Breakfast with the Avengers!
Disclaimer: All Characters belong to Marvel Comics except any unrecognized ones.
Hey folks! Guess what! I got a Spider-Man comic from all the way back to 1989! And for only 2 bucks!
Author's Note: Hey folks, L1701E here! If you read my Misfits stories, then you probably know about my Evo-tized versions of Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Captain America, the Wasp, Ant-Man, Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, Kid Razor, She-Hulk, and Tigra! I thought it'd be funny if we saw them have the most important meal of the day, Breakfast!
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(Avengers Mansion, 9 am)
It was a normal day in the Avengers Mansion. At the breakfast table, Steve Rogers, Janet Van Dyne, Henry Pym, and Tony Stark, the Avengers codenamed Captain America, Wasp, Ant-Man, and Iron Man, were all sitting at a table, drinking coffee and talking. Hank was reading the paper, and Tony was playing a Game Boy.
"Yeah! I beat Tatanga! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Tony proclaimed happily, pumping his fist in the air. "I rule! Go Tony! Go Tony! Go Tony!" He started dancing, and other adult Avengers gave him disturbed looks.
"Tony, take your Ritalin." Hank grumbled, looking back down on his paper. "Please." He heard footsteps. A green-skinned teenage girl walked down the stairs. Her long green hair was slightly messy, and she was clad in a white t-shirt and black shorts. Born an LA native named Jennifer Walters, a radioactive blood transfusion transformed her into the She-Hulk, gifting her with incredible strength and durability. She also developed a more uninhibited and fearless personality.
"Morning, Jenny." The adults said.
"Jenny, have you been out partying again?" Cap asked sternly. Everyone knew that Jennifer loved to go out and party. The green-skinned girl grinned.
"Mmmmmmmmayyyyyybe." Jenny grinned. She walked into the kitchen. "Coffee. Drink of the Gods."
"Good morning, Madame Jennifer." Jarvis smiled from the stove, cooking breakfast. Jen grinned.
"Hey Jarvis." She took her mug, and sat down with the adults.
"Jenny, we heard you and the kids went out and caused a fight." Wasp said.
"Razor started it. The club owner wouldn't let Razor in. He's a weirdo. He's like Steve Rubell from Studio 54 time. Razor got mad, and started mouthing him off, as well as threw some insults and a couple attempted punches. These burly bodyguards tried to shoo Razor away, but he attacked 'em too. He actually broke one guy's nose when he lashed out at them with his guitar." Jen sighed. Cap groaned.
"I knew it. Razor's the only person on Earth who's ever gotten into more trouble than Clint." Cap groaned.
"Is someone talking about me?" Kid Razor grinned as he walked down the stairs. He laughed as he walked by the table. "Whoo, what a hot night it was last night! Aow! Parties, babes, and brawling! Best night of my life!"
"Razor, according to Jenny, you caused a fight last night." Cap said.
"Nearly got in jail, too." Jen grinned. "He nearly came close to knocking a cop out when Razor swung his guitar at the bouncers." Razor groaned.
"Hey, I never saw him!" Razor groaned. Cap sighed.
"Oh, Fury's going to love this."
"Oh yeah? Well, he'll adore this: We went to another club, and Jenny flirted with every guy in the club!" Razor snapped. Tony burst out laughing, Hank really wasn't listening, and Wasp raised an eyebrow.
"Is that true, Jennifer?" Wasp asked. Cap rubbed his temples.
"No. Just the cute ones!" Jenny grinned. Razor groaned.
"She thought they were all cute."
"Yeah, let's talk you, Clint, and the girls, huh?" Jenny said. Clint walked in, clad in a Yankees shirt and blue sweatpants.
"Someone talkin' 'bout me?" Clint laughed.
"Jenny's blabbering about last night, Hawk." Razor grumbled.
"Tell 'em, boys." Jen grinned, crossing her arms.
"Well, we were being swarmed by girls as usual…" Clint grinned.
"Me the most. I am a rockstar after all." Razor bragged. Clint groaned.
"Yeah, sure Guitar Man. Anyway, we were trying to keep these girls from ripping our clothes off in fits of intense lust when a jealous bouncer tried to punch us out." Clint grinned.
"Bull!" Jen said. "You two were flirting, and getting slapped. The bouncer tried to get you to stop, but you beat him up."
"At least we didn't get plastered!" Razor snapped.
"Who got drunk?!?!" Cap explained.
"Mr. I-Am-The-Norse-God-Of-Thunder! Look at me!" Razor mocked.
"Thor got drunk?" Wasp scratched her head. "I didn't think gods could get drunk."
"Evidently they can! Where is he?!" Cap asked.
"Ohhhhhh, my head pounds with the beat of a million drums…" Thor moaned as he walked by. "Good morning, Captain. Excuse thee, thy head hurts most royally."
"How in the world did you get drunk?" Cap asked Thor.
"Somebody slipped something in Thor's soda." Clint said. "Razor's hearing picked it up, but he was too busy fighting off girls to warn him."
"I didn't know gods could get drunk, either." Razor grinned. "No big deal."
"No big deal!?!" Jenny exclaimed. "Thor went nuts! He started swinging his hammer everywhere screaming about Frost Giants and trolls and other weird things from fantasy novels!" Jen exclaimed. "And…"
"HI!!!!" Tigra bounded down the stairs, clad in Hello Kitty pajamas. "Boy, was it crazy last night! Not to mention that pointy-headed meanie attacked again."
"Who?" Hank asked.
"Creel. He busted out and wanted to cause trouble." Jen said. "We whooped him."
"Thor whooped him." Clint replied. "The drunken goof smashed the Absorbing Man, but then he went nuts and summoned a storm."
"Yeah, thanks Thor! You nearly got our butts banned!" Razor yelled into the kitchen. "Again!"
"On our way home, some FOH jerks tried to attack me and Tigra." Jenny grumbled. "They can't tell enhanced humans from mutants these days!"
"Not much of a difference." Razor said. "When I first did this hero stuff, rumors flew in Cleveland I was X-Positive."
"But you don't even have an X-Gene." Greer scratched her head.
"None of us do." Clint said.
"We sent them to the hospital." Jenny said. "You know, those FOH guys seemed like rednecks."
"Hey, they looked inbred, they had bad southern accents, no teeth, smelled like moonshine, and pea-sized brains. No surprise. They all look like that." Razor grinned.
"That would explain why none of them recognized us as Avengers. Plus, we were clad in civvies." Clint laughed.
"Where's the hot drink thou call coffee, Jarvis?" Thor moaned from the kitchen. "My head hurts."
"Thor, you and I seriously need to talk." Cap muttered.
"And we visited the X-Men." Razor laughed. "Oh man, were they surprised to see us."
"Especially Scott. You wrecked his car, Razor." Jen laughed.
"That car was a piece of trash."
"What did you do, Razor?" Cap glared.
"He blew up the engine, painted it pink, then scrawled 'The man who drives this car moonlights as a town drunk' on the windshield. Then he said to Scott: 'You can't care for a car worth squat!' He was so mad!" Clint snickered.
"Oh yeah, like the time Razor-chan put a billboard up with Scott's picture on it." Greer laughed. "It said: 'Do not trust this man. He will steal your girlfriend'. It ticked Scotty-san off real bad."
"By the way, I heard Sunfire's been avoiding you like the plague." Cap told Tigra. Tigra blushed at the mention of the Japanese mutant.
"Greer has a crush on Toshiro." Janet laughed.
"Waaaaaaaaaasp!" Greer whined. "I…have been talking with the West Coast Misfits over the videophone. My Toshi never answers when I call."
"Because he's afraid of you, cat-girl." Razor groaned. "I swear, every day, more and more air enters your head." Tigra threw a book at Razor. He ducked and it hit Cap. Tony laughed harder.
"Ow!" Cap clutched his nose.
"Sorry, Cap-chan!" Tigra gulped, making Razor snicker.
"Nice free throw, Shaq. Way to win the championship." Razor quipped. "Ow!" Tigra swatted him upside the head.
"What else happened?" Wasp groaned, slightly afraid to hear what's next. Why is it that whenever teenagers get superpowers, this type of insanity always happens, especially if they're gathered together?
"Razor referred to Jean as a streetwalker." Jenny chuckled, being PC.
"Hey, she did spend time in a brothel!" Clint defended.
"Back in my day, kids never talked like this." Cap groaned.
"In your day, you only were allowed so much gas and butter a day." Razor retorted with a laugh. Cap groaned. "And besides, I offered her twenty bucks." He burst out laughing.
"Scott nearly roasted you!" Jenny exclaimed.
"Hank, are you hearing this?!" Jan asked her husband.
"What was that about the drunken Thor?" He asked. Jan groaned. She noticed Tony was gone.
"He tried, but Deadeye ended up blasting Wolverine!" Razor laughed. "That guy can't aim! Anything he sees, he blasts, and he still can't aim!"
"Wolverine tried to shish kabob him." Jenny snickered. "It took me, Tigra, Thor, Beast, Rogue, and Sunspot to hold him back!"
"He cursed the air blue!" Razor laughed.
"Coffee…" Thor smiled, returning to the table with his coffee. "Aye. Logan was angry indeed."
"And some other incidents, you guys don't want to know, we went home and crashed." Jen finished.
Good call, Jennifer. Razor thought. Last thing the Kid of Rock needs to get the Riot Act read because I tried to defend myself against an angry Cyclops. God, that guy's a jerk. He freaks out over the littlest things.
Phew! Glad she didn't mention when I accidentally blew up the X-Men's Blackbird. Clint sighed inaudibly in relief.
Jennifer, I thank thee for not mentioning all of my inebriated rampage. Thor put his head on the table.
I forgot my Hello Kitty backpack. Oh no, I left it at the Institute! I'll have to go get it! Greer realized.
"Oh brother." Cap groaned. Why do I get the feeling I'm going to be hearing about what these kids did on the news? Not like it never happened before. Cap shuddered to think what the kids did last night as Jarvis arrived with breakfast.