Darkness in the Twilight

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By Psycho Ferret and LunarCrystal

King Van and Queen Hitomi

 Slowly, carefully, Gaddes led Allen out of the apothecary, stopping every once in a while to let Allen's head clear up. "You holding up alright, Allen?"

"I'll be fine," he murmured softly, nodding a little.  "Just keep going."  Even still, they had to stop every once in awhile for him to let the dizziness pass.  It was utterly annoying.  "Can't even bloody walk normally," he muttered softly to himself, obviously irritated with how weak his body was at the moment, but he pressed onwards.

It really wasn't too much longer before the reached the heavy oaken door behind which sat the royals of Fanelia - it was only down the hall from the apothecary, after all. But Gaddes stopped, gripping Allen's arm to hold him up.

 "Okay, boss. We're here. How much do you want to play up appearances?" he asked.

"I think I can walk a little bit without aid."  Granted, Van and Hitomi would find out eventually, but for now... first impressions.  He had to remain strong.  "But you'll stay with me."  Of course, he didn't think Gaddes would argue.

"I thought so. When you walk in, count to about 7. There's a chair for you to sit in." It was almost automatic - he had prepared for his friend's arrogance. Inwardly, he grinned at his own forward thinking.

Allen smiled softly, nodding to him.  "What would I do without you and Celena, mm?"  The blonde hadn't bothered to change into his uniform, and instead still wore teh bloodstained clothes he'd been brought inside with.  Thankfully, the melted snow had dried, slicking off the leather of his pants and boots.  He reached up, finding the door, rapping on it with a gloved hand.  Some appearances to make.

There were some muffled voices, a frank exchange of words between Van and, presumably, Hitomi. The response to the knock was quick, snippish - typical Van. "Yes?"

"I've recently heard of your arrival, your Lordship, and I'm playing out my duty to greet you."  His tone wasn't cold, that nearly same soft voice from before.

"Well, come in then!" he yelled from behind the door.

Allen smiled to himself.  Still the same old Van.  He trailed his gloved fingers to the knob, turning it and pushing the door open.  He looked a mess, really, with his clothes all bloodied, looking a little paler than he usually did.  But he still held himself proudly, of course.

"Van, please just take it easy." That was Hitomi, her voice sounded a little different. A little more grown up. Van's got a little deeper. There were, of course, the obligatory guards - two samurai that stood like shadows at the back of the room. Hitomi took Van's hand, the young king only heaving a heavy sigh.

 "I'm calm, Hitomi." he assured her. "Allen, I hope you weren't too busy getting yourself killed."

Allen smirked a little, turning his head towards their voices.  He wouldn't be able to keep up that ruse for very long, he knew that.  But he would as long as he could.  "I'm still here, aren't I?  I suppose I wasn't busy enough with it, then."  Then, the smile softened and he inclined his head towards where Hitomi was.  "It's wonderful to know that you are back with us, Hitomi."

"Thank you, Allen." she said, wanting to feel happier than she did. As soon as their friend had walked into the room, she noticed something different about him. The way he stepped, and carried himself. It was - odd. So for the time being, she only stared, studying him. Something was wrong. Van, on the other hand, was too busy pacing, having pulled his hand from his wife's.

 "Basram's being tricky again. And I don't like that." said Van as he paced, "You're lucky the skirmish today didn't end up on the wrong side of the turf. Not one melef, but plenty of cannons. . . I just don't get it."

"It's likely they're going to focus a melef attack on a better position.  Like, say... Palas.  I have a feeling it's where they're going to move towards.  With the queen just so recently situated at the throne, it's a weakness.  The people haven't had time to get used to her rule and she hasn't had time to get used to it either."  Allen paused, forcing the dizziness that threatened out of his mind.  Allen bowed his head slightly, almost thoughtfully.

 Or, because of Scherezade, they might bring out their forces now, if they've got them nearby."

"We flew over the area. It's covered in snow, but we didn't see any more camps." Van stopped his pacing and went up to Allen, "But that doesn't mean they won't send for them. I think you're right, about . . . about - a second attack." He grew quiet, his sentence drifting.

Allen didn't much seem to notice, gloved thumb tracing his chin softly, lips pursed in thought.  "Well, it would be difficult to hide melefs, so thankfully I don't think they've got them.  Or at least not that close at hand.  However, we have the crippled Scherezade... and as far as I remember, that's about it for the most part.  We haven't had too much time to restock all of our weaponry since the fort was rebuilt... Van, what's wrong?"

Hitomi had remained silent, still staring at Allen where he stood - so proud and tall. Van had grown into more tact since three years ago, and for a 19 year old, that's a pretty big stride. His voice was quiet, careful, and as strategic as his battle plans.

 "How did you pilot Scherezade then?" he asked.

Allen arched a brow slightly.  "Well, it wasn't crippled when I was piloting it.  Or rather, when I started piloting it."  Allen's brow furrowed slightly... he had the distinct feeling that that wasn't really what Van was talking about.

"You can't see, can you?" continued the king.

Allen sighed softly, the pride faltering a little.  But a small smile graced his lips.  "For nearly a year, I believe.  There was an uprising in Palas and the knighthood took up the front of the castle.  Needless to say that I wasn't the only one injured."

"And that's supposed to be reassuring?" retorted Van, somewhat angry. He turned away and started pacing again, cursing under his breath with an occasional, "Shit!"

 "My husband," smiled Hitomi sadly, standing and moving to Allen, "He has a bit of a temper still, I guess."

"Van, I am not as sorely crippled as one might think.  I am still a soldier here, still a knight.  And I will fight to defend my country, whether or not I am blind.  I have done well enough as it is.  There isn't a worry about it."  Allen smiled a little, nodding slightly, one hand resting on the doorframe.  "But he wouldn't be Van without it, would he?"

"I . . . think he needs more time to brood. We were celebrating a holiday in Fanelia when Riden came on horseback. And - well - your news," Hitomi bit her lip, deciding to be uncouth and put her arms around the knight that had saved her life more than once during their adventures. "It's good to see you again, my good friend."

"It is good to know that you are back and that both of you are safe."  Allen smiled softly, hugging her gently back.  No advances on her this time.  His lusts had been shoved aside by protocol, as well as the fact that he had other matters to attend to.  Like not falling over.

It stung rather badly, the news of her friend's loss of sight. She felt there was something different in the way he looked, his head, his eyes as they seemed to stare right through her. She pulled away from the hug, looking up at Allen's face as he stared straight ahead. "Are you well enough to walk with me? I have a gift for you."

"A gift?  For me?  Why, I would walk anywhere, if only for a bit of time in your presence, that is a gift enough."  Okay, so the flirtations weren't completely gone... but they weren't serious.  Allen smiled a little, nodding slightly to her.  He felt Gaddes tense slightly. 

 "Don't worry... I'll be fine."

So they started back down the hallways of the fort, now rebuilt. Hitomi had marveled at it's completion - noting how everything looked so much better now that it was new, instead of worn with age. Allen followed her with a gentle hand grasping her upper arm - as she had seen blind people from her world follow others who led them. How terribly disheartening, and it made her furrow her brows to look at his face, which was still so handsome and strong.

 "You're sister came back to you three years ago." began the new queen of Fanelia, "How is she?"

"She is... well enough.  Recently she suffered illness and it still plagues her, but she is strong."  Allen nodded slightly, walking with one hand brushing against the wall as they walked, if only to catch himself it he stumbled.

"Of course she is. She must be like her brother." Hitomi smiled, touching his hand that was on her arm. "I am so happy that you have her back, Allen. That she has you. Back when I first met you, you were filled with such melancholy, it hurt to see you so pained by your memories."

There were still memories that pained him, but he wouldn't bother her with that.  "Thank you, Hitomi... having her back has done much for me."

"I'm glad, Allen." she said sincerely, "Now about my gift to you." and she tugged him to a stop, right there in the middle of a hallway in the fort.

Allen arched a brow, turning his head towards her.  "Yes...?"  Now what could she give him there?  What did she need to give him in the first place?

"You remember my pendant, I'm sure." Hitomi said.

"I do, yes."  Allen nodded slightly, arching a brow.

Hitomi smiled, taking both of Allen's hands gently in her own, kissing them lightly - affectionately. She took the pendant from her neck, pulling the chain over her head and pressed it into Allen's palm. "It belongs to you now, Allen."

Allen started slightly, stepping back to brace his foot against the wall to steady himself.  I really have to stop that...

 The blonde, cocked his head to the side a little.  "I... I do appreciate the gesture, but why?  Surely you have more use for it."

"It belongs in your family, Allen. Or don't you remember?" She said softly, keeping her hands wrapped around his as they held the trinket.

Allen sighed softly, a faint smile on his lips.  "Hitomi... could I ask you to teach me how to do what you taught Van?  How to picture them?  I... well, I obviously can't see them, so I cannot know that way."

"Who do you wish to see?" Hitomi asked, her voice suddenly grown sadder with the mention of his disability. It didn't seem right to her, that he be so different from the memory she held of him. But was there any use to bemoan what she cannot change?

"Well, as in, say... battle.  I cannot bring myself to sit this one out, but I am hardly as useful as the others in this state."

She seemed startled for a moment, wanting to protest about him joining this battle. His head, she could see, was quite bruised, even that she can tell in the dim candle light of the hallways. He was having trouble standing, leaning against the hallway. His whole demeanor just gave her a very bad feeling about what he was asking.

 "A-Allen," she began, hesitant, "I . . . will teach you. But I don't think it's a good idea for you to fight. Not yet."

"I have no choice.  We have a limited number of soldiers here.  I won't stand back and let everyone else do the fighting for me, though they would readily do it.  They have the same concerns as you, Hitomi."  Allen was almost begging, his hands curling around hers.  "There are people here I want to protect."

Then it was plain to her as daylight. Despite the emptiness of his soft cornflower blue orbs, she could see, in them - everything that he was feeling. His anxiety and his love shone through the most. His brow was furrowed - but all the emotion behind his sightless eyes nearly overwhelmed her. She clasped his hands.

 "I understand, Allen. More than you could know." She took his hands and put them to her face, nuzzled his soft knuckles and fingers. "How I have missed you, Allen. So soon do I see you before you might be going to battle again. I was so scared, during the great war, that I might lose you or Van. So scared. Please be careful, promise me."

"I will be.  I'll return to all of you, of course.  I lived through that war, I've lived through everything else... I will return."  Allen smiled softly, then hugged her tightly.  "Thank you," he breathed softly, grateful, "this is the greatest gift you could give me."

She smiled against his chest, enjoying their moment. He was a true friend, and she would never forget that. The tender embrace was so delicate and full of his affection for her. She was glad for it, and was loathe to pull out of it. But she did so to take the pendant from his hand and bestow it upon him properly, fitting the chain around his neck.

 "This pendant belonged to your father," she said, touching his chest where the trinket lay upon his muscled front.

Allen sighed softly, nodding a little.  "So it did..."  He couldn't thank her enough for what she was going to give him, for the chance to push away his weakness.  He could see more or less if he could get this right.

"It's always brought me luck. It brought me here, to be able to meet all of you - I think you'll find it rather useful." She touched his face gently, grinning, "If anything, the pink stone would match with your pink cravat on your Caeli uniform."

Allen laughed a little, nodding slightly.  He didn't mind her touch, it was soft and warm... comforting.  The touch brought back memories before all of this, when he could still see her.  "So it would, I do believe you're right."

Hitomi brightened a bit, seemingly reading his thoughts and guiding his hand to her shoulder length hair, "Look, I grew my hair out a bit."

He blinked a bit, then smiled, drawing his hand away and tugging off the blood-stiffened glove.  Then he reached out, brushing his fingers through her hair.  "Wonderful... I'm sure you look stunning.

"Well," she began, thinking about it and concluding softly, "why don't you find out?"

Allen arched a brow slightly, hand resting on her shoulder.  He looked, well... a little confused. Taking his glove-free hand, she put it gently to her face, keeping it their with her steady hold. "Don't you want to see how I've grown up?"

Allen's brow furrowed slightly and he nodded a bit.  "I would... but how?"  The blonde blinked unseeingly.

Hitomi gave a small laugh, "Use your hands."

Allen looked a little confused for a moment, then slowly traced his fingers over her flesh.  And it was like he could see her, picture the changes to her face as his fingers glided across her jaw and lips and nose.  He smiled slowly, softly.  "I'd never thought of it," he murmured softly...

"What do you feel?" she asked fondly, softly as he kept his hands moving over her features.

"Your face... it's longer and you seem older.  Are you taller?"  Allen cocked his head to the side a little, arching a brow.

Hitomi giggled, "A little, yes. 3 years changes a 15 year old, apparently. You seriously never thought of using your hands like that before?"

"No... not at all.  To be honest, what few times I've seen blind men and women, they... don't."  Allen shook his head slightly, once more letting his hands rest on her shoulders.

 "Just as I expected.  Beautiful."

Hitomi blushed demurely. This was not against the vows to her husband, as this man before her was a good friend. But girls and boys still get flattered from compliments to each other. She, of course, said nothing in response to Allen's. "I think I should get you back to somewhere where you can lie down. I heard about what happened today. You look a little pale."

"I think it might be best.  Admittedly I'm not in the best of health, and the cold isn't helping."  Of course, neither was getting thrown around inside a melef unit.  Allen smiled slightly, nodding to her.  "And Hitomi...?  Thank you."

"Anything for a friend," was her warm reply, taking his arm and leading him back the way they'd come from downstairs. After Hitomi said her goodnights, Gaddes once again led Allen back to the Apothecary. They were probably going to be stuck living under ground for a while, with Basram threatening their borders.

 Thankfully, there weren't as many men in the apothecary, most leaving once they'd been bandaged up by Melzin, who was now sitting in a chair, snoozing and totally exhausted. Oruto was glad to be done with the tasks he'd been given, and at the first possibly moment, excused himself from staying one more second in that dank, musty air.

 Soon, it was just Celena on the floor, Gaddes having to pick her up and moving the siblings to a room he'd had prepared for them. There weren't many on the lower level, so many of the soldiers were crammed together in numbers. Allen and Celena would have to share. The girl, still breathing so shallow in her sleep, was settled into a bedroll, the same mountain of blankets on top of her.

Allen had marveled on the way back what Hitomi had shown him.  He'd done it to Gaddes, too.  He didn't really say anything once they'd reached the room, and when Celena had been settled down, Allen reached up, touching Gaddes' face softly, smooth, lightly calloused fingers drifting over the itchy stubble.  Allen smiled softly, wonderingly.  "I can see you," he breathed softly his voice almost trembling.

"Allen..." spoke Gaddes, his tone downtrodden as he looked to the floor. He closed his eyes when his former lover touched him so lightly. It was so intimate, and it just made Gaddes sad, for it was yet another part of his friend that had changed since the day of the riots. There were joys to be had in seeing, to see vibrant color, the sky, the moons, the people you love - it was as if those joys were wrenched away from not just Allen, but Gaddes too, who had to watch his friend endure.

Allen smiled softly, hugging Gaddes, sighing a bit.  "She's going to teach me how to picture them, the way she taught Van.  To find them without my sight.  And then... then I'll be able to fight beside all of you again."  He traced his hands over the other's jaw again, smiling a bit.  "You know... that always used to tickle." 

 The blonde sighed softly, that small, soft, almost sad smile still tugging on his lips.  Touching him like this, so close to him reminded him of the time before all of this.  Before Celena had returned... before he'd fallen in love with his sister.

Gaddes chuckled lightly, smiling  just a bit for his friend as those deft fingers traced over his mouth for the fifth time. It couldn't be helped, not really. He pulled back at that moment, looking at those eyes he'd once been in love with -- was still a little in love with -- and how they were half-closed and sightless. Gaddes needed to close his eyes for this, otherwise it would just hurt too much. His poor knight, he would think . . .

 . . . before leaning forward, and touching his lips with his own - a sweet, chaste kiss, much like Celena's had been earlier while Allen was still deafened.

Allen's first reaction was that this embrace was familiar.  The touch of Gaddes' lips against his, it was something he knew very well.  Comforting.  It felt right.  For just a moment he returned the kiss before it was gone and he felt almost empty. 

 Gaddes and Celena both had close places in his heart.  He could not make the choice alone, though it had already been made.  Hadn't it? 

"Gaddes..." he murmured softly, his voice almost wistful.  He didn't have to be strong here, he didn't have to pretend, not with either of them.  He wished he could see Gaddes, see him with his eyes, not his mind, not his fingers.

Gaddes, of course, felt the change right away. When he pulled away, he didn't really know what his first reactions should be. He felt embarrassed, for one thing. He knew that what he'd had with the knight was in the past. He knew it. . . and still he tortured himself with yearning, with watching him with that gaze and having his heart tear into pieces.

 "I'm sorry," he breathed softly, touching Allen's face briefly. "I should go."

Allen smiled softly to his friend, brushing his fingers against the other's face softly before he nodded.  "Make sure to get sleep," he murmured, looking sightlessly over at him.  With that, with fond memories resurfacing, Allen slipped quietly inside the room and lay on the bedroll set up for him with a soft sigh.  He could hear Celena's breathing... and he was sure she could hear his heart racing, pounding against his chest.

 Allen had not necessarily moved on past Gaddes.  He couldn't.  Gaddes would always be special to him. 

 But Celena...

 She rustled lightly beneath the blankets, moaning a bit as she tried to take a deep breath but couldn't. Silent tears slipped over her feather soft cheeks without so much as a sob passing her lips.

Allen shifted over closer to her, nestled up close to her and tentatively reached ou, trailing his fingers up her neck to her face.  He felt the tears, frowning a little, brushing them away carefully.

Her eyes opened, but it was pitch black in the room. She felt hands on her face, and would have been afraid if it weren't for that familiar smell of rose water. For some reason, she'd been crying - she suddenly felt her cheeks all wet with tears. Then she remembered her dreams . . . because she finally started to dream again.

 "Allen," she choked sadly, "I had a bad dream."

Allen drew her close to him, huddled against his narrow chest.  He kept an arm about her waist, brushing her tears away softly.  "Only a dream, Celena, nothing more."

For all his effort to keep her face free from tears, more came unbidden. She let out a little sob, trying to come to her senses from the intense emotions she'd felt in her dreams. "It felt so real. I was so scared." she said, burying her face in his chest.

He took up stroking her hair softly, resting his chin against the top of her head.  "Just a dream, Celena, but I'm here.  I'll protect you."

"I thought I'd lost you," she breathed out sadly.

"You won't.  I'll be here, I promise..."

"I thought you died," she cried, "You died in my dream. In my arms. . . Allen, don't die. Please, ever. Gods, there was so much blood." Her eyes hurt from letting out so many tears, but she clutched her brother close, afraid to let him go, to find out that he might not be real after all.

Allen smiled, pulling her close, holding her.  "I won't.  I'll protect you, I'll stay with you forever."

Her body shook, and she rubbed her face against his chest as the salty tears still fell. . . though it wasn't too long after that they'd finally began to wane. Pretty soon, the only thing left from the dream was the heavy, dull ache in her heart. She loved it when her brother held her, so that in and of itself was more than comforting.

 "It was such an awful dream," she took a few shuddering breaths, having felt a bit more ease in her breathing lately. "I don't think I want to sleep right now."

"Don't think on it, Celena.  It was just your illness playing tricks on your mind."  Allen brushed his lips against her forehead, a faint smile on his lips.  He reached up, tracing fingers over her face lightly, that smile lingering.

Celena, of course, did not move, and smiled slightly as her brother touched and felt her face. "What are you doing?" she asked softly.

"I... can see you like this."  His thumb brushed over the bridge of her nose softly, tracing along her jaw and cheeks.  "Hitomi showed me earlier..."

"You can? With your hands?" The idea was adventurous to her, new, innovative... being so minded, she could not help the grin that crept up to her lips. "Can I try on you? It's pitch black in here."

"You can," he murmured, smiling softly.  Beautiful.  Absolutely beautiful.  "You should grow your hair out, he murmured, "even just a little."

"It's easier to keep this way," she argued quietly, running her own fingers across his face, his chin, and his sharp nose. Her fingertips moved over the bridged of his nose and slowly worked their way up to his velvety eyebrows, moving down the sides of his face to feel the incline of his cheekbones, and over the beautiful lips which she longed to kiss.

 Allen smiled softly, but didn't argue anymore about it.  Just a suggestion was all.  Her skin was so smooth, her frame so dainty.

"Allen," spoke the girl hesitantly, "I - I always meant to ask you but felt it might have been too sensitive. . ."

"What is it?"  Allen had his moment of contentment, that smile on his lips, nestled so comfortably close to her.

"Well, I was looking around - and it's completely black. There's no windows in here," she said, taking a breath, "is that what you see all the time? Pitch black?"

"I see nothing at all, except for what is in my mind.  Never anything but."

"Not even black?"

Allen shrugged slightly.  "There is nothing to see.  There is only darkness."

Celena rubbed at her moist eyes, "So you see darkness?"

"That is all, yes..."

"Is it lonely?"

He nodded a bit, a faint smile on his lips.  "Very, sometimes... I'm left to myself all the time.  No matter if others are around, I am alone."

"I would get lonely too," she said, cuddling up close to her brother, "if I was left in this room all day."

Allen nodded a bit, holding her close.  "Yes.. I'm sure you would.  Down here is hardly very friendly or accommodating."

"You're friendly and accommodating," she smiled, starting to feel better after three weeks of having been ill after that horrible river incident.

"I'm glad you think so."  Allen brushed his lips against her cheek, once more pulling her close.  "Now go back to sleep, I will guard your dreams for you."

"No, no," she insisted, her fear returning suddenly and clinging to him again, "I don't want to sleep. I don't."

"You need it, Celena, and so do I."  Allen smiled, arms around her comfortingly.  "Calm down.."

She would have protested again, but Allen's arms around her felt so very comfortable and warm. Even though she tried in vain to stay awake, it didn't take long for her to nestle into the curve of his shoulder, her hands reaching to feel the muscles of his chest. She never wanted to leave this spot, just stay like this and sleep for the rest of her life - with Allen.

 "Don't ever leave, please, Allen. Don't die." she pleaded softly, slowly fading away into slumber.

Allen found himself quickly slipping into asleep, his body thankful for the rest.  He was asleep soon, his arms around her protectively, sleeping silently with dreams he would not remember.