***In the Land of the Shire
Ever since Frodo Baggins had left to take the ring of power to Mordor, the Shire-folk had been left with an adventurous spirit. One of these such hobbits was named Bossel Boffins. Bossel had two not so lovely nieces (well, they were lovely at heart, but appearance-wise, not quite so). They were named Florineflorette and Nigeriannah. Nigeriannah was not a Boffins though. She was not blood related to Bossel; he had married her aunt, who was actually his third cousin once removed on his father's side, so actually she was blood related to him, but VERY distantly so it's not that important. Nigeriannah was a Proudfoot, and proud of it too.
Bossel Boffins watched Frodo set off on his journey with Samwise, Meriadoc, and Peregrin Took (or, as some like to call them, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. But those are cute names, and are not fitting for such heroes as they). He felt an overwhelming desire to go with them, but he knew that Gandalf would not allow it, so he followed them anyway, but IN SECRET. He took his nieces with him too, as they did not have parents (not many people in those books do). Their parents had died in the flood of '28. How sad. Anyway, Bossel took Florineflorette and Nigeriannah, who were both at the ripe young age of 11 with him on this journey.
However, when Frodo and company jumped onto Buckleberry Ferry, Bossel discovered they'd have to go pretty far to get to a bridge (20 miles, wasn't it? Brandywine Bridge? Oh, whatever). He got slightly lost. Bossel was convinced that he would be able use his fabulous tracking skills to find them again, but it didn't quite work out. He led them waaaaaaaaaaaay out of the Shire, and waaaaaaaaaaaay south into Dunland. For two years they wandered around completely lost (amazingly, they managed to live off the land quite well, seeing as Bossel picked up his survival skills the same place he got his tracking skills, and neither he nor his nieces were incredibly bright). They went through Fangorn, where they were almost killed by talking trees, but they escaped and ran north to Mirkwood. Well actually, they ran northeast, because if they ran directly north from Dunland or Fangorn or wherever they were at the time, they would end up in the Lost Realm of Arnor (trust me, I have a map, I know what I'm talking about). But they weren't in the Lost Realm of Arnor. They soon found themselves in Mirkwood, and the elves were friendly...sort of. At least, they let them settle there for a couple more years.
When the girls were fifteen, Bossel decided it was time for the girls to get married to nice young hobbit men. The elves gave them a map to get back to the Shire so they wouldn't wander around aimlessly for a few more years. Bossel Boffins was very thankful, and they got back to the Shire much faster than it had taken them to arrive in Mirkwood. The problem was, when they got home, there were few young unmarried hobbit men left, and those that were left were not interested whatsoever in these particular hobbit women (because they weren't beautiful). They were more interested in beautiful young women like Cherry-Boo Brandybuck who had small, hairless feet, curvy figures, and very big...um...teeth (if you saw Mona Lisa Smile, you'll understand. If not, well, go see it. It's good!).
"It's no use!" Florineflorette told her uncle. "We just aren't very lovely! All of the other hobbit women, like that awful Cherry-Boo, are so very pretty! They don't have big hairy feet, they're not so short and fat as us, DAMMIT MOST OF THEM WEAR AT LEAST A C-CUP!"
Bossel wasn't quite sure what a C-cup was, but he could not deny that all of the other hobbit women were much more beautiful than his nieces. He was very discouraged, so he locked himself in his house and told them to never come back until they had nice husbands and at least 100 children each (that will be explained later...it is possible). The girls were very sad.
"Whatever shall we do now?" Asked Florineflorette.
"We might as well return to Mirkwood." Said Nigeriannah.
And so they traveled for two years to return to their home in Mirkwood, because Bossel had locked the map in with him. They wandered aimlessly around for a while. From the Shire, they went directly north into the Lost Realm of Arnor, but found no husbands there (okay, I actually have no clue what the Lost Realm of Arnor is, but it's on my map, and it doesn't sound like it has a whole lot of nice hobbit men in it). From there they went west, and then followed the Misty Mountains south all the way back to Dunland (but this time they went AROUND Fangorn Forest into Rohan). They met a few prospective husbands in Rohan, but soon thereafter, everyone in Rohan went after their queen who had gone to save some man from killing himself trying to get a ring, and none returned (yeah, you have to read the prologue to understand). The same thing occurred when they went to Gondor. The girls were very confused, but they decided not to follow the men, recalling what had happened to the people of Rohan.
They did, however, get a map, and they traveled north and slightly east to Mirkwood. When they finally arrived in Mirkwood, they found that the forces of Sauron and Sourling had prevailed and they would have to go to Mordor, the new land of the elves. As they did not know that Mordor was now all pink and pretty, they decided not to go, because they had heard terrible stories about it from King Intimidus Isomis (foster brother of Legolas of the Woodland Realm, whom they had seen, but not actually met, when they had come to Mirkwood/the Woodland Realm the first time).
The young hobbit maidens decided to wander aimlessly a bit more. They found themselves on the eastern coast (we're not exactly sure where on the eastern coast they were because it doesn't show the eastern coast on the map in our book...so we're not even sure that there is an eastern coast, but we're pretending there is, so pretend with us).
"Oh look!" cried Nigeriannah. "What a pretty elf!"
"He is very pretty!" said Florineflorette. "Let us go and greet him!"
"Suck in your belly and try to hide your feet under the sand." whispered Nigeriannah as they drew nearer to the pretty elf.
"Hello, my dear elf-friend...um...mellon? Is that right, mellon?" said Florineflorette.
The pretty elf paid no heed to the two hobbit women gazing up (like, waaaaaaaaay up) at him. Instead, he began to wade into the water, as if hypnotized, never blinking his bright eyes. Suddenly, he fell, face first, into the bone-chilling water (it wasn't necessarily bone chillingly cold, it's just...bone-chilling is the only word I can think of to describe water, so deal with it!).
Nigeriannah gasped. Florineflorette screamed.
"Dear elf-mellon, are you alright?" Nigeriannah asked, as she waded out to help him up.
But the pretty elf seemed beyond help. He writhed and thrashed about in the water. His blue eyes, still wide open, grew bloodshot and began to roll around wildly in their sockets upon contact with the brackish water. He choked and sputtered, inhaling sea water, and would not let the hobbit woman assist him. Finally, his thrashing slowed down. Nigeriannah managed to grab hold of his arm and pull him up, but a few seconds later, his body went cold and limp.
Horrified, Nigeriannah pushed him back down into the water, and the two cousins (well, distantly related cousins) turned to walk back up to the shore. But they didn't make it far. Florineflorette had only taken two steps before her large, hairy foot hit something under the water. She fell down on top of something soft and cold, and found herself looking into another pair of wide, bloodshot, blue eyes; one of her hands had become entangled in a braid of long, silky, blonde hair.
Nigeriannah quickly pulled her up and they rushed out of the ocean, trampling on more dead elves in their haste to escape. All around they could see more elves walking on the shore, wading in the water, falling down, trying to swim, and finally giving up. No sounds were heard, except for the splashes and splatters of drowning elves.
Nigeriannah held Florineflorette close as they stumbled their way up the shore. They were headed west, away from the sea and the terrible, suicidal elves, when they heard a long, loud, tortured, scream of agony coming from their north. Nigeriannah turned and began to run towards the sound.
"No! Nannah, you musn't!" cried Florineflorette. "It's just another dying elf, we must leave this fearful place of death now!"
"Florie, that wasn't a dying elf! These elves don't scream when they die. Something is up, and I'm going to find out what!"
Florineflorette did not want to go find out what the scream was all about, but neither did she want to stay alone on the shore with the possessed elves. Finally she decided that she would rather go with her distant cousin than stay alone, so she reluctantly followed behind.
The further north they ran, the more elves there seemed to be, but these elves stood in little groups and then ran into the water two at a time. Nigeriannah began searching for the person who had screamed. Her not-so-keen eyes finally spotted a blonde, pretty elf (who looked like all of the other blonde, pretty elves so that's probably not the best description) kneeling in the shallow water. She ran up to him.
"Dear elf-mellon, was it you that screamed?" Nigeriannah asked the blonde, pretty elf.
The blonde, pretty elf looked up at her. "Preciousss...is lost." He said in a barely audible voice.
Florineflorette finally caught up, and stood, clutching her side, on the other side of the pretty, blonde elf. "Hey...don't we know him?" she asked, gasping for air.
"Shh!" hissed Nigeriannah. "Who cares? All elves look pretty much the same anyway. But somebody is lost, and I'm trying to find out who." She turned to the elf. "Now, who is lost? Tell me again."
"My precious! My baby! PRECIOUS!!!!!" He yelled.
"A baby!" cried Florineflorette. "That's terrible! We have to find her! I can see why you're concerned," she said, looking around her uneasily. "This is kind of a scary place."
The elf did not respond. He just continued sobbing.
"Okay, now, where is Precious? Where is she...he?" asked Florineflorette.
"I think Precious is more of a girl's name."
"Whatever you say, Nannah. Actually, that's quite a cute name. I'll have to remember that."
"Come on Florie, we have to find this baby."
"I've always wondered what elf babies looked like. I guess now is my chance to find out!" Again, she turned to the elf. "Now, will you please tell us the general area in which Precious might be?"
Again, the elf said nothing.
The two hobbits stood nervously on either side of him, waiting for a response.
Finally, the elf began to crawl into deeper water. His hands reached down, and, much to the disgust of the hobbits, he pulled a dead elf maiden out of the water by the front of her shirt. Her lovely head lolled onto her shoulder, and her arms hung limply at her sides, but her blue eyes were still wide open, and shot with blood. The (alive) elf pulled her close to his face, and then shook her back and forth, her head rolling around, her neck twisting into strange angles. "PRECIOUS!!!" he cried. "PRECIOUS IS GONE!!!" His hands made their way to her head, and he took fistfuls of her hair, twisting and pulling it, all the while crying bitterly and screaming "PRECIOUS!!!"
"What in the world is he doing?" asked Florineflorette.
"That's probably his wife." Nigeriannah said knowingly. "He was very upset at losing her, and now losing his baby has pushed him over the edge."
"I see." Said Florineflorette. "Well, we might as well begin searching for Precious. Maybe he'll stop acting so crazy if we find her."
So the hobbit girls looked and looked. They looked all over the shore, and in the ocean.
"Look!" yelled Nigeriannah. "I found a big round thing! It's so...so glowy! I want to keep it!"
"Fine, keep it!" said Florineflorette. "But focus on the task at hand! Hey! I found an earring! And it's got the little clippy back thing that's so easy to put on! I'm going to keep this! Maybe I'll find the other one too!"
"Fine, keep it," Nigeriannah did an imitation of Florineflorette "but focus on the task at hand!"
"Shut up, Nannah!"
The two girls found numerous other interesting objects, but no babies.
"Oh well. We tried, and that's all we can do." Said Nigeriannah.
"I guess you're right. Anyway, I did find this earring, and you found your big round glowy thing, so I'd say it was all worthwhile! I just feel sorry for that poor elf...hey, where'd he go?"
"Oh, who cares Florie? They're all crazy anyhow."
The hobbit women walked off giggling, but their merriment would not last long...dun dun dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!
Ever since Frodo Baggins had left to take the ring of power to Mordor, the Shire-folk had been left with an adventurous spirit. One of these such hobbits was named Bossel Boffins. Bossel had two not so lovely nieces (well, they were lovely at heart, but appearance-wise, not quite so). They were named Florineflorette and Nigeriannah. Nigeriannah was not a Boffins though. She was not blood related to Bossel; he had married her aunt, who was actually his third cousin once removed on his father's side, so actually she was blood related to him, but VERY distantly so it's not that important. Nigeriannah was a Proudfoot, and proud of it too.
Bossel Boffins watched Frodo set off on his journey with Samwise, Meriadoc, and Peregrin Took (or, as some like to call them, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. But those are cute names, and are not fitting for such heroes as they). He felt an overwhelming desire to go with them, but he knew that Gandalf would not allow it, so he followed them anyway, but IN SECRET. He took his nieces with him too, as they did not have parents (not many people in those books do). Their parents had died in the flood of '28. How sad. Anyway, Bossel took Florineflorette and Nigeriannah, who were both at the ripe young age of 11 with him on this journey.
However, when Frodo and company jumped onto Buckleberry Ferry, Bossel discovered they'd have to go pretty far to get to a bridge (20 miles, wasn't it? Brandywine Bridge? Oh, whatever). He got slightly lost. Bossel was convinced that he would be able use his fabulous tracking skills to find them again, but it didn't quite work out. He led them waaaaaaaaaaaay out of the Shire, and waaaaaaaaaaaay south into Dunland. For two years they wandered around completely lost (amazingly, they managed to live off the land quite well, seeing as Bossel picked up his survival skills the same place he got his tracking skills, and neither he nor his nieces were incredibly bright). They went through Fangorn, where they were almost killed by talking trees, but they escaped and ran north to Mirkwood. Well actually, they ran northeast, because if they ran directly north from Dunland or Fangorn or wherever they were at the time, they would end up in the Lost Realm of Arnor (trust me, I have a map, I know what I'm talking about). But they weren't in the Lost Realm of Arnor. They soon found themselves in Mirkwood, and the elves were friendly...sort of. At least, they let them settle there for a couple more years.
When the girls were fifteen, Bossel decided it was time for the girls to get married to nice young hobbit men. The elves gave them a map to get back to the Shire so they wouldn't wander around aimlessly for a few more years. Bossel Boffins was very thankful, and they got back to the Shire much faster than it had taken them to arrive in Mirkwood. The problem was, when they got home, there were few young unmarried hobbit men left, and those that were left were not interested whatsoever in these particular hobbit women (because they weren't beautiful). They were more interested in beautiful young women like Cherry-Boo Brandybuck who had small, hairless feet, curvy figures, and very big...um...teeth (if you saw Mona Lisa Smile, you'll understand. If not, well, go see it. It's good!).
"It's no use!" Florineflorette told her uncle. "We just aren't very lovely! All of the other hobbit women, like that awful Cherry-Boo, are so very pretty! They don't have big hairy feet, they're not so short and fat as us, DAMMIT MOST OF THEM WEAR AT LEAST A C-CUP!"
Bossel wasn't quite sure what a C-cup was, but he could not deny that all of the other hobbit women were much more beautiful than his nieces. He was very discouraged, so he locked himself in his house and told them to never come back until they had nice husbands and at least 100 children each (that will be explained later...it is possible). The girls were very sad.
"Whatever shall we do now?" Asked Florineflorette.
"We might as well return to Mirkwood." Said Nigeriannah.
And so they traveled for two years to return to their home in Mirkwood, because Bossel had locked the map in with him. They wandered aimlessly around for a while. From the Shire, they went directly north into the Lost Realm of Arnor, but found no husbands there (okay, I actually have no clue what the Lost Realm of Arnor is, but it's on my map, and it doesn't sound like it has a whole lot of nice hobbit men in it). From there they went west, and then followed the Misty Mountains south all the way back to Dunland (but this time they went AROUND Fangorn Forest into Rohan). They met a few prospective husbands in Rohan, but soon thereafter, everyone in Rohan went after their queen who had gone to save some man from killing himself trying to get a ring, and none returned (yeah, you have to read the prologue to understand). The same thing occurred when they went to Gondor. The girls were very confused, but they decided not to follow the men, recalling what had happened to the people of Rohan.
They did, however, get a map, and they traveled north and slightly east to Mirkwood. When they finally arrived in Mirkwood, they found that the forces of Sauron and Sourling had prevailed and they would have to go to Mordor, the new land of the elves. As they did not know that Mordor was now all pink and pretty, they decided not to go, because they had heard terrible stories about it from King Intimidus Isomis (foster brother of Legolas of the Woodland Realm, whom they had seen, but not actually met, when they had come to Mirkwood/the Woodland Realm the first time).
The young hobbit maidens decided to wander aimlessly a bit more. They found themselves on the eastern coast (we're not exactly sure where on the eastern coast they were because it doesn't show the eastern coast on the map in our book...so we're not even sure that there is an eastern coast, but we're pretending there is, so pretend with us).
"Oh look!" cried Nigeriannah. "What a pretty elf!"
"He is very pretty!" said Florineflorette. "Let us go and greet him!"
"Suck in your belly and try to hide your feet under the sand." whispered Nigeriannah as they drew nearer to the pretty elf.
"Hello, my dear elf-friend...um...mellon? Is that right, mellon?" said Florineflorette.
The pretty elf paid no heed to the two hobbit women gazing up (like, waaaaaaaaay up) at him. Instead, he began to wade into the water, as if hypnotized, never blinking his bright eyes. Suddenly, he fell, face first, into the bone-chilling water (it wasn't necessarily bone chillingly cold, it's just...bone-chilling is the only word I can think of to describe water, so deal with it!).
Nigeriannah gasped. Florineflorette screamed.
"Dear elf-mellon, are you alright?" Nigeriannah asked, as she waded out to help him up.
But the pretty elf seemed beyond help. He writhed and thrashed about in the water. His blue eyes, still wide open, grew bloodshot and began to roll around wildly in their sockets upon contact with the brackish water. He choked and sputtered, inhaling sea water, and would not let the hobbit woman assist him. Finally, his thrashing slowed down. Nigeriannah managed to grab hold of his arm and pull him up, but a few seconds later, his body went cold and limp.
Horrified, Nigeriannah pushed him back down into the water, and the two cousins (well, distantly related cousins) turned to walk back up to the shore. But they didn't make it far. Florineflorette had only taken two steps before her large, hairy foot hit something under the water. She fell down on top of something soft and cold, and found herself looking into another pair of wide, bloodshot, blue eyes; one of her hands had become entangled in a braid of long, silky, blonde hair.
Nigeriannah quickly pulled her up and they rushed out of the ocean, trampling on more dead elves in their haste to escape. All around they could see more elves walking on the shore, wading in the water, falling down, trying to swim, and finally giving up. No sounds were heard, except for the splashes and splatters of drowning elves.
Nigeriannah held Florineflorette close as they stumbled their way up the shore. They were headed west, away from the sea and the terrible, suicidal elves, when they heard a long, loud, tortured, scream of agony coming from their north. Nigeriannah turned and began to run towards the sound.
"No! Nannah, you musn't!" cried Florineflorette. "It's just another dying elf, we must leave this fearful place of death now!"
"Florie, that wasn't a dying elf! These elves don't scream when they die. Something is up, and I'm going to find out what!"
Florineflorette did not want to go find out what the scream was all about, but neither did she want to stay alone on the shore with the possessed elves. Finally she decided that she would rather go with her distant cousin than stay alone, so she reluctantly followed behind.
The further north they ran, the more elves there seemed to be, but these elves stood in little groups and then ran into the water two at a time. Nigeriannah began searching for the person who had screamed. Her not-so-keen eyes finally spotted a blonde, pretty elf (who looked like all of the other blonde, pretty elves so that's probably not the best description) kneeling in the shallow water. She ran up to him.
"Dear elf-mellon, was it you that screamed?" Nigeriannah asked the blonde, pretty elf.
The blonde, pretty elf looked up at her. "Preciousss...is lost." He said in a barely audible voice.
Florineflorette finally caught up, and stood, clutching her side, on the other side of the pretty, blonde elf. "Hey...don't we know him?" she asked, gasping for air.
"Shh!" hissed Nigeriannah. "Who cares? All elves look pretty much the same anyway. But somebody is lost, and I'm trying to find out who." She turned to the elf. "Now, who is lost? Tell me again."
"My precious! My baby! PRECIOUS!!!!!" He yelled.
"A baby!" cried Florineflorette. "That's terrible! We have to find her! I can see why you're concerned," she said, looking around her uneasily. "This is kind of a scary place."
The elf did not respond. He just continued sobbing.
"Okay, now, where is Precious? Where is she...he?" asked Florineflorette.
"I think Precious is more of a girl's name."
"Whatever you say, Nannah. Actually, that's quite a cute name. I'll have to remember that."
"Come on Florie, we have to find this baby."
"I've always wondered what elf babies looked like. I guess now is my chance to find out!" Again, she turned to the elf. "Now, will you please tell us the general area in which Precious might be?"
Again, the elf said nothing.
The two hobbits stood nervously on either side of him, waiting for a response.
Finally, the elf began to crawl into deeper water. His hands reached down, and, much to the disgust of the hobbits, he pulled a dead elf maiden out of the water by the front of her shirt. Her lovely head lolled onto her shoulder, and her arms hung limply at her sides, but her blue eyes were still wide open, and shot with blood. The (alive) elf pulled her close to his face, and then shook her back and forth, her head rolling around, her neck twisting into strange angles. "PRECIOUS!!!" he cried. "PRECIOUS IS GONE!!!" His hands made their way to her head, and he took fistfuls of her hair, twisting and pulling it, all the while crying bitterly and screaming "PRECIOUS!!!"
"What in the world is he doing?" asked Florineflorette.
"That's probably his wife." Nigeriannah said knowingly. "He was very upset at losing her, and now losing his baby has pushed him over the edge."
"I see." Said Florineflorette. "Well, we might as well begin searching for Precious. Maybe he'll stop acting so crazy if we find her."
So the hobbit girls looked and looked. They looked all over the shore, and in the ocean.
"Look!" yelled Nigeriannah. "I found a big round thing! It's so...so glowy! I want to keep it!"
"Fine, keep it!" said Florineflorette. "But focus on the task at hand! Hey! I found an earring! And it's got the little clippy back thing that's so easy to put on! I'm going to keep this! Maybe I'll find the other one too!"
"Fine, keep it," Nigeriannah did an imitation of Florineflorette "but focus on the task at hand!"
"Shut up, Nannah!"
The two girls found numerous other interesting objects, but no babies.
"Oh well. We tried, and that's all we can do." Said Nigeriannah.
"I guess you're right. Anyway, I did find this earring, and you found your big round glowy thing, so I'd say it was all worthwhile! I just feel sorry for that poor elf...hey, where'd he go?"
"Oh, who cares Florie? They're all crazy anyhow."
The hobbit women walked off giggling, but their merriment would not last long...dun dun dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!