DISCLAIMER: I still don't own any of the characters you recognize from Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl books.
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CHAPTER SEVEN
(how hard could it be?)
Nicholas Patel's house wasn't large, but it looked clean. In a burst of insane levity a few years ago, Nicholas and Anthony had painted it bright orange. Then they came to their senses and covered the house with white paint, and the effect was sort of a pale carroty color.
Trouble pointed it out to Lianne and Artemis. "There. You two go in, I wait outside. Then you render the Mud Men unconscious, and bring them out. I'll mind wipe them while you get Captain Short."
Artemis nodded. Lianne looked suspiciously at the house, then at Trouble. "How exactly are we going to render the Mud Men unconscious?"
"A blow to the head, perhaps. Or –"
Artemis, seeing Lianne pale, quickly interrupted Trouble. "Or we bring them out of the house alive and kicking, and Captain Kelp can simply mesmerize them. We don't have to inflict physical damage."
Lianne looked relieved. "That's good. I can live with that."
Trouble looked approvingly at Artemis. "That's not bad, Mud Boy. Save us the trouble of explaining any bumps on the head." Then he said, "It's five o'clock here. By six we should be done."
"Why don't we just hold a gun to them?" Lianne asked. Artemis blinked.
"Because we don't usually keep a stock of your primitive guns ready. I think we have one gun, and no bullets."
Lianne's voice was surprised. "Well, of course there would be no bullets. We just need to threaten them with an empty gun. We don't want to hurt them."
"The gun is in Haven. There's no time now to get it. And how hard can it be? You just get them to stand in the doorway. I'll hover behind you and I'll mesmerize them."
"When will Butler rejoin us?" Artemis asked.
"As soon as he's done assisting the fairies erase all the data they've redone or recovered, and as soon as every single Mud Man who's seen or heard of Holly is mind wiped. According to Foaly, using the Mud Man cars, the newspaper office is about thirty minutes from here."
"Well, let's hurry up," Lianne said. To Artemis' consternation, she was beginning to look excited. "I've never actually done anything like this before."
Trouble started vibrating, and suddenly he was invisible. He chuckled. "Good luck, Mud Girl. I'm sure Fowl here already has a plan."
In truth, Artemis didn't. But how hard could it be to get two unsuspecting people outside their house?
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
"You're calling Nicholas Stafford. Sorry I'm not available right now – "
At the mechanical voice of the answering machine, Anthony was jolted awake. Blearily he looked around the living room.
"Please leave a message after the beep." Beeeep.
The tinny sound made Anthony clench his teeth and stumble over to the telephone. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and listened.
"Uh, Nick, I don't know if you're sick. You're not returning any of our messages. Your kid said you were watching over that mutated creature Lyon bought. But the cleaning guy fell asleep last night – lazy idiot said he felt like he'd been asleep for hours, but his watch said he'd just been asleep for a few minutes – and he says no one was here. But he's drunk. He says he invited a couple of short guys in last night. Said they were strange-looking. What an idiot. You show the world a mutated creature, and the wackos start popping up with stories of a whole army of look-alikes. Anyway. We think the computers backfired on us. Maybe a virus erased the data, I don't know. It's insane here. We're redoing what we can, but we need to see the creature. Nick, are you there? Or Tony? Tony, if you're there, tell your old man to get here and start working. It's five pm, there's still time to insert the creature into tomorrow's issue. That's it. Nick, the last time you were sick, you went to work anyway. Infected half the staffers with your cold. So unless you're dying, you're not coming to work for another reason. Tony, don't know why you stopped answering the phone, but some of the superstitious folks here are getting nervous. Said we shouldn't have messed with that little creature. It had a creepy gaze, didn't you notice? Call back. Soon. Seriously, Nick, or Tony, one of you call back."
Anthony waited until the long message was finished, then he put the phone to his ear. He tugged on the phone wires until all he heard was silence, then he dropped the phone and went down to the basement.
By now the creature had fallen silent, but Nicholas was asleep by the door, standing guard even in his slumber.
But Anthony was tired of the crazy day. The only sane moment had been his phone call to his foster parents, Richard and Miranda, to tell them that he was extending his stay with Nicholas. A sense of loyalty had kept him from mentioning that his mentor, the editor of a respected newspaper, had gone cuckoo.
Okay. Say there was a creature. They had no right to keep it imprisoned like that. At least he could give it food. With that in mind, he went to the kitchen, where he found himself at a loss.
What did it eat? Meat? Milk? Vegetables?
Anthony eyed the hotdogs warily. What if the creature had fangs, or something? Like a vampire. He didn't want to give it any ideas.
He inspected the milk carton. Perhaps it would be content with fresh milk. A picture of a little female vampire flashed again into his brain. Maybe it preferred blood. He shuddered.
He winced. All right. He was letting his imagination get the best of him. Stick to the facts, he told himself.
Still, when he walked back down to the basement, it was a plate of vegetables he was carrying. He hoped the creature would appreciate it.
He bent to shake Nicholas awake just as the doorbell rang.
Nicholas jumped up, and the plate of vegetables went flying. Anthony muttered a curse and picked some peas from his hair.
"What was that?"
"The doorbell. The people at the newspaper office are probably coming for you," Anthony said. "Why don't you answer it?"
Nicholas snorted and leaned back against the door. "Credit me with intelligence, Tony. You answer it."
Anthony narrowed his eyes, but marched back up the stairs. "Maybe one of the other editors can talk some sense into you."
"Careful, you'll step on an eggplant," Nicholas said mildly.
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
Root was red with anger. Butler was shaking his head.
A pair of men had emerged from the newspaper office. One of them carried a camera. They caught snatches of the conversation. "Nick… left a message… Tony… thing…" Then before they could do anything, the two were driving off.
It was a quarter to five. "D'arvit," Root cursed. The car turned a corner and was gone.
"Maybe they didn't have anything to do with Holly," one of the fairies offered.
"Keep dreaming," Foaly said on the headset. They could hear him chewing on a carrot.
Most of the fairies surrounding Butler, invisible, were staring after the car.
"Well, let's get to work," Root bellowed.
"Those two will be certified insane when we're done," the fairy piped up.
"I love it when experienced fairies are sent on important missions," Foaly said blithely around his carrot.
"Shut up," Root snapped.
~~~~~^~~*~~^~~~~~
"I'm a bit confused," Lianne confessed. "Why would the fairy be here? Wouldn't it make more sense for them to redo their articles and pictures in the newspaper office? And why isn't the fairy in a lab right now or something?"
Artemis pressed the doorbell again, uncomfortably aware of how close Lianne stayed beside him. As if she was a bit wary of what would greet them. "The only explanation is that Holly scared them, somehow. I believe she's locked up somewhere inside, and they're afraid to let her out."
They heard footsteps, then the door swung open. "Took you long e –"
A pair of green eyes stared blankly at them from under messy brown hair. He didn't look much older than they were. His clothes were rumpled, as though he had just woken up.
Artemis checked the walls. White-orange. Yep, this was the right house.
"Who are you?" the guy asked.
Lianne smiled brightly. "We're siblings, and we're new here. Our house is, uh, is just around the corner. Our parents want us – er – to invite your family to dinner. We –"
Suddenly, the guy stopped looking confused and his eyes glazed over. Lianne turned. Trouble was visible, his mechanical wings silent (Lianne had been terribly disillusioned to learn that most of the fairies flew using mechanical wings – she still remembered all the pictures in storybooks of rosy-cheeked fairies with translucent wings.). He was gazing straight into the guy's eyes.
"Human. Your will is mine."
Lianne had to shake her head to clear it. Trouble's intonation was sonorous, clear, and, well, mesmerizing.
"Lead these two to the fairy you captured," Trouble went on, his voice deep and resonant.
Automatically, he turned and started walking.
"Hurry up!" Trouble hissed in his normal voice. "This Mud Man is strong-willed. The mesmer won't last. Make sure Holly isn't hurt."
Lianne and Artemis squeezed together through the doorway and followed the guy. Artemis' mind was working. Siblings? Wouldn't a couple have been more believable? She was insane. They didn't look like siblings at all. She was Asian, he was European. He was disappointed with Lianne. She should have known it would be better to tell the guy that they were dating or something. Siblings. Artemis mentally shook his head. Really.
The brown-haired person led them to some stairs, and began walking down.
Artemis looked around, his gaze cool and cautious. "Where's the other one?" he murmured to Lianne as they followed down the stairs.
She remembered that there were two of them in the house. What had Commander Root said? Patel and Roger – Rotgut – Rothgar. Nicholas Patel and Anthony Rothgar. Where was the other one?
"Don't open the door, guys," a voice called out. From the next room. The kitchen. Lianne and Artemis heard footsteps grow louder. "Seriously. Lyon, if that's you, hold Tony off till I get there. I was just cleaning up that mess he made with the vegeta – "
Artemis looked at the man who appeared on top of the stairs. He looked back at them, nonplussed.
"Who the hell are you?" he snapped. "Tony, who are –"
Artemis suddenly felt someone shove him into the wall. His eyes met clear green ones. Tony? The older one was Nicholas. This was Anthony. And he was lucid again, free of the mesmer.
"What happened?" he half-yelled at Artemis.
"Mud Boy," drawled a familiar voice. "So Commander Root came to you for help?"
Anthony's grip loosened as he turned to look. Holly was standing in the doorway of the basement, and Lianne stood beside her, wide-eyed, her hand still on the doorknob.
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A/N: I'm the worst updater in the world, I know. Sorry. What did you think? Please review!
the black knight: Thanks for the compliment on my writing skills! ^_^
Rad Bubblegum with Santa Hat: I don't usually mention anonymous reviewers, but I think your name is funny. ^_^ Thanks... and yep, this definitely took me long enough. ^_^
That Aerin: Hehe… ^_^ Thanks for the 'spiffy' review. Congratulations on getting "Cry" posted on sugarquill.com. ^_^ I simply loooove reading your reviews. More power to your league of horny toasters! The mention of an eggplant in this story is in your honor! ^_^
Kelsey: Holly and Trouble aren't the focus of this fic, but yes, it's H/T. ^_^
TheSpaminator: Thanks for the funny review! You know, after awhile, threats aren't so threatening anymore. But I offer you a personal apology for taking so long to update. ^_^
Artemis the Hunter: Marshmallow army? ^_^ That goes up there with That Aerin's league of horny toasters. ^_^ Hehe, you lost me too… but thanks for the review!
glow-in-the-dark: Awww… no more stars in your name? ^_^ Hehe… thanks for the review. I'll try to update soon, but you know me. ^_^
bluecocoagir: I'd have liked it if you told me what I missed… maybe you could e-mail me. Thanks for the tactful review! (I wasn't being sarcastic, I swear.) ^_^
Mage Kitty: Nothing's better to read than a review telling me that I actually stirred up amusement in someone. ^_^ Thanks for reviewing! Sorry I didn't update 'soon'!
kalariah: You're another reviewer whose reviews I simple loooove to read. ^_^ Thanks for mentioning the error… I explained it in this chapter, I hope, in the part where one of the newspaper editors leaves a message on the answering machine. ^_^ Thanks for the compliment! Being able to keep people guessing is good, isn't it? ^_^
Solaris Isa: Thanks! Lianne and Artemis will definitely get together. I hope there was at least a hint of romance in this chapter. ^_^
CleopatraK: Thanks! I'll try to update soon. But you know, there are a lot of great A/H fics out there. As many as the great non-A/H fics! Start reading! ^_^
Happynutcase: Thanks!!! I must apologize for my atrocious updating habits. I hope you keep reviewing even though it took me a few months to get this out! ^_^
A/N: Keep reviewing! Thanks to all you people who bother to read my fic! ^_^