The bass filtered through me, kick-starting my heart and pushing adrenaline through my veins. This was exactly what I needed. I loved to dance and it was a welcome distraction from the reality of my new life. Their air was filled with the sickly sweet scent from the smoke machines.

I pushed my way through the crowd of dancers towards the bar, the club was packed and I found it mildly claustrophobic.

Two shots of bourbon later and I was feeling distinctly better. I told the bartender to keep them coming.

Forgetting Rosalie should have been easier than this. I was an addict, I thought disgusted. It didn't help that I'd never had better sex with anyone else in my entire life. Rose was it for me. My perfect match physically. I didn't want anyone else.

It had been two months since I'd left Rosalie's house and it had been the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. Somehow, rebuilding my life after her was harder than recovering from the end of my marriage.

Recalling how it had all gone down was painful. Although I thought of it constantly, masochistic till the end. I'd avoided a confrontation and left early the morning after our small tryst in the swimming pool.

Of course there had been the obligatory note.

Saying goodbye on paper conveyed none of the emotion or the tears which had fuelled my sudden departure from Rosalie's life. I regretted that. But there was no way I could have looked at her and left.

This way was better. Easy. Impersonal.

I hated it. She'd deserved better than that.

I was out tonight with Charlotte. She'd asked and I'd accepted just to get out of the tiny apartment I now called my own. I didn't date and she made sure that I knew this wasn't a date. So far she'd kept her distance physically and I was grateful.

I'd contacted Charlotte after leaving Rosalie, for friendly advice on where to get a decent apartment and a new job. Charlotte had helped me and sworn not to tell Rose where I was, if she ever did ask. But, according to Charlotte, she never had.

It turned out that I'd made quite a few contacts and platonic friends while working as Rosalie's assistant. My book was in print now and available on multiple digital platforms. I was actually an author and I owed it all to Rosalie's determination that I would succeed. I was also working at a small company as a personal assistant to a man I rather admired. He was a sometime supporter of Rosalie's charity and I'd met him through her a few times before. His name was Charles Mansfield and he was a very nice and rather scatterbrained man in his late fifties. All the training Rosalie had given me paid off. In fact I found running Charles's life rather tame and boring. With Rose I'd never known where the day would take us or what unexpected problems or challenges (as Rosalie liked to call them) would arise. I was rather used to the hectic tangle of Rosalie's life and missed the adrenaline of finding solutions on my feet.

Yet another sign that I was indeed addicted to Rosalie and her life.

There were more than a few interested looks thrown my way as I stood there practically inhaling the shots lined up in front of me. I was dressed in a pair of skin tight black jeans and a white shirt which was open quite low, clinched in with a short black corset. I wore peep toe stilettos and a tiny clutch bag. I looked way happier than I was, the right makeup and hair could hide most flaws, I'd discovered, even a broken heart. My hair was styled to one side of my head to reveal the undercut and the large industrial piercing through the top of my ear. I certainly didn't look my age.

"Dance with me." Charlotte demanded, appearing beside me. She looked hot tonight but nothing about her moved me. Her hair was too red, her face too sharp, her voice too high. In short, she wasn't tall, blond, statuesque and stunningly beautiful. She wasn't Rosalie. My heart squeezed so tightly I found it hard to breathe. Even thinking about her hurt.

I ignored the pain and smiled, nodding. I threw back the last of the shots which were lined up on the bar. The rush of alcohol through my system had the desired numbing effect I was looking for.

Charlotte took my hand and practically dragged me back towards the dance floor. I gave in as graciously as I could and threw myself into the music.

We danced close, Charlotte had her hands all over me and I didn't care enough to stop her. I didn't want this but it took my mind off the only person I did want.

Ten minutes later we were still dancing and for no apparent reason a frisson of awareness prickled along the nape of my neck and then slithered down my spine.

I looked around at the crowd and it took only a few seconds to find her.

Electric blue, back-lit by pulsing ultraviolet lights stole my breath, my heart and my sanity.

My heart stopped and I froze. Charlotte looked at me curiously before her gaze followed mine.

"Why is she here?" I asked brokenly, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears.

"I didn't know she would be." Charlotte continued to watch and eventually she relaxed against me. "She's here with Kelly and her new bodyguard."

"Why here?"

"It's a popular club with celebs because it's a little more exclusive and relatively safe from fans. Most people here are famous in one way or another." Charlotte watched me closely and then laughed. "Stop worrying!" She pulled me closer, her hands sliding around my hips.

I felt decidedly uncomfortable but allowed it, my mind spinning. Rosalie was here. I could literally feel her presence, as if she were a homing beacon.

I tried not to look for her again, but it was futile.

I watched surreptitiously, while pretending to enjoy dancing with Charlotte.

Rosalie was dressed in a suit. A fucking suit! And she looked sensational. It was white and fitted, with a deep vee neck. The UV lights lit up the fabric making her appear to glow like the angel she was. She wore a pair of black studded stilettos at least four inches high, which looked deadly when teamed with the pristine snowy white suit.

It didn't look like she was wearing anything under the jacket which made my mind instantly go to dangerous places. Her androgynous look along with her perfectly feminine face and styled blonde hair made me think very dirty thoughts.

Stop it! I told myself sternly.

"I need some air." I gasped, pulling away from Charlotte hastily. I'd avoided seeing her for the better part of eight weeks and seeing her now was too much.

Charlotte watched me go, looking a little helpless. I didn't care if it looked like I was running, because I most definitely was.

I found my way out onto a fire escape parapet, high above the street. The city was alive with the many sounds of humanity. Sirens could be heard in the distance and the bass from the club was muffled. I sighed as the cool night air hit my face, it was such a relief.

I braced myself against the mesh side of the balcony and stared down at the street. The door opened behind me and the music from the club filtered through briefly, before becoming muffled again as the door swung shut.

"Are you contemplating jumping?" A soft husky voice asked. I jumped and swung around, instantly on high alert. I'd know that voice anywhere. In fact I was pretty sure that I'd respond to it if I were dead.

I couldn't reply, my voice stuck in my throat. I simply stared at her. Infuriating bloody sexy woman. I hated her for her perfection. I wanted to hate her more than anything, but even now, after everything, it was pointless to try.

She stepped towards me, effectively trapping me on the tiny balcony. Arousal pulsed through secret places, but I remained outwardly calm.

She stared at me, as if mesmerised. Her face was alive with more emotion than I'd ever seen from her. What could have caused this change?

"Izzy?" She whispered. My insides contracted fiercely at the sound of my name on her lips. "I've missed you…"

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to stop the stupid irrational tears from falling. This was breaking me, seeing her like this was too much.

She drew in a deep breath and braced her hands on the railing, one on either side of me. "I know why you left…and I'm sorry. I wanted to come after you, but I knew it wouldn't have made any difference then, I had to figure a few things out first."

She leaned in closer and I recoiled slightly. If she touched me I wasn't sure that I was strong enough to survive it without caving.

Her hand lifted beside my face and trembled, poised mid-air, millimetres from my skin. "Won't you speak to me?" She pleaded her voice soft and vulnerable. This was a side to Rosalie I'd never seen before and despite myself I was mesmerised. She always reined in her true feelings, keeping them mostly hidden.

I blinked and a rouge tear trailed its way down my cheek.

"I…I ..can't…" I murmured, stumbling over those simple words like a fool.

She nodded and then leaned in even closer until our breath mingled and my belly somersaulted wildly. I was out of control and she hadn't even touched me yet.

Her scent made my eyes turn tilt, it was so fucking good.

I shook my head, trying to clear it and recall why this was such a bad idea.

"No." I said at last. Firmly.

Rosalie paused and opened her eyes, looking directly into my soul with fathomless, thickly lashed, ocean blue. My knees trembled, begging to collapse and betray my weakness.

I clenched my fists, my short nails digging into my palms deeply. The pain forced me to focus.

Her forehead came to rest against mine. I leaned into this, accepting the slight touch.

"He's gone, you know, that's why I came here tonight with Kelly. I knew you were out with Charlotte, she's been bragging about her date with you for days." There was an edge to her voice. Displeasure. Jealousy.

I stared at her with my mouth practically hanging open. Who was gone?

"David?" It appeared I couldn't form coherent sentences any more.

Rosalie nodded, her forehead still pressed to mine, her eyes half closed. "We've agreed to separate."

I swallowed hard, scarcely breathing, terrified I was dreaming this entire encounter.

"Come home." Rose said and my heart soared, it rejoiced despite my misgivings.

I released a shuddering sigh and my entire body trembled too. Rose cupped my face and lifted my chin masterfully. My traitorous body responded fiercely to the show of dominance. Arousal curled sharply through my most private place, painfully intense and desperate.

I gave in for a moment savouring the sweet sensation of finally having the woman I loved touch me.

It had been too long….so fucking long.

No! I couldn't do this. Not again.

With superhuman inner resolve I pulled back before Rosalie's lips could touch mine.

"I can't do this again." I said.

Rose looked confused. "But he's gone…Izzy…it will be just us."

I stepped backwards and lifted my chin resolutely. "But I'll still be your dirty secret, won't I? You're not ready to let the world know that you're dating a woman. You might never be."

Rosalie's expression changed, her full lips thinning ever so slightly. "I will be, eventually, I just need time. It's complicated. I can't just ruin my brand, my image like that. You have no idea how much I stand to lose."

I bit my lip hard, forcing myself to be strong. "I want more than that, Ro." My nickname for her slipped from my lips before I could stop it.

She stepped back, allowing me some room for the first time.

"I want you to be my girlfriend. I want you to be proud to take my hand in front of everyone - and not care what they think!" I drew in a deep breath as I paused, "It's not only you who will lose something if it becomes known that we're together. I'll lose my daughter."

Rosalie's face jerked to mine, shock written all over her face. "You never told me you had a child!"

I smiled but there was no humor in it. "It hurts too much to talk about." I turned away and wrapped my arms around myself tightly. Holding the pain in. "I lost her when I left my marriage. I told Scott that I was gay when I asked for a divorce and he was disgusted and hurt. He told me that I'd never see her again - ever - if I were to pursue a relationship with a woman. I'm terrified I'll never see my little girl again but I'm even more terrified of not being with you."

Rose stepped into me, one minute I was alone and then her body was against the entire length of my spine and her arms were around me. My heart stuttered hyperactively when her lips touched the nape of my neck.

"I'm so sorry." She murmured against my skin.

"Me too." I replied as I stepped out of the circle of her arms and left the parapet without a backward glance.