Darkness in the Twilight
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By Psycho Ferret and LunarCrystal
Long Lost Dream of Happiness
The morning came, and it was Gaddes and Riden who padded inside to tend to them, already prepared with medicinal herb tea and fever cloths. A callused hand gently touched Allen's head, feeling the fever. Riden worked at ringing the cloths out in the basin.
"They both have really bad fevers." concluded Gaddes, after he reached over to Celena and felt her forehead as well. "Gods," he said under his breath, "we're lucky we didn't lose her to the shock."
"Is the boss awake?" whispered Riden, bringing over the basin.
Barely. Faintly awake, though a bit out of it thanks to the fever. Throughout the night, he'd faded in and out of consciousness, never once letting go of his precious sister. The blonde's smooth body was covered in a layer, a soft sheen of sweat from the fever, as well as bits of swampy water that had soaked through his clothing and left distinctly dirty spots marring the pale flesh lightly flushed.
Gaddes wiped the cold cloth across Allen's face, watching as the man's eyes blinked a few times before closing again. The darkness didn't help, the soldier was sure. There would be no light to tell Allen the time of day, soft and gray as it filtered through the window of the little room. He left the cold cloth on the man's forehead, proceeding to do the same to Celena next to him.
"He's going in and out. They might catch pneumonia if we're not careful." He turned his voice away from Allen, looking at Riden, "I'll stay with them for a while. We'll need the guys to switch off to take care of them."
"Right, boss." said Riden, leaving the first mate to do his job. Gaddes turned back to Allen, talking to him softly.
"Allen, can you hear me?"
Allen's response was a soft, tired groan, but he turned his head slightly towards Gaddes.
"Okay." he breathed softly, stroking the knight's hair. He needed his touch and voice to assure Allen that he was there. "You're gonna be okay now, Allen. Celena's alive. You saved her."
Allen didn't say anything, but a small shiver crawled up his spine. It was sad to see him--to see both of them--that way, feverish, too hot to be healthy.
"There's some medicine here. The healer came yesterday. Can you sit up a little so you can drink this tea?" His voice was forced, trying to be soothing when he was so worried over them both. His voice shook only slightly, trying very hard to be strong for his friend.
Allen just tucked his head against the pillows miserably, tightening his hold on his sister slightly.
"Okay, okay." Gaddes said, "Just relax for now. You can take the medicine later." The look on Allen's face was heart breaking. He'd been so afraid for the girl, and now he clung to her. And Gaddes could understand why. The girl's wheezing was horrible, she was barely breathing . . . her breaths were shallow and broken.
Suddenly she coughed, her whole body going into spasms. It was bad. A deep, throaty cough that came from deep in her lungs. The coughing didn't stop, and only got harsher, louder, deeper - blood coming up to her lips.
Allen pulled her closer, if that was possible, his head bowed against her shaking shoulder. He couldn't do more than he was already doing, already beginning to slip back into an unwelcome unconsciousness.
Gaddes had to pull her away from Allen as she kept coughing. The sound was frightening, as if the girl's lungs were about to be coughed up. Crimson coated her lips, and Gaddes pry her from Allen completely in order to be able to wipe her lips and clean her face with the cold cloth. The healer was just settling in, and already there was need for him . . . not a moment too soon.
It was Riden's watch when the healer was able to look over them both, making sure they were both comfortable. There was not much else he could do for them that Gaddes hadn't already thought of. All he had to offer were some additional herbs to add to the tea. The cold cloth kept having to be replenished, and all of the crew members worried that their commander's fever wouldn't break.
Meanwhile, Celena continued to be unable to breathe clearly. Her brother floated in and out of consciousness, but she did not wake. For a full day, they were bedridden like that. The healer kept trying to coax Allen to swallow the tea, but he could not move. He hadn't eaten. Late that night, after the soldiers of the fort were ordered to go to bed, the members of the Crusade filed along to Allen and Celena's bed side.
"Allen," said the healer to the knight, being a gentle older man that he was. He was like a doting father, with a soft deep voice that sounded as if it had soothed away many children's nightmares. "Allen, can ye hear me now?" It was very late at night, all of the soldiers in the room keeping as quiet as they could.
Allen shifted slightly, turning his head away a little. In his fever, he'd had dreams he couldn't remember and it was hard to tell if he was awake or not. Fair skin was flushed with the fever, breathing soft, though a little shallower than it had been earlier.
"This man is blind," said the healer to Gaddes, having to speak over his shoulder. His tone held astonishment, and worry.
"Ah, yeah..." Gaddes rubbed the back of his neck lightly, sighing. "Yeah, he's been that way for awhile. Bad things just keep happening to those two." Bad luck seemed to follow the pair of them no matter where they went.
"I see," said Melzin the healer, looking back to Allen's fluttering eyes - he'd noted that they would open and not wince to the light in the room. So this was the blind Knight of Caeli he had heard about? Who would have thought the he, Melzin the humble healer, would be able to serve under such an honorable and skilled young man?
He leaned in close to Allen's ear, his fatherly tone as soothing as a warm blanket. "I'm going to need you to sit up, Allen. You need to take this medicine. Do you understand?"
Gaddes slipped over to Allen's side, sitting on the edge of the bed when the blonde made no move to sit up. For the moment, he disentangled Celena and her brother and helped the knight sit up, resting his back against Gaddes' chest.
"Allen," he murmured, still aware of the other soldier's eyes upon them, upon their commander. They were all worried for him and Celena. They'd seen him through other hardships, but many of those were emotional scars. This... illness was another thing. "Allen, you have to take it. You have to get better for Celena."
The healer held the cup of tea to Allen's pale lips, paying no heed to how close Gaddes and Allen seemed. He would have to do this with the girl too, although it might be a forced administering with her. His weathered hands went to the back of Allen's neck, firm but gentle, and tilted his head back ever so slightly, trying to make him drink the medicine.
"Come on, damn it." said Melzin under his breath. "Drink it."
Gaddes kept close, sighing in relief as Allen slowly took the medicine. Once or twice he got too much and coughed, his breath almost ragged with it, lithe frame shaking. But he did take the medicine and for that, Gaddes and the others were very thankful.
Melzin nodded in approval, letting Gaddes hold Allen there as the tea worked its way through his system. He nodded over to Celena, moving around the bed to her side, carrying the half finished cup of medicinal tea.
"The girl, now." said Melzin.
When he'd seen Allen slip back into unconsciousness, Gaddes sighed, lying their commander back down. Careful to keep the blankets about Celena so she'd have a bit of modesty, Gaddes did the same with her, holding her up gently, carefully.
Celena coughed, and when it subsided, Melzin held the cup to her lips and poured some of the medicine down her throat, rubbing at her esophagus to work it down and make her swallow. It made her cough it up, and only increased her coughing. Her body wracked with coughing, her feverish eyes flew open, only to be screwed shut in the pain she felt in her chest.
"Hold her," said Melzin, touching the girl's arm gently - reassuring.
Gaddes did as he was bidden, silent. He was the sibling's protector. He'd be there when they needed it, he'd willingly offer guidance to either of them if they asked it.
If they survived . . .
Celena's coughing finally ceased, just long enough for Melzin to order her to be moved into her own bed. "We need to break their fevers. Is there ice on the river yet?"
Gaddes sent Riden to go check--he was the lankiest and one of the better sprinters, refusing to lead the siblings' sides. He gathered Celena up, keeping a blanket around her, turning and striding out, appointing one of the other members of the Crusade to stay on watch over Allen while he was gone.
It was almost like Gaddes was afraid the second either went unwatched, they'd slip away.
Riden had run as fast as he could, lantern in hand, heavy cloak fluttering. He carried a chisel and a leather bag for any ice he might have been able to find. It had snowed the night before, so his short legs kept sinking into the new layer of snow and frost with every step. He practically skidded to a halt, at the point on the river bend that was nearest the fort. Ice had thankfully formed along the surface of the river - along the sides. It was thick with it.
There was enough to fill the leather bag, and Riden hurried back before the various chunks could melt. The blocks of the ice were broken and split into two sacks for the sibling's flushed foreheads.
Riden limped over to Allen's side after the ice pack had been placed.
"What happened to you?" asked Kio, watching Riden limp. Riden turned his head away, embarrassed.
"Ah, I tripped on the way back here. I'm worried for the boss and his sis too, you know?" he defended. "I just hope they get better."
"Yeah," said the warm hearted Kio, looking down at his unconscious commander with a frown. "The boss'll pull through. He's strong. But his sis is such a tiny little lady." He looked to Riden again, and stopped. The little guy had tears in his eyes, and he was sniffling loudly.
"Aw, Kio. Don't say that. The little lady's too nice to . . . she can't die." Kio patted his little friend's back, taking a seat by Allen's bedside, and continuing his duty to watch over him.
Allen was silent, cheek resting against the soft pillow, sweat matted hair splayed about him. It was odd to see him in such disarray when he rarely let himself be seen so. The lithe man shifted slightly, groaning a little as his troubled mind was assaulted by yet another fevered dream he couldn't wake from.
Gaddes lay Celena gently on her bed, tucking her in and making sure she had enough blankets. The ice was settled on her forehead, and Gaddes sighed, settling back. "I can't help but ask when it'll end," he muttered to no one in particular. These two didn't deserve the pain they'd been drug through time and time again.
The healer was moving back and forth, one room to the next. He had sent a soldier down to the apothecary which he'd just stocked when he arrived, to replenish the herbs. Mint and chamomile permeated the rooms they occupied. The air was thick with the potent smell of camphor and eucalyptus to ease the sibling's breathing.
More ice needed to be gathered from the river, and Riden was always the one to fetch it. A week and a half went by, with both Allen and Celena going in and out of consciousness. Their fevers came and went, until finally Melzin was able to stabilize their temperature. Celena was still wheezing horribly, even with the soothing incense that filled her room.
Allen wasn't wheezing per say, but his breath was shallow and ragged. When the fever broke, he still strayed just out of unconsciousness, weak, hardly able to speak or move. He'd get cold a lot, the covers pulled close about him. And he ached, just lying there. Sometimes, seemingly randomly, he'd be a bit alert, some remnants of his former self shining through, but it would fade with a bout of coughing and once more he'd fade.
Celena didn't dream, didn't think when she was unconscious. When she opened her eyes, finding they were gummed together and struggling to have a look around, she would close them again and open them a few days later. One moment it was morning, the next it seemed like the middle of the night. Days went by without her knowing, and those brief moment that she was able to think and be aware - she didn't want to be, and thankfully went back to sleep.
Two weeks since the two were brought out of the frozen river, the snow fell silently outside in the night. The parade grounds were constantly being shoveled by disgruntled soldiers. Melzin had gone though most of his camphor and had just a little eucalyptus left. He poured some tea for Allen, who seemed to be doing much better than his younger sister.
"Have you been able to eat, Allen?" he asked gently, moving to the bed and touching the young man's arm.
Gaddes, who was there with him at the moment, answered when the blonde didn't seem inclined to. He didn't like medics, Gaddes knew that well enough. "Nothing particularly solid, and even that sometimes he has a hard time keeping down. It's no wonder why he's shaky and feels weak."
The healer nodded. "Of course - but two weeks bein' in the same bed. The poor lad." He sat beside Allen, touching his forehead. "Tell me what it is you need, laddy."
"How is she?" he murmured dryly, his voice soft. Every day, the same question if he could manage it. It was all he asked about, really. His strength was waning, he knew, but she had to get better, she had to.
Melzin pursed his lips, his mouth turning into a frown. Being as comforting as he could, he settled the blankets around Allen, using a wet cloth to wipe away the sweat on his brow. "Lad," he said softly, "She's sleepin' right now. She's got a wee bit of a cough, but nothing the camphor won't help. You just rest now. Eat something when you get the chance, mm?"
Melzin looked over his shoulder to Gaddes, "Bring him some light biscuits for him to nibble, and we'll see if he can hold it down."
Gaddes nodded. He hesitated for a moment, afraid to leave Allens' side if it wasn't to go to Celena's, but he turned, sliding out.
"Tell me honestly what you think about her condition." Allen's voice was soft, but his tone... he demanded it. He was in the dark--literally--enough as it was... he had a right to know.
"Like I said - she's got a cough, but nothing the incense won't help her with. Now you drink this tea here. It's got mint and chamomile. It'll warm ye up nice and comfy." Melzin said.
Allen wasn't sure he was getting the full story, but he didn't bother to argue that. He'd find out sooner or later.
But determination shone through. This young man, who had endured several hardships, had a strong determination. And while his hands shook, he ground his teeth together, jaw tensing until he forced them to stop doing so, taking the cup of tea in hand. Damn it... he'd win over this, too, if only for Celena. A little later, Gaddes returned, not at all surprised, really, to see Allen forcing himself to do such things. A little bit of a grin lingered on his lips.
"Stubborn bastard," he murmured softly, shaking his head.
But something happened that none of the men expected. Heavy wheezing, strangled breathing came from the door. Celena had crawled - crawled - from her room across the hall, her nightgown dragging around her. She gripped the doorframe, coughing and hacking - coughs so dangerously deep and throaty - as she tried to stand, tried to pull herself up but to no avail.
"Young lady!" exclaimed the Melzin, rushing to her side and settling her against him, "My goodness, lassy. What in the world are ye thinkin' ?"
Gaddes blinked, glancing over worriedly. "Both of you are stubborn..." The soldier stalked over, scooped the girl up in his arms and plopped her on the bed next to Allen. "There. That's what you wanted, right, Celena?"
Allen turned his head slightly towards her, resting a hand on her upper arm lightly. "Celena... don't stress yourself..."
More coughing came the girl's poor lungs, and Melzin wiped away the blood that came up before letting Gaddes know he'd be in his apothecary, finding more soothing herbs for the siblings, and some other soldiers that had fallen ill with colds. Celena swallowed, weakly scooting next to her brother. Her breath was so shallow, it was painful to hear, liquid moving in her lungs with every breath.
"You . . . pulled me out . . . of the river. . ." she wheezed, her head lolling on it's side to look at Allen's empty eyes.
"You fell in..."
Gaddes quietly excused himself outside the door, leaning against the wall, sighing softly.
"Intentionally. Were you trying to kill yourself?"
"What - does it matter?" she managed, coughing again. Talking hurt, breathing hurt. Her back hurt where it had hit the boulder, remembering how the currents rushed her along like driftwood.
Allen stared at her sightlessly, in a state of shock at her words. What could he say?
"I drove you to it, I'm sorry..."
"I should have died," she wept quietly, "why didn't . . . you let me?"
"What are you saying?" Allen's voice betrayed his disbelief, his shock.
"I thought - I had something . . . with you. But I didn't," she scooted up to him to touch him, her night gown entangling around her skinny legs, "Allen . . . saying that I love you . . . doesn't mean anything. Does it?"
"Why do you think such silly things, Celena? When have I ever said that I did not?" Allen was hurt... but he blamed her confusion on himself. He'd been stupid, inconsiderate.
"Silly things?" she tried, gripping her brother as another cough overwhelmed her. Blood splattered onto his shoulder accidentally, marring his pallid skin and she lifted a shaking hand to wipe it away. "I was destroyed . . . the moment the highwayman took me and raped me."
"And did I push you away then? I have told you Celena, what I think of you. Those words were spoken after that incident, I don't see why you cling to these thoughts."
"I am not so lucky . . . in my resolve to be able . . . to execute my enemies." she wheezed angrily.
"I had taken care of him for you," Allen murmured softly, shaking his head. "Don't get angry with me, Celena. I just can't see where you're getting these ideas. Why you felt the need to kill yourself." Allen grasped her shoulders after a moment of fumbling. "Whether or not you were raped, Celena, you still have your life. Isn't that enough?"
She couldn't cry, but only moaned in grieve and anguish - as it fell on her again. Her empty shell just filled with shame and regret. He didn't understand, she thought. How could he not?
"What is this life," she was barely able to speak, "if I am shamed and broken?"
"It is still a life. You speak of love, but is it not so, if you would not listen to my words, the sincerity of them, and think of the pain you would leave behind?"
Her head hurt, her back hurt, and her mind reeled with what he said. He would be hurt if she was gone? How can that possibly be, if he did not want her - he obviously did not need her, for he had gone to his old lover's arms for consolation, and where she was left thinking he had loved her - only to turn her away in his time of great need. She had been so confused, so confused.
Remembering the cold, remembering the pain of the water as they were like daggers biting into her flesh. She had been so close - so close to a release, and her brother would not have had to watch her sink to the bottom of the frozen water, would not have to bear the burden that she is anymore.
"I . . . I thought I was doing you a favor," she finally said.
Allen didn't know what to say. The sting in his heart, the stab hurt as much, if not more, than any physical wound he could think of and he could only let his hands drop from her shoulders and turn away.
A favor. How many times had he stressed how important she was to him? How many times had he stated that he would shame himself for her? He called her an angel, and yet... she still thought he didn't want her? He was at a loss. No other woman had he ever had this many problems with.
"The world is too cruel to us," breathed Celena sadly, not caring if he turned away from her. She managed to worm her arms around his, pulling his arm to her breast and hugging it to her like a stuffed child's toy.
"We don't lessen the burden. It isn't the world that is cruel to us, Celena, it is ourselves."
"You didn't blind yourself," she argued, pressing her flushed forehead to his bicep.
"And neither did the world. There are always obstacles. I let it control my life for a long while, and then I broke free of it. It is ourselves that do more damage than the world outside."
A brief coughing fit overtook Celena once more, and she used the sheets to wipe the blood from her pink lips. "Can . . . can we try to be happy? Is it possible?"
"Anything is." Allen shrugged slightly.
And Celena nodded as best as she could against his arm.