A/N:
wow.I've been told by a friend that I'm going overboard with this Bob character.Its not my fault! I like developing new characters.And I hang around waaaaaaay too many flaky lying gay guys.
Anyway,this chapter is gonna be written entirely in Mmail format.I would not have this if it were not for Anya.Read Anya's Naked Quidditch Match.Its hilarious.I'll post a link when I find it again.
to: Ann
from:Bob
subject: Campers
Hello Sister Dear!,
I know its been so so long since we've talked.But I've missed you.There are NO people to talk to in this silly little school.All the professors are so...professory..
And there's this girl,she's SUCH a knowitall.Herminie.
She reminds me of you.
I can't remember what Uncle Albus told me to do.So I made up some stuff about how they got here.But it got jumbled up as I was speaking.Hermomyn was drilling holes into my head with her eyes.Gah!
Uncle wants them all to bond,and he put me in charge of everything.So I sorted them with my toy Goblet of Fire,but had water in it instead.
The goblet placed them without a song and they were confused.But thats alright.They'll know soon enough what bonds them.
Love and Kisses,
Bobby
To: Scarhead's sidekick
From:Your favorite Enemy
subject: your sister
Weasley,
What is up with your sister? She is taking over my house and its only been a day! Tell your mudblood loving sister to go AWAY!
We've noticed you have Crabbe.
We'll trade him for Weaslette.
Draco Malfoy
To: Scarhead
From: Draco Malfoy
subject: Slytherin
Look,lets not waste time with salutations.
You have a Slytherin.We have a Gryffindor.You don't want Bulstrode and we don't want Creevey.
Trade?
Draco Malfoy
To: Ron
From:Ginny
Subject:The Trade
Ron,
I've heard of Malfoy's stupid plan.Don't trade me! I like it here.Its all boys and I feel at home.Some of these boys are right sexy too.Like Blaise.He's yummy.
A bit cold though,and he doesn't talk much.
Tell Harry they can have Colin.He won't shut up about Harry and its a bit grating on the nerves.
Love,
Ginny
To: Bouncing Ferret
From: Ron Weasley
Subject: Sister
Malfoy,
I got a disturbing letter from my sister.She likes it there.She also thinks Blaise is
"yummy"
My brotherly instinct are fighting.They tell me,"Let her stay.She likes it."
and "Get her out of there before she gets herself in trouble."
I've heard about what you slytherins do.
Dirty nasty Slytherins.
Don't mess with my sister.
No trade,
Ronald Weasley
P.S.
Don't even think about what I've heard you're thinking.
You can't handle a Weasley.
To: Bob
From:Ann
Subject:Uncle Al
CC: Uncle Al
Bob?
What did you tell them? What qualities do they share? Why didn't Uncle put me in charge? And what is your insane plan??
Love
Ann
To:Annie
From:Bobalicious
Subject: Plan? What plan?
CC:Uncle
Heh heh.
Plan you say?
Actually,no plan was involved Sissy dear.
Well,not in the sorting atleast.They were mostly sorted alphabetically but I do have SOME plan involving the Getting Along.
Remember Uncle said all the houses must get along?
Well they have to get to know eachother,which means they will tolerate each other.
See,if they all knew exactly was they had in common this would be too easy.But since none of them or I know what bonds them,if anything does,they have to talk to each other to find out.
Ha!
I am such a little genius.
I have to go now.Hermianee is going to ask more about the "alternate universe" I said they were thrown into.
Bobby
To: Don't Lie to yourself
From:The real genius
Subject: Bossy Girls
Bob,
Do Uncle Albus and I a favor and learn to spell that girls name.
If I have to look at "HERINIMOIENIEORMEMOREOM" one more time I'll go insane.
Love,
Annabelle
To: My Nephew
From: The Supreme Mugwump
Subject: Sorting
Dearest Nephew,
How is Aberforth? I heard from Ann that he was sick.
That was a fine plan,but next time you need to fine tune it if you are going to lie.I've learned a thing or too about lying.Don't.
These children are sharp and they'll catch on.I know you meant well.You made them think they were in a world without Voldemort,they feel safe now.But what if they find out about your discretion?
Those kids will have your arse
Sincerly,
Albus
P.s. The girl you mentioned is Hermione,I'm sure.
To: The Amazing Bouncing Ferret
From: The guy you wish you were
Subject: Creevey
Malfoy,
Do I look stupid? What kind of trick are you pulling here? No I don't want Colin,I don't even want Bulstrode.
I'm having trouble figuring out the lesser of the two evils.
But Colin is bugging you,and thats a plus.
Keep him.
Harry Potter
To: *snickers* Panties
From: Draco
Subject: Plan
Sorry Panz,
Our plan isn't working.Appearently we got all the annoying Gryffindors that noone wants to trade.I haven't tried to trade them all yet but from what I'm seeing,no one will take them.I certainly wouldn't.Damn goody two shoes.
There is no way we'll get all the Slythes in one house.But I'm not giving up!
Draco
To:Gay Machine's lovebunny
From:PANSY
Subject: How are you gonna do that?
Draco,
They called me a slut! Its not fair,I flash Snape ONCE and I've been slapped with the title of SLUT.
I needed that grade.Mother would avada kedavra me if I brought home another T during the holidays.
And as for not giving up;How are you gonna get Bob to let you trade housemates?
Use your feminine wiles?
Love,
Pansy
P.S.
If I'm panties,then you know what that makes you? Boxers. Do you know what kind of boxers? Teletubbies.
Yeah I saw you.You think I don't know you watch muggle TV shows? I know everything about you Draco.
Oh,by the way,I saw those *other* movies too.
Sicko.
wow.I've been told by a friend that I'm going overboard with this Bob character.Its not my fault! I like developing new characters.And I hang around waaaaaaay too many flaky lying gay guys.
Anyway,this chapter is gonna be written entirely in Mmail format.I would not have this if it were not for Anya.Read Anya's Naked Quidditch Match.Its hilarious.I'll post a link when I find it again.
to: Ann
from:Bob
subject: Campers
Hello Sister Dear!,
I know its been so so long since we've talked.But I've missed you.There are NO people to talk to in this silly little school.All the professors are so...professory..
And there's this girl,she's SUCH a knowitall.Herminie.
She reminds me of you.
I can't remember what Uncle Albus told me to do.So I made up some stuff about how they got here.But it got jumbled up as I was speaking.Hermomyn was drilling holes into my head with her eyes.Gah!
Uncle wants them all to bond,and he put me in charge of everything.So I sorted them with my toy Goblet of Fire,but had water in it instead.
The goblet placed them without a song and they were confused.But thats alright.They'll know soon enough what bonds them.
Love and Kisses,
Bobby
To: Scarhead's sidekick
From:Your favorite Enemy
subject: your sister
Weasley,
What is up with your sister? She is taking over my house and its only been a day! Tell your mudblood loving sister to go AWAY!
We've noticed you have Crabbe.
We'll trade him for Weaslette.
Draco Malfoy
To: Scarhead
From: Draco Malfoy
subject: Slytherin
Look,lets not waste time with salutations.
You have a Slytherin.We have a Gryffindor.You don't want Bulstrode and we don't want Creevey.
Trade?
Draco Malfoy
To: Ron
From:Ginny
Subject:The Trade
Ron,
I've heard of Malfoy's stupid plan.Don't trade me! I like it here.Its all boys and I feel at home.Some of these boys are right sexy too.Like Blaise.He's yummy.
A bit cold though,and he doesn't talk much.
Tell Harry they can have Colin.He won't shut up about Harry and its a bit grating on the nerves.
Love,
Ginny
To: Bouncing Ferret
From: Ron Weasley
Subject: Sister
Malfoy,
I got a disturbing letter from my sister.She likes it there.She also thinks Blaise is
"yummy"
My brotherly instinct are fighting.They tell me,"Let her stay.She likes it."
and "Get her out of there before she gets herself in trouble."
I've heard about what you slytherins do.
Dirty nasty Slytherins.
Don't mess with my sister.
No trade,
Ronald Weasley
P.S.
Don't even think about what I've heard you're thinking.
You can't handle a Weasley.
To: Bob
From:Ann
Subject:Uncle Al
CC: Uncle Al
Bob?
What did you tell them? What qualities do they share? Why didn't Uncle put me in charge? And what is your insane plan??
Love
Ann
To:Annie
From:Bobalicious
Subject: Plan? What plan?
CC:Uncle
Heh heh.
Plan you say?
Actually,no plan was involved Sissy dear.
Well,not in the sorting atleast.They were mostly sorted alphabetically but I do have SOME plan involving the Getting Along.
Remember Uncle said all the houses must get along?
Well they have to get to know eachother,which means they will tolerate each other.
See,if they all knew exactly was they had in common this would be too easy.But since none of them or I know what bonds them,if anything does,they have to talk to each other to find out.
Ha!
I am such a little genius.
I have to go now.Hermianee is going to ask more about the "alternate universe" I said they were thrown into.
Bobby
To: Don't Lie to yourself
From:The real genius
Subject: Bossy Girls
Bob,
Do Uncle Albus and I a favor and learn to spell that girls name.
If I have to look at "HERINIMOIENIEORMEMOREOM" one more time I'll go insane.
Love,
Annabelle
To: My Nephew
From: The Supreme Mugwump
Subject: Sorting
Dearest Nephew,
How is Aberforth? I heard from Ann that he was sick.
That was a fine plan,but next time you need to fine tune it if you are going to lie.I've learned a thing or too about lying.Don't.
These children are sharp and they'll catch on.I know you meant well.You made them think they were in a world without Voldemort,they feel safe now.But what if they find out about your discretion?
Those kids will have your arse
Sincerly,
Albus
P.s. The girl you mentioned is Hermione,I'm sure.
To: The Amazing Bouncing Ferret
From: The guy you wish you were
Subject: Creevey
Malfoy,
Do I look stupid? What kind of trick are you pulling here? No I don't want Colin,I don't even want Bulstrode.
I'm having trouble figuring out the lesser of the two evils.
But Colin is bugging you,and thats a plus.
Keep him.
Harry Potter
To: *snickers* Panties
From: Draco
Subject: Plan
Sorry Panz,
Our plan isn't working.Appearently we got all the annoying Gryffindors that noone wants to trade.I haven't tried to trade them all yet but from what I'm seeing,no one will take them.I certainly wouldn't.Damn goody two shoes.
There is no way we'll get all the Slythes in one house.But I'm not giving up!
Draco
To:Gay Machine's lovebunny
From:PANSY
Subject: How are you gonna do that?
Draco,
They called me a slut! Its not fair,I flash Snape ONCE and I've been slapped with the title of SLUT.
I needed that grade.Mother would avada kedavra me if I brought home another T during the holidays.
And as for not giving up;How are you gonna get Bob to let you trade housemates?
Use your feminine wiles?
Love,
Pansy
P.S.
If I'm panties,then you know what that makes you? Boxers. Do you know what kind of boxers? Teletubbies.
Yeah I saw you.You think I don't know you watch muggle TV shows? I know everything about you Draco.
Oh,by the way,I saw those *other* movies too.
Sicko.