Vampire Marriage Counseling
"Man what a swanky pad," Todd whistled as he looked around the penthouse.
"Yeah it has everything you could want," Arcade remarked. "An open bar, a Jacuzzi…"
"A coffin in the middle of the room," Lance remarked looking at it.
"I'm ordering room service," Todd said. "I just have an urge for a sundae topped with marshmallow fluff!"
"Ooh! That sounds nice!" Reinfield chirped. "Maybe we can get them to have it topped with crickets!"
"You know Reinfield," Todd looked at him. "This sounds like the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
"It sounds like the end of my appetite…" Angelica groaned.
"I'm not that crazy about bug eating either!" Lina said. "For obvious reasons!"
"Hey let's see what we can play with in the bathroom!" Quinn said. "Hey it even has a radio in here!"
"Fine you girls have fun!" Althea waved. As soon as they were in she locked the door. "Well that takes care of that menace for a while!"
"All right now," Fred smiled at Dracula and Cindy on the couch. "Let's talk about our feelings. Cindy why don't you start?"
"This is going to take a while…" Dracula grumbled.
************************************************************************
Meanwhile Dr. Rosenberg was running wildly through the hotel. "I KNOW YOU'RE HERE SOMEWHERE DRACULA!" He shouted. "I'LL GET YOU IF I HAVE TO SEARCH EVERY ROOM!" He opened one door and ran in; not realizing it was a broom closet. "DAMN!"
************************************************************************
Meanwhile Cindy was continuing her talk. "I mean I do love you Vlad but sometimes I don't know if I've made the right decision! Should I have given up my career or not? I feel trapped!"
"Oh I know what that sounds like!" Lance snapped. "I know a girl who would get along with you lady!"
"Lance we're here to talk about their romantic problems!" Pietro groaned. "Yours could take a week to fix easily!"
"It would be easier if you just dumped Kitty for good!" Wanda groaned.
"Well right now I figure to let her suffer a little would be better," Lance said.
"Hello? What about our problems here?" Cindy asked.
"It sounds to me Cindy that while you want your independence you still want to be taken care of on some level," Fred remarked. "And Mr. Dracula your problem is that you are kind of stuck in the past concerning male/female role models."
"Look I am several thousand years old," Dracula whined. "Change does not come easy for me! I stopped biting and killing people for you didn't I?"
"You did?" Wanda asked.
"Yes," Dracula said.
"You stole the blood from the blood bank didn't you?" Althea asked.
"Hey a vampire has to eat," Dracula shrugged. "Besides would you prefer it if I went out and slaughtered some people in town?"
"Depends on who you target," Todd joked. "If you really need to bite someone we have a list of possible donors we wouldn't miss."
"Not now Toad," Lance groaned. "You really don't bite people at all anymore?"
"No I gave it all up," Dracula said. "Let's just say I had some very bad experiences when I first came to this country."
"He was nearly eaten himself," Reinfield offered. "A group of locals thought he was a chicken."
"Shut up Reinfield!" Dracula snapped.
"The only person he could bite was some wino," Reinfield continued. "It made his sick as a dog."
"Nobody cares about that!" Dracula growled.
"Do you know how hard it is to get stains out of a coffin?" Reinfield asked.
"ENOUGH!" Dracula shouted causing his retainer to cringe. "Why don't you shout it out to the whole world that I am a failure! Go ahead and say it, 'Dracula is a failure! A big fat failure!'"
"Oh honey I never thought you were a failure," Cindy shook her head.
"You didn't?" Dracula blinked.
"Of course not," Cindy told him. "You are the most famous vampire in the world."
"You are a non living legend," Reinfield. "I never thought you were a failure."
"Who cares what you think?" Dracula snapped at Reinfield. He turned back to Cindy. "Go on."
"Vlad you are still the most interesting man I have ever met," Cindy said. "Dead or alive!"
"You're not just saying that are you?" Dracula asked. "I mean I've always felt envious of how easy you adapt to new things. I still can't figure out how to operate a VCR and you can program it one two three!"
"You were jealous of me?" Cindy gasped. "Honey I've been jealous of you!"
"Jealous of me?" Dracula asked.
"Well yeah here you are world famous and everything," Cindy said. "I mean I'm 'Dracula's Wife' what does that say about me? I'd just like to have a little fame of my own back instead of you having it all."
"I never thought of it like that," Dracula mused. Then he heard a noise from the bathroom. "What are they doing in there?"
"I'm afraid to find out," Althea sighed as she reluctantly unlocked the door. "What did you girls do in here? Take out all the plumbing?"
"We made something," Daria was very happy as well as very grimy.
"Dare I ask?" Althea sighed. "What did you three mad scientists create?"
"Ta da!" They chirped showing them a strange looking invention made of pipes, wires and what looked like a gold toilet bowl.
"What the hell is that?" Reinfield asked.
"I would have thought that you would know by now," Dracula told him. "Of course since you're still not housebroken…"
"It's a replicator!" Quinn laughed. "Watch!" She grabbed an orange from a fruit basket and put it in the toilet. She pressed the lever and it started to glow. Suddenly two oranges popped out. She caught them. "Ta Da! Wanna taste?"
"No freaking way…" Pietro winced. "How could you three possibly…?"
"I don't want to know," Althea groaned. Then the cell phone rang again. "I'll get it. It's probably Roadblock having a cow again." She took it and walked into the next room.
"You have very interesting friends," Reinfield said to Todd as they ate their sundaes.
"Interesting doesn't even begin to describe them," Todd told him. "You know these sundaes are good! Even without the crickets the marshmallow topping is great!"
"Oh boy," Althea groaned as she walked back in. "We have a problem. Blade is in the hotel now. He found out where we are from the X-Geeks."
"That is not good," Xi thought. "Or is it? I mean this is Dracula we're talking about, right?"
"Yeah but he's not exactly the same person we saw in the movies," Lance told him.
"If he did give it up then he's not bad anymore," Fred reasoned. "We can't let Blade kill him."
"That's not the only problem," Althea said. "Storm wants to go after him too for well…everything."
"Between the two of them Drac has a better chance with the vampire hunter," Todd remarked. "So what do we do?"
"I have an idea…"Arcade said. "Hey Trinity…Let me see that machine for a second…"
What's Arcade's plan? What will happen at the end? Will Blade kill Dracula? Will Ororo do it instead? Will Dr. Rosenberg beat them to it? Or will he stay locked in the broom closet some more? Find out in the insane conclusion!