A/N: Well I didn't get to update as soon as I felt like it.I have absoloutly no ideas for this fic.In fact,I write it as it comes to me and post it five minutes later.
I definately want to do this,but my family is in the process of packing and moving,plus spring break just ended and we've got EXAMS! OH THE HORROR!!!
On with the story,which may just be idiotic and silly,considering its 3:16 am right now.
Disclaimer: Do you really think JKR has to write EXAMS after her SPRING BREAK?
I worry if you do.I am not JKR and I own no one but Arlowen the Evil Bitch.And Ash sorta-owns Bob. Lets say I adopted him.
There were several under the breath murmurs of "What the fuck?"
And other not-so-under-the-breathe murmurs of "I'd rather have that Halfblood Giant than this..this big..."
"Gay machine?"
"Yes.This Big Gay Machine!" The voice of course was Malfoy.He did not realise however,that the person who suggested 'Gay Machine' actually WAS the gay machine.
"Oh thank you!" Bob ran over and hugged Malfoy.Tightly.
Malfoy was turning blue.Though you have to admit,with his hair so blonde,blue looks good on him.Bob let go after copping a feel. He was,after all,a Big Gay Machine.
Draco's eye was twitching as he hissed,"I'll tell my mother about this!"
"Lets save threesomes for later Tiger." Bob purred."Rrraw!"
Malfoy's head plummeted downward.
"Draco,are you okay?"
"Yes,Pansy,I am fine." His voice was muffled by the table.Pansy was not fooled.She wasn't his best friend for nothing,"There there." she said,trying to soothe him,"It will be alright."
Bob wasn't used to this.He was used to happy overweight people wanting excercise advice,not grumpy little wizards and witches.Dumbledore had said they would be like this.After all,there was a *war* going on.
He watched them as they fidgeted and rolled their eyes while he explained,there would be 4 new houses Flybull,Tulala,Breosnort,and Chirewa.
He didn't drag out the Sorting Hat.
By this time Hermione was getting worried.She had not seen a professor at all.Were they even coming? Was this actually a camp or something Voldemort dreamed up?
She tried whispering her concerns to Harry and Ron,(they had finally found her) but Harry was looking like he did in Binn's class,his eyes were glazed over and there was a puddle of drool beneath his chin.
Ron could not be disturbed as he was busy drawing pictures of Bob in a dominatrix outfit.Hermione did *not* want to know why.
"...alternate universe."Bob was saying,"Dumbledore,even though against the ministry's wishes,has decided to stick all of you campers in an alternate universe.You're already here.Thats why the train ride took so long."
Hermione raised her hand,it was only natural,"How?"
"Um..well.."
"You don't know do you?" Hermione raised her left eyebrow.
"Yes I do!"
"How then?"
"Okay Hermannony,don't get sassy with me, girl."
"Hermione."
Bob dismissed this with a wave a his hand and a "whatever." Sadly,Bob was a ditz.He had completely forgotton what to do in case of a Verbal Assault by Brainy Know-It-Alls.
He *knew* he should have paid attention in Camp Counselors School.
"Its no actually an alternate universe,Herminonenione-"
"Hermione!"
"Its actually a pensieve,a memory that we launched you all into."He began to explain how pensieves work.Hermione Harry and Ron zoned out,they knew this stuff already.Little did they know Bob was making things up as he went along.
"So what you're saying Rob--"
"Bob."
"Rick." two could play that game.
"Bob."
"Whatever,what you're saying is that we are in the memory of Camp Hogwarts and Dumbledore is going to bottle up the pensieve and carry us around?"
"Yes?"
"Are you asking me or telling me."
"Uh.."
Hermione shook her head and covered her eyes.She growled lowly.Ron was turned on.
"You know what Bob? I don't care! Don't even try to explain it! Just sort us and get the damn thing over with." Harry woke up at the outburst. " I'LL find out later." she added haughtily.
"Alright,everyone."Bob announced loudly,speaking to everyone."You heard Miss Pris..uh..Hermininnin-"
"HERMIONE!!!"
That was the entire body of students.
"Er,right.Well,lets go get sorted shall we?"
With that,Bob skipped merrily out of the great hall.A few ex-Hufflepuff's got up to follow him,but as soon as they got to the door Bob skipped back in.
Carrying a golden object.A goblet.And something was in it.Something..blue?
Many students were expecting the Sorting Hat.Or the Goblet of Fire.But this? This was just wrong.
"Excuse me?"
"Yes,er,"He tried to remember this girl's name.He had heard someone say it to her."Perky?"
"Pansy."
"Patty?"
"Pansy!"
"Yes Pansy?"
"Is that a Goblet of..water?"
The goblet gurgled in Bob's hand." Yeah.What were you expecting?"
The general consensus was fire,actually.
Pansy said nothing.It was a let down.She had wanted the goblet of fire.It just seemed so grand.Now it was Draco's turn to console her,"Its all right.." He stroked her hair,he sounded slightly mocking "Everything will be fine..Patty."
She let her head flop to the table,"You're not *helping* Draco." she proclaimed in muffled tones.
a/n: Why does Bob lie? You'll all find out later.In chapter 7.
Why am I saying this a chapter early?
Cuz I completely forgot about Bob in chappie 6
I definately want to do this,but my family is in the process of packing and moving,plus spring break just ended and we've got EXAMS! OH THE HORROR!!!
On with the story,which may just be idiotic and silly,considering its 3:16 am right now.
Disclaimer: Do you really think JKR has to write EXAMS after her SPRING BREAK?
I worry if you do.I am not JKR and I own no one but Arlowen the Evil Bitch.And Ash sorta-owns Bob. Lets say I adopted him.
There were several under the breath murmurs of "What the fuck?"
And other not-so-under-the-breathe murmurs of "I'd rather have that Halfblood Giant than this..this big..."
"Gay machine?"
"Yes.This Big Gay Machine!" The voice of course was Malfoy.He did not realise however,that the person who suggested 'Gay Machine' actually WAS the gay machine.
"Oh thank you!" Bob ran over and hugged Malfoy.Tightly.
Malfoy was turning blue.Though you have to admit,with his hair so blonde,blue looks good on him.Bob let go after copping a feel. He was,after all,a Big Gay Machine.
Draco's eye was twitching as he hissed,"I'll tell my mother about this!"
"Lets save threesomes for later Tiger." Bob purred."Rrraw!"
Malfoy's head plummeted downward.
"Draco,are you okay?"
"Yes,Pansy,I am fine." His voice was muffled by the table.Pansy was not fooled.She wasn't his best friend for nothing,"There there." she said,trying to soothe him,"It will be alright."
Bob wasn't used to this.He was used to happy overweight people wanting excercise advice,not grumpy little wizards and witches.Dumbledore had said they would be like this.After all,there was a *war* going on.
He watched them as they fidgeted and rolled their eyes while he explained,there would be 4 new houses Flybull,Tulala,Breosnort,and Chirewa.
He didn't drag out the Sorting Hat.
By this time Hermione was getting worried.She had not seen a professor at all.Were they even coming? Was this actually a camp or something Voldemort dreamed up?
She tried whispering her concerns to Harry and Ron,(they had finally found her) but Harry was looking like he did in Binn's class,his eyes were glazed over and there was a puddle of drool beneath his chin.
Ron could not be disturbed as he was busy drawing pictures of Bob in a dominatrix outfit.Hermione did *not* want to know why.
"...alternate universe."Bob was saying,"Dumbledore,even though against the ministry's wishes,has decided to stick all of you campers in an alternate universe.You're already here.Thats why the train ride took so long."
Hermione raised her hand,it was only natural,"How?"
"Um..well.."
"You don't know do you?" Hermione raised her left eyebrow.
"Yes I do!"
"How then?"
"Okay Hermannony,don't get sassy with me, girl."
"Hermione."
Bob dismissed this with a wave a his hand and a "whatever." Sadly,Bob was a ditz.He had completely forgotton what to do in case of a Verbal Assault by Brainy Know-It-Alls.
He *knew* he should have paid attention in Camp Counselors School.
"Its no actually an alternate universe,Herminonenione-"
"Hermione!"
"Its actually a pensieve,a memory that we launched you all into."He began to explain how pensieves work.Hermione Harry and Ron zoned out,they knew this stuff already.Little did they know Bob was making things up as he went along.
"So what you're saying Rob--"
"Bob."
"Rick." two could play that game.
"Bob."
"Whatever,what you're saying is that we are in the memory of Camp Hogwarts and Dumbledore is going to bottle up the pensieve and carry us around?"
"Yes?"
"Are you asking me or telling me."
"Uh.."
Hermione shook her head and covered her eyes.She growled lowly.Ron was turned on.
"You know what Bob? I don't care! Don't even try to explain it! Just sort us and get the damn thing over with." Harry woke up at the outburst. " I'LL find out later." she added haughtily.
"Alright,everyone."Bob announced loudly,speaking to everyone."You heard Miss Pris..uh..Hermininnin-"
"HERMIONE!!!"
That was the entire body of students.
"Er,right.Well,lets go get sorted shall we?"
With that,Bob skipped merrily out of the great hall.A few ex-Hufflepuff's got up to follow him,but as soon as they got to the door Bob skipped back in.
Carrying a golden object.A goblet.And something was in it.Something..blue?
Many students were expecting the Sorting Hat.Or the Goblet of Fire.But this? This was just wrong.
"Excuse me?"
"Yes,er,"He tried to remember this girl's name.He had heard someone say it to her."Perky?"
"Pansy."
"Patty?"
"Pansy!"
"Yes Pansy?"
"Is that a Goblet of..water?"
The goblet gurgled in Bob's hand." Yeah.What were you expecting?"
The general consensus was fire,actually.
Pansy said nothing.It was a let down.She had wanted the goblet of fire.It just seemed so grand.Now it was Draco's turn to console her,"Its all right.." He stroked her hair,he sounded slightly mocking "Everything will be fine..Patty."
She let her head flop to the table,"You're not *helping* Draco." she proclaimed in muffled tones.
a/n: Why does Bob lie? You'll all find out later.In chapter 7.
Why am I saying this a chapter early?
Cuz I completely forgot about Bob in chappie 6