CHAPTER FOUR
(a dilemma)
A wadded-up piece of paper hit Lianne on the head. She gritted her teeth and turned to glare at the sea of innocent faces behind her, then she grabbed the note and smoothed it out. Another piece of neatly folded paper fell out. She read that first.
"Dearest Artemis, Maybe you'd like to go to the dance with me. I know I'd love to go with you. It doesn't matter that you didn't ask me; I know how smart and busy you are. My number is 6547832. Call me. Love, Stacey."
Lianne felt a grim satisfaction as she crumpled it up. Then she stuffed it in her bag and read what was on the other piece of paper.
"Lianne - could you hand this to Artemis for me? I know you're his lab partner. Thanks."
Lianne scrunched up the paper again and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor.
That morning, the school board had announced that there would be a dance next week, sponsored by the rich, happy parents of Artisan Cliff. It would be a major event, that was for sure. With the wealth the sponsors could afford to throw around, the dance would probably be a stunning affair. More information would be posted tomorrow such as the venue and the theme of the dance and stuff. It was only the third week of school, but apparently, Artisan Cliff had to cater to the only diversions of bored, rich mothers - planning activities for their little darlings.
Since then, the notes had been pelting Lianne. Word had spread that she was the only one Artemis bore close contact with, and the lovestruck girls longing to snag a date with the handsome prodigy were going to desperate measures.
By lunchtime, Lianne had eleven notes crumpled up in her bag. Eleven. She was highly irritated, and she assured herself it was only because she was being pelted by love letters to her annoying lab partner. Definitely not because Artemis was sure to accept one of these offers - he had so many to choose from.
Lianne decided to hide out in the library. It was easy to hide in the vast rooms and shelves of books of the Artisan Cliff Library, and she was confident that no one would try to give her a note there. She was fuming. So much for mature college students. It really galled her that she was reduced to skulking in the library to avoid Artemis' admirers. She hadn't realized that so many girls fell for her lab partner's cool, self-assured aura of intelligence and wealth.
She was leaning against a shelf full of encyclopedias, trying to blend with the books, when a couple of girls darted beside her. She nearly shrieked; she was so startled.
"Sorry!" one of them chirped. "We didn't mean to startle you. But we've been looking for you all over campus."
"Yes. We want you to give these to Artemis," the second one added. They each held out a folded note.
Lianne willed herself to act civil as she reached out and took the notes. But she couldn't help it. Smiling sweetly, she said, "Do you think thirteen is an unlucky number?"
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
Artemis glanced at his lab partner, confused. The emotion was alien to the prodigy, and he didn't like it. He prided himself on being able to understand why and how most things happened.
First Lianne was late. When Professor Stafford had asked her for an excuse slip, she said that she didn't have one. So he asked why she was late. She said, "I was playing Cupid, sir."
Everyone blinked. Professor Stafford requested her to repeat herself.
"I was dawdling in the corridors, sir. I apologize for being late."
Then, when she had opened her bag to take out a pen and her lab notebook, Artemis was sure he had seen an ungodly number of crumpled pieces of paper inside her bag. When he asked her about them, her mouth dropped open, and he flinched because he could see that she nearly hurled a test tube at him.
Now she was drumming her fingers rapidly on the table, her eyes on Professor Stafford as he delivered a lecture on analogs. He could see that she wasn't listening. Well, neither was he. But Artemis had already read at least three scientific essays on the pros and cons of analogs, how formulas for analogs were derived, and so on. He could be excused for not listening.
Lianne, however, could not.
He wrenched his gaze away from her long fingers, which drummed on the table with an emotion he identified as annoyance. But what did she have to be annoyed about?
Artemis mentally rolled his eyes at himself. As if he cared.
He didn't, he told himself confidently. He tuned in on Professor Stafford's lecture.
"We've established that analogs are compounds similar in structure to parent formulas, although not quite identical. Let me give an example. Who can repeat to me the chemical name of aspirin?" Professor Stafford scanned the room. "Lianne?"
Lianne blinked. "What?"
"The scientific name of aspirin," Professor Stafford repeated patiently.
Other hands were raised around the room. This was Artisan Cliff, a school for people with IQ's above 130, minimum. But Professor Stafford was looking straight at Lianne.
Her dark eyes widened, and she bit her lip. "Um. . ."
"I believe I mentioned it a few minutes after you came in," Professor Stafford said.
"I. . ." Lianne's voice trailed off. Someone snickered. Artemis noticed a flush rise on Lianne's cheek, and knew that she knew people were laughing at her. He frowned.
"Sodium acetylsalicylate," he hissed to her, so softly that he wasn't sure she heard him.
"Yes, sir, you did. The scientific name of aspirin is sodium acetylsalicylate," she answered loudly, glaring at the corner from which the snicker had originated.
Professor Stafford smiled. "Correct. Now, as I was saying, a molecule of aspirin has twenty-one atoms. . . "
"Thank you," Lianne muttered to her lab partner.
She didn't sound the least bit grateful. Artemis raised an eyebrow condescendingly at her. "Thank me by listening. I shall not give you answers to the most fundamentally simple questions again."
He smiled to himself when he saw her eyes narrowing in a telltale sign of irritation. He'd never admit it, but he was beginning to enjoy baiting her.
"Answer this fundamentally simple question - how many people have formed plots on your life?" she snapped under her breath, looking warily at Professor Stafford out of the corner of her eye.
Artemis did smile then. "A lot more than one, I assure you."
"No need to assure anyone," she said sweetly. "You had me at the word 'lot.'"
Damn, she was quick. But so was he. Artemis said politely, "I revise my statement, then. Merely 'more than one.' I must admit that I don't want to have you."
Lianne spluttered and turned away. Artemis smirked and congratulated himself.
Professor Stafford was still talking. "Only a small part of the aspirin molecule actually triggers its relieving analgesic effect. This part is the one which fits snugly into the central reception sites of our nervous system - "
Artemis lost track of the lecture when he saw a piece of paper hit the table right in front of Lianne. He watched as she picked up the folded piece of paper, giving it a murderous stare he had only ever seen directed at himself. Then she shoved it at him and turned back to Professor Stafford.
He took it, wondering what was wrong with his lab partner. The note had obviously been intended for her. Why did she want him to read it? He opened it.
"Dear Lianne, Would you like to go to the dance with me? I'd love to take you. I'm sure that we will enjoy a night of magical romance if you decide to accept my invitation. I want us to dance together. Ever yours, Jake."
For once, Artemis lost his cool. His calm, arrogant expression melted into a supremely annoyed one, and he said sharply, "Lianne!"
She immediately faced him again, and he knew that she had been listening for his reaction. He scowled. What was the purpose behind letting him see some idiot's love letter to her? He held it out to her.
"What?" she asked, just as sharply. "Do you want me to see letter number 16?"
Professor Stafford glanced at them. They both fell silent. Then the lecture continued.
"You're not making any sense," he snapped quietly.
"You're the one muddling everything up," she told him. She glanced at the paper as though it held SARS. "Get that thing away from me."
Artemis was exasperated. "You don't want to read a letter addressed to you?"
She snatched up the paper so fast that he almost got a paper cut. "I don't believe this," she mumbled. "The one letter that's actually for me, and you get to read it first."
"If you would learn to explain your ramblings, I'm sure we'd get along much better," Artemis informed her. "I don't understand why you're acting so unusual."
For a moment she looked nearly contrite. "I guess I haven't been fair to you. But there are so many of them, and Professor Stafford's already singled us out. I'll explain after class."
Artemis opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed it. She was starting to unfold the letter.
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
Lianne quickly read the letter. She felt a smile blossoming on her face, and she knew she was grinning like an idiot. She tilted her head and reread the letter, then she sighed and tried to control her smile. How sweet. She knew Jake was a blond-haired basketball player, and that he sat two tables behind her. She hadn't paid too much attention to him - thinking of Artemis and his arrogance took up all of her brain space - but now that she thought about it, he was really very attractive.
She wanted to say yes, but she didn't know too much about Jake yet. For all she knew, he was a drunk. She looked up, deciding to ask Artemis.
He was staring at her. She leaned towards him and whispered conspiratorially, "Do you think I should say yes to Jake?"
Artemis was suddenly very cool. "I know little about your admirer," he said flatly. "I am in no position to give advice."
Maybe it was the way he said it, as though he was explaining something like how babies are made to a kid. Lianne's slanted eyes immediately became mere brown slits as she said to Artemis, "Whatever. You don't have to go all snooty on me." Then, very quietly, "Jerk."
Artemis didn't hear her. He was determinedly staring at Professor Stafford, who chose that moment to say, "I want a detailed report on why hallucinogenic analogs of dangerous drugs should be banned. To be submitted tomorrow. I want each pair of lab students -" at this point Lianne and Artemis traded the sort of look that men who are falling down a chasm would give to the ledge they left behind - "to give me this report, and make it as creative as possible. It should be part performance, part written output. I expect both tomorrow."
Gasps of outrage rose from the class, Lianne included. Artemis only raised a single disbelieving eyebrow.
"That's not possible," someone called out. "Sir, we can't make a report that quickly!"
"Of course you can," replied Professor Stafford mildly. "You study in Artisan Cliff. Did I mention that this project counts for forty percent of your final grade?"
This time the gasps were mixed with resigned groans.
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
Captain Trouble Kelp of the LEP had a dilemma.
By now, of course, he knew what had happened to Holly. All of Haven did. The media had sensationalized it, he thought with disgust, making the LEP out to be a bunch of incompetent idiots who were going to be the downfall of the fairy civilization. An officer at the mercy of a Mud Man!
Foaly had given him the job of capturing Artemis Fowl, preferably causing as little a stir as possible. They just didn't have the resources to smooth more mishaps over. Foaly claimed he had the approval of Commander Root. Trouble hadn't believed him. He had only agreed because of Holly. He wanted her back in Haven as soon as possible, and if Fowl was the only one who could help them . . .
He was late. Foaly was going to murder him. But he had only gotten the order last night, and this morning he had been dispatched to Fowl Manor to execute those orders. Alone. There was no time to find someone else. But things had happened much too quickly. When Trouble got to Fowl Manor, he was just supposed to grab Artemis, probably with Butler, and rush back to headquarters and hand both of them over, all before lunchtime. But by the time he got there, Butler was coming back after taking Artemis to school.
Now it was four hours past noon, and the black vehicle with Artemis inside it was just then coming up the drive. But that wasn't Trouble's problem.
The problem was the Mud Girl in the car with Butler and Artemis.
Trouble had two options. One: he could capture Artemis and Butler, the only ones he had been given permission to capture, and leave the girl behind when he took them to Haven. But the girl would surely know something was wrong, and she would run to other Mud Men and tell, making the situation even worse than it already was. And two, he could capture the girl along with Artemis and Butler, and let Foaly and Commander Root deal with the situation - after they tried to strangle him.
Trouble watched, invisible, as the girl, Artemis, and Butler left the automobile.
"I didn't want to come here, you know," the girl was saying. A bit more loudly than necessary. Her eyes were flashing with anger. "I'm only here because - "
"You have a regular check-up with the doctor later this afternoon, and you absolutely refuse to cancel it," Artemis cut in blandly. "So we must finish this project now, and we can't do it at your house because you have only one computer and that has a broken printer. I know. You have told me plenty of times."
"Then stop acting like you're doing me a great favor! What I'm doing right now is called a necessity, not a bloody desire."
Trouble suddenly grinned. It was the first time he had done so since he had learned of Holly's capture.
The girl had just narrowed his choices.
He didn't like Artemis. No fairy in his right mind did. And here this Mud Girl was giving him hell about something. Anyone could see how bad the prodigy's mood was turning.
But only Foaly and Root could appreciate it.
Trouble went over to the front door of the mansion as Artemis and Lianne, bickering, walked nearer and nearer. Butler walked behind them.
And Trouble Kelp grinned again.
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What do you think? I just want you to know that I get all happy whenever someone reviews my stories! (In other words - please review!) I'll try to update soon!
(a dilemma)
A wadded-up piece of paper hit Lianne on the head. She gritted her teeth and turned to glare at the sea of innocent faces behind her, then she grabbed the note and smoothed it out. Another piece of neatly folded paper fell out. She read that first.
"Dearest Artemis, Maybe you'd like to go to the dance with me. I know I'd love to go with you. It doesn't matter that you didn't ask me; I know how smart and busy you are. My number is 6547832. Call me. Love, Stacey."
Lianne felt a grim satisfaction as she crumpled it up. Then she stuffed it in her bag and read what was on the other piece of paper.
"Lianne - could you hand this to Artemis for me? I know you're his lab partner. Thanks."
Lianne scrunched up the paper again and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor.
That morning, the school board had announced that there would be a dance next week, sponsored by the rich, happy parents of Artisan Cliff. It would be a major event, that was for sure. With the wealth the sponsors could afford to throw around, the dance would probably be a stunning affair. More information would be posted tomorrow such as the venue and the theme of the dance and stuff. It was only the third week of school, but apparently, Artisan Cliff had to cater to the only diversions of bored, rich mothers - planning activities for their little darlings.
Since then, the notes had been pelting Lianne. Word had spread that she was the only one Artemis bore close contact with, and the lovestruck girls longing to snag a date with the handsome prodigy were going to desperate measures.
By lunchtime, Lianne had eleven notes crumpled up in her bag. Eleven. She was highly irritated, and she assured herself it was only because she was being pelted by love letters to her annoying lab partner. Definitely not because Artemis was sure to accept one of these offers - he had so many to choose from.
Lianne decided to hide out in the library. It was easy to hide in the vast rooms and shelves of books of the Artisan Cliff Library, and she was confident that no one would try to give her a note there. She was fuming. So much for mature college students. It really galled her that she was reduced to skulking in the library to avoid Artemis' admirers. She hadn't realized that so many girls fell for her lab partner's cool, self-assured aura of intelligence and wealth.
She was leaning against a shelf full of encyclopedias, trying to blend with the books, when a couple of girls darted beside her. She nearly shrieked; she was so startled.
"Sorry!" one of them chirped. "We didn't mean to startle you. But we've been looking for you all over campus."
"Yes. We want you to give these to Artemis," the second one added. They each held out a folded note.
Lianne willed herself to act civil as she reached out and took the notes. But she couldn't help it. Smiling sweetly, she said, "Do you think thirteen is an unlucky number?"
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
Artemis glanced at his lab partner, confused. The emotion was alien to the prodigy, and he didn't like it. He prided himself on being able to understand why and how most things happened.
First Lianne was late. When Professor Stafford had asked her for an excuse slip, she said that she didn't have one. So he asked why she was late. She said, "I was playing Cupid, sir."
Everyone blinked. Professor Stafford requested her to repeat herself.
"I was dawdling in the corridors, sir. I apologize for being late."
Then, when she had opened her bag to take out a pen and her lab notebook, Artemis was sure he had seen an ungodly number of crumpled pieces of paper inside her bag. When he asked her about them, her mouth dropped open, and he flinched because he could see that she nearly hurled a test tube at him.
Now she was drumming her fingers rapidly on the table, her eyes on Professor Stafford as he delivered a lecture on analogs. He could see that she wasn't listening. Well, neither was he. But Artemis had already read at least three scientific essays on the pros and cons of analogs, how formulas for analogs were derived, and so on. He could be excused for not listening.
Lianne, however, could not.
He wrenched his gaze away from her long fingers, which drummed on the table with an emotion he identified as annoyance. But what did she have to be annoyed about?
Artemis mentally rolled his eyes at himself. As if he cared.
He didn't, he told himself confidently. He tuned in on Professor Stafford's lecture.
"We've established that analogs are compounds similar in structure to parent formulas, although not quite identical. Let me give an example. Who can repeat to me the chemical name of aspirin?" Professor Stafford scanned the room. "Lianne?"
Lianne blinked. "What?"
"The scientific name of aspirin," Professor Stafford repeated patiently.
Other hands were raised around the room. This was Artisan Cliff, a school for people with IQ's above 130, minimum. But Professor Stafford was looking straight at Lianne.
Her dark eyes widened, and she bit her lip. "Um. . ."
"I believe I mentioned it a few minutes after you came in," Professor Stafford said.
"I. . ." Lianne's voice trailed off. Someone snickered. Artemis noticed a flush rise on Lianne's cheek, and knew that she knew people were laughing at her. He frowned.
"Sodium acetylsalicylate," he hissed to her, so softly that he wasn't sure she heard him.
"Yes, sir, you did. The scientific name of aspirin is sodium acetylsalicylate," she answered loudly, glaring at the corner from which the snicker had originated.
Professor Stafford smiled. "Correct. Now, as I was saying, a molecule of aspirin has twenty-one atoms. . . "
"Thank you," Lianne muttered to her lab partner.
She didn't sound the least bit grateful. Artemis raised an eyebrow condescendingly at her. "Thank me by listening. I shall not give you answers to the most fundamentally simple questions again."
He smiled to himself when he saw her eyes narrowing in a telltale sign of irritation. He'd never admit it, but he was beginning to enjoy baiting her.
"Answer this fundamentally simple question - how many people have formed plots on your life?" she snapped under her breath, looking warily at Professor Stafford out of the corner of her eye.
Artemis did smile then. "A lot more than one, I assure you."
"No need to assure anyone," she said sweetly. "You had me at the word 'lot.'"
Damn, she was quick. But so was he. Artemis said politely, "I revise my statement, then. Merely 'more than one.' I must admit that I don't want to have you."
Lianne spluttered and turned away. Artemis smirked and congratulated himself.
Professor Stafford was still talking. "Only a small part of the aspirin molecule actually triggers its relieving analgesic effect. This part is the one which fits snugly into the central reception sites of our nervous system - "
Artemis lost track of the lecture when he saw a piece of paper hit the table right in front of Lianne. He watched as she picked up the folded piece of paper, giving it a murderous stare he had only ever seen directed at himself. Then she shoved it at him and turned back to Professor Stafford.
He took it, wondering what was wrong with his lab partner. The note had obviously been intended for her. Why did she want him to read it? He opened it.
"Dear Lianne, Would you like to go to the dance with me? I'd love to take you. I'm sure that we will enjoy a night of magical romance if you decide to accept my invitation. I want us to dance together. Ever yours, Jake."
For once, Artemis lost his cool. His calm, arrogant expression melted into a supremely annoyed one, and he said sharply, "Lianne!"
She immediately faced him again, and he knew that she had been listening for his reaction. He scowled. What was the purpose behind letting him see some idiot's love letter to her? He held it out to her.
"What?" she asked, just as sharply. "Do you want me to see letter number 16?"
Professor Stafford glanced at them. They both fell silent. Then the lecture continued.
"You're not making any sense," he snapped quietly.
"You're the one muddling everything up," she told him. She glanced at the paper as though it held SARS. "Get that thing away from me."
Artemis was exasperated. "You don't want to read a letter addressed to you?"
She snatched up the paper so fast that he almost got a paper cut. "I don't believe this," she mumbled. "The one letter that's actually for me, and you get to read it first."
"If you would learn to explain your ramblings, I'm sure we'd get along much better," Artemis informed her. "I don't understand why you're acting so unusual."
For a moment she looked nearly contrite. "I guess I haven't been fair to you. But there are so many of them, and Professor Stafford's already singled us out. I'll explain after class."
Artemis opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed it. She was starting to unfold the letter.
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
Lianne quickly read the letter. She felt a smile blossoming on her face, and she knew she was grinning like an idiot. She tilted her head and reread the letter, then she sighed and tried to control her smile. How sweet. She knew Jake was a blond-haired basketball player, and that he sat two tables behind her. She hadn't paid too much attention to him - thinking of Artemis and his arrogance took up all of her brain space - but now that she thought about it, he was really very attractive.
She wanted to say yes, but she didn't know too much about Jake yet. For all she knew, he was a drunk. She looked up, deciding to ask Artemis.
He was staring at her. She leaned towards him and whispered conspiratorially, "Do you think I should say yes to Jake?"
Artemis was suddenly very cool. "I know little about your admirer," he said flatly. "I am in no position to give advice."
Maybe it was the way he said it, as though he was explaining something like how babies are made to a kid. Lianne's slanted eyes immediately became mere brown slits as she said to Artemis, "Whatever. You don't have to go all snooty on me." Then, very quietly, "Jerk."
Artemis didn't hear her. He was determinedly staring at Professor Stafford, who chose that moment to say, "I want a detailed report on why hallucinogenic analogs of dangerous drugs should be banned. To be submitted tomorrow. I want each pair of lab students -" at this point Lianne and Artemis traded the sort of look that men who are falling down a chasm would give to the ledge they left behind - "to give me this report, and make it as creative as possible. It should be part performance, part written output. I expect both tomorrow."
Gasps of outrage rose from the class, Lianne included. Artemis only raised a single disbelieving eyebrow.
"That's not possible," someone called out. "Sir, we can't make a report that quickly!"
"Of course you can," replied Professor Stafford mildly. "You study in Artisan Cliff. Did I mention that this project counts for forty percent of your final grade?"
This time the gasps were mixed with resigned groans.
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
Captain Trouble Kelp of the LEP had a dilemma.
By now, of course, he knew what had happened to Holly. All of Haven did. The media had sensationalized it, he thought with disgust, making the LEP out to be a bunch of incompetent idiots who were going to be the downfall of the fairy civilization. An officer at the mercy of a Mud Man!
Foaly had given him the job of capturing Artemis Fowl, preferably causing as little a stir as possible. They just didn't have the resources to smooth more mishaps over. Foaly claimed he had the approval of Commander Root. Trouble hadn't believed him. He had only agreed because of Holly. He wanted her back in Haven as soon as possible, and if Fowl was the only one who could help them . . .
He was late. Foaly was going to murder him. But he had only gotten the order last night, and this morning he had been dispatched to Fowl Manor to execute those orders. Alone. There was no time to find someone else. But things had happened much too quickly. When Trouble got to Fowl Manor, he was just supposed to grab Artemis, probably with Butler, and rush back to headquarters and hand both of them over, all before lunchtime. But by the time he got there, Butler was coming back after taking Artemis to school.
Now it was four hours past noon, and the black vehicle with Artemis inside it was just then coming up the drive. But that wasn't Trouble's problem.
The problem was the Mud Girl in the car with Butler and Artemis.
Trouble had two options. One: he could capture Artemis and Butler, the only ones he had been given permission to capture, and leave the girl behind when he took them to Haven. But the girl would surely know something was wrong, and she would run to other Mud Men and tell, making the situation even worse than it already was. And two, he could capture the girl along with Artemis and Butler, and let Foaly and Commander Root deal with the situation - after they tried to strangle him.
Trouble watched, invisible, as the girl, Artemis, and Butler left the automobile.
"I didn't want to come here, you know," the girl was saying. A bit more loudly than necessary. Her eyes were flashing with anger. "I'm only here because - "
"You have a regular check-up with the doctor later this afternoon, and you absolutely refuse to cancel it," Artemis cut in blandly. "So we must finish this project now, and we can't do it at your house because you have only one computer and that has a broken printer. I know. You have told me plenty of times."
"Then stop acting like you're doing me a great favor! What I'm doing right now is called a necessity, not a bloody desire."
Trouble suddenly grinned. It was the first time he had done so since he had learned of Holly's capture.
The girl had just narrowed his choices.
He didn't like Artemis. No fairy in his right mind did. And here this Mud Girl was giving him hell about something. Anyone could see how bad the prodigy's mood was turning.
But only Foaly and Root could appreciate it.
Trouble went over to the front door of the mansion as Artemis and Lianne, bickering, walked nearer and nearer. Butler walked behind them.
And Trouble Kelp grinned again.
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What do you think? I just want you to know that I get all happy whenever someone reviews my stories! (In other words - please review!) I'll try to update soon!