Darkness in the Twilight
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By Psycho Ferret and LunarCrystal
Icarus
It was many days later that a healer had finally been obtained and brought to their manor. Celena led the young man quickly down their halls. Icarus had been his name when he introduced himself, and Celena noted that he smelled strongly of the apothecary he'd come from.
Celena stood quietly in the corner of Allen's bed chamber, watching this young healer examine her brother. "Sir Allen," said his tenor voice, "How do your eyes feel?"
Allen easily got frustrated with his own handicap, irritated that he could no longer function as he could before, that he needed someone else's aid just to wander the halls of his own damnable home. He drew away from them, all but for Celena, who was always at his side. Always.
"They do not ache." Allen shrugged slightly, still frustrated. He had once had the finesse, the grace and ease of movement unlike any other. But now...
"Celena, would you be so kind as to draw the curtains," Icarus said, and pulled a mirror from his pocket as the girl quickly obeyed. There was sudden burst of sunlight in the room. Icarus used the mirror to redirect the sunlight briefly into Allen's empty gaze. The knight did not flinch, nor did his pupils dilate. The young alchemist pulled back with a grim look.
"That's fine, Miss Schezar, thank you." Celena, sad and dismayed, slowly closed the curtains again.
Allen frowned slightly. The cleric didn't seem to think anything good about it.
"Be honest with it," he murmured softly, though frightened of the most likely answer. "what do you think?"
Icarus might have been young, but he refused to be blunt, even at the knight's insistence. "Sir Schezar, I would think that you should take rest. I cannot determine how long this will last for you, honestly. All I can suggest is that you take your time with it."
"You do know, don't you?" Allen turned his sightless gaze towards him, frowning a bit. "Tell me so that I might force myself to adjust to it."
The healer sighed deeply. "Very well, Sir Schezar. From what I could gather, your eyes sustained too much pressure. There are vessels that hold blood and give oxygen to them in your eyes, but . . . your pupils have been paralyzed, and those vessels have burst. They will retain their color, but - I'm afraid they will not be of use to you anymore."
Just as he had feared. Just as Gaddes had assured him it wouldn't be. Allen was silent for a long moment, then nodded. Too calm. He was too calm about it. He'd just been told that he wouldn't ever be able to see again, his sight wouldn't come back... and all he offered in return to the words was a nod.
At least he knew... he would begin forcing himself to get used to it. He'd train, he'd do anything he could to function the way he did before... or at least as close to it as he could.
It was automatic how Celena went to Allen's side, seated where he was, and she knelt and took his arm. Icarus watched them sadly, gathering his bag and searching through it for a vile of herbs. He handed the vile to Celena. "Here is some medicine, to help with circulation. It's all I can offer." he said his words almost apologetically. He closed his bag and started to gather his coat. Celena did not stop him.
She looked up at her brother, who appeared to be watching the door to his room with a stern gaze, but she knew that he saw nothing - nothing but darkness. "What now, Allen?" asked Celena after the healer had left them.
Allen shrugged slightly with a sigh. "What can I do but learn to deal with it? When Gaddes comes, I'll make sure to set up a time to train. I have to learn to fight like this." Allen was determined to not let this win him over. He'd defeat it, damn it.
He might have spoken calmly, but deep down, he was anything but. Fear and anger both bubbled up.
"Train? You cannot train like this!" Celena insisted, "My dear brother, you are blind! You could be hurt even more, and I would not have that happen to you again. Please, Allen."
"I must. I am still a knight, Celena. And I cannot be so if I cannot defend myself or my king. And you. Even if I am blind, I still have to defend these people, especially you."
"I am not such a frail thing to be protected." she said angrily, standing and towering over Allen, "And if you cannot see that, then you truly are blind in more than just your unseeing eyes."
"Can you even let me do that? Do you even understand how helpless I feel now? I'm blind, Celena, blind. I couldn't help you when you were taken, I just barely got you back... let me have some worth." Allen clenched his fists tightly to his chest, head bowed, shoulder's shaking.
Her heart broke and she wept for him, felt pity for him. The girl's breath wavered and her voice trembled. "Of course," she whispered, "Of course, yes. But - but, Allen . . . I . . ."
"Just... let me. Let me find some worth in what I have left, please." Allen sighed softly, shaking his head.
"What you have left?" she asked, her voice soft, "You have me, Allen. And I am not a child to be protected anymore." She embraced him then, her touch surprising him for he did not see it coming, "You will train, and I will train with you."
"I know I have you and I am thankful for it... but I still... I feel I must protect you. I wasn't able to do it before, but now that I have you back, I must. I have to, even... if I cannot defend myself." He started slightly at his sister's touch, but sighed against her. "I would be glad to have you at my side..."
She sighed happily, weary with sorrow. "I am glad."
Allen being as stubborn as he was, began to train with his second in command and his sister the very next day. Gaddes led the siblings to the fields behind the Schezar manors. He had swords wrapped in canvas that he carried in his arms. Their walk through the grass was silent. Celena had dressed in her brother's clothes. She hadn't told him, and she was glad that Gaddes made no mention of it either. Both knew that Allen disapproved of a lady to dress inappropriately.
Allen had a grip on Celena's upper arm, so that she may guide him accurately. Though the ground was so uneven, there were times that not even she could prevent him from tripping.
Allen had no idea what she was wearing and didn't think to ask. He wasn't sure just what she meant by training with him. For the last part of the walk out there, Allen walked on his own, without her arm for guidance. The going was slower because of it, but he was determined. He couldn't depend on another for everything, after all.
With his sword in his hand, a familiar feeling, he relaxed slightly, the burdens lessening a little. It was good that his style of fighting didn't force him to depend on his sight as much as others did, though it was an important part. The weight of his sword and the sway of the blade was very comfortable in his hand, and he sighed softly. Perhaps overcoming this would not be so difficult after all.
Celena kept her silence, merely unsheathing the blade that Gaddes handed to her. She knew some sword technique, being as stubborn as her brother and having coaxed Gaddes to teach her. Her training wasn't complete, and she was glad for the opportunity to continue with her brother. Allen had his sword drawn, the tip was toward the ground.
With her own sword, she tapped against the metal of Allen's, making him turn toward the vibrations. Gaddes was the one that spoke from behind her.
"Just start with some simple moves, not even full swings, okay?"
Allen nodded slightly, resting on the balls of his feet, bowing his head slightly, just listening. The sword was drawn up, held loosely in his hand, comfortably against the gloved palm. Even blind, he moved fast. Nothing too difficult to parry, something along the lines of what a beginner would do. He was doing this for her benefit... as much as his own. He wanted to test his limits, after all.
"The movements will be familiar to you," said Gaddes, and Celena brought up the tip of her sword. "Listen to the enemy's sword as it lifts into the air. Upper block!"
Ah, yes, the familiarities. He allowed himself to be lost in it, even though it was still simple movements. Recalling the layout of the land, fields he'd played in since he was a child, where he himself had learnt to fight. When he didn't have to think so much about his movements, he was fine, his grace returned, the ease for which he moved.
Celena clashed her sword against his as it moved upward, and she was glad to see his blade moving like it had so many times. But he still did not see her moves coming, and just listening to the swing of her sword could not prevent possible injuries. They continued through the very basic motions, practicing nothing too difficult.
"Are you alright, Allen?" asked Celena finally.
Allen flashed the first hint of a smile for a long time, straightening slightly, the sword tip down in a sign of peace. Habit, really. "Far better than I have been." Though he was somewhat frustrated with how the exertion gnawed at him. But he'd expected it, considering how little he'd moved about recently. But it would get easier, no doubt.
Celena smiled as well. "Then you know you've been sparring with your sister?" She dropped her sword and embraced him tenderly.
Allen arched a brow slightly, moving the sword away to keep it carefully out of her way. "But..."
Ah, no skirts. The blonde frowned slightly... pants, of course. Mm... she must have convinced Gaddes. "It isn't proper, you know. Are you wearing gloves?"
"Um . . ." She grinned and took his free hand into her own. "If I said no?"
Allen sighed, shaking his head and clasping her hands. "If you're going to do this, wear them. I won't have you form calluses. A lady's hands should be soft, not hardened by such play. Gaddes, be sure she wears them, mm?"
"Ah, so you've grudgingly accepted my interests in the sword arts?" she teased, "Perhaps this blindness is not so bad then, hmm? If that's all it takes to sway you . . ."
"You are as stubborn as I, I know not to argue such matters with you." Allen waved a gloved hand slightly, shaking his head. Even he wore gloves. Just as he had spoken of a lady's hands, a nobleman's hands should be so.
"You're so painfully posh, sometimes . . . such a fop, it hurts." She giggled.
"Well, one must make amends in the king's court, mm?" Allen smiled slightly, inclining his head.
But his words made her go quiet with thoughts of their abominable king. "And what of that matter, brother?" she asked finally.
"Of what? Ah, the king... Gaddes has informed me that the Knights of Caeli, those who remain are to meet with the king in two day's time."
"To - discuss what, Allen?" she stepped away from him, still holding his hand. She looked to Gaddes, who had been watching them from under the shade of a tree. His face was grim, and she had to restrain herself from gasping softly in realization - it was not to be a happy gathering to take place in two days.
Allen shook his head slightly. "One, to assess the damage done until the order. And, as well, to figure out just what we're going to do. Likely this won't be the only raid." He, himself, was grim about this. The meeting in general. He did not have good feelings about it at all.
Out of a recent habit, Celena brought his hand up to her fair face, and she nodded. "I understand. I will go with you in two days to the palace. But for now, do you suppose we're finished for today?"
"You may go with me there, but you will not be able to stay with me within the meeting itself." Allen nodded slightly to her words. "We are, yes..."
Celena stepped away from Allen, who stood helplessly as they gathered the swords - Celena gently releasing her brother's grasp on his own blade so that she could sheath it and hand it to Gaddes. She wasn't sure weather she should help her brother back to the manor as they started on their way back. She would let Allen decide if he needed her guidance.
Stubborn as he was, even though he was weary, he walked himself back. There, without the sword in hand, he moved slower, doing his best to keep from tripping up. the movements were not as graceful as they had been earlier, but even when he did stumble, he brushed aside aid, reminding himself that he could not depend on another forever.
"Steps, Allen." Celena said sadly as they came up to the back entrance that led into their kitchen.
Ah, yes, his biggest challenge yet. He slid his hand against the railing, grasping it firmly and, well... taking his time navigating his way up the steps. He'd take a step and tap the toe of his boot lightly against the next one and step up on that one. Careful, slow goings, but successful nonetheless.
Relieved that he did not fall this time, Celena opened the back door and let them inside the house, Gaddes left their swords with her and took his leave. Celena looked around the kitchen, empty and plain. The smell was strong of onions and garlic, remnant of many glorious meals prepared here. She set the canvas covered weapons upon the table in the breakfast nook, and turned.
"Do you need help into the parlor?" She asked of her brother.
"I believe I can make it," he murmured softly, nodding a little. One hand held lightly out from his side to keep him from bumping into walls, he moved. The kitchen... from there, he followed the map of the place in his mind, and upon reaching the parlor paused, recalling the setup of the place. This pace of his... it was tiring, really. So slow, so different from what it had been before. It constantly reminded him of what he had lost.
"Sir Allen," greeting a young tenor voice.
The blonde paused in the doorway, turning his sightless gaze towards the voice, furrowing his brow slightly. It was regretful he did not have his sword at his side.
"...Yes?"
"It is Icarus," replied the young man, "I was let in by one of the maids and told to wait here for your return from the fields. She mentioned that you were training at the sword."
"Ah, yes. What can I do for you?" The blonde arched a brow slightly, wondering why the cleric had returned... unless he had news of some sort.
"Well, I came to give you something that might prove useful to you." said Icarus carefully, moving to retrieve his gift that leaned against the wall.
Allen moved just inside the doorway, cocking his head to the side slightly, curiously. "Well... my thanks for whatever it might be..."
"Of course." said Icarus. Gently, he took the knight's hand and folded the sword-strong hands around a long rod that held the weight of wood.
A cane, wasn't it? Ah, Gods... a cane. It would be useful, yes, to no ends, but even still... it would further rub his weakness in his face. Though he did appreciate the gesture immensely.
"Thank you... I'm rather sure it will come in handy..."
Icarus saw something pass through Allen's expression, almost too brief to detect. Icarus was no older than Allen himself, and he could understand how it might feel to lose one's sight at such young age.
"I only wish for your well being, Sir Allen." and he removed his hands from Allen's. "To use it, just sweep it in front of you as you walk. It will probably help with steps and stairs - as I see your home is quite full of them."
"Mm, yes... I do appreciate the gesture. I'm sure I'll use it much." Allen took Icarus' hand lightly in his gloved ones, clasping in thankfully.
"Of course." said the healer, clasping the knight's hand in return before releasing his hold and reaching for his coat by the front door in the foyer. "I must go now, Sir Allen. Good luck on your training."
"Of course. And good luck in your later years, as well. And thank you for your blessings."
Icarus nodded, out of habit, and left his peer standing in the hall. Celena came up behind him, having watched the whole scene without her brother detecting her.
"A cane?" she said softly behind him.
Allen sighed softly, setting it aside against the wall. "Intentions were good... and it would be useful, but I will not have my weakness be known to everyone. I will do fine enough without it. If I use it now... then I will grow dependant on it, and I cannot have myself doing such a thing.
"But - if you don't use it, you will depend on me." said Celena logically, her tone sad. "But I understand. You don't want people to know about you . . . like this."
"If I don't use it, then I will be forced to depend on myself." It was something he'd forced himself to stand by. While yes, there were times he would need aid... he could not depend on another forever. Not even Celena. The blonde knight shook his head slightly, sighing softly. "The word will spread fast enough... but even still. I will not act the part of the cripple."
"And what if you get lost? Should I have you wander the road by yourself, only for you to move away from the path before you knew it? Only to fall down steps that you could not see? Is your image so important?"
"Would you have me think so low of myself, then? Already I have fallen, Celena, would you have me fall yet more? Yes, my sister... image is much. The order are those untouched, the highest of the knights."
"But you are blind!" she said, perfectly enunciating the words as if he were deaf to them as well.
Allen turned his head away, grinding his teeth tensely. "By my sight, perhaps. But I will not allow it to conquer my life."
"But this you cannot hide!" she argued, "Why do you insist to hide what your are? Are you so afraid of the scrutinizing gazes that might fall upon you - shrewd looks from people that you cannot see?"
"Is that so wrong, then? These people in this city looked up to me, respected me. But who... who respects a blind man? That respect will crumble. Is it such a horrid thing to not want to bear it!?"
She took his hand. "Allen, listen to me. I'm only interested in your well being. If you want to hide, then I will shield you."
Allen sighed heavily, drawing his hand away, turning and carefully navigating his way through the parlor. It was not her he was disgusted with... but himself. He could not loathe her as he did himself. No, she had been there beside him and still stood at his side. No... no, he couldn't hate her.
But he could hate what he had become... and that was precisely what he did.
"Allen, what is it?" she followed him into the parlor, "What is it that you want of me?"
"Just... leave it be. Leave me to my ways. They will be more difficult, but I don't care... I don't care how long it takes." Allen sighed heavily, resting his forehead against a pane of glass of the window he paused beside. "I will overcome this. I won't let it hold me back. I can't."
Celena sighed and left him to his brooding.