Russ played with the automatic window, sliding it down then up then down then up then down then up. He repeated the gesture over and over, marveling at it's advancedness.
Ashley glowered at him. "Russ, dear, if you press that button again I'll castrate you,"she growled, glaring at him threateningly. It had the desired reaction as he quit playing with the window and stared down like a scolded puppy.
"Ashley, be nice to my first mate." John turned the wheel then gasped as it came upon two wheels. Brakes squealed. "Man the sails, Ol' One Eye or I'll feed you to the sharks!"
Scott rolled his eyes and yanked the steering wheel back from Pyro. He slammed on the brakes, sending them flying forward.
"If you idiots hadn't left or gotten drunk, none of this would have happened! My son WOULD NOT be over taking the house with a genetically engineered mole nor would there be a group of hysterical teenagers LOCKED IN A BEDROOM WITH A ROMANCE NOVEL."
Ashley laughed. "You forgot that we're drunk, too, Mike Brady."
"Another thing. What's with all the BRADY BUNCH COMMENTS?" He steered the car carefully through the streets, driving toward The Unreal World house where their 'friends' and 'loved ones' waited.
"But why's the RUM gone?"John suddenly demanded out of nowhere, hitting his half full bottle of rum against the dashboard. It made a thump then rolled onto the floor. "But why's the RUM gone?"
Russ looked at Ashley. "If I asked you to marry me what would you do, Ashley?"
"Truth?"
He nodded.
"This." Her 'this' turned out to be a string of curse words and laughter. She cleared her throat after a moment then smiled in an oddly familiar way of Logan. "That help any, Russ?"
"Yes, Ashley, it helped quite a bit,"he mumbled before taking another drink of his coke. He was the only one even remotely sober even though Ashley was putting on a good show. He stared out his half shut, half open window.
"Noooooo, don't take me pirate treasure, mate!" John jerked out of sleep, thrashing about and hitting Scott with his bottle of Rum. It made a hollow thunk.
Will Ashley ever love me? I wonder what Tristan and Richard have to say on the subject...mental note: ask Tristan and Richard why Ashley doesn't love me nor want to have anything to do with me.
"Land ho' matie!"
"Shut up, Pyro,"Scott sighed, taking a turn so sharply everyone hit the left side of the car. Russ used it as an excuse to touch Ashley and earned several shocks for it.
HALF AN HOUR LATER
" 'You were just going to leave without telling me you'd concieved my child?'Diago demanded, staring at the woman he'd begun to fall in love with. One of her heavily jewlered hands rested against her stomache. Tears stung her eyes at the hatred with which he spoke the words. "It would have been better for him, Diago. I wouldn't have kept it unless I felt the need,"Sek reasoned without looking away from her hand resting against her stomache. Her eyes never met his, knowing she's cry if they did....Kat, stop crying already! I'll quit reading!" Angel closed the book and shoved it into a drawer, sliding it closed.
"Thank God for small miracles." Tara uncovered her head and shifted away from the door, standing. "I'm going to check to see if someone INTELLIGENT OTHER THAN MYSELF has arrived yet."
"Kay...figure out where David is too. Richard, please let go of my foot..."
Why do I hang out with her?Tara wondered, opening the door and peering out. Something came at her head and stuck there.
The door closed with a thunk behind her.
Kat stopped sobbing for a moment. "Is my one true love here? Could it be my Bobby?"she asked, hopefully.
"No. The mole has sent a message..." She peeled the sheet of paper off her forehead and laid it down, noticing that several words were missing.
Snickering and whisphering drew her attention. Tara turned away.
"I don't see the funny part to this..."
"Um...well...I think you absorbed part of the message,"Tristan mumbled before ducking past Angel's feet and to the safety of the desk she sat on. "It's on your head."
Tara looked around for a mirror.
Kellie, meanwhile, had taken up control of the paper and was studying it. (note the spelling is meant to be this way)
"PUNY HUMANE! FOR FAR TOO LONG MY PEOPLES HAS SUFFERED IN UNDERGROUND CITITES WITH BARED ENOF FOOD TO KEEP US ALIVE...WE WERE THE PESTICIDES OF YOUR RACE BUT NO MORE! I HAVE TAKEN A HOSTAGE...THE LITTLE . SURRENDER TO US AND EW WON'T RELEVENCE HIM...SIGNED MR. OREOX A.K.A COMMANDER OF THE ARMED MOLE FORCES."
"Um...does that make a bit of sense to anyone?"she questioned, poking the paper. Several words were mising and something like mole slobber covered the entire thing. Grass and dirt clung to the paper.
Angel smirked. "I'd say it means no more baby-sitting! Hot dog!"
Crickets chirped in the background for a moment.
"Um...that's not quite it, Angel. The mole has David.." Tara scrubbed frantically at her forehead, trying to remove the words printed there.
ALLIEGANCE TO THE MOLE PEOPLE!
"Yeah, so?"
"Angel, Scott. will. kill. us. if. we. lose. his. kid. Affirmative?"
Several mumbles then a shrug from Angel. "So what's your point?"
"ANGEL!"
OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. TWENTY-MINUTES LATER
"I believe I am in control of this crusade, mate." John Allerdyce made a production of glaring at Scott and bowing at the waist to his 'crew'. No one returned the bow or looked at him.
Scott sighed,"For the last time, Pyro, this is not a ship nor are these children your crew. This is simply a rescue mission to save my child and your demented house load of kids!"
"I resent that! They're not demented...they're uh..uh...uh..." Ashley looked helplessly at Russ.
"They're cool?"
"Exactly!" Lightening struck a nearby tree, knocking over a powerline which promptly fell on top the house next door. "..Oops."
"Ashley!"
"Sorry, Pyro,"she said then brightened. "Time to save the house and take it back from the mole people?"
"On three we ATTACK."
Scott shook his head.
"No, no, no...we must plot strate--"
"One."
"Rushing in with no plan is dangerous to us and the others within..."
"Two."
"Pyro, stop counting. I am the oldest so I have senority. We must formulate a plan, call in the other X-Men, and seek the help of the one and only BEAST!"
"Three!"
The three, not Scott Summers, took off running toward the house then burst through the door, screaming.
"That's not what I said!"
INSIDE THE MOLE FORTRESS ( *clears throat and rewrites the script* ) THE UNREAL WORLD HOUSE
"Where are you, you, you, evil mole?" Ashley rolled her eyes and took another drink without even glancing at Russ.
His stupid words echoed back to her again.
She smiled after a moment and decided to have a little fun. "Take me to your leader,"she commanded in a high pitched voice like that of a mole.
"Don't come near me...I have forks a-and Ashley!" Several purple forks whizzed by her head. She ducked just in time to avoid a disastrous hairdo.
"Russ!"
His smiling face beamed at her. "Hi, Ashley. I was taking care of Mr. Oreox."
She pulled one fork from the wall beside her head and held it out. "Would this be yours, Russ?"she questioned, glowering at him in a way that instantly made his cower and hide. She smirked then patted the top of his head before walking off.
Loud wailing drew her attention. It was quiet like a little kid but could rival Kat with it's shrillness. "I WANT MY MOMMY!"
Oh, Lord, not that little demon child. I can't believe of all the people in the world to find I find the demon kid. Hey, maybe if I save him the Brady Bunch'll leave us all alone.
She hesitated a moment then pushed the door open.
The alcohol's getting to me was her first thought upon entering the room. Several large moles with everything from optic blast container things to metal claw to gloves that reminded her of Rogue were gathered in the room. The strangest one was a strange gold mole that had electrified fur. The little monster named David Summers was tied up in a chair, crying.
"I think this is about the time I'd have another drink,"Ashley mumbled, pouring herself another glass of what looked like vodka. The strange part about it was there was no taste to it.
The 'Logan' mole turned. "Human!"
[Russ: It's not fair! I try to be the love of her life and what do I get? Threats and fighting a group of giant moles with mutated abilities for her...what kind of chunk is that? Don't laugh at me...]
She smirked and attacked the moles. "I can't believe this is really happening. I get to abuse moles...where's Richard when I need him?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" David's scream split the air. "THE SCARY LADY!"
PYRO'S BEDROOM
"Can I have a cookie?"Kat questioned, tugging on Kellie's arm. "I want a cookie. I want a cookie. I want a cookie."
"For the last time there are no cookies, Kat,"Tara answered, burying her head further under a pillow and screaming. Her head didn't move for a long time.
"But the fairy queen promised me cookies if I poured that pink liquid into Hank's....uh funny lookin' cylinder thing!" The pout was evident in her voice.
The fairy queen never keeps her promises. That's the last time I ever make a deal with her, she thought. I'll just sit here and think about how happy Bobby'll be when we return.
The sounds of battle raged outside for awhile then the wall behind them all caught fire. Two heads appeared-John and Scott.
Angel looked up then jumped off the desk, throwing her arms around John's neck. "Johnny, you're home! Genetically engineered moles have taken over the house!"she screamed, trying to ignore Richard who was still clutching the leg of her jeans, tightly, between his hands. He looked like a frightened little kid after a nightmare.
"Mole. I don't like moles,"he mumbled, clutching tighter.
Scott glared at the gathered kids and their random activities. Natasha was sleeping, Tara had her head buried under a pillow, Kat was back under the bed with Kellie and Derek while Tristan hid under one table. Corey was huddled in a corner, writing on a wooden table with a knife.
"Where's my son?"he demanded, glancing around the room then beginning a frantic search.
"The moles took him." Kat returned to hiding under the bed after this statement.
"Nooo, not my child." Scott began to cry.
Footsteps echoed behind them. "Knock it off, Mike Brady. Here's the evil demon kid,"Ashley said, walking up with a tear-streaked face David. His arms were wrapped tightly around what once could have been Mr. Oreox.
Richard screamed and hugged John tightly. "Please don't let it get me...please, please, please, please."
Silence for a moment then David broke it with his wail.
"The scary lady killed Mr. Oreox!"he yelled, running to his dad and holding out the animal to him. "Punish her, Daddy!"
"Oh, Ashley, my sweet, are you okay?"Russ asked, more demanded, rushing to her and beginning to check for bruises or cuts or anything similar. "Did those evil moles hurt my love?"
She blew out a long breath. "I'm going to bed. Don't disturb me and your welcome for saving your little monster..."
Her footsteps echoed away then silence reigned in the house.
Scott cleared his throat and knelt by his son. "David, I think we need to bury Mr. Oreox...he's like Mommy used to be, remember?"
David blinked then his expression cleared. "Dead?"
"Exactly..."
Something thunked against a wall followed by Russ' voice. "I know you're there! You can't hide from me, y-y-you aliens!"
Ashley glowered at him. "Russ, dear, if you press that button again I'll castrate you,"she growled, glaring at him threateningly. It had the desired reaction as he quit playing with the window and stared down like a scolded puppy.
"Ashley, be nice to my first mate." John turned the wheel then gasped as it came upon two wheels. Brakes squealed. "Man the sails, Ol' One Eye or I'll feed you to the sharks!"
Scott rolled his eyes and yanked the steering wheel back from Pyro. He slammed on the brakes, sending them flying forward.
"If you idiots hadn't left or gotten drunk, none of this would have happened! My son WOULD NOT be over taking the house with a genetically engineered mole nor would there be a group of hysterical teenagers LOCKED IN A BEDROOM WITH A ROMANCE NOVEL."
Ashley laughed. "You forgot that we're drunk, too, Mike Brady."
"Another thing. What's with all the BRADY BUNCH COMMENTS?" He steered the car carefully through the streets, driving toward The Unreal World house where their 'friends' and 'loved ones' waited.
"But why's the RUM gone?"John suddenly demanded out of nowhere, hitting his half full bottle of rum against the dashboard. It made a thump then rolled onto the floor. "But why's the RUM gone?"
Russ looked at Ashley. "If I asked you to marry me what would you do, Ashley?"
"Truth?"
He nodded.
"This." Her 'this' turned out to be a string of curse words and laughter. She cleared her throat after a moment then smiled in an oddly familiar way of Logan. "That help any, Russ?"
"Yes, Ashley, it helped quite a bit,"he mumbled before taking another drink of his coke. He was the only one even remotely sober even though Ashley was putting on a good show. He stared out his half shut, half open window.
"Noooooo, don't take me pirate treasure, mate!" John jerked out of sleep, thrashing about and hitting Scott with his bottle of Rum. It made a hollow thunk.
Will Ashley ever love me? I wonder what Tristan and Richard have to say on the subject...mental note: ask Tristan and Richard why Ashley doesn't love me nor want to have anything to do with me.
"Land ho' matie!"
"Shut up, Pyro,"Scott sighed, taking a turn so sharply everyone hit the left side of the car. Russ used it as an excuse to touch Ashley and earned several shocks for it.
HALF AN HOUR LATER
" 'You were just going to leave without telling me you'd concieved my child?'Diago demanded, staring at the woman he'd begun to fall in love with. One of her heavily jewlered hands rested against her stomache. Tears stung her eyes at the hatred with which he spoke the words. "It would have been better for him, Diago. I wouldn't have kept it unless I felt the need,"Sek reasoned without looking away from her hand resting against her stomache. Her eyes never met his, knowing she's cry if they did....Kat, stop crying already! I'll quit reading!" Angel closed the book and shoved it into a drawer, sliding it closed.
"Thank God for small miracles." Tara uncovered her head and shifted away from the door, standing. "I'm going to check to see if someone INTELLIGENT OTHER THAN MYSELF has arrived yet."
"Kay...figure out where David is too. Richard, please let go of my foot..."
Why do I hang out with her?Tara wondered, opening the door and peering out. Something came at her head and stuck there.
The door closed with a thunk behind her.
Kat stopped sobbing for a moment. "Is my one true love here? Could it be my Bobby?"she asked, hopefully.
"No. The mole has sent a message..." She peeled the sheet of paper off her forehead and laid it down, noticing that several words were missing.
Snickering and whisphering drew her attention. Tara turned away.
"I don't see the funny part to this..."
"Um...well...I think you absorbed part of the message,"Tristan mumbled before ducking past Angel's feet and to the safety of the desk she sat on. "It's on your head."
Tara looked around for a mirror.
Kellie, meanwhile, had taken up control of the paper and was studying it. (note the spelling is meant to be this way)
"PUNY HUMANE! FOR FAR TOO LONG MY PEOPLES HAS SUFFERED IN UNDERGROUND CITITES WITH BARED ENOF FOOD TO KEEP US ALIVE...WE WERE THE PESTICIDES OF YOUR RACE BUT NO MORE! I HAVE TAKEN A HOSTAGE...THE LITTLE . SURRENDER TO US AND EW WON'T RELEVENCE HIM...SIGNED MR. OREOX A.K.A COMMANDER OF THE ARMED MOLE FORCES."
"Um...does that make a bit of sense to anyone?"she questioned, poking the paper. Several words were mising and something like mole slobber covered the entire thing. Grass and dirt clung to the paper.
Angel smirked. "I'd say it means no more baby-sitting! Hot dog!"
Crickets chirped in the background for a moment.
"Um...that's not quite it, Angel. The mole has David.." Tara scrubbed frantically at her forehead, trying to remove the words printed there.
ALLIEGANCE TO THE MOLE PEOPLE!
"Yeah, so?"
"Angel, Scott. will. kill. us. if. we. lose. his. kid. Affirmative?"
Several mumbles then a shrug from Angel. "So what's your point?"
"ANGEL!"
OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. TWENTY-MINUTES LATER
"I believe I am in control of this crusade, mate." John Allerdyce made a production of glaring at Scott and bowing at the waist to his 'crew'. No one returned the bow or looked at him.
Scott sighed,"For the last time, Pyro, this is not a ship nor are these children your crew. This is simply a rescue mission to save my child and your demented house load of kids!"
"I resent that! They're not demented...they're uh..uh...uh..." Ashley looked helplessly at Russ.
"They're cool?"
"Exactly!" Lightening struck a nearby tree, knocking over a powerline which promptly fell on top the house next door. "..Oops."
"Ashley!"
"Sorry, Pyro,"she said then brightened. "Time to save the house and take it back from the mole people?"
"On three we ATTACK."
Scott shook his head.
"No, no, no...we must plot strate--"
"One."
"Rushing in with no plan is dangerous to us and the others within..."
"Two."
"Pyro, stop counting. I am the oldest so I have senority. We must formulate a plan, call in the other X-Men, and seek the help of the one and only BEAST!"
"Three!"
The three, not Scott Summers, took off running toward the house then burst through the door, screaming.
"That's not what I said!"
INSIDE THE MOLE FORTRESS ( *clears throat and rewrites the script* ) THE UNREAL WORLD HOUSE
"Where are you, you, you, evil mole?" Ashley rolled her eyes and took another drink without even glancing at Russ.
His stupid words echoed back to her again.
She smiled after a moment and decided to have a little fun. "Take me to your leader,"she commanded in a high pitched voice like that of a mole.
"Don't come near me...I have forks a-and Ashley!" Several purple forks whizzed by her head. She ducked just in time to avoid a disastrous hairdo.
"Russ!"
His smiling face beamed at her. "Hi, Ashley. I was taking care of Mr. Oreox."
She pulled one fork from the wall beside her head and held it out. "Would this be yours, Russ?"she questioned, glowering at him in a way that instantly made his cower and hide. She smirked then patted the top of his head before walking off.
Loud wailing drew her attention. It was quiet like a little kid but could rival Kat with it's shrillness. "I WANT MY MOMMY!"
Oh, Lord, not that little demon child. I can't believe of all the people in the world to find I find the demon kid. Hey, maybe if I save him the Brady Bunch'll leave us all alone.
She hesitated a moment then pushed the door open.
The alcohol's getting to me was her first thought upon entering the room. Several large moles with everything from optic blast container things to metal claw to gloves that reminded her of Rogue were gathered in the room. The strangest one was a strange gold mole that had electrified fur. The little monster named David Summers was tied up in a chair, crying.
"I think this is about the time I'd have another drink,"Ashley mumbled, pouring herself another glass of what looked like vodka. The strange part about it was there was no taste to it.
The 'Logan' mole turned. "Human!"
[Russ: It's not fair! I try to be the love of her life and what do I get? Threats and fighting a group of giant moles with mutated abilities for her...what kind of chunk is that? Don't laugh at me...]
She smirked and attacked the moles. "I can't believe this is really happening. I get to abuse moles...where's Richard when I need him?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" David's scream split the air. "THE SCARY LADY!"
PYRO'S BEDROOM
"Can I have a cookie?"Kat questioned, tugging on Kellie's arm. "I want a cookie. I want a cookie. I want a cookie."
"For the last time there are no cookies, Kat,"Tara answered, burying her head further under a pillow and screaming. Her head didn't move for a long time.
"But the fairy queen promised me cookies if I poured that pink liquid into Hank's....uh funny lookin' cylinder thing!" The pout was evident in her voice.
The fairy queen never keeps her promises. That's the last time I ever make a deal with her, she thought. I'll just sit here and think about how happy Bobby'll be when we return.
The sounds of battle raged outside for awhile then the wall behind them all caught fire. Two heads appeared-John and Scott.
Angel looked up then jumped off the desk, throwing her arms around John's neck. "Johnny, you're home! Genetically engineered moles have taken over the house!"she screamed, trying to ignore Richard who was still clutching the leg of her jeans, tightly, between his hands. He looked like a frightened little kid after a nightmare.
"Mole. I don't like moles,"he mumbled, clutching tighter.
Scott glared at the gathered kids and their random activities. Natasha was sleeping, Tara had her head buried under a pillow, Kat was back under the bed with Kellie and Derek while Tristan hid under one table. Corey was huddled in a corner, writing on a wooden table with a knife.
"Where's my son?"he demanded, glancing around the room then beginning a frantic search.
"The moles took him." Kat returned to hiding under the bed after this statement.
"Nooo, not my child." Scott began to cry.
Footsteps echoed behind them. "Knock it off, Mike Brady. Here's the evil demon kid,"Ashley said, walking up with a tear-streaked face David. His arms were wrapped tightly around what once could have been Mr. Oreox.
Richard screamed and hugged John tightly. "Please don't let it get me...please, please, please, please."
Silence for a moment then David broke it with his wail.
"The scary lady killed Mr. Oreox!"he yelled, running to his dad and holding out the animal to him. "Punish her, Daddy!"
"Oh, Ashley, my sweet, are you okay?"Russ asked, more demanded, rushing to her and beginning to check for bruises or cuts or anything similar. "Did those evil moles hurt my love?"
She blew out a long breath. "I'm going to bed. Don't disturb me and your welcome for saving your little monster..."
Her footsteps echoed away then silence reigned in the house.
Scott cleared his throat and knelt by his son. "David, I think we need to bury Mr. Oreox...he's like Mommy used to be, remember?"
David blinked then his expression cleared. "Dead?"
"Exactly..."
Something thunked against a wall followed by Russ' voice. "I know you're there! You can't hide from me, y-y-you aliens!"