Diary entry!!! How do you all like it so far? Yeah... I know.. It's depressing and all but that's life, right? Anyways, on with the story...


Chapter 4

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Dear Diary,

Well, I guess it's over... I need my time and I need my space... I never wanted to hurt him... I didn't want to break his heart... I feel like I'm an insensitive pile of shit, but it's something I had to do... I did it because I feel like I have to focus on specific things at the moment... I love him still, but I have to think about myself...

I know it sounds selfish, but I don't want to pretend anymore... I've been wearing the happy mask' for too long now and it's starting to fall apart... I want to be myself again... I want to do the things that I used to be able to do before any of this ever happened... I want to be free again... And... I am... I'm free... Free at last...

I never wanted to hurt you, Butch... I never wanted to see you wipe your eyes... I never wanted to hear the pained words come out of your mouth... I love you, but I need this... If you only knew how painful it was to say the words... It's been to long since I've felt love for myself... It's always giving to other people... Sacrificing my happiness for other peoples happiness... But I do it too much so that there's no happiness left for me, but thats the end of it... No more being taken advantage of...

I just hope Butch is going to be ok... I know he has a tendency to be aggressive when he's angry, but I've never really seen him sad... I just hope he's ok... I'm kind of glad that he graduated last year so I don't have to see him at school anymore... I don't think I could bare to see him in pain... Especially a pain that I caused him...

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