Disclaimer: I do not own anything in affiliation with Harry Potter or JKR. Nor Do I own the song The Best Of Me by The Starting Line.
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lyrics
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Author's Note and THANK YOU'S are at the end of the story!
Chapter 4: Feelings
If you ever asked them what it was that really started their relationship, you would have gotten one very simple answer. It was a feeling. That's what they tell most people. And, they say, the thing was that it was not just a feeling, it was the feeling.
Because, you see, Draco Malfoy had never really held someone in his arms before those times with Hermione. And he had definitely never had that one feeling before. He had never felt the impression of someone in his arms even when they weren't there. Oh, but he could feel her.
And for Hermione Granger, hugs were a very common thing. She had many people in her life that would comfort her if she ever asked for it. But never, ever in her life had it been like this. She could sit there in her room and she could feel it. She could feel him.
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… and missing each other too
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Hermione knew one thing and one thing only. She did not want to see Draco today. She had no idea how she would deal with him, or how he would deal with her, or if they would ever really deal with each other. She had sat on her bed last night and worried herself sick. She would not do that today. She would get through this day. She knew she could.
"Morning 'Mione", said Ginny Weasley as the two girls met up in the Gryffindor common room, "You ready for breakfast?"
"Yeah. I'm ready. Where are the boys?" Hermione asked.
"Oh, they already went down, they said you were taking to long. But who cares about them anyway, lets go." Ginny said. And with that the two girls headed down to the Great Hall.
As they walked Ginny kept up a lively conversation, mostly with herself, not even noticing the distracted Hermione next to her. And Hermione would have probably missed the whole story if it weren't for the next words that Ginny said.
"…So then Malfoy comes down the stairs, doing his little bad-ass walk, you know? And so he says-"
"Malfoy? When? When did you see him, was it after the 7th years had potions or before?" Hermione asked, not even noticing the suspicion she was putting on herself.
"Uh, it was definitely after. Haven't you been paying attention? I already told you that this was happening right before we went to bed." Said Ginny, a little put out that the other girl hadn't even been listening to her.
"Oh, right, sorry. How did he look? Was he really mad, or sad, or what?" Hermione asked urgently.
"Well, I guess he looked sort of sad. Actually it was weird. He was being mean and what not, but I guess it didn't really seem like he was into it. He seemed really distracted. Why?"
"Uh, um, no reason really", Hermione stuttered, finally realizing how interested she had been in Draco, "I was just wondering, something happened yesterday."
"Oh, ok, sure. Whatever you say 'Mione." Ginny said, obviously not believing her friend but deciding to drop the subject. "Come on, let's just go eat."
Hermione went with her friend and quietly ate her breakfast. Yet she couldn't get the picture of him out of her eyes, or the smell of him out of her system, or the feeling of his arms wrapped around her and the feelings he had made in her, out of her heart.
For Draco, that night had been very difficult. He had found his over analyzing really going into full effect. He had spent the whole night thinking about her and what had happened. That's right. One full night, and morning if he wanted to be honest, thinking about the one girl he despised. Or, that he had thought he despised.
This is where all the thinking had gotten him. He knew for sure that what he had done was stupid, all of it. It seemed that nothing had gone right since he had stepped off that train. He had also realized, during his extreme night of thinking, that he had to completely cut himself off from her. So this is what he was doing.
"Draco, honey, you look like you're about to attack something. Why so tense?" Pansy asked as she sat next to him that morning in the Great Hall.
"It's nothing Pansy." Draco ground out, "Nothing at all, I guess I'm just hungry."
"Well, I can help you with that." Pansy seductively whispered in his ear.
"No thanks, really. I think these eggs will do just fine for me." Draco countered back, hoping to quiet the annoying girl on his side.
"Well, fine, I guess they will. You are no fun anymore!" Pansy pouted, just as she got up and walked away.
Draco smirked to himself. He was right; it had gotten her to leave. Now he finally had the peace and quiet he wanted to eat in. That is, except for the quiet, barely noticeable sobs he could hear in his head, Hermione's sobs from last night. He definitely wasn't thinking about her anymore, he was just hearing her sometimes; he hoped to himself that that didn't count.
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…and we whisper
say what you're thinking right now
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For the rest of the week Hogwarts found it's hallways populated with two more emotionally confused teenagers. Two more lost souls on the path to something they couldn't explain, the path to each other. And although they promised themselves they would stop thinking about the other, they found that person to be the only thing on their mind.
Friday night found Hermione all alone in the old charms room again; it was a place she had found for studying many years ago. She told herself she was only there to study and to be alone, but she knew there was another reason. She could still feel him there. She could think about him there and not get as mad at herself because she had a reason. He had been there too. They had fought there, and cried there, and everything had been muddled up even more than it had been in there.
Draco, on the other hand, was out wandering the hallways for the fifth night in a row. He had found classes this week easier than usual, had not really fought with Pansy, had tortured many first and second years, and had not stopped thinking about her. Hermione Granger. It was funny really, that he was thinking about her. It was funny that this was happening when it shouldn't be, right when he didn't need it, because that's how life works. And lately Draco had found that life could be funny, had some sense of humor.
It was even more evident now when he found himself in front of the old charms room that he and Hermione had been in that Monday night. He had passed by this room every day and hadn't yet stepped back in. And life was funny again, because this is when he decided to go in, the exact moment when she was in there. Yet Draco didn't find himself laughing, instead he surprisingly found himself talking.
"Hermione?" Draco said quietly as he walked up to the girl.
"What!?" Hermione jumped. Not noticing that someone had come in while she had been studying. She looked behind her to find the boy of the hour standing right next to her. And so tentatively she asked, "Draco?"
Suddenly the tension that they thought would be there seemed to melt away. He found himself pulling a chair up to sit next to her and he felt that feeling inside of him more present than ever.
"What's going on Hermione? Even when we absolutely hated each other we could always talk. Well, we could fight, but none-the-less there was some spoken contact. So what's been going on with us?" Draco asked. Finding himself more open then he had ever thought he could be.
"Well," Hermione started nervously, looking around the room at anything but him, "I'm not sure what's been going on. I guess, I just thought, that you didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't the most normal thing to happen to us."
"Yeah, I know. But Hermione, we need to talk about it. Like, now, because it's literally driving me crazy." He said.
"Okay. Well, um, why did you come back Draco? When you left Monday night I was sure it was over, and then you were back, and you were next to me, and then your arms were around me and…. Why did you come back?" She asked, finally looking up into his eyes, noticing for the first time ever how much she actually liked them.
"Okay, well, way to pick the hard question Hermione. Um, yeah, so I'm not really sure why I came back. I guess it was just that I heard you, crying you know, and something hit me. I had to come back in here; I had to make sure you were all right." Draco said as he stared into her eyes. "I just had to."
"Oh. Okay, well, thanks I guess. I really needed that. You have no idea. So thanks for coming back." She said, slightly embarrassed at the whole situation.
"Yeah, no problem. But now it's my turn. Why were you crying Sunday night in the hallway? I just asked you one simple question and you broke, and I want to know why."
"I was just, it was just, everything was, sad. I guess I was just sad. Seriously, I don't know why that happened. I felt like such a fool. I'm sorry about that." She said, yet as she said it she started looking down again, trying not to make eye contact with him.
"No way 'Mione. I already told you on Monday. No more bullshit. So stop this, just tell me. God, come on, what was it?" He asked, pulling her towards him and looking straight into her.
"Nothing! Okay, it was nothing. I was just stressed out! God, calm down. I already told you what was going on, maybe you should just start believing me." She yelled, anger boiling in her as she started to fight with him.
"It was not nothing!" He screamed, wishing with all of his might that he had walked past the door twenty minutes ago. "I was there! Okay. I saw what happened, I saw you cry, and I HELD YOU IN MY FUCKING ARMS! So don't lie to me. Just don't." He finished quietly, looking down at her, waiting for an answer, a reason. But she gave none. She just sat there, staring at him. Finally he just started walking away.
"Draco! Wait. Don't go. Please. Please come back." Sobs were coming from her now. She didn't know why this was happening, why she was so attached to him, but she was.
"What?" He calmly asked.
"I…I…I've been thinking about this all week. Well, not this, not us fighting, but about us. About you I guess. And I don't know why. I really don't. And I can't talk to you about what happened this summer or about why I broke down, I just can't. But I can try to talk to you about this, about us, about you. Because all week I've been thinking about you and I keep having this-" she was cut off.
"-feeling?" he asked.
She stopped; surprised that he had the same word as she did. So she turned around completely to face him and she bit her lip and raised her eyes to his and slowly nodded. And a connection was made then, between the two lost souls, which would bind them together more than they would ever guess.
"Yeah, a feeling." She said back to him.
And he smiled. "Me too." He said. As he slowly walked up to her, and opened his arms so he could pull her to him.
"Draco," She whispered against his chest, "What's happening with us? We used to hate each other, what's so different now?"
"Maybe, the walls are finally falling down." He said. "Or maybe we're finally noticing something else."
"Yeah, well," She said. "Whatever is, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I think I might start to like it."
"Good." He softly whispered against her. And then a silence filled the air, but it was a good one, a comfortable one. That is, until Hermione decided to break it.
"Seriously Draco," She laughed, "How many times a day do you smoke? You smell like a chimney."
"Oh, I smell bad now huh? Well I guess I'll just have to leave." He said in a mock mad voice, as he started to walk away.
"No!" She yelled. Reaching out her hand to grab his. "Come back." And she pulled him against her this time.
So the next silence was filled with more happiness than these two had had since school started. And right before he left, for he couldn't be there forever even if he wanted to be, they both looked down at their intertwined hands and felt that feeling. Finally, after years of searching, two people started to find that one thing that so many look for. It was the feeling.
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the worst is over
you can have the best of me
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Author's note and Thank you's!!!!!
Thanks go to: (drum roll please…)
*PsYcHoJo- I'm glad you like the title of the chapter! I actually spend so much time on them trying to get one that really works! Thanks for reviewing.
*Tinuviel Firestorm- Thanks for the review of Chapter 2!!
*emmy-bone-kat- Thanks a lot for the reviews and the happy birthday!
*wutever- Thanks for the reviews every chapter! It makes me so happy that people are reading the whole thing. I hope you liked this new chapter.
*Fallon4Felton01- I know I love this song! It is so great. I have the acoustic version and it is SO good. Yay! Thanks for the review!
*BWR- Thanks a lot for reading my story and reviewing.
*Winter Fae- Oh my goodness! Thank you SO much for the review. It made me so happy how long it was and just how nice it was. But anyway, I wrote you an email, which I hope you get, about some of the stuff in your review! Thanks again!
*PinkTribeChick- Thank you so much for your review! It really meant a lot to me that you like how it's going and how it's set up.
**EVERYONE THANK YOU SO MUCH!! PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER AND TELL ME HOW IT WAS! Tell me what you liked and what you didn't and anything else you want to. THANKS AGAIN! And I had a really good birthday so thanks to everyone who wished me a good one. And I still need a BETA READER so email me or write about ti in your review if you might like to do it.
-Tracy