few steps to stand in front of Lucas.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am, and I really don't have time to play twenty questions right now."
"Well, you're goin' in the wrong direction." Tony crossed his arms.
"No," Lucas shook his head adamantly. "Darwin saw her and said she was "sleep" and "safe."
"Fish face is right."
"Tony! I-"
"You've gone from one end of this whale to the other, right?"
"Yes!"
"And you didn't find her."
"Tony." Lucas warned with mounting frustration.
Tony ignored him. "She wanted to go someplace safe, where nobody would find her."
Lucas sighed. "I've checked everywhere."
"Nope. Where's the one place you didn't look? The last place you WOULD have looked?"
Lucas' eyes widened as realization sank in.
"Bingo!" Tony replied with satisfaction as Lucas slapped him on the shoulder in thanks, turned and bolted in the opposite direction.
"Remind me never to fall in love," Tony said to Dagwood who had just come down the stairs. "It sucks the brain cells right outta ya."
"Sounds painful," Dagwood replied, gingerly fingering his bald head.
Tony opened his mouth, to elaborate, but shut it when he realized he would never be able to explain the subtleties of sarcasm to the childlike Dagger. "Never mind. Let's go get some chow."
"Okay," Dagwood nodded, following Tony with his trusty mop in tow.
Lex huddled in a corner of the darkened room, her arms wrapped tightly around her drawn up knees. She felt exposed, naked now that her dark secret was out.
A soft bumping noise drew her attention to the sparkling water in the window high up on the opposite wall. Darwin's black eye, filled with compassion, peered back at her. She'd managed to avoid everyone else but him.
"I'll be okay," she said to him softly, acknowledging his diligence. Then the door opened.
"Lex," Lucas said on a breath of relief as he crossed the room. Dropping to his knees, he pulled her into his arms.
Ashamed, Lex tried to pull away, but finally yielded to the comfort of his embrace when Lucas only tightened his hold. "I never wanted anyone to know," she said softly.
Lucas' brow creased in a frown. "You've never told anyone? In all these years?"
"I couldn't let anyone know the truth," she replied, a tremor of fear in her voice. "I couldn't let anyone have that kind of power over me."
"It's okay," Lucas murmured softly, caressing her hair with his cheek. "You don't have to run any more."
"I can't stay here, Lucas. Not now that everyone knows."
"Not everyone, Lex. Just the one's that love you."
"I shouldn't have done it, "she moaned regretfully.
"I'm glad you did."
"What?!" Lex pulled away from him, anger and confusion in her eyes.
Lucas let her pull away just far enough so she could see his face, see the truth in his eyes when he spoke. "The truth is out, Lex. You don't have to run from it anymore. We know now what made you run away back then. What scarred you so deeply. Now you can start the healing process. Both you and your father."
Lex began to shake uncontrollably as the tears started to fall. "I can't face him, Lucas."
"Why? He loves you. I saw it in his eyes. It was tearing apart his soul, seeing what you went through."
"Seeing what a coward I was?" she replied sarcastically.
Lucas frowned incredulously. "How can you say that?"
"Because I couldn't take it! I wasn't strong enough to handle it!" she cried, breaking out of his arms by rising and walking away.
"You weren't strong enough?! Lex, you were seven years old when you ran away from that nightmare! How many days did you survive on the streets? You managed to conquer the odds, educate yourself and overcome the trauma of that time. You survived it scarred but somehow intact. Anybody else, in that situation, at that age, would never have made it. The statistics prove it!"
"What good are statistics, Lucas?! It's over. I got over it!"
Lucas turned her around and tilted her face up to his. "You didn't get over it, Lex. You pushed it back and locked it away so it wouldn't hurt you anymore. But until you face it, it will always hide away, waiting until you least expect it, and it'll hurt you time and again."
"So how do I do that?" she asked, her voice thick with building tears. "How do I make it go away? How do I get rid of the fear, anger and pain?"
Lucas once again gathered her in his arms, his own eyes bright with unshed tears. "By sharing it. Share it with the people who love you. We can't make it go away, no matter how much we want to, but at least we can make it bearable."
Seeing the sincerity in his eyes, Lex began to weep. Weep for what had been, and what she'd lost.
And in the faint glimmer of hope for what could be, she began to heal.
"Anything, Chief?" Lucas asked hopefully, in spite of the look of frustrated resignation on the security chief's face.
"Sorry, Lucas," Crocker shook his head sadly, "we've turned this ole girl inside out. Nothing."
Lucas nodded grimly, sinking slowly to sit beside the moon pool as Crocker left the launch bay.
The water rippled lightly as Darwin swam to the edge of the pool, clicking and whistling. When Lucas failed to pay attention, Darwin shot a stream of water at him.
"Alright!" Lucas muttered, wiping dripping water from his face as he reached out to turn on the vocorder.
"Lucas sad?" Darwin asked.
Lucas ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Yes, Darwin, I'm sad."
"Lucas cry too?"
"No, I'm not cry ..." Suddenly Darwin had Lucas' full attention. "Darwin, what do you mean? Who else is crying?"
"Lex cry."
"Where, Darwin? Where is Lex?"
"Safe."
"Safe?"
"Yes."
"But where is she safe?"
"Sleep."
"Sleep?" Lucas frowned. He'd already checked Lex's room. In fact it had been the first place he'd looked. But maybe he'd beaten her there. Maybe she'd taken a longer route.
"Thanks, buddy!" Lucas hollered in Darwin's direction as he ran from the room.
"Excuse me," he muttered, weaving his way through the suddenly crowded hallways, taking the spiral staircase two steps at a time as he raced to the living quarters.
"Hey, Wolenczek!"
"Not now, Tony!" Lucas replied, brushing his way past his friend.
"It's about your girlfriend!" Tony's shout halted Lucas in his tracks.
"What about her?"
"You lookin' for her?" Tony walked the few steps to stand in front of Lucas.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am, and I really don't have time to play twenty questions right now."
"Well, you're goin' in the wrong direction." Tony crossed his arms.
"No," Lucas shook his head adamantly. "Darwin saw her and said she was "sleep" and "safe."
"Fish face is right."
"Tony! I-"
"You've gone from one end of this whale to the other, right?"
"Yes!"
"And you didn't find her."
"Tony." Lucas warned with mounting frustration.
Tony ignored him. "She wanted to go someplace safe, where nobody would find her."
Lucas sighed. "I've checked everywhere."
"Nope. Where's the one place you didn't look? The last place you WOULD have looked?"
Lucas' eyes widened as realization sank in.
"Bingo!" Tony replied with satisfaction as Lucas slapped him on the shoulder in thanks, turned and bolted in the opposite direction.
"Remind me never to fall in love," Tony said to Dagwood who had just come down the stairs. "It sucks the brain cells right outta ya."
"Sounds painful," Dagwood replied, gingerly fingering his bald head.
Tony opened his mouth, to elaborate, but shut it when he realized he would never be able to explain the subtleties of sarcasm to the childlike Dagger. "Never mind. Let's go get some chow."
"Okay," Dagwood nodded, following Tony with his trusty mop in tow.
Lex huddled in a corner of the darkened room, her arms wrapped tightly around her drawn up knees. She felt exposed, naked now that her dark secret was out.
A soft bumping noise drew her attention to the sparkling water in the window high up on the opposite wall. Darwin's black eye, filled with compassion, peered back at her. She'd managed to avoid everyone else but him.
"I'll be okay," she said to him softly, acknowledging his diligence. Then the door opened.
"Lex," Lucas said on a breath of relief as he crossed the room. Dropping to his knees, he pulled her into his arms.
Ashamed, Lex tried to pull away, but finally yielded to the comfort of his embrace when Lucas only tightened his hold. "I never wanted anyone to know," she said softly.
Lucas' brow creased in a frown. "You've never told anyone? In all these years?"
"I couldn't let anyone know the truth," she replied, a tremor of fear in her voice. "I couldn't let anyone have that kind of power over me."
"It's okay," Lucas murmured softly, caressing her hair with his cheek. "You don't have to run any more."
"I can't stay here, Lucas. Not now that everyone knows."
"Not everyone, Lex. Just the one's that love you."
"I shouldn't have done it, "she moaned regretfully.
"I'm glad you did."
"What?!" Lex pulled away from him, anger and confusion in her eyes.
Lucas let her pull away just far enough so she could see his face, see the truth in his eyes when he spoke. "The truth is out, Lex. You don't have to run from it anymore. We know now what made you run away back then. What scarred you so deeply. Now you can start the healing process. Both you and your father."
Lex began to shake uncontrollably as the tears started to fall. "I can't face him, Lucas."
"Why? He loves you. I saw it in his eyes. It was tearing apart his soul, seeing what you went through."
"Seeing what a coward I was?" she replied sarcastically.
Lucas frowned incredulously. "How can you say that?"
"Because I couldn't take it! I wasn't strong enough to handle it!" she cried, breaking out of his arms by rising and walking away.
"You weren't strong enough?! Lex, you were seven years old when you ran away from that nightmare! How many days did you survive on the streets? You managed to conquer the odds, educate yourself and overcome the trauma of that time. You survived it scarred but somehow intact. Anybody else, in that situation, at that age, would never have made it. The statistics prove it!"
"What good are statistics, Lucas?! It's over. I got over it!"
Lucas turned her around and tilted her face up to his. "You didn't get over it, Lex. You pushed it back and locked it away so it wouldn't hurt you anymore. But until you face it, it will always hide away, waiting until you least expect it, and it'll hurt you time and again."
"So how do I do that?" she asked, her voice thick with building tears. "How do I make it go away? How do I get rid of the fear, anger and pain?"
Lucas once again gathered her in his arms, his own eyes bright with unshed tears. "By sharing it. Share it with the people who love you. We can't make it go away, no matter how much we want to, but at least we can make it bearable."
Seeing the sincerity in his eyes, Lex began to weep. Weep for what had been, and what she'd lost.
And in the faint glimmer of hope for what could be, she began to heal.