Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB, Paramount, CBS et al. This is for fun, no copyright infringement is intended.

--

Episodes: Complications and the dawn of Ice Queen/Meltdown

- Loren's apartment, Washington D.C.

'Ireland?' Loren, still in her coat, once more considered the plane ticket she had been ordered to buy - among setting up an apartment in San Diego - and shook her head. Well, as long as it would get her out why not? Kershaw's plan seemed to be a little bit too far off to be efficient but he probably had his reasons for doing it this way and no other. So she would fly to Ireland, meet a mysterious man - and then Singer and the assumed father of her child were going to die in an accident somewhere on the road. The problems of driving on the left-hand side? Oh, well. She shrugged the thought off. Everything would be wrapped up nicely and no one would grieve over that witch Singer for long.

Except for one person, maybe. No, probably. Loren sighed. She didn't like what she had to do to Sergei. But considering his talent for seeing deeper than the surface he'd probably guess the truth - or at least draw comfort from the possibility. The young Russian had been a priceless help to fight off his quite troublesome brother. Good God, she still didn't know whether to laugh, scream or cry.

Give it to me?! Oh, please! She wasn't opposed to single fathers but - Commander Harmon Rabb and a baby?! Getting up every hour at night to feed it or change diapers? And then work a twelve hour shift? Just by the way, where was the little thing supposed to stay during this time? No, wait, she had a better idea, he would take paternity leave and go crazy without his beloved Navy. The man had no idea what he was asking for. Nevertheless, the gesture itself could have been sweet but it was all just because he thought her child was a blood relative. Would he have made the offer if he hadn't taken it in his head that Sergei was the father? With Singer as the mother? Very unlikely.

Loren snorted. She didn't deny Rabb a caring side ... but only as long as it didn't disturb his fine-tuned life too much. Sergei was a very telling example. Rabb had good intentions but he tended to underestimate the long- term consequences. He jumped in, did what had to be done, yes - and afterwards felt free to live his own life again. That worked well in his job. But family and relationships were something completely different. Maybe that was the reason why he and Mackenzie obviously hadn't been able to get things straight and had fallen back into their old habit of picking on each other. She wondered briefly what had started the battle this time.

Drawing in a deep breath and exhaling slowly Loren ran a hand over her belly. Again she felt her knees go weak. It was Richard's. No, she was Richard's. Their girl. Their little baby girl. The tests had been a hundred percent conclusive. And for the first time she actually hoped they would be able to work it out.

Loren stared at the ticket in her hands. Of course not everything had gone or was going smoothly. Too much damage had been done, too much tension was between them. Rather than fighting they were dancing around each other on the tips of their toes, both afraid to say something or do something that would hurt the other. Both afraid of touching things none of them were ready to face yet. But they were getting along. Slowly, stumbling ... but with an honesty that made up for a lot of things. On a certain level they were closer now than they had ever been ... and at the same time farther apart.

Maybe it wasn't bad they had had to separate again, that she had had to return to her role as Singer one more time. It was giving them an opportunity to think, to come to terms with themselves and with each other. But now everything was on its way. For the Navy she was on maternity leave and whatever these people - Chegwidden, Rabb, Mackenzie, the Roberts or all the others - might or might not think about her decision to put the baby up for adoption was no longer of any importance to her. All that was left to do now was to get rid of her uniform, pack a few things and catch this flight.

Her cell phone rang and interrupted her thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Loren?"

For a second she froze. Then she scolded herself for not having checked the number on the display first.

"Theodore," she answered flatly.

"Loren, we must talk."

She grimaced at his slightly wailing voice. "There's nothing we'd have to talk about."

"Please, Loren. I've just heard... Look, I know I overreacted the last time we talked and I'm sorry. But please, meet with me."

"Overreacted?" she scoffed, her last encounters with Commander Theodore Lindsey hadn't been exactly pleasant. "You accused me of having been careless. And that was one of your nicer remarks."

"Loren, I was upset. I wasn't thinking. But I've heard - I've heard you haven't had an abortion."

She said nothing.

"Loren, please, you've said you would have one. What has changed your mind so suddenly?"

Still she didn't answer. What was there to say? Lindsey was a bad joke but he was still a human being.

"What do you want, Loren? Money? Promotion? We - we can talk about that."

His words caused her to frown. "What do you mean?"

"Meet with me. In thirty minutes at the river, I'm sure you remember the place."

Oh, she did - one of his more romantic ideas. She considered telling him an outright no but ... oh, well, it could do no harm. And he was a human being.

"Oh, all right," she agreed hesitantly. He hung up before she could rethink her decision.

Loren used the ticket as a fan. The last thing she needed was a confrontation with Lindsey but it was an opportunity to tie up loose ends ... nevertheless, it was better to do it properly. She dialed Kershaw's number - and promptly got his secretary.

"Mister Kershaw, please."

"Mister Kershaw is not available at the moment. Who am I talking to?"

"And when will he be available again?" she countered. She still felt uncomfortably exposing her cover.

"I really don't know. But if you want to leave a message...?"

"No, thank you," Loren sighed slightly annoyed, "I'll call again later."

Walking to the door she shoved the cell in one pocket and then did the same with the plane ticked she still had in her hand. Then she looked at her watch. She'd have to hurry if she wanted to be punctually.

- At the river

"Well?" The way Lindsey was staring at her belly was disturbing and Loren crossed her arms in front of her chest, hiding it a tiny bit from his view. "You wanted to talk, talk."

Lindsey drew his eyes away from her middle section and licked his lips. "Loren... What do you want?"

'Being away from here.' But aloud she answered: "A lot of things, Theodore. A lot of things you're obviously not able to give me."

"Why have you changed your mind about the abortion?"

"Maybe because I think it'd have been more damaging to my career than to put the child up for adoption?" she lied smoothly although her stomach clenched. 'Sorry, darling. Don't listen to that.'

"You - you know it could be damaging to ... our careers if - if they ever find out..."

Uh-oh, this direction it was heading. Well, it wasn't unexpected just ugly. The sooner she'd get it over with, the better. And if she had to turn the knife for that ... so it had to be.

"Correct me, but you're still superior to me, aren't you." She narrowed her eyes at his uncomfortable face. "Afraid the SecNav will kick your butt? Afraid of what your sweet little wife would say?"

"Leave - leave my family alone!"

"Why, Theodore? You really think if everything goes down I'll take all the blame? In your dreams. If you had been more careful this child would never have happened." - 'Mommy's just kidding, baby. It's just a game.' - "I've worked too hard to ruin everything I've achieved yet."

"What do you want, Loren?" Lindsey sounded really in panic now. "You - you can't do this to me! Is - is it money? Do you want money? That's no problem, I - I've put something aside. What do you want? Three thousand? Five?"

Loren thoughts were racing. She had had quite some insight into Lindsey's financial situation and knew he shouldn't be able to make such an offer - especially without his wife's knowledge. A cold hand reached for her heart. She had always sensed he was hiding something but she had never thought... Had she been wrong? Had she and Webb actually been so wrong? Had she finally found the leak? But too many things didn't fit ... no, she still couldn't accept a connection with Senvealda's organization. Nevertheless, there was something and if she wanted to find out - not that she really had a choice - it had to be now or never.

"Don't try to put me off with that nonsense, Theodore. You really think I would be content with a tip considering..." She let the sentence hang. It was a blind bluff but the way his eyes nearly popped out of his head she knew she had hit the mark.

"You - you know?!" His voice was a high squeak. She knew she had to nail him before he recovered.

"Don't be naïve," she put all of Singer's cruelty into her words. "You really think I've ever been interested in you? In you?" She saw the realization hit him and pushed harder. "Ten thousand, Theodore, darling. Or everybody will know who the father of this child is ... including your perfect little family." - 'Just one more minute, baby. It's over in a minute, I promise, but mommy has to do this. Just one more minute.'

He blanched to an ugly grey. "I - I don't have ten thousand, Loren! Whatever you've heard, I don't have that much!"

"What I've heard is that you have been paid well enough for what you have done."

"Loren, for heaven's sake! It - it was just once! The case was - probably it would have never come to trial even if I hadn't dropped it! Look, all that Lieutenant wanted was a clean record... Yes, I took the money but it did no damage! You - you would have done the same thing in my position! But it wasn't - it wasn't that much! Loren, I swear it, what you ask is impossible!"

She just stared at him. That was it? That was it? He had taken a - a bribe to drop a case?! One single case?! She had wasted her time on that?!

"Loren, Loren, please..."

She shook her head at his wail. She turned without listening anymore.

"What - what are you going to do..."

Loren didn't answer as she started walking away. Served him right - he should stew in his own juice. Soon enough he would learn of Singer's death and would be free to feel safe for the rest of his life. She didn't care any longer. It was over. It was really over. She was free. Free of this mission, free of JAG, free of Lieutenant Singer ... even free of the Agency. Each step she took was a heavy weight off her shoulders, the weight of three years of lies and hiding and sacrifices.

A smile touched her lips as she ran a hand over her belly. 'We're going home, darling. Finally, finally, we're going home.'

She hadn't noticed how icy it was underneath the snow.

She slipped.

And fell.