The Wolf of Change
Chapter 2 - coping
It was a month since Roland had tiredly torn down Remus' Quidditch posters and he and Miranda had begun to think about new houses. The full moon of August was rapidly approaching, and Miranda and Roland constantly checked the shed they had erected in the huge lawn they now had at their new cottage.
Up on the Scottish moors and isolated from every angle except the Floo network, the little stone building and rickety-looking hut seemed bizarre in the sea of heather. Remus gazed out of his bedroom window morosely at the shack. His parents had explained as best they could the effects of being a lupine in the world, but the lonely new existence he suffered already was driving the four-year-old further and further into himself.
His walls were now bare, and he couldn't look at a broomstick without remembering all too clearly that night. The moon was no longer a thing of wonder and beauty and fairy-tale stories; he looked upon it now with fear and loathing.
Miranda and Roland worried continually, the price of the potion needed for Remus to sleep peacefully taking a toll on their finances, and the price of their son's new found melancholy taking a toll on their emotions.
* * *
"Remus, are you ready?" the question was asked tentatively, and Miranda cursed herself for not asserting herself more around her son anymore.
He was crying quietly as she picked him up and carried him to the bottom of the garden in the fading light. "Okay, little one." She opened the door to the shed and attempted to release Remus at the same time. Roland was walking down the path behind her, and he joined her as she endeavoured to release herself from Remus' locked fingers.
She remembered the first time they'd tried to get Remus in the shed, as a practice. He had fought for ages and screamed in terror so much that they had given up that time.
"Remus, we've been through this so often, you know we'll be right out here in the morning, and you know that it's so much safer for everyone this way..." Her voice faltered, and she felt herself begin to cry. She wrapped her arms around Remus as tightly as he held onto her, and Roland rubbed her back gently, his own eyes beginning to prickle.
Finally Miranda released her son and firmly turned him away from her and into the shed. "I'm so sorry, Remus, I'm so sorry, but you know there isn't any other way!"
Roland performed the locking and silencing spells whilst Miranda cried heavily into her handkerchief. His expression had been so terrified, so unhappy, so despairing. She cried for the innocent child of hers that had been compelled to grow up so quickly.
* * *
The next morning at the instant the moon fell away behind the horizon, Roland and Miranda raced down the garden path. Roland shouted the reversing spells so quickly that they were garbled and he had to repeat them, and Miranda pounced on the door handle as soon as the last one had been undone.
The inside of the shed was in complete disorder for a room that had been bare the night before. Splinters and chunks of wood were strewn everywhere; many of them smattered with drying blood.
Remus charged out to them the instant that the sunlight entered the darkness. His eyes were wide and wild despite the dark circles under them. His hands were badly grazed and full of splinters, and several of his nails had snapped. His gums and lips were cut and he had a large graze on his knee. It was obvious, though, how the wolf had spent its time. The mattresses that had been thoughtfully arranged in a corner were now shredded and gutted, foam and springs littering the floor of the shed.
The boy was terrified. He clung to his parents; feeling their relief, and letting his own flood out of him.
* * *
Remus blew out the candles on his eleventh birthday cake, some of them sliding dangerously on the sides of the tiny gift. Roland watched sadly, wishing he could have afforded better, but wishing more that Miranda was there to see the joy on her son's face when he opened his only present.
She had died nearly two years ago now, the stress and worry consuming her energy until she could go on no longer. Remus and Roland had been devastated. For weeks Remus had gone back to being quiet and moody, becoming for a time as silent as he had been after the attack.
Roland had taken to bringing his son to work at the Ministry with him, letting him help file things and introducing him to the politics and rules of the Wizarding world. Remus had become overly mature for his age, learning about prejudice, and learning of the loathing with which people would treat him if they knew his secret.
He had been overjoyed though when he had opened the single envelope that lay next to his cake. Roland was as excited as Remus, knowing exactly what the envelope was, and desperately curious to see how his son could have received it. It was a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but not the invitation for a placement there that Roland had been expecting and hoping for:
Dear Master Lupin,
I understand that you have been the unfortunate victim of a terrible curse, and that consequently you feel that you will not gain a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Well if that is the case, then I would like to offer at least a glimmer of hope to you.
I am very new as Headmasters of this school go, and I would like to be able to keep this school as diverse as possible. I do not believe that you or any others of your kind should be excluded from an education, and I would very dearly love to meet with you and your father sometime before the beginning of this academic year, to hopefully sort out an arrangement that would allow you to join us here.
Yours faithfully,
Professor Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin First Class, Chief Warlock and Supreme Mugwump.
Remus gaped at the letter then at his father. "No way! Dad...did you know about this?"
Roland shook his head as he studied the letter. Of course Dumbledore couldn't just let him in like that. Arrangements had to be made.
"Dad? Dad, we can go and meet him, can't we? Please, Dad!" Remus was holding his father's arm, his eyes shining with more excitement than Roland had seen in him for at least five years. His son's suddenly smiling and hopeful face almost brought tears to Roland's eyes, and he embraced Remus. "Yes, Remus, we'll go! I'll send a reply today!"
* * *
Remus stared wide-eyed with awe at the old man who stepped out of the fireplace. Although he bent over to enter the room, the young boy saw that this man did not stoop as a habit. His back was proud and straight, his flowing beard and hair pristine and white despite a travel through the sooty Floo Network. His eyes were kind and young behind the half-moon glasses, twinkling like a pair of blue stars. Remus felt relaxed in his presence.
"Ah, hello. Young Master Lupin, I expect?" His voice was soft and slightly raspy, but not harsh - soothing.
Remus hesitated still and glanced up at his father. Roland gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and flashed a reassuring smile, encouraging his son. Turning back to Dumbledore, Remus put on his best mature and 'dealing with adults' face. "Yes, sir. I'm Remus Lupin. And this is my father."
Dumbledore's eyes sparkled as he shook the boy's hand and he turned to his father with amusement in his smile. "Hello, Roland."
"Hello, Headmaster, do follow me. Would you like a drink, maybe? There's not much, I'm afraid."
"Ah, well whatever there is will suffice, Roland, thank you." Dumbledore took the proffered chair in the light kitchen, and waited as Remus slid into the chair opposite. "Now, Remus. You're very mature for your age, I don't doubt, and you understand why certain arrangements will have to be made if you are to attend Hogwarts?"
Remus nodded gravely over the beaker of pumpkin juice his father had placed in front of him. Dumbledore smiled in slight surprise at the distraction for a moment. "Goodness, Roland. A little early for this, isn't it?"
"Well, if it tastes good, why just have it on Halloween?"
Dumbledore laughed, "Yes, yes, good enough reason.
"Remus, there's something I must ask you before we continue too much, do you mind?"
Remus shook his head, holding his peace for the moment.
"Do you actually want to come to school?"
Shocked, Remus forgot himself for a moment. "Yes! Of course!"
The old wizard smiled kindly. "Good, good. You don't mind coming to school?"
Now puzzled, the boy shook his head. "No."
"Do you understand what I'm getting at, Remus? Your friends will wonder where you go every month, and it will be up to you what to say to them. We obviously don't want you telling the whole school, as that would cause upset with the parents, but if you feel the need to tell a few, that is fine."
Remus stared; this was a sensitive subject with him. "Haven't got any." He mumbled. Dumbledore exchanged glances with Roland, who was looking older and more tired than he had. "Excuse me, Remus?"
"I haven't got any friends." He repeated. "Even if I did I wouldn't tell them. They wouldn't be my friends anymore if I did."
"Well I can understand how you feel out here, but you'll find it different at school. People can be more understanding than you'd think. Sometimes they just need a bit longer."
The boy nodded reluctantly, not really believing the old man.
"Well we have considered what we could do for you, if you're to come, though. But you must decide soon, as it needs careful setting up. We shall plant a Whomping Willow on the grounds, and under it, a tunnel will lead to an old house on the outskirts of Hogsmeade - that we will charm and board up so that it is suitable - where you'll go every Moon. Madam Pomfrey will see to it that you're properly taken care of, and get enough rest."
Remus contemplated this suggestion for a moment, his hope beginning to rise once more. Again he glanced to Roland for a response.
Roland, however, had his doubts. "I don't know, Headmaster. A Whomping Willow?"
Dumbledore nodded. "Yes. It will be perfect. Only Remus and members of staff will know its sedation point, and others, therefore, will not be able to get to the tunnel. As for the danger to other students, well, we hope that a certain degree of sensibility will be observed around it, as around the Forest."
Remus tore his pleading stare away from his father, and fixed a worried one on Dumbledore. "Forest? The Forbidden Forest?"
The wizard seemed to know the source of the boy's worry. "Don't worry, Remus, there is a safe-area around the castle, and nothing will touch you if you don't venture into those woods too far."
Mollified by the calm and confident tone of the headmaster, Remus settled again. His father appeared to have nearly made up his mind. "One, more thing, Headmaster. I don't know if we can afford the equipment."
Once more, this had been thought of. "Of course. Help will be provided for that where necessary in the form of a grant. How much, we can discuss at a later date, but for now I should like to know whether we should be looking out for Whomping Willows?"
Roland sighed, and looked at his son's anxious face. "Yes, I think we'll pull this one off, don't you, Rem'?"
Remus shouted with joy, and leapt from his chair, racing around the table to embrace his father. "Thank you!"
Dumbledore relaxed, feeling Roland had done the boy a great justice by accepting the place. They would cope.
Chapter 2 - coping
It was a month since Roland had tiredly torn down Remus' Quidditch posters and he and Miranda had begun to think about new houses. The full moon of August was rapidly approaching, and Miranda and Roland constantly checked the shed they had erected in the huge lawn they now had at their new cottage.
Up on the Scottish moors and isolated from every angle except the Floo network, the little stone building and rickety-looking hut seemed bizarre in the sea of heather. Remus gazed out of his bedroom window morosely at the shack. His parents had explained as best they could the effects of being a lupine in the world, but the lonely new existence he suffered already was driving the four-year-old further and further into himself.
His walls were now bare, and he couldn't look at a broomstick without remembering all too clearly that night. The moon was no longer a thing of wonder and beauty and fairy-tale stories; he looked upon it now with fear and loathing.
Miranda and Roland worried continually, the price of the potion needed for Remus to sleep peacefully taking a toll on their finances, and the price of their son's new found melancholy taking a toll on their emotions.
* * *
"Remus, are you ready?" the question was asked tentatively, and Miranda cursed herself for not asserting herself more around her son anymore.
He was crying quietly as she picked him up and carried him to the bottom of the garden in the fading light. "Okay, little one." She opened the door to the shed and attempted to release Remus at the same time. Roland was walking down the path behind her, and he joined her as she endeavoured to release herself from Remus' locked fingers.
She remembered the first time they'd tried to get Remus in the shed, as a practice. He had fought for ages and screamed in terror so much that they had given up that time.
"Remus, we've been through this so often, you know we'll be right out here in the morning, and you know that it's so much safer for everyone this way..." Her voice faltered, and she felt herself begin to cry. She wrapped her arms around Remus as tightly as he held onto her, and Roland rubbed her back gently, his own eyes beginning to prickle.
Finally Miranda released her son and firmly turned him away from her and into the shed. "I'm so sorry, Remus, I'm so sorry, but you know there isn't any other way!"
Roland performed the locking and silencing spells whilst Miranda cried heavily into her handkerchief. His expression had been so terrified, so unhappy, so despairing. She cried for the innocent child of hers that had been compelled to grow up so quickly.
* * *
The next morning at the instant the moon fell away behind the horizon, Roland and Miranda raced down the garden path. Roland shouted the reversing spells so quickly that they were garbled and he had to repeat them, and Miranda pounced on the door handle as soon as the last one had been undone.
The inside of the shed was in complete disorder for a room that had been bare the night before. Splinters and chunks of wood were strewn everywhere; many of them smattered with drying blood.
Remus charged out to them the instant that the sunlight entered the darkness. His eyes were wide and wild despite the dark circles under them. His hands were badly grazed and full of splinters, and several of his nails had snapped. His gums and lips were cut and he had a large graze on his knee. It was obvious, though, how the wolf had spent its time. The mattresses that had been thoughtfully arranged in a corner were now shredded and gutted, foam and springs littering the floor of the shed.
The boy was terrified. He clung to his parents; feeling their relief, and letting his own flood out of him.
* * *
Remus blew out the candles on his eleventh birthday cake, some of them sliding dangerously on the sides of the tiny gift. Roland watched sadly, wishing he could have afforded better, but wishing more that Miranda was there to see the joy on her son's face when he opened his only present.
She had died nearly two years ago now, the stress and worry consuming her energy until she could go on no longer. Remus and Roland had been devastated. For weeks Remus had gone back to being quiet and moody, becoming for a time as silent as he had been after the attack.
Roland had taken to bringing his son to work at the Ministry with him, letting him help file things and introducing him to the politics and rules of the Wizarding world. Remus had become overly mature for his age, learning about prejudice, and learning of the loathing with which people would treat him if they knew his secret.
He had been overjoyed though when he had opened the single envelope that lay next to his cake. Roland was as excited as Remus, knowing exactly what the envelope was, and desperately curious to see how his son could have received it. It was a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but not the invitation for a placement there that Roland had been expecting and hoping for:
Dear Master Lupin,
I understand that you have been the unfortunate victim of a terrible curse, and that consequently you feel that you will not gain a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Well if that is the case, then I would like to offer at least a glimmer of hope to you.
I am very new as Headmasters of this school go, and I would like to be able to keep this school as diverse as possible. I do not believe that you or any others of your kind should be excluded from an education, and I would very dearly love to meet with you and your father sometime before the beginning of this academic year, to hopefully sort out an arrangement that would allow you to join us here.
Yours faithfully,
Professor Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin First Class, Chief Warlock and Supreme Mugwump.
Remus gaped at the letter then at his father. "No way! Dad...did you know about this?"
Roland shook his head as he studied the letter. Of course Dumbledore couldn't just let him in like that. Arrangements had to be made.
"Dad? Dad, we can go and meet him, can't we? Please, Dad!" Remus was holding his father's arm, his eyes shining with more excitement than Roland had seen in him for at least five years. His son's suddenly smiling and hopeful face almost brought tears to Roland's eyes, and he embraced Remus. "Yes, Remus, we'll go! I'll send a reply today!"
* * *
Remus stared wide-eyed with awe at the old man who stepped out of the fireplace. Although he bent over to enter the room, the young boy saw that this man did not stoop as a habit. His back was proud and straight, his flowing beard and hair pristine and white despite a travel through the sooty Floo Network. His eyes were kind and young behind the half-moon glasses, twinkling like a pair of blue stars. Remus felt relaxed in his presence.
"Ah, hello. Young Master Lupin, I expect?" His voice was soft and slightly raspy, but not harsh - soothing.
Remus hesitated still and glanced up at his father. Roland gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and flashed a reassuring smile, encouraging his son. Turning back to Dumbledore, Remus put on his best mature and 'dealing with adults' face. "Yes, sir. I'm Remus Lupin. And this is my father."
Dumbledore's eyes sparkled as he shook the boy's hand and he turned to his father with amusement in his smile. "Hello, Roland."
"Hello, Headmaster, do follow me. Would you like a drink, maybe? There's not much, I'm afraid."
"Ah, well whatever there is will suffice, Roland, thank you." Dumbledore took the proffered chair in the light kitchen, and waited as Remus slid into the chair opposite. "Now, Remus. You're very mature for your age, I don't doubt, and you understand why certain arrangements will have to be made if you are to attend Hogwarts?"
Remus nodded gravely over the beaker of pumpkin juice his father had placed in front of him. Dumbledore smiled in slight surprise at the distraction for a moment. "Goodness, Roland. A little early for this, isn't it?"
"Well, if it tastes good, why just have it on Halloween?"
Dumbledore laughed, "Yes, yes, good enough reason.
"Remus, there's something I must ask you before we continue too much, do you mind?"
Remus shook his head, holding his peace for the moment.
"Do you actually want to come to school?"
Shocked, Remus forgot himself for a moment. "Yes! Of course!"
The old wizard smiled kindly. "Good, good. You don't mind coming to school?"
Now puzzled, the boy shook his head. "No."
"Do you understand what I'm getting at, Remus? Your friends will wonder where you go every month, and it will be up to you what to say to them. We obviously don't want you telling the whole school, as that would cause upset with the parents, but if you feel the need to tell a few, that is fine."
Remus stared; this was a sensitive subject with him. "Haven't got any." He mumbled. Dumbledore exchanged glances with Roland, who was looking older and more tired than he had. "Excuse me, Remus?"
"I haven't got any friends." He repeated. "Even if I did I wouldn't tell them. They wouldn't be my friends anymore if I did."
"Well I can understand how you feel out here, but you'll find it different at school. People can be more understanding than you'd think. Sometimes they just need a bit longer."
The boy nodded reluctantly, not really believing the old man.
"Well we have considered what we could do for you, if you're to come, though. But you must decide soon, as it needs careful setting up. We shall plant a Whomping Willow on the grounds, and under it, a tunnel will lead to an old house on the outskirts of Hogsmeade - that we will charm and board up so that it is suitable - where you'll go every Moon. Madam Pomfrey will see to it that you're properly taken care of, and get enough rest."
Remus contemplated this suggestion for a moment, his hope beginning to rise once more. Again he glanced to Roland for a response.
Roland, however, had his doubts. "I don't know, Headmaster. A Whomping Willow?"
Dumbledore nodded. "Yes. It will be perfect. Only Remus and members of staff will know its sedation point, and others, therefore, will not be able to get to the tunnel. As for the danger to other students, well, we hope that a certain degree of sensibility will be observed around it, as around the Forest."
Remus tore his pleading stare away from his father, and fixed a worried one on Dumbledore. "Forest? The Forbidden Forest?"
The wizard seemed to know the source of the boy's worry. "Don't worry, Remus, there is a safe-area around the castle, and nothing will touch you if you don't venture into those woods too far."
Mollified by the calm and confident tone of the headmaster, Remus settled again. His father appeared to have nearly made up his mind. "One, more thing, Headmaster. I don't know if we can afford the equipment."
Once more, this had been thought of. "Of course. Help will be provided for that where necessary in the form of a grant. How much, we can discuss at a later date, but for now I should like to know whether we should be looking out for Whomping Willows?"
Roland sighed, and looked at his son's anxious face. "Yes, I think we'll pull this one off, don't you, Rem'?"
Remus shouted with joy, and leapt from his chair, racing around the table to embrace his father. "Thank you!"
Dumbledore relaxed, feeling Roland had done the boy a great justice by accepting the place. They would cope.