How Many Enemies Can One Vampire Have?

"I can't believe we're actually doing this…" Althea groaned. "Tell me why again we're helping a couple of vampires that wanted to kill Storm?"

"Excuse me, one vampire!" Cindy said as she moved to the front seat of the van. "I am not angry at the lady my husband tricked into picking up!"

"I did not trick her!" Dracula snapped. "I merely…didn't mention you. And besides it wasn't as if I was going to turn her into a vampire on the spot! I mean no real vampire with a sense of style does that! It's nothing like that show Muffy the Vampire slayer where everyone's brooding about and then attacks women they want in dark alleys! What's romantic about that? Call me old fashioned but first you woo the girl then you make her your bride!"

"So you admit you were going to replace me!" Cindy snapped.

"Excuse me? Which one of us walked out on who? And why?" Dracula snapped. "I may have a wandering eye but it was your feet that wandered away first sister!"

"Hold it," Lance said. "You mean she left you for some other guy?"

"I did not leave him for some guy!" Cindy snapped. "I left to find myself."

"Yes find yourself another stud muffin," Dracula sniffed.

"Oh that is not the case and you know it!" Cindy snapped.

"Please! I am not stupid!" Dracula shouted back.

"Oh you can be so immature sometimes!" Cindy snapped.

"I know you are but what am I?" Dracula snapped back.

"See what I mean? Is it any wonder I needed some time for personal growth?" Cindy yelled.

"Oh that's a good one!" Dracula shouted. "Why don't you…"

"HOLD IT!" Wanda shouted silencing them both. "I think we're starting to see the picture here."

"Yeah we see it all right!" Lance glared at Cindy. "Plain as day!"

"What does that mean?" Cindy asked him.

"Mr. Dracula I know exactly what you are going through!" Lance told him.

"Oh god no…" Pietro groaned. "Not this again…"

"Here we go…" Todd rolled his eyes.

"Believe me I know what it's like to be used by someone you love!" Lance told him. "To have your heart torn out day after day after day…"

"Oh god somebody shoot me!" Wanda groaned.

"I think I would have been happier if the vampires did try to kill us!" Xi moaned.

"Okay can we get back to why this guy Blade wants to kill you?" Angelica asked. "Before we get bogged down by Lance's love life?"

"He has issues," Dracula waved. "It all goes back to his mother and it gets very complicated and messy. And having a difficult childhood doesn't help. Let's just say that it was one of those things where we both acted foolishly and started retaliating in order to one up each other. It's kind of hard to understand."

"Actually I think we can relate," Lina groaned. "Ow! Get your feet out of my side!"

"When she gets her elbow out of my ear!" Quinn snapped.

"Well somebody better get their paws off my leg before I break theirs!" Wanda snapped.

"Break a leg, that's an idea!" Cindy glared at Dracula.

"Oh don't get so moral with me missy…" Dracula shot back.

"Thank god the hotel is only a block away…" Althea groaned as they stopped at the light.

At the same time a car drove up next to them. At the wheel was a man in his late fifties, dark hair going gray and had a rubberish type face. In the seat next to him was a young man in his twenties with long brown hair. The father was arguing with his son. "Barry I can't understand why you chose pottery for a major in college! Why not something meaningful? Like Psychology?"

"You mean like you? Do I really have to answer that?" Barry asked his father. "I mean it's hard enough having Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg as a father, much less a career model!"

"Hey! I made a name for myself!"

"Yes as the biggest crackpot during the seventies. Do you know they still play that tape of you in the blackout of 79 in psyche classes as a prime example of mass hysteria?"

"You know very well about the incident!" Dr. Rosenberg told him. "I was trying to save what I thought was the love of my life from Dracula!" He looked over and saw Cindy in the van. "Oh my god…I can't believe it!"

"Dad lots of students take pottery as a major until they find something else."

"No, no that woman there…It can't be…It looks just like her…Oh my god it is her!" Dr. Rosenberg gasped. "I'd know that face anywhere!"

"I'm just saying what about my needs?" A very familiar Romanian accent could be heard.

"And I'd know that voice anywhere!" Dr. Rosenberg growled. "That lousy…bat turning into…blood sucking creep!"

"Dad…" Barry looked at his father. "Chill will ya?"

The light changed and Dr. Rosenberg followed the van. "Uh Dad we missed the turn," Barry said.

"No we didn't," Dr. Rosenberg growled. "We're taking a little detour. You know we don't do enough as a family. You know that? We've never done a lot of things, playing catch…building a soapbox derby car…going hunting. How about we go hunting now huh?"

"Dad…" Barry looked at him. "What's going on?"

"I think its time we did a little male bonding that's all," Dr. Rosenberg had a maniac glint as he shadowed the van to the Bayville Plaza. "You remember what I told you about your ancestor Van Helsing?"

"Dad our name is Rosenberg, remember?"

"You know I had it changed for professional reasons!" He shouted at his son. "There! See! Look over there at the people getting out of the van there! What do you see?"

"A lot of weird looking people. Does that chick have wings?"

"Yeah and one of them is wearing a cape! Aha! I knew it! It's the lord of the undead himself and Cindy…God she hasn't aged a day! Of course if you're dead I guess that would prevent wrinkles…"

"Dad this isn't another one of your episodes isn't it? Like when I was in junior high and you tackled the chaperone at our Halloween dance?" Barry was getting worried.

"Okay I admit that night I was wrong but this time that is Dracula! I'm sure of it!" Dr. Rosenberg got out of the car. "And this time I'm prepared!" He ran to the trunk and took out two wooden stakes. "Come on Barry! Let's go hunt down Dracula! It'll be fun!"

"Uh…No thanks," Barry told him. "You know I'm not really in a hunting vampire mood right now."

"Do you want me to pay your college tuition? Let's go!" He ran off.

"Fine! I'm coming! Just let me make a call first," Barry took out his cell phone.

"Back up! Good idea son!" Dr. Rosenberg shouted gleefully. "After all these years I will finally have my revenge!" He ran after Dracula.

"Hey mom," Barry spoke into his cell phone. "Dad's lost it. Yeah it's the vampire thing again. Uh huh. I gotcha. I'll try to stay with him until the guys in the white coats come."

Meanwhile the Misfits and the Dracula party were in the lobby. "Wow this is a nice hotel," Fred whistled.

"I'm just glad that we're out of the van," Daria groaned.

"Well how about we go up to our room and…" Dracula looked around and saw a lot of people were staring at them. "What's the matter? Hasn't anyone seen a person wear a cape before?"

"Actually I think it's us they're staring at," Lina muttered.

"Yeah we're kind of well known in this town and not in the good way," Pietro said.

"YOU!" Dr. Rosenberg caught up to them. "I've finally tracked you down!" He brandished his wooden stakes. "It's time for our day of reckoning!"

"Not again! Oh man are you the guy from that all you can eat restaurant?" Fred groaned.

"Not you," Dr. Rosenberg. "Him! At long last our paths cross again you fiancée stealing freak!"

"I didn't steal anybody!" Pietro protested. "It was just one little dance and…"

"Not you!" Dr. Rosenberg snapped. "The one in the cape! He's the one I want!"

"Me? Do I know you?" Dracula asked.

"Hello! You ruined my life nearly thirty years ago! I would think that you would remember?" Dr. Rosenberg said in an annoyed tone. "Stole my girl and turned her into a vampire! Does that ring a bell?"

"Jeffrey?" Cindy asked. "Jeffery Rosenberg? Is that you? My god that is you! How are you?"

"Oh great! Great how are you?" Dr. Rosenberg brightened as he spoke to her. "You look great! You haven't aged a day!"

"Well you know," She shrugged. "The whole immortal youth thing. One of the perks of being a vampire."

"Oh that's right I forgot," Dr. Rosenberg grinned. "Well it really works for you. You really look great!"

"Well thank you Jeffrey! You look…" She tried to find something nice to say. "Distinguished."

"Oh well you know how it is," Dr. Rosenberg said. "I got married and had a couple of kids. One's in college now."

"Oh really?" Dracula rolled his eyes. "Good for you! Well as lovely as it has been to see you we really have to run. We should do this again sometime. Make a date of it."

"The only date you have Count is a date with destiny!" Dr. Rosenberg snapped.

"Oh not this again," Dracula sighed. "Look I got the girl and you lost. Get over it!"

"I will! When I vanquish you once and for all!" Dr. Rosenberg snapped.

"Uh maybe you should…" Lance began but Dracula stopped him.

"Don't worry I can handle him," Dracula said. "He's harmless. Dr. Rosenberg! Look into my eyes!" "You're getting sleepy! Sleepy!"

"Oh no! Not this again!" Dr. Rosenberg snapped. "But I'm ready this time! I've taken lessons! You are getting sleepy! Sleepy!"

"No you are getting sleepy!" Dracula told him.

"No you are," Dr. Rosenberg said.

"No you are!" Dracula spoke.

"No you are!" Dr. Rosenberg protested.

"No you are!"

"Uh uh, you are!"

"I beg to differ, you are!"

"Forget it you are!"

"Actually Jeffrey! You are!" Cindy walked behind him, picked up a vase and whacked him on the head with it, knocking him out cold. "Well I've finally got him back for knocking me out all those years ago. Do you mind if we go up to the room? I'm beat."

"Yes oh bellhop have someone clean that up?" Dracula asked a frightened bellhop. "Now maybe we can go up to the hotel room and talk about our problems in private!"

"Cool!" Daria shouted. "We can check out the mini bar!"

"What?" Dracula asked.

"Hey it's the least you can do after we drove you here," Todd remarked.

"Oh why not! It's not as if the two of us can stand being alone in the same room anyway!" Cindy groaned.

"Master! Mistress!" Reinfield ran up to them. "I'm so glad I found you!"

"Actually Cindy the odds of us being alone tonight are pretty slim anyway," Dracula groaned.

"You know something maybe you two should talk about your problems," Fred told them. "I read a book on marriage counseling once. Maybe I can help?"

"Please tell me he isn't serious," Arcade looked at Lance.

"Are you kidding?" Lance groaned. "When you've been around him as long as we have anything is possible."

"Now why don't we take some cleansing breaths shall we?" Fred told them as they went up to the room.

"Why not?" Dracula sighed. "What do we have to lose?"

"Yeah I'm up for it," Cindy nodded as she sat down.

"I'm calling room service…" Wanda sighed as she dialed the hotel phone.

"Yeah might as well get a snack," Todd nodded. Then he glared at Reinfield. "Since someone took mine earlier…"

"Okay, go ahead…" Reinfield snapped. "Sue me for having good taste!"

Althea's cell phone rang and she answered it. "Hey Roadblock," Althea spoke into the phone. "Yeah well you're not gonna believe where we are and who we're with…And what we're doing…"

Next: Vampire Marriage Counseling with the Misfits!