Gandalf and His Toupee'. Ah True Love.
One day in Middle Earth, Gandalf looked into the mirror and realized his hairline was receding.
"What an atrocity!"
To Gandalf this could not be. How could a grand old farty gay wizard like him lose his hair? He knew at once that he must travel to the local Middle Earth Wig Shop.
When he arrived at Weathertop Wigs(, he browsed until he found a toupee in "salt and pepper." I mean really, who is he trying to fool? His hair is GRAY people. He's an old ugly stinky wizard with gray hair. Anyways, so Gandalf decided that perhaps since he was going to get a nice toupee, he might as well change the color so he looked younger. Maybe then Gimli would notice him. Perhaps a nice tint of reddish gray would turn that sexy dwarf on.
So Gandalf purchased this crime against humanity and took it to Fangorn Forest to meet up with Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. Gandalf had not really fallen into that pit with the Balrog. He had seen his reflection in some water and had staged the whole thing so he could go get his toupee. At the precise moment he arrived, he noticed Gimli sporting some sexy new do and some even more worn "vintage" clothes.
Damn that Legolas. Always riding on the horse in front of Gimli. Always sitting next to Gimli. The poor dwarf could hardly look Gandalf's way without Legolas talking about something he did seven hundred years ago or something. Gandalf had to think of some way that would get Legolas out of the picture.
"I think your hair is getting dry and your ends are splitting, Legolas." Gandalf said mischievously.
Ha. You should have seen the look on Legolas' face. He ran off at three billion meters a second to the nearest Walgreen's to get some moisturizing shampoo. What a woman.
Now it was time for Gandalf to seize the day. He and his magic toupee would conquer Gimli and the three of them would run away together into the night. Ah yes.
"I love you Gimli."
"Uh......"
You see, Gimli was secretly in love with Treebeard and Treebeard in love with Smeagol so this was just one big mess. Gandalf looked into Gimli's eyes and saw only a blank stupid dwarf expression. Then a new thought dawned upon him. He didn't need Gimli. He needed his toupee above all. Who had been there to hold Gandalf as he cried himself to sleep? The Toupee. Who had been there while Gandalf read poetry and written some love poems of his own? The Toupee. Gandalf saw now that the Toupee made him happy and that was all that he needed. And they got dirty in the back of Faramir's Chevy. The End.
One day in Middle Earth, Gandalf looked into the mirror and realized his hairline was receding.
"What an atrocity!"
To Gandalf this could not be. How could a grand old farty gay wizard like him lose his hair? He knew at once that he must travel to the local Middle Earth Wig Shop.
When he arrived at Weathertop Wigs(, he browsed until he found a toupee in "salt and pepper." I mean really, who is he trying to fool? His hair is GRAY people. He's an old ugly stinky wizard with gray hair. Anyways, so Gandalf decided that perhaps since he was going to get a nice toupee, he might as well change the color so he looked younger. Maybe then Gimli would notice him. Perhaps a nice tint of reddish gray would turn that sexy dwarf on.
So Gandalf purchased this crime against humanity and took it to Fangorn Forest to meet up with Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. Gandalf had not really fallen into that pit with the Balrog. He had seen his reflection in some water and had staged the whole thing so he could go get his toupee. At the precise moment he arrived, he noticed Gimli sporting some sexy new do and some even more worn "vintage" clothes.
Damn that Legolas. Always riding on the horse in front of Gimli. Always sitting next to Gimli. The poor dwarf could hardly look Gandalf's way without Legolas talking about something he did seven hundred years ago or something. Gandalf had to think of some way that would get Legolas out of the picture.
"I think your hair is getting dry and your ends are splitting, Legolas." Gandalf said mischievously.
Ha. You should have seen the look on Legolas' face. He ran off at three billion meters a second to the nearest Walgreen's to get some moisturizing shampoo. What a woman.
Now it was time for Gandalf to seize the day. He and his magic toupee would conquer Gimli and the three of them would run away together into the night. Ah yes.
"I love you Gimli."
"Uh......"
You see, Gimli was secretly in love with Treebeard and Treebeard in love with Smeagol so this was just one big mess. Gandalf looked into Gimli's eyes and saw only a blank stupid dwarf expression. Then a new thought dawned upon him. He didn't need Gimli. He needed his toupee above all. Who had been there to hold Gandalf as he cried himself to sleep? The Toupee. Who had been there while Gandalf read poetry and written some love poems of his own? The Toupee. Gandalf saw now that the Toupee made him happy and that was all that he needed. And they got dirty in the back of Faramir's Chevy. The End.