Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters involved within. Only the tortures devised for each are my own.
Author's Note: I have this horrible feeling this chapter is going to get me killed by JaNeil fans. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! And after this chapter, I finally start to reveal all. Yay! By the way… is it my imagination, or do these chapters seem to be getting longer and longer?
OUT OF THE ASHES
Chapter Seventeen
Dead Romance
Stunned silence fell at Neil's halting declaration. I should've kept my mouth shut! Why did I just blurt it out? But, by assuming the foe was Hein, they could make mistakes… They had to know, before anything went horribly wrong due to their ignorance.
"Are you sure?" Ryan asked. His look was pleading; he desperately wanted Neil to laugh and say it was one big joke. Neil wished he could oblige.
"I found out while we were at the base," he confirmed dully. "Before, he was… asleep, or something. Then, when I had to hack in, he gave me his personal military pass codes, and I saw the name on the screen."
"Maybe it's a mistake?" Jane suggested hopefully. "Another tech who stole his codes?"
"He speaks to me now," Neil said miserably. "It's him. There's no doubt about that."
He wished the others wouldn't stare at him like that, with expressions of pity and horror. The reaction was the one he'd feared most. He didn't want to be different! But he'd known they would feel this way; known it as soon as he'd seen that horrific name printed across the screen, and felt the hard edge of the man's commanding voice in his mind as he'd finally made himself fully known. It had shocked the hell out of Neil at the time, but he'd forced himself not to think about it during the mission, knowing he'd endanger everything. Now, though… The consequences of his condition were sinking in.
"This puts a new perspective on things," Ryan said slowly. "If it's not Hein, then someone else is behind this, or Major Boyer is working alone. Either leaves us with unknown variables."
(Major Boyer? Are you sure it's him?) For once, the voice had dropped its perpetual sarcasm and sounded almost baffled. Neil snarled and tried to clamp down on the other's personality.
"Or Hein is directing this… through Neil," Aki suggested quietly, and Neil stiffened.
"What?" he demanded. "I'm not the villain here! How could I…" Neil faltered. This was something he hadn't even considered.
"What if Hein could exert an influence over Neil, maybe even suppress him, and command Boyer via computer or something?" Aki's expression was pained. She didn't want any of this to be true, but that didn't make Neil feel any better. He was sick to his stomach at the thought. Could he have betrayed his friends?
"I…" Neil began. "I don't know. When I'm awake, it can't be possible. But what if he does it while I'm asleep?" Neil had a horrible urge to burst into tears. God… of all the people to stick me with… A strangled sob escaped him.
(Crying over it won't do us any good,) Hein said, his mental voice sounding exasperated.
"Shut up," Neil snapped, speaking aloud without thinking. "Just leave me alone!"
(I can't leave you alone, Corporal. Do you think I asked to be here? I can think of more appealing places to spend the afterlife.)
"Go to hell," Neil hissed.
(I think I'm already there,) the voice said sadly.
"Get out of my head! Leave me alone!" Neil pushed himself to his feet, whirling in midair. Ignoring the astonished looks from his friends at his seemingly one-sided outburst, Neil left and angrily went to his quarters, escaping their pity and revulsion.
But he couldn't escape the voice in his head.
* * *
After Neil's abrupt departure, Jane couldn't concentrate on what the others were saying. She could still see Neil's face, torn between anguish and fear and… something else. Something familiar, but alien to Neil.
General Hein… Aki had told them what had happened aboard the Zeus Cannon, and the Council's suspicions of what really caused New York's downfall.
What if Neil was behind this? Unintentionally, maybe, but still… What would happen to him if Hein was responsible? Would he be jailed for the rogue general's crimes? What if they tried to rid Hein from Neil's mind in a drastic way, like a lobotomy or something? Neil…
"What do you think, Jane?" Ryan interrupted her thoughts.
"Excuse me?"
Ryan had a troubled look as he explained. "We're going to contact General Ryder. This is bigger than anything we can handle on our own. And…" Ryan tried to steady the waver in his voice, and failed. "We're turning Neil over to General Ryder for now. We can't take the chance that Hein is working through him."
"I'm… sure he'll understand," Jane said. Her own voice was steady, betraying none of her own inner turmoil. "Will you excuse me? If there's nothing more to discuss, I'd like to go speak to Neil." Her voice was still emotionless, but it was all she could do to maintain the façade.
Ryan nodded. "I'll let you know what Ryder says," he told her.
Jane, with as much speed as she could muster in the zero gravity, hurried to the room Neil had claimed as his own. Hesitantly, she held her fist over the door. What am I going to say to him? This is awful… I don't know how I feel about it. It must be even worse for Neil. How could I possible understand what he's going through?
She scowled. She'd never been good at this emotional stuff, anyway. She'd improvise, as she'd done countless times before. Bracing herself, she knocked.
After a moment of silence, a voice said grudgingly, "Come in."
The door opened at her touch, and she drifted in to the room's darkened interior. Neil was on his back on the cot, and didn't even move at her entrance. "As you can see, I'm not reporting to Major Boyer or anything," he said bitterly.
"I know," Jane said. She pushed herself to his bedside, settling on the edge. She hooked her legs over the side to keep from drifting away. "How's your leg?"
Neil's eyes snapped open. "You're interested in my leg?" he asked incredulously. Then, "It's fine. A little stiff and sore, though, which is why I'm laying down. Could be worse."
Jane met his eyes, frowning at what she saw there. Now she knew what bad been bothering her about them…
"Ask me about it," Neil said softly.
"About what?"
"That's why you're here… to ask me what it's like." Neil smiled sadly. "Don't worry… he's asleep now, or whatever it is he does when he finally shuts up."
"Why are you different from the other Duos?" Jane asked. "All of them have lost their sanity. But you… You have more reason than the rest of them to lose it. So why…?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because he hasn't really tried to take over my body, except once when I was in danger."
"That's not like General Hein at all," Jane said with a growl.
"I know." Neil looked puzzled. He sat up to bring his face level with Jane's. "It's like… there's something wrong with him. He should have been arguing with me on several occasions, or fighting for dominance, or pulling rank. But the only time he's been active was to help us. And he won't tell me why; I've asked."
"He helped us get into the base, which was a trap," Jane pointed out.
"He used his memories to tell me about the recording box on the Black Boa, and hinted we bring this ship just in case," Neil countered. He clenched his hands, and a helpless look spread across his face. "Hell, I don't know what to think of all this." His voice was shrill with fear. "Why did this happen to me? Why General Hein, of all people? What did I do to deserve this? I think I'd prefer to be dead!"
Jane opened her mouth to speak, but Neil was continuing. "He shut down the New York barrier… He killed us. The Council's suspicions were correct. And I have to live with that inside me. When… when his personality opens to me, I get this… rush of his memories and emotions, and I don't know who I am! How can I live like this?" He stared up at her desperately.
"I don't know what to tell you," Jane said honestly. "I've never faced anything like this before. Even coming to terms with my own powers seems simpler." Jane met his gaze, met those frightening blue eyes… She watched his face fall as he realized there was nothing she could do to help him.
Jane leaned forward, placing her hand on his cheek to bring his eyes level with hers. "Neil, it's –" she began, but was brought abruptly to a halt as Neil's face darted towards hers, and suddenly she found her lips pressed to his. Her eyes widened in startlement, but she didn't try to escape the intimate touch. Instead, she leaned in to it, feeling the uncertainty there. If you accept me, he seemed to be saying, then it will be all right. I can live with this if I have you.
I don't know who I am… Neil had said he melded with Hein when the other awoke. Oh, God… What if I'm kissing General Hein now?
Jane abruptly drew back, the suddenness of her move making her drift backwards. Neil stared at her, eyes wide and hurt.
"I can't, Neil," she said softly. "If you don't know who you are, how am I supposed to know? I hate the general for what he did to us. And every time I see you, I'm going to wonder if you're Neil, or him. And I can't do that, Neil." She got to her feet, unwilling to meet his gaze. "When I look in your eyes, I see him. I'd wondered why your eyes looked odd… They're his, not yours." She turned away, drifting to the door as quickly as she could manage. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
If she were a more emotional woman, she knew she'd be in tears. And she thought she heard Neil stifling his own sobs behind her. Dammit… He's a friend! Why did he have to do that? And why does he have to share his mind with the one person I fear most?
She went to her own room, unaware of the tears that flowed down her cheeks.
* * *
Aki was nearly on the verge of tears herself. "Why General Hein? After all he's done to us, why did he have to come back?" It had been easier to accept that he was alive and well and behind their current problems. This… this enemy within her friend was too much!
"Aki," Dr. Sid said softly, patting her shoulder, "I know this is going to be difficult. This galls me, too. But try to imagine how Neil must feel right now. We all but accused him of being responsible for our troubles, when it's more likely Boyer is working alone."
Aki gave a wavering sigh. "It isn't fair. Hein's found a way to live, while Gray…" She shut her eyes and leaned on her mentor's shoulder. "There's no justice in the world."
"Gray did his part in saving the world. Perhaps there was no need for him to return; no unfinished business." Dr. Sid ran his gnarled fingers through her hair.
"What about me?" Aki asked. "I need him."
Dr. Sid gave her a squeeze. "It – " he began.
Ryan entered, a grim look on his face. "I couldn't get a hold of General Ryder," he said.
Aki pulled away from Dr. Sid. "Why not? What's wrong?"
"All the top military brass has been summoned to Chicago to discuss this problem. Half the Council's gone, too, including Councilman Drake." Ryan grimaced. "There are enough soldiers and officers left to defend the city, of course, but… I had no idea it was this bad."
"Our problems may be inconsequential compared to the return of the Phantoms," Dr. Sid said quietly.
"Inconsequential?" Aki said angrily. "What about the people in New York? They're being held captive by Major Boyer and his men and… whoever his boss is."
"They may be discussing New York's fate, too," Ryan said calmly. "The point is, nobody's going to take any action for the next few days now, except as defense."
"Who knows what Boyer could accomplish in those few days. Look at the ovo-pack they made… And where did those green spirits come from? And didn't the major want to find a way to graft the powers on to others?" Aki steepled her fingers, squeezing them tightly. "It could be too late."
"But what can we do about it?" Ryan asked. "Without the military's support, we can't do anything."
"Can't we?" A determined gleam came to Aki's eye. Why should we rely on the military or the Council? They'd just want us to wait.
"Are you suggesting that we go to New York?" Ryan asked. "Doctor, there's no way we could help those people. There are probably hundreds of enemy soldiers under Boyer's control occupying the city. And with Neil… being how he is, how can we even trust him?" It obviously pained him to say that about his fellow team member, even if it was true.
"I didn't say we had to charge on in and rescue the populace. What if we just went in and surveyed things? You know, gather intelligence? The Council and the military may move faster with hard evidence." Aki leaned forward, excited by the prospect of doing something useful. "And we may even solve some mysteries in New York!"
Ryan frowned. "I'm going to discuss this with Jane," he said quietly. "But you're right. It's better than waiting in Houston for them to make up their minds, or crashing the meeting in Chicago," he grinned wryly, "like I was planning."
Aki smiled. "I'll set a course for New York. We can be over it in about two hours." She rose from her seat, and gracefully floated towards the cockpit. She ignored Dr. Sid's concerned look, knowing her mentor thought she was being too rash. But keeping herself busy and her mind on the matter at hand kept her from mourning Gray. If she didn't distract herself, then her misery could overwhelm her.
* * *
The lights had dimmed, to simulate night. Even Aki had had to admit she was exhausted, though Ryan could tell she was uneasy to let her guard down with her foe on board.
Ryan, alone in the galley, shook his head sadly. Poor Neil… Jane had often said Neil needed a personality transplant, but this… this… What if Neil is behind this? I couldn't turn him in, no matter what I said to Dr. Ross. He's my friend… There has to be a cure for this or something. He drummed his fingers on the table. What would the captain do? He'd do the right thing, of course. But what would he think was right? I'm no good at this; that's why I'll never make it past sergeant. When it comes down to it, I can't make the choices that could hurt my friends.
"Oh, I didn't know you were in here, Sarge," Jane said unexpectedly. Ryan turned to see the young woman enter the galley, wet from the shower, her hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. Her face was red, as if she'd scrubbed it hard, or as if she'd been… crying? Not Jane… "I'll just leave," she said hastily.
"No. Sit down," Ryan suggested. "How's Neil?"
Jane flinched. So he's the root of her problems… "Different," she said after a moment. "He's been acting strangely since we revived, but I didn't realize until now just how strange…" She sank into her chair, her motion easier now that they'd re-entered the atmosphere. She rested her elbows on the table, dropping her chin onto her fists. Ryan tried not to notice the puffiness around her eyes. She has been crying!
"How are you?" Ryan asked, studying his teammate. She looked miserable.
"Me?" Jane stared at him with red eyes. "I'm fine… Why wouldn't I be? Neil's the one with a murderous traitor in his head."
"You don't look fine," Ryan prodded her. Jane rarely ever spoke about her feelings, and he hated to pry, but he had never seen her cry before. Even when she'd been adjusting to her powers, she'd kept her emotions in check. It hurt him to see her so torn up inside.
"No… You're right, I'm not." Her admission shocked Ryan; he hadn't expected her to be so forthcoming. "Neil wanted me to comfort him… and I pushed him away because I… I was scared of him!"
"Scared of General Hein?" Ryan was unsurprised. The general had always made him uneasy, long before any of this.
"Scared of Neil…" She touched her lips, a gesture Ryan found curious. "He needed me, and I couldn't help him. What kind of a teammate… a friend… am I?" Jane's eyes were suspiciously bright.
Ryan placed his hand on Jane's clasped fingers, wishing his powers could soothe her emotional wounds as well as the physical. What good were his powers if he couldn't help his friends? These abilities wouldn't give Neil peace of mind, or bring back Captain Edwards.
"You're confused; we all are. Everyone's going through a rough time right now, Jane. And I think things are going to get worse before they get better." He gave her fingers a squeeze. "But things will get better; you'll see."
"Things will get worse," Jane said softly. "I don't know about better. One thing's for sure, though: Things will never be the same again." She didn't look reassured, and Ryan sighed. Where are you, Captain? We need you!
"Sergeant?" Aki's voice came over the intercom, startling Ryan and Jane. I thought she went to bed…
"Dr. Ross? What is it? Where are you?" Ryan said into the speaker nearest him.
"I'm in the cockpit. We're over New York City. There's something you should see."
Ryan headed to the cockpit, followed closely by Jane. Dr. Sid was already in the copilot's seat, and Neil was conspicuously absent. Can't blame him… They had a large holographic screen hovering in the air before them.
"These are satellite pictures of the city," Aki said, looking weary. She probably hadn't slept since they'd called it a night. "Check out the barrier."
Ryan moved closer, and Jane peered over his shoulder. "Would you look at that," Ryan murmured.
The barrier was intact, but it pulsed bright green, the color of the enigmatic spirits.
* * *
Dr. Sid hoped he wasn't slowing the others. He was in pretty fair shape for a man in his seventies, he knew, but he couldn't keep up with the pace Aki and the trained soldiers were setting.
And his desire to examine the wild growth that flourished in what had been a barren city only weeks before further slowed his pace.
Aki dropped back beside him, placing a hand on his arm when he stumbled over a rot jutting from the cracked pavement.
"It's very beautiful," Aki said softly. "It makes for a pleasant change after so long…" She was too young to have seen the earth before the Phantoms destroyed it, but she had visited preserves, and seen photos of the lush landscapes from the pre-Phantom era. Nothing could have prepared her for this.
"Gaia's work… a gift, like them." He gestured towards the three soldiers ahead of them, all of whom should have been laying dead.
"Or a curse," Aki murmured. Her eyes went to the green barrier dominating the skyline ahead of them. They had landed on the Manhattan Island several hours before dawn, flying low to avoid radar and relying on the cover of darkness to hide them. The riotous growth had helped hide the Black Boa, and they'd set off for the city forty-five minutes before.
Their intention was to enter through a maintenance door at ground level, making their way up through the city's depths to the habitation levels above. Neil had been confident he could open any door in their path, but the others were wary. What if Hein tripped an alarm that alerted the military to their presence?
To late to worry about that now. Dr. Sid just hoped there wouldn't be too much excitement. He was along to observe and question any citizens they could find who weren't locked away.
Assuming they were locked away. What if the citizens were merely being protected by the military? Or what if they were willingly assisting the soldiers?
Their walk was mostly silent as they listened for Phantoms or possible patrols. Though it wasn't just caution that kept them quiet; there was an undercurrent of tension between Neil and Jane that all of them could sense. The tech was walking a little behind and to the side, and hadn't said a word since they'd left the ship.
They reached the barrier within an hour, and found an entrance after following the green perimeter for ten minutes. Silently, Neil opened the door and they cautiously entered the city's underbelly.
"Where to from here?" Ryan asked Neil, who seemed a little surprised to be addressed. A maze of rusty scaffolds stretching around decaying buildings met their eyes.
"We go up," Neil said shortly. He examined the catwalks above them, while Jane used her helmet scanner to search for life forms. "The catwalks should lead to a maintenance shed if we follow the signs, but those are likely to be locked. If we want a more subtle entrance, we could enter through an old building." Barrier city 42 had been built atop the original New York City, roughly ten stories up. As a result, several of the tall older skyscrapers had had their lower floors barricaded, while the upper floors of the buildings were either destroyed and rebuilt, or remodeled and put to use. Neil was suggesting they find one of the latter types of building.
"All right; we'll go through one of the older buildings. There should be enough empty ones around that we can enter unnoticed," Ryan decided.
"We'll head to one of the older sectors, then, where the buildings are older and aren't sealed very well." Neil's voice suddenly took on a mischievous tone, which Dr. Sid was almost gratified to hear. "My siblings and I found that out the fun way when we decided to have a snipe hunt with some bratty cousins…"
Dr. Sid arched his eyebrows, surprised that old game was still being played by this younger generation. "You're not planning anything like that, I hope?" he asked the corporal dryly.
"Not intentionally," Neil said, suddenly serious. He went to the first of the rusty ladders, testing his weight on it before climbing. "It's secure," he called when he reached the catwalk above. The others followed, and Dr. Sid uneasily eyed the corroded metal beneath them. Could it support the weight of five people, three of which were in heavy armor?
He decided not to think about that. Instead, he watched the Deep Eyes team as they distributed themselves; Ryan taking the lead, Neil a little behind and remaining aloof, with Aki and Dr. Sid behind while Jane brought up the rear in stony silence. She hadn't spoke to Neil, hadn't even looked at him, since the previous night. The team's starting to break apart, Dr. Sid observed sadly. Would it last through the trouble they all knew was coming?
"This way," Neil pointed. They had climbed several more ladders and traveled multiple catwalks, backtracking whenever they came upon an unstable walkway. Several had been rusted through, and one metal grate had broken under Aki's foot.
"We've been down here a long time," Jane muttered from behind, sounding a little nervous. "The city level is right above us; what's the delay?" Jane pushed past the scientists and went to Ryan. "Why aren't we going up?" she asked the sergeant.
"We're trying to find the safest way in," Neil said softly.
"Most of these buildings rise above the city level," Jane continued, ignoring Neil. "And we're still close to the city's edge. It has to be deserted up there."
Dr. Sid watched them, disturbed. There was a frantic note to Jane's voice, as if she were… frightened? She was desperate, he realized, desperate to get out of there, to go in to the city and find some action, and maybe even a resolution to this situation. She'd been chafing at the bit and had finally lost her patience.
"We don't know that," Neil said. "I'm looking for an older building where there's a maintenance door between floors and we could get through easier – "
"Or you're trying to lead us into an ambush," Jane said. Neil stepped back, stung.
Dr. Sid stepped forward. "Calm down," he said soothingly. "This won't get us anywhere – "
Jane ignored him. "How do we know you haven't been leading us in circles while Hein's men set up an ambush?"
"I wouldn't…" Neil began.
"But General Hein would! Maybe he is controlling you, Neil." She took a menacing step forward.
"Jane," Ryan began warningly.
"Even the sergeant doesn't trust you. That's why he's been walking along with his hand on his gun," Jane spat.
Ryan started, and drew his hand away from his pistol.
"Sarge, I say we go up through there," Jane said, gesturing at the closest building, "and avoid this ambush. If I'm wrong, we'll still be on the surface and finally getting down to business instead of roaming around aimlessly. And if I'm right…" she couldn't finish the sentence.
Something's put her on the edge, Dr. Sid realized, hearing the faintly hysterical edge to Jane's voice. What had happened between them last night?
"Jane," Neil began, reaching towards her.
"Don't touch me," she hissed, shoving him away. He fell backwards, unable to keep his balance on his still-sore leg and heavy armor. His hands flailed, and he caught Jane just as he crashed into the catwalk's railing.
The brittle metal snapped, and he plunged downward, dragging Jane with him.
To Be Continued…