Author's Note: OK, I know that last chapter was short (and not my best) so I'll try to make this one good and long, before ER comes on tonight. Thanks as always to my reviewers!
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To never fall in love
To never fall in love again
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March 23, After dark
It seems I shall have to wait until tomorrow morning to relate my tale to Faramir. He has sent word through Ioreth that he cannot meet me tonight.
"The Lord Steward begs your pardon, my Lady, and says that he has been called to a state council that will not wait. He asks that you plan to walk in the gardens as you are wont to do at sunrise."
I had been pacing in my room, planning out how to tell my story when the old nurse arrived and spoke. I am disappointed, but no matter. I know Faramir has other duties to see to than my care. Frankly, it astonishes me that he has already spent so much time on me, for I am a hopeless case.
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March 24
I have done it at last! I have told Faramir of my dream, and though the weight of the past has not been lifted from my shoulders, I must admit it is easier to bear knowing I am not the only one who knows of it. There is someone I can talk to in my brother's absence.
I almost feared to sleep last night, but the nightmare did not revisit me. Yet it lingers still in my heart, and I rose early enough to catch the first glimpse of the sun rising beyond the white walls of Minas Tirith. I stood there in quiet contemplation for nearly an hour before Faramir arrived.
He waited at the bottom of the stairs until I motioned him to climb up beside me. It is a painful story that I tell, and I could not look in his eyes, so I stared at the shadowed mountains in the East.
"I was orphaned at a young age, and my brother and I were brought to the King's house and raised as his son was. I grew to love my uncle dearly, and I often followed my brother and cousin as a young girl, learning to ride and fight alongside them. But as I became a woman I was expected to tend to the house, and leave matters of honor and war to the men, yet for many years it was an annoyance and nothing more, for my uncle was like a father to me and I served him happily.
"And then came Grima Wormtongue. He was merely an advisor at first, but he quickly slithered his way into Theoden's heart, through his own vile talents and Saruman's sorcery. I watched as a once-proud man fell into old age and sloth and our city fell to near-ruin. Eomer and I knew the country would soon follow, for Wormtongue was seizing more power every day. So my brother, roughly a month ago, set out against Wormtongue's orders to try and stay the destruction of Rohan. For this he was banished, and I was left alone in Meduseld with Uncle.
"But there is more. Eomer suspected, I think, but he did not know what else I endured. For Wormtongue wanted more than Theoden under his control. He would often follow me about the Hall, lurking in shadows until I was alone, then approaching me with foul suggestions and evil words. Few times did he touch me, and when he did I swiftly made him to regret it, but his words were daily killing my spirit. I prayed every night for salvation; for Eomer's return, or Grima's death, or my own, if only to escape. For I dared not leave Theoden alone in the Hall long enough to ride outdoors.
"And then, one day, as if in answer to my pleas, there came to Rohan four people: a wizard who healed my Uncle; a dwarf and an Elf who fought alongside my people; and a great and noble Man. Aragorn had such an air of high ancestry and pride tempered by kindness about him that I secretly, and later less secretly, hoped he might carry me away from the doom that seemed to hang over my House. But he gave me only pity, which fed my long-simmering anger and desperation. So I rode with the army when they came to Gondor, and I looked for death in battle but did not find it. And now I am faced with what to do. This waiting and wondering while our future is decided in the East is driving me mad!"
I paused for a moment and composed myself, then I related to the still-silent Faramir my dream from the night before. I finally turned to face him.
"Well, my Lord? What say you of this nightmare of mine?"
His gaze was intense, and lines drew on his brow as he spoke.
"The abyss that is before you is not of your making, Eowyn, but you are doomed to fall into it if you do not find a way to step back. The darkness in your heart was kindled by Wormtongue's words, and you are tempted to fall into it because it would be easier than to live without the love of a man whose regard you wish to have. The choice comes to you in your sleep, but you must make the choice consciously and while awake. Only then will you be healed."
A tear spilled down my cheek, and I wiped it angrily away.
"Then I fear I will never be healed, Lord, for I think I lack the courage to take life back."
Then Faramir suddenly clasped my shoulders and looked into my eyes, aye and into my very soul.
"If I were to choose one thing that you without a doubt do not lack, Lady, it would be courage. Courage in battle you possess, and courage in life is no different. It is only yet before you to find it."
"The evil voices of the Black Breath sleep still in my mind, Lord."
"But they do not hold sway over your heart!" He released me and stepped back. It seemed that he was going to say something else, but did not. I looked at the sun.
"I must go. I promised Ioreth that I would help her prepare a batch of syrups today. Thank you listening, my Lord." I curtsied and left him standing there on the wall, bathed in the morning light.