Disclaimer: These disclaimers are quite pointless really but here goes: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters, if I did what would I be doing writing fanfictions? They are all owned by the wonderful J. K. Rowling =D Also any songs used in this I do not own. And if you get confused, the italics are the song and the normal is the story. "You don't see me" is owned by Josie and the Pussycats and I mite have changed it a bit to fit into the story more~!! I felt like using a song for this chapter so *set it up*. Lol
I decided to put in a song to set the *mood*. I think songs will be temporary, coz writing them all the time is a tad annoying:
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REVIEWS:
ice-princess42 Thanks for your review! MY FIRST EVER ON THIS FICCY!!! YAY!!! Well I guess I found my competition on being the most humongous Draco fan *glares evilly* lol! J/k j/k I will never do anything mean to my first reviewer!!!
+++Chapter One: Crystal and See Through+++
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This is the place where I sit, This is the part where I love you too much.
She closed her eyes wearily and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She leant her head against the window and opened her eyes. The sun shone in the sky like one thousand stars engulfed together, only partly hidden by the clouds. Scenery flew past her, passing her in a blur. The coarse landscape made her feel lonely.
So lonely.
A vision of him fell into her head, she half smiled, he was everything to her. Everything.
Just then the compartment door to 12B slid open with a soft whoosh, a tall man in his early 17's stepped in, he smiled at her and sat down opposite her, pulling out a quill and piece of parchment from his bag, before setting the quill on the paper and writing.
This is as hard as it gets,
Because I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough.
She stared faintly at him from the corners of her eyes, his thin, bony fingers holding the quill, scribbling a mess on the parchment. A million memories were inside her head, from the first time she saw him to the first time she loved him.
She bit her lip and turned away to the window.
How am I going to do this? She asked herself. How can I get through this?
I'm here if you want me,
I'm yours you can hold me.
He looked up at her, his clear blue eyes shining, he opened his mouth to speak as the door slid open again and a head of black mess wearing round rimmed glasses, stuck in, not finding the ginger-haired girl he was looking for, turned to leave.
But her mind was already somewhere else. If only he wanted her like she wanted him, if only he cared, if only she didn't have to wait, if only his heart was hers to hold.
I'm empty and taken,
And tumbling and breaking.
But that was all a fantasy.
His heart was already taken, stolen by someone who did not even return the love, some one who did not deserve him.
The pain of seeing his face light up whenever he saw her was enough to bring blind tears to her face, but she remained strong, she could not let him see her, ever, like that.
She looked at him again; he looked back, he didn't see the love in her dark brown eyes.
'Cause you don't see me,
And you don't need me,
And you don't love me.
It was like he was looking through her, like she was transparent. He just never really saw her. Although she knew this, and her heart was in one thousand pieces, she still cared.
One day, she told herself, One day he will really look at me then he will see me.
But she herself was not convinced. It was all too complicated.
The way I wish you would,
The way I know you could.
The tall barren trees with no leaves filled the landscape outside the train window, their shadows casting people on the tracks. She looked at her own reflection on the window, reflected by the light. She scuffed back her hair. Over the years her hair had grown more and she was slowly starting to lose the bushiness.
Her face had grown into a perfect oval and her nose symmetrical in the middle, her brown shining eyes underneath thin, brown eyebrows. People had noticed her change, guys actually started hitting on her.
But he didn't see this, the way he should. All he saw in her was a friendly familiar face.
I dream a world where you understand,
But I dream a million sleepless nights.
She closed her eyes and tried to focus on a particular memory, a memory of them. A special time-shared. Hundreds of them filled her head, enough to last her three lifetimes.
I wonder if he ever thinks about us, she thought, I wonder if he ever stays up into the night, lost in deep thoughts, with no way to get out except to scream.
I wonder if he dreams about me, she thought as she blinked back tears.
I dream a fire when you're touching my hand,
But it twists and smoked as I turn on the lights.
His hand kept on scribbling along the page, hurrying with more every word. He paused for a minute, the quill resting on the paper as he thought.
She imagined his hand on hers, his warmth on hers and his lips on hers. She imagined this every day. She wanted him so bad.
But she knew it was all a dream.
I'm speechless and faded,
It's too complicated.
He never noticed the day she realized, the day she stopped talking to him, he never saw the day when she blushed, he never saw any of this.
She felt like a total stranger around him. She didn't know who she was, she was a stranger, even to herself. With the N.E.W.T.s coming up, she wasn't sure how she was going to get good marks.
I just want everything to be black and white, she thought and ran her hand through her hair.
Is this how the book ends?Nothing but good friends?
What did she really value in the end, friendship or love? The one that was hard to grasp and find, with a lot of pain but all worth it in the end or Merlin's everlasting magic?
She knew him too well. Well enough to know he thought of her as a friend. As a best friend. He always had and he always will. Although she knew this she found it hard to grasp.
This is the place in my heart,
This is the part where I'm falling apart,
Isn't this just where we met?
This is the last chance I'll ever get.
The train crossed a bridge; on both sides there was water, pure blue water. A sea of tears, she wiped the inner corners of her eyes, her fingers moist from her tears. The water was calm, and steady. But she wasn't, she was more like a rapid, following its own course, not knowing where she was going, blinded by her own tears.
Crystal and see through and not enough to you,
'Cause you don't-
She felt someone pull of her headphones and she snapped back to reality. Back to the crowded train with shouting kids eager to get to school. Back to the truth, back to him.
He held her headphones in his hand and smiled, "Since when do you listen to Muggle music?"
"It's for Muggle studies," she said matter-of-factly.
"What were you listening to? You looked so peaceful."
She forced a smile, "Just a special little song," she stammered.
He sat down next to her and sighed, "Hmm I swear it took me so long to do my stupid defense against the dark arts homework. And please don't start on your little 'do your homework at least 3 weeks before' lecture."
"What do you mean?" she asked, avoiding his eyes, she didn't want to be reminded.
"Nothing," he grinned, his cute grin.
She turned back to the window, and as the forest came to a clearing she thought they were nearing their destination, near their home.
They passed a tunnel in silence, both with minds on people, both aware of the awkwardness but they didn't know what to say. Hermione ran her fingers through her hair, something she wasn't known to do.
"You okay?" He asked, leaning forwards and touching her cheek, trying to pry her face back to face him.
She flinched under his touch, "I'm fine." She didn't turn back to him.
"I'm going to go get changed before we get to Hogwarts," he stood up and stretched.
"Bye Ron," she said, trying to sound normal.
"Bye 'Mione, see you later," he grabbed his bag and his quill and piece of parchment and walked out the door, when he got to the door he stopped and turned back to her, he held up her head phones and walked back to her.
"Oops almost forgot," he handed them to her, "see you."
He went to the door once more, he turned back to say something, but decided against it. The door shut with a soft click.
She placed her hand on where he had touched her on the cheek.
"Yeah I love you too," she whispered.
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A/N: hmmmm just a note to say I wrote this on a bus on an art excursion with "Lilo and Stitch" playing on the TV and people yelling around me and avril in my ear =P and afta dat I had 2 type it ALL up *sighz*
Sorry if it seems to draaaaaaaaaag on so long but im tryn sumthin different with this story, instead of my usual 600-word chapter ones I am trying to achieve +1000 words. Also because I will probabli have one song per chapter its gonna make it even longer (and harder) to write.
Fanx to Julie for agen lending me her cool Tokyo pen to write this on and mel, laura, evelyn, joan, von, nat, ish and all those otha ppl who read dis and gave me suggestions and made me feel bad by saying "aaww its so sad and sweet" over and over again…
AND ONE FINAL NOTE: ~*~*~ FANK U DANA HUNI FOR YA GR8 EDITING~!!!! *MWAH* FANK U FANK U FANK U~!!!